particularly if Cordelia"s happiness didn"t include me. I would take the money and buy myself a new stereo.
The light on the distant buildings had faded to a warm glow. It would be dark soon.
I turned from the evening light and went to where I kept my liquor.
One by one I took each bottle to the sink and poured it down the drain until all I had left was one bottle of good Scotch. I poured out half of it, then I put it back in the bare cabinet. It would remain there as a reminder and as a choice. Every time I didn"t take a drink, it would be out of choice and not necessity.
It was time to think about my past. The past that I had so desperately been trying to leave behind. The deaths, the horrors all traveled with me. Memory doesn"t fade, the edges barely dull in what little time we have.
But I was alive and there had to be some way for me to reach out to joy, the fleeting moments that pa.s.sed.
If Cordelia ever came back, I would be here. I could only wish her well. Even if she didn"t come back, I would still be here.
Love is a miracle, not a salvation. No one would save me, that I had to seek for myself. But I would find it. I had finally turned to face the hunters with their guns.
* 303 *
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