Boom!
Playmate sprawled. Spud separated just in time to keep from being sandwiched. He was a lucky kid. Instead of getting squashed and collecting some broken bones, he just got coldc.o.c.ked.
Not so Playmate. My old pal tried to get up. Morley popped him a bunch of times, so fast you barely saw him move. Playmate didn"t like that. He figured maybe he ought to take that sack off and see who was aggravating him. Morley hit him a bunch more times, in all those places where blows are supposed to incapacitate.
There came a day when Playmate, buried under a dozen people, finally stopped struggling.
14.
Morley looked down at Playmate. He was breathing hard. I strode inside, chirped, "Congrats. You wore him down."
Morley checked me from glazed eyes, failed to recognize me for a moment, then wailed, "Oh, d.a.m.n! You. On top of everything else."
I looked behind me to find out who was causing my best pal so much distress. I"d fix him! But the guy was too fast for me. The doorway was empty.
I put on my best hurt face. I get to practice a lot around the Joy House. Morley"s guys are always riding me. Naturally, I play along.
I righted a table, selected a chair, made myself comfortable. I eyeballed Playmate. "What happened? You have to pump that guy up on weed to get him to swat flies."
Morley took several controlled breaths, picked up a chair, and joined me. "Excellent question, Garrett." Playmate wasn"t doing anything now. In fact, the roars from beneath the flesh pile sounded suspiciously like snores.
Morley Dotes is a bit short for a grown man but isn"t entirely human. He has dark-elf forebears. But he never lets the human in him get in his way.
Maybe the mix is responsible. He is a ma.s.s of contrasts, especially in his profession as opposed to his hobby. His health food haven has become a hangout for half the villains of TunFaire. Contrast again: the clientele is half those double-nasties and half the kind of clown you expect expect to find gnoshing tubers of uncertain provenance. to find gnoshing tubers of uncertain provenance.
"Boy did pretty well," Morley observed, glancing at Spud. The kid"s real name was Narcisio. Only his mother used that.
"Pretty good," I admitted. "More b.a.l.l.s than brains."
"Runs in the family."
"What happened?"
Morley glowered. Instead of answering me, he shocked the house by bellowing, "Eggwhite! Get your heathen a.s.s out here!"
I was amazed, too. Morley employs vulgarity only rarely. He fancies himself a gentleman rogue. Gentlemen rogues are slick like they"re covered with lard. But a villain is a villain, and Morley is one of the worst because he gets away with everything. I should try to take him down. I don"t because he"s my friend.
A thug ambled out of the kitchen. He wore cook"s garb but carried his professional resume scarred on his face. He was old and looked as stupid as a stump, which answered a question: what becomes of hard boys if they live long enough to get old? They become waiters. I didn"t see how this goon had survived to get there, though. He looked like a guy who needed a major run of luck to get through any given day.
Maybe the G.o.ds do love the incapacitated.
Morley beckoned.
Eggwhite edged our way. His gaze kept darting toward Playmate. Playmate had begun to reappear as guys climbed off and went to set the bones of their buddies.
"Big mess, huh?" Morley said.
"Yeah, boss. Big ole mess."
"You have any idea why I would entertain the notion that you might have been at fault? Can you tell me why your face popped into mind the moment my friend asked me what happened?"
Will wonders never cease? He never called me friend before.
Eggwhite muttered, "I guess on account of I got a weakness for doing jokes."
Morley grunted. "That one of your pranks?" Playmate was sleeping like a baby now, but he was going to be hurting when he woke up. "That big ha-ha there?" Morley"s tone was hard, the street leaking through. He was angry. Eggwhite was petrified.
Morley asked, "What did you do?"
"Put angelweed in his salad?" Eggwhite made it a question, like a kid caught in a lie experimenting with a new tactic.
"How much?"
Excellent question. Angelweed didn"t earn its heavenly name because it will boost your mind into paradise but because it will send you off to hallelujah land if you aren"t careful. Slipping it into a salad would be a clever way to dose somebody. The leaves look like spinach that"s gone a little bluish.
"Half a dozen leaves." Eggwhite looked everywhere but straight at Morley.
"Half a dozen. Enough to kill most people."
"He"s humongous, chief. A G.o.dd.a.m.n mountain. I thought it would take-"
"And there"s the problem." Morley"s voice dropped way down, to a level of softness that meant he was in a killing mood. Eggwhite started shaking. Morley continued, "I told you when I hired you I didn"t want any thinking. I wanted you cutting vegetables. Get out."
"Chief, look, I can-"
"You"re gone, Eggwhite. Out the door. Walking or carried. Up to you."
Eggwhite gulped. "Uh...Yeah." He headed for the door.
I observed, "He"s making off with your cook outfit."
"Let it go. I don"t want to make a scene."
I gave him an encore look at my eyebrow trick.
"I hate firing people, Garrett."
I added the fish-eye to the raised eyebrow. This was the most feared hired knife in town? Was he putting me on?
He kept plugging. "I do it only because you have to if you want to be successful in business. Besides, I owe him eight days pay." Before I could comment, he eyed me directly. "What is it this time, Garrett?"
"How about a platter of that stuff with the black mushrooms, pea pods and whatnot, on the wild rice?" I dropped money onto the table.
