"Oh, give me a break," Kali said. "This isn"t the Love Boat, for Christ"s sake."
"Shut up, Indian Princess," I said tartly, not even looking in her direction. After a few seconds, Daniel broke the weird connection between us by clearing his throat.
"Uhm, remember how you drank the paralysis potion back in the desert-" he began.
"You drank paralysis potion paralysis potion?" Clio said. I gave her a look, and she closed her mouth.
"Well, I kept wondering how anyone could possibly know where you were at any given time, let alone pinpoint your exact location exact location so they could feed you a magic potion . . ." so they could feed you a magic potion . . ."
"Uh-huh," I said impatiently.
"There had to be a trick to it. And the only charm I could think of that could do it was-"
"A homing spell!" Clio said excitedly.