The big guy came by. "I got a dozen guys willing, Slick. You want more?"
"That"s plenty. Now I need everybody back away from the door. It"s going to get nasty there when they come in." I hoped. If I hadn"t been suckered too bad.
"They"ll figure we"re up to something, Slick. They only look dumb."
"I don"t care. That won"t matter. I just need the door open."
He sneered, confident I was on a fool"s quest.
I screamed some more at the screamers.
There were several people at the observation windows now-including she of the glorious gams.
I chuckled, sure I was on my way out. No woman would work the Bledsoe unless she had a giant soft spot. I roared, bounded over pallets, started strangling the loudest screamer.
The big guy came by and pretended to drag me off. I gave him further instructions, then ran him off. He wasn"t a bad actor.
Me, I was a master. I made it look real good. To my surprise, none of my fellow patients tried to stop me.
I only strangled my victim a little, enough to cause unconsciousness.
I galloped to the other end of the room, went to work on another screamer.
Soon there were guys flying all over the place. The majority got into the spirit. It wasn"t exactly a riot, though. Real violence was almost nonexistent. But the pandemonium was not pretend.
I glimpsed the woman arguing with the men. She wanted to do something. They didn"t.
Excellent.
A little goblin breed three feet tall scrunched himself into a ball near the door.
Upstairs, charity apparently overcame common sense.
I kept the show rolling. People did get hurt, but I I wasn"t in a charitable mood, to put it mildly. If I stayed a nice guy, I wasn"t ever going to get out. If I didn"t get out, I"d never get the chance to crack the heads of the clowns who"d put me in. wasn"t in a charitable mood, to put it mildly. If I stayed a nice guy, I wasn"t ever going to get out. If I didn"t get out, I"d never get the chance to crack the heads of the clowns who"d put me in.
The big guy came around again. He bounced me around some. "They"re coming," I told him. "And you don"t have to be so enthusiastic here."
He seemed scornful. I don"t know about what.
18.
I glanced at the door, then cautioned the big guy, "Take it easy. We don"t have to convince them now." No one was near the door but the little breed. He would be sorry he had volunteered. "How many will come?"
The big man shrugged. "Depends on how worried they are. Least eight or ten. You better watch out." He tripped me. I tripped him back. We rolled around and punched each other. He was having a great time. "They have a policy of kicking the living s.h.i.t out of troublemakers."
"I kind of figured that was part of the program. h.e.l.l, I"ve stopped bleeding. I"m ready for anything." I wasn"t looking forward to the kicking part. You lays your bets and takes your chances, but I was hoping things would go well and I would not have to deal with any boots.
You have to believe you"re going to win.
I did have to win. n.o.body knew where I was. It could be weeks before anybody even missed me, what with Dean out of town and the Dead Man sleeping. It might be weeks after that before anybody tracked me down. If anybody bothered to try.
I didn"t have weeks. I didn"t feel I could waste the time I"d spent inside already. The Dead Man might chuckle and tell me to consider it a learning experience, which is what he does when I have a bad day.
If I didn"t break out, it was going to be the all-time bad day to start a long string of bad days.
The woman stayed at the observation window. I kept howling my head off and throwing people around and strangling other guys making noise.
The thing that got me, down deep, was that almost half the guys in the ward didn"t get involved. Most of those never opened their eyes. They just laid there, indifferent.
Man, that was scary. That could be me in twenty years if I blew this.
Fear provided the inspiration I needed to keep howling and foaming at the mouth. I tried speaking in tongues. That came to me naturally. A little something for when I got too old to make it on the street. A good howl and roll man can start his own church.
The door opened.
Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, those dopes actually opened the door.
It swung outward. Attendants boiled inside. They knew something was up. They were ready for bear. They had clubs and small shields. They all looked about twelve feet tall. They formed in a tight knot before they started forward.
A few months earlier, in a moment of weakness brought on by engulfing an inland sea of beer, I"d bought some stuff from a third-rate wizard who"d called himself Dread but whose name was really Milton. You don"t never trust the skills of a wizard named Milton-as I"d learned to my sorrow on trying to use one of his charms. His stuff came with a warranty, but he wasn"t around to make good on it.
