Kali turned her attention to Indra. "You want me to be in your movie, Soma-head?"
Indra looked over at me for rea.s.surance, and I gave him an encouraging smile-even though it physically repulsed me to have to help him at all.
"Please, my movie will be a failure if your beauty does not grace its presence," he intoned, crawling onto his knees, his hands clasped at his chest in supplication. He looked around at the unconscious Gopi who were strewn around the soundstage.
"They"-he gestured to the Gopi-"are but mere shades in the wake of your beauty, O Great G.o.ddess of Destruction."
Kali snickered before turning to me, a wicked smile on her face.
"I want you to know, white girl, that if I do this, if if I prost.i.tute myself to this drug-addled poseur for you, then you are gonna owe me so big that it"s not even funny." I prost.i.tute myself to this drug-addled poseur for you, then you are gonna owe me so big that it"s not even funny."
I swallowed hard. I knew instinctively that I didn"t want to be in debt to Kali-it was bad enough that I already owed Cerberus, and I hated to think my underworld credit was already heading into the "maxed out" zone, but I didn"t have a clue how else to get my hands on the jerkoid"s Sea Foam.
"She kinda has you by the b.a.l.l.s on this one, Cal," Clio said, a protective hand on Runt"s cute little head. Neither of them seemed against me accepting Kali"s offer-but then they weren"t the ones who were gonna owe her big time after all was said and done.
I took a deep breath, trying to release the worry that was tensing up my body, but it was a no go.
"Fine. Okay, I"ll owe you big time," I said weakly. "It"s worth it to save my father and sister."
"And there will be no backing out at the last minute?" Kali asked.
"No backing out." I nodded.
Barely even noticing the bodies of the unconscious Gopi as she stepped over them, Kali came toward me, her mouth curved in a sickle of a smile. As she pa.s.sed Indra, he tried to reach out and touch the hem of her shower curtain, but she pulled away from him like he was lower than the lowest Outcast, making him blush with shame.
Ignoring everyone else around us, her eyes focused on mine with the intensity of a high-powered laser beam-giving me a much better understanding of how a deer must feel when it"s caught in the glare of an SUV"s high beams. The creepy little smile still etched on her face, she held out her hand for me to take, but instead of shaking on our "deal" like I"d expected, she pulled a tiny pin from somewhere in the depths of her thick mane of dark hair and stuck the tip deep into the meaty flesh of my palm.
"Ow!" I yelped, trying to pull my hand away from her grasp, but she held me tight. Quickly she p.r.i.c.ked her own palm, drawing a large bead of blood, then slammed her hand against mine, pressing the flesh of our palms together in some weird blood ritual that was obviously the magical seal to our deal.
"Now we are bound by blood until you have fulfilled your debt to me. After that . . . who knows," she added mysteriously.
She released me, and I grimaced at the long smear of blood that ran across the heel of my hand. I felt light-headed just looking at all the wasted hemoglobin.
"You do realize how unsanitary that was," I said, pulling a Wet-Nap from my back pocket and using it to wipe away the blood. This only elicited another creepy smile from my benefactress.
"You don"t happen to have another one of those on you?" Kali asked, looking at the Wet-Nap I"d bunched together and stuffed into my front pants pocket-as "cool" as Indra"s soundstage was, I had yet to see a garbage can anywhere.
I smiled, taking another of the lemon-scented packets from my pocket, and threw it to Kali. "I always travel with a couple of these babies. You never know when you"re gonna be touching something yucky."
Kali nodded in agreement as she unwrapped her little moist towelette and daubed at the blood trail on her own hand.
"So does that fulfill my debt?" I asked hopefully, even though I was pretty sure the answer was gonna be "no."
"You wish," Kali said, her dark red lips curling devilishly at the corners. I felt a tug on the hem of my pants and looked down to find Indra, still on his knees, flashing his teeth to me in a semblance of grat.i.tude.
"Thank you, Madame Death."
Okay, I used the word "semblance" because I could tell that behind the glamorous smile he flashed me, Indra absolutely detested having to thank me. He may have been easy on the eyes, but underneath that gorgeous exterior lurked an egotistical little p.r.i.c.k who hated to thank anyone anyone for for anything anything.
"You"re welcome," I said, offering him my hand for a shake-which he promptly ignored.
Oh well, I had already kinda figured that Indra and I were never gonna be bosom buddies-no matter how many favors I did, or didn"t do, for him. So be it. I mean, with friends like him in your life, why would you ever need enemies anyway?
"So, are we gonna get this show on the road, or what?" Kali said with a yawn. I turned to Indra for instruction, but he was gone. In his place, Mr. Tap Shoes glowered back at me, his weasely little face a mask of irritation as he stood behind the gigantic dolly-mounted film camera, his right eye pressed tight against the viewfinder.