Morley gave me my fish-eye back with interest. He gathered my coins, examined them as though he suspected they were counterfeit. "You want to eat? Here? And you"re willing to pay for it?" He sank his fangs into a coin, the cla.s.sic hardness test.
"I wouldn"t go so far as to employ the concept of privilege, but it is an age of wonders. You"ve converted me. I"m born again. I"m never going to eat anything but swamp tubers, bark, and gravel ever again."
15.
Morley stirred Playmate"s fingers with his toe. "He"s alive, but I couldn"t tell you why." He came back to where I was wolfing the mushroom stuff. It contained more garlic than mushrooms. "Trying to keep the girls away?"
"I don"t need garlic for that. I have natural talent."
He wasn"t in the mood for banter. Guess I wouldn"t have been either had my place just gotten trashed. "What are you into now, Garrett? What do you need?"
"I"m doing a missing person caper." Love that word. I told him the story, leaving out only those parts a gentleman leaves out. "I want to know whatever you know about Maggie Jenn. Felt like she was running a game on me."
"Somebody must be running a game on somebody. I don"t think you saw the real Maggie Jenn."
"Huh?"
"Never mind the witty remarks. I"m thinking you must have been chosen for your ignorance."
"Thanks. How about shoving a stick in the spokes of the scheme by lighting a torch in the darkness?"
"That wouldn"t be right. Not quite. You not being up on the adventures of the royals could could be part of it, but..." be part of it, but..."
"All right. I don"t know what you know, Morley. That"s why I"m here."
"It isn"t impossible that you spent the afternoon with a king"s lover, but I"d call it wildly improbable. Maggie Jenn exiled herself to the Isle of Paise after her Teddy boy died. If there was a daughter I never heard. Kind of thing that would be kept quiet, though. On the other hand, that place on the Hill sounds like the one where Teodoric stashed his doxy. Curious."
That was an understatement. "I"m lost, Morley. None of this makes sense."
"Only because you don"t have the key."
"I"m missing the key, the lock, the d.a.m.ned door, and all the hardware. Somebody ran a game on me? I"ll buy that. Happens all the time. But the woman also paid me to look for her daughter."
"How well?" Was that smile a smirk?
"Handsomely, shall we say? Enough so I"m sure she expected something in return. Even top of the Hill don"t throw money away."
"Good point."
"If Maggie Jenn came back," I mused, "what would she do?" Maggie Jenn came back," I mused, "what would she do?"
"She has no reason to come back. She lives like a queen out there. She"d find nothing but trouble here." Morley eyed Playmate. "Pity you didn"t get here earlier. He always kept track of the royals."
"He won"t be doing anything but whine about his headache for a week."
"You in a hurry?"
I wondered. "Maybe not. No apparent jeopardy. Just a puzzle. Maggie didn"t seem in any hurry, just worried."
"You buy the woman"s story?"
I never take a client"s story at face value. Some natural law compels them to lie part of the time. "Maybe. Some. It feels like the truth being used for something else."
"I"ll put out feelers. Meantime, you ought to corner Winger."
"That occurred to me." I didn"t relish trying to get anything out of her, though. "It"s not an appetizing idea."
Morley chuckled. "She"s a handful. The trick is get her thinking what you want is her idea."
"Ingenious. How?"
"With great difficulty."
"I can get advice like that from my parrot and save the price of this fish food."
"Way I hear, Dean is out of town and the Dead Man is asleep. You being hard up for company, I just wanted you to feel at home. Crumbs! You try to be a pal." He grinned a diabolical dark-elf grin.
"You want to be a pal, find out about Maggie Jenn."
His grin dwindled. "Try to be a pal." He shook his head.
He would check around because he thought he owed me. And I agreed. I collect like a loanshark.
"Bed is starting to sound good," I thought aloud. "It"s been a hard day."
Morley grunted. His nephew came to the table. Getting no hint that he ought to take his big ears elsewhere, he spun a chair around and straddled it. Around us, Morley"s people, moving slowly and muttering about their aches and pains, put things together again. Spud asked, "How is Mr. Big, Mr. Garrett?"
I cursed.
Morley had sent me the G.o.dd.a.m.n Parrot when he was in an Eggwhite mood. That was far enough out of character that I suspected Sarge and Puddle had a hand in developing the scam. The bird came guaranteed to have a major hatred for cats and a habit of attacking them from above. I accepted him because Dean had a habit of acc.u.mulating strays.
Spud gave me a dirty look. He was the only one in the world with any use for that foul-mouthed jungle chicken. Make that any love. The Dead Man had a use. Wherever I went, he could send Mr. Big after, nagging.
I had tried to give the beast away. There were no takers. I gave it every chance to fly away. It wouldn"t escape. I was getting near taking heroic measures. "Spud, you"re so worried about Mr. Big why don"t you come get him? He needs a home where he"s appreciated."
"No, you don"t," Morley sneered. "That there is your your bird, Garrett." bird, Garrett."
I scowled. This was a squabble I couldn"t win.
Dotes showed all those pointy teeth again. "I hear some parrots live a hundred years."
"Some, maybe. In the wild." I could donate Mr. Big to a charity. Like some hungry ratman. "I"m out of here, friend."