In my pockets were several tiny bottles, the last of my purchase. According to Dread, they const.i.tuted the ideal means of dealing with unfriendly crowds. I didn"t know, never having tested them. I wasn"t sure I even recalled Dread"s instructions. It was real drunk out that night.
I told me I had another good reason for wanting out. I had to find old Milt and register a consumer complaint.
As I recalled, all I had to do was throw a bottle against a hard surface, then stand back.
I did the throwing part. My bottle missed all the boys and bounced off the wall. It skittered back into the midst of the attendants. Guys walked all over it, but it didn"t break.
My guardian angel was on the job. Cursing him, I tried again.
The second bottle broke. Gray mist boiled off the wall. It reached the attendants. They started cussing. Cussing turned to howling fast.
Meantime, my little breed volunteer slithered into the doorway so it couldn"t be closed. His job was going to get nasty if the staff got determined.
The attendants in the ward lost all interest in quieting people down. They were too busy scratching and rubbing and yelling.
Maybe Dread wasn"t a complete fraud.
I inhaled a bushel of clean air and charged. I was ashamed of me for pulling such a dirty trick. Almost. I wouldn"t take it back. If I spent much time hanging out with Ivy and the boys, I"d end up singing in the same choir.
The mist didn"t bother me much. I did start itching a little. Since I had a major headache and an acre of bruises, an itch seemed pretty trivial.
Somebody was hollering in the corridor. They"d left somebody to cover the door. He was aggravated at my breed doorstop.
Who wasn"t doing so good. The mist tended to settle. He"d gotten more than the attendants had.
Nonetheless, he fulfilled his mission.
I smashed into the door so hard I feared I"d dislocated my shoulder. Oh, d.a.m.n, did that hurt! And that d.a.m.ned door only gave barely enough to let me skip over the whining breed.
"Surprise!" I popped the guard outside. A whole herd of patients stampeded out behind me. Those that didn"t have scores to settle with particular attendants still inside.
Naturally, luck would have another squad of staffers arriving just then. I did my banshee routine and charged. Boy, was I going to have a sore throat when all the hollering was over.
These attendants were bigger and meaner than the first bunch. There were eight of them. That put the odds in my favor because I was mad enough to whip a whole battalion. "Nothing personal, guys." Then I recognized two of the clowns who had carried me in the wet blanket. "Like h.e.l.l!"
I didn"t get a lot of help at first. Surprise did for a couple of attendants, but then the others got going. They played a game using me for a shuttlec.o.c.k. My companions had been beaten too often. They held back till my nine-foot buddy jumped in.
"Oomph!" I said, breaking some guy"s knuckles with my forehead. "Took you long enough."
It turned into a real brawl. Fists and feet and bodies flew. I skinned my knuckles to the elbow pounding handy chins and jaws. I got my own chin and jaw liberally pasted. My nose avoided rearrangement.
All that thumping was just the thing for a headache.
I had opportunities to be thankful that I have good teeth as I sank them into people who didn"t have my continued good health foremost in mind.
When the fur stopped flying and the dust settled, me and the big guy were the only ones standing. And I needed the help of a wall.
I stumbled to the door at the end of the hall, beyond the vanquished attendants. It was locked. It looked every bit as ma.s.sive as the door to the ward. Well, all that work for nothing. I exchanged glances with the big guy. He grinned, said, "I told you." He wiped blood off his face, grinned some more. "They going to have a time cleaning this one up, though. We got most of the night staff in here."
"Fine. We"re a step closer. Let"s drag these guys into the ward." Maybe we could use them as hostages.
All of a sudden, we had plenty of helpers. Guys turned brave, thumped heads soundly whenever an attendant threatened to wake up.
I checked the end of the hall I hadn"t checked before. Another locked oaken vault door. Of course. "I guess this just isn"t my day." It had had its moments earlier, but the downs were starting to outweigh the ups. "Anybody want to guess how long it"ll be before they come after us again?"