"If you, your sister, and your little h.e.l.lhound will get out of my frame . . . ?" Mr. Tap Shoes barked at me with impatience.
Fine, be that way, I thought to myself as I motioned for Clio and Runt to follow me off the set. I thought to myself as I motioned for Clio and Runt to follow me off the set. I didn"t want to be in your stupid little movie anyway. I didn"t want to be in your stupid little movie anyway.
And the truth was I really didn"t.
seventeen.
I had never seen a movie being filmed before. I would love to say that it was a superexciting experience, and that tons of cool stuff happened. That it, like, totally changed my life completely and made me want to be a better person.
Not.
Hands down, I have to rate seeing a movie being made as the number-one most boring thing I have ever witnessed in my entire existence. Really, it"s on par with watching paint dry, or timing a slug to see how long it takes the slimy little sucker to get across your sidewalk.
I guess it just took more than pretty clothes, bright lights, and a big camera in my face to impress me. I decided that I was probably one of those folks who enjoyed watching watching their TV, not partic.i.p.ating in it. their TV, not partic.i.p.ating in it.
On the other hand, Clio was in geek-girl heaven. Indra let her stand right by him while he guided the camera up and down the long metal dolly track he had magically laid down on the floor. He even let her look through the viewfinder twice-which totally put her over the moon. Even Runt seemed to be enjoying the experience, while it was all I could do not to fall asleep against the wall where I was sitting.
Seriously, they just kept repeating the same stuff over and over again-even though, from what I could tell, each take looked exactly exactly like the take before it. For the life of me, I couldn"t tell you like the take before it. For the life of me, I couldn"t tell you what what Indra was accomplishing by making Kali walk down a set of stairs twenty times in a row while the Gopi did their crazy whirling dervish number on the platform below her-unless this was all a carefully planned ruse to make Kali so annoyed she"d go all Indra was accomplishing by making Kali walk down a set of stairs twenty times in a row while the Gopi did their crazy whirling dervish number on the platform below her-unless this was all a carefully planned ruse to make Kali so annoyed she"d go all Carrie Carrie-insane on us, which was always a possibility anyway with Kali"s volatile personality. I"m sure she would"ve just loved loved an excuse to put on her destructive face and set a few of the Gopi on fire for fun. an excuse to put on her destructive face and set a few of the Gopi on fire for fun.
The only thing I found even remotely remotely interesting-and the word "interesting" was a stretch-was the way Indra used magic to move the lights and the props around the set. Mostly, I was curious about the magic part, but I could see how lighting really was kind of an art form. interesting-and the word "interesting" was a stretch-was the way Indra used magic to move the lights and the props around the set. Mostly, I was curious about the magic part, but I could see how lighting really was kind of an art form.
For example, there was this one part where Kali was leaning against the stair rail, her long, dark hair like a glorious storm cloud around her face, and Indra got this big light to swoop in real close to her face, giving her features this gorgeous, creamy, sunlit glow. That was kinda neat-until he did it seven more times, at which point I stopped paying attention.
Since Indra was the only crew person involved-aside from the now-conscious Gopi, whom he"d had to beg Kali to unspell, which she did begrudgingly-it had taken him only a few minutes to magically get everything set up and running again. Without magic, I got the distinct impression that the crew on a film set would be considerably larger than one person.
Once the Gopi were back on the job-for the rest of the shoot they stayed far out of Kali"s...o...b..t, their dark eyes constantly darting here and there, watching for any sign of an impending attack-Indra snapped his fingers, and the door to the janitor"s closet flew open to reveal row upon row of beautiful, beaded saris. I reached up and felt my split lip-which was still puffy and painful to the touch-and wished there"d been a closet full of saris to break my fall instead of the janitorial supplies Clio and I"d encountered.
After a heated battle between Indra and Kali over which sari she was going to wear, they finally settled on a bright turquoise one that had little silver-colored beads sewn all over it and strands of silver filigree running through the fabric. It wouldn"t have been my choice-I would"ve put Kali in the fire-engine red number I"d spotted near the back of the closet, but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to get in the middle of a heated argument between two highly volatile Deities.
Once she"d put on the sari, they"d spent another ten minutes arguing over whether or not Kali needed any makeup-Indra was of the mind that she needed a complete makeover, but Kali insisted on going before the cameras just as she was.
Finally, after Kali threatened to disembowel all the Gopi before adding their skulls to her already renowned collection back home, Indra relented, letting her do the shoot without so much as a smear of gloss on her full lips.
We stood around for what felt like eons until, suddenly, Indra proclaimed the shoot over and Kali wrapped wrapped.
I had no idea what he meant by the word "wrapped," but if it had something to do with us being done, then I was all for it. As I watched Indra futzing with the camera, I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with him. Because of his stupid movie, I now owed Kali a huge favor-and all the jerk had wanted her to do was walk down a flight of stairs, lean against a stair rail with a melancholy look on her face, and then sigh deeply.
Maybe I can talk her into reducing my sentence to half half a favor, a favor, I thought hopefully, I thought hopefully, since the whole thing was pretty painless in the end. since the whole thing was pretty painless in the end.
The one thing I couldn"t figure out was why Indra needed me me to wrangle Kali into being in his film. I"d have thought since they were both Hindu Deities, all Indra would"ve had to do was ask for her help. Their strange dynamic made me wonder what the heck the deal was between them, and why Kali seemed to take such an inordinate amount of joy in belittling him in front of us every chance she got. to wrangle Kali into being in his film. I"d have thought since they were both Hindu Deities, all Indra would"ve had to do was ask for her help. Their strange dynamic made me wonder what the heck the deal was between them, and why Kali seemed to take such an inordinate amount of joy in belittling him in front of us every chance she got.
"Hey, Kali? Can I have a word?" I asked, crooking a finger in her direction after making sure Clio and Runt were otherwise engaged helping the Gopi coil long lengths of electrical cord into bundles for Indra. I wasn"t trying to purposely cut my sister out of the loop, but I had a feeling if I wanted any confidences from Kali, then I was going to have to interrogate her in private.
She looked up from where she was still standing on the raised set platform, her chin resting in her hands, a wistful look on her face. At my insistence, she stood up and crossed the platform, taking the stairs two at a time, her long, glossy hair bouncing with every step.
"Yeah?" she said when she"d closed the gap between us.
I wasn"t sure how to begin. I didn"t want to offend her, or incur her wrath, but I needed to know what was going on between her and Indra so I didn"t find myself without the precious Sea Foam I"d bartered myself into debt for when all of this was over. I"d been voluntarily out of the supernatural world for a long time, but I very much remembered the old adage: Deal with the G.o.ds at your own discretion. Deal with the G.o.ds at your own discretion.
It wasn"t that they were bad folk, really, but their needs always seemed to take precedence over yours-no matter what what they"d promised you beforehand. they"d promised you beforehand. Like magical Sea Foam, maybe? Like magical Sea Foam, maybe?
"Uhm, I don"t want to be a pain in the neck, but I need to make sure that Indra"s really gonna give me that Sea Foam stuff . . . now that I owe you such a huge favor and all," I said meekly.
Kali nodded as if she understood what I was saying, but her next words proved how very much she and I were not not on the same page. on the same page.
"You want me to hold the Gopi hostage until he pays up?" she asked, and as nice as the offer was, I was pretty sure that I did not not want Gopi blood on my hands. want Gopi blood on my hands.
"No, nothing as extreme as that, but maybe you could just fill me in on why this Sea Foam is so important to Indra?" Kali mulled my words over in her head, then nodded.
"So that you are aware of everything? So nothing takes you by surprise?" Kali said, like she was reading my mind. I smiled.
"Exactly."
She considered her words, taking her time, but I could see that she was really stalling so that she could use her peripheral vision to discern Indra"s location.
Score one for me for keeping the matter just between us girls.
"Well," she said, "it is a bit of a tale . . ."
"I love a good story."
She laughed. "Of course you do, dipwad."
"Don"t call me that." But Kali only gave me a mischievous smile and took my hand.
"Don"t worry about your sister. Indra likes her-"
"And that"s supposed to make me not not worry," I mumbled under my breath. worry," I mumbled under my breath.
"-and therefore the Gopi will look after her."
Off my look, she laughed. "I have special dispensation from Krishna to kick their a.s.ses, but that"s a whole "nother story entirely, dipwad. Just know that the Gopi are highly trained a.s.sa.s.sins who won"t take c.r.a.p from anyone, let alone an uptight p.r.i.c.k from the Psychical Bureau of Investigations."
Nice, I thought, I thought, so does so does everyone everyone in the supernatural universe know my business? What am I? The Angelina Jolie of the underworld? in the supernatural universe know my business? What am I? The Angelina Jolie of the underworld?
Kali, her grip like an industrial-strength steel vise, began to squeeze my hand with a ferocity that quickly yanked me out of my thoughts and back into reality.
As she cranked up the intensity on her very unpleasant hand squeeze, I could feel the little tiny bones in my hand starting to crack-which totally freaked me out.