The big guy shrugged. Now that the active part was over he seemed to be losing interest.
I produced two tiny folding knives that hadn"t been taken, reflected that this incident was going to generate strident calls for an investigation of how blades and sorcerous gook and whatnot had gotten to the inmates. Like there"d ever been a doubt that any inmate who could flash the cash couldn"t buy any d.a.m.ned thing he wanted.
An investigation might mean hope. If it was serious, it would require my testimony. That would mean the pointing of fingers at the kind of people who"d take bribes for falsely imprisoning heroes like me. Ugh! They"d be villains who"d be aware of the distress my testimony could cause their careers. Surely they"d take steps to a.s.sure a paucity of witnesses likely to testify.
I gave the big guy a knife. "Carve me some kindling out of anything wooden. If we get a decent fire going, we can burn our way through those doors."
He grinned but without the wild eagerness he"d shown before. He was winding down.
The notion of arson did excite some of the others. We all got to work ripping the stuffing out of pallets and whittling on the ward door.
Then I suffered another brainstorm, way late, unlike the hero of an adventure story. I claim genius only because n.o.body else thought of the obvious first. The adventure boys would have planned it from the start. It"s one of their old tricks.
The Bledsoe staff wore uniforms, scruffy though those were.
I got my fires burning at both ends of the hall. Ivy tended them. His vocabulary didn"t improve, but he became more animated. He liked fires. He even paid attention when I said, "Use plenty of horsehair. We want plenty of smoke." The horsehair came out of the pallets.
Ivy grinned from ear to ear. He was one fulfilled lunatic.
The people outside would have have to make a move. They couldn"t wait us out once we had fires burning. Fires had to be fought. to make a move. They couldn"t wait us out once we had fires burning. Fires had to be fought.
I had to have a guy follow Ivy and make sure his fires didn"t grow too fast. Already they seemed likely to burn through the floor before they ate through the doors.
Once the smoke was thick enough, I picked an attendant my size and started trading clothes. He got the best of the deal.
My companions caught on. Soon they were squabbling over the available uniforms. I made sure Ivy and the big guy got theirs. I wanted one for the little breed who"d body-blocked the ward door, but he"d have gotten lost in a shirt.
Interesting that I had so many supporters now that it looked like I had prospects.
The smoke almost got too thick before somebody outside decided action had to be taken now now.
19.
They brought almost every warm body they had left. They burst through both doors at once, behind thrown buckets of water. They concentrated on the fires to begin, taking what lumps they must until those were extinguished, then they started whipping on anybody in arm"s reach. When they got into the ward, they started hauling fallen comrades away.
It was real exciting for a while. The issue was definitely in doubt.
The smoke got to me more than I expected. After they dragged me out and I decided it was time I made a run for it, I found that my legs were saying no way.
"Don"t. You aren"t ready yet."
I didn"t look up and give myself away. Around me, impelled by the cunning of madness, my buddies did the same. What a team!
There were better than twelve men scattered along the hallway, many from the ward. The rest had gone down in the current invasion.
The speaker was a woman, the owner of the legs. She added, "Get the smoke out before you do anything."
I coughed and made noises and kept my face hidden. She moved on, evidently to tend someone else who was stirring. A female doctor? How about that? I never heard of such a thing, but why not?
I scooted back till my spine found a wall, raised myself up against that, lifted my head to scope out an escape route. I kept seeing two of things when I could see through the water in my eyes. I got my feet under me again and practiced standing up till I could do it with no hands.
My chosen escape route did not become overgrown while I was catching my breath. I shoved off the wall and started staggering. There was a stairwell door straight ahead, out in the remote distance, on the far horizon, about twenty feet away. All kinds of racket came from behind it, as though thunder-lizards were mating in the stairwell. I didn"t pay the racket any mind. I didn"t have any mind left over. What I had was busy thinking "out."
I was chugging right along, hardly ever falling down, when she of the glorious gams intercepted me. "What are you trying to do? I told you...Oh!"
I grinned my winningest grin. "Oh-oh."
"Oh, my G.o.d!"