"Ow!" I cried, trying to yank my hand out of her clutches, but she wasn"t having any of it. Just like when she commingled our blood earlier, I was reminded again of how much stronger she was than me-giving me a whole new reason to get my a.s.s to the gym.
"Just one more moment while I sever the cord that binds you to this plane."
"Hey, don"t do that! I don"t want any part of me severed from any other part of me-" I began, my voice unnaturally high and laced with nervous tension, but Kali only smiled, increasing the pressure on my fingers until I heard a distinct pop pop and felt a shard of bone slip out of place and pierce my skin from the inside out. and felt a shard of bone slip out of place and pierce my skin from the inside out.
This is disgusting!
I watched in abject horror as a single drop of bright red blood fell from our clasped hands and splattered onto the ground. Between the pain in my hand and the revulsion I felt at seeing my blood out of my body again for, like, the twentieth time that day, I did the only sensible thing I could think to do in the situation.
I pa.s.sed out.
i knew the whole "severing the cord" thing was a bad idea when I heard it, and this was only confirmed by the fact that I came back to consciousness . . . without a body! without a body!
I couldn"t have been out for more than a few seconds, but those few seconds proved to be more than adequate enough for Kali to sever what she needed to sever and leave me completely floating in s.p.a.ce, totally unattached to reality.
I can only describe the sensation as being sort of sort of reminiscent of the feeling you get when you"re in one of those carnival rides where they spin you at, like, a bazillion miles an hour, so that your whole body is thrown up against the back wall of the ride, and you hang, wriggling like a bug on a pin . . . and that only reminiscent of the feeling you get when you"re in one of those carnival rides where they spin you at, like, a bazillion miles an hour, so that your whole body is thrown up against the back wall of the ride, and you hang, wriggling like a bug on a pin . . . and that only kind of kind of gives you an idea of how bad it was. gives you an idea of how bad it was.
I didn"t have any eyes, so I couldn"t see anything, but I could sort of perceive perceive that I was surrounded by a murky darkness that was entirely devoid of any life, except for me. that I was surrounded by a murky darkness that was entirely devoid of any life, except for me.
Suddenly, I felt my bodiless self yanked backward, dragged out of the murky nothingness, and shoved into something, a body I presumed, that was, like, twenty sizes too big for my soul.
I opened my eyes and instantly closed them again, terrified by what I"d just seen . . . Indra"s face staring back at me. Indra"s face staring back at me.
i was in a large white pavilion . . . well, it was really more of a tent actually, but it was way nicer than any tent I"d ever been in-including the very large, very drafty one I"d shivered myself silly inside of during the very elegant, very expensive wedding I"d attended as my friend Noh"s date four years ago in Montauk, Long Island.
We"d gotten to her cousin"s wedding ten minutes ten minutes late due to inclement weather-the worst thunderstorm Long Island had seen in a dozen years-and the stupid ushers hadn"t let us sit down even though there were a couple of free chairs only three rows from the back. Instead, we"d had to stand for the whole forty-five-minute ceremony, late due to inclement weather-the worst thunderstorm Long Island had seen in a dozen years-and the stupid ushers hadn"t let us sit down even though there were a couple of free chairs only three rows from the back. Instead, we"d had to stand for the whole forty-five-minute ceremony, and and for the fifteen for the fifteen more more minutes" worth of dopey homemade vows, our b.u.t.ts getting totally soaked by the downpour that had made us late in the first place. minutes" worth of dopey homemade vows, our b.u.t.ts getting totally soaked by the downpour that had made us late in the first place.
Seriously, it was the worst worst.
Anyway, that that was the nicest tent I"d ever stood in, and was the nicest tent I"d ever stood in, and this this pavilion made that one look like something you went camping in. pavilion made that one look like something you went camping in.
"Wow," I said, my voice low and tremulous and totally not not my own. I decided to keep my mouth shut until further notice. my own. I decided to keep my mouth shut until further notice.
The tent was large enough to comfortably hold more than two hundred people under its stretched silk canopy. At first glance, the canopy looked like it was a plain milky white, but when I looked again, I noticed that it wasn"t plain at all. The material had been woven by an artist"s hand, so that every inch of it was covered with a scene out of Hindu mythology. I looked closer and saw delicate human beings intermixed with the many incarnations of the G.o.ds and G.o.ddesses. It was a living, breathing tapestry of their universe.
I could"ve spent years looking at it-my eyes discovering something new with each viewing-but instead I found myself drawn to the large, freestanding mirror that rested right in the middle of the otherwise empty pavilion. I reached out my hand to touch its beautifully gilded silver frame, and it shocked me. I took a step back, my fingers tingling as my eyes stuck like glue to the reflection that stared back at me.
I was in Indra"s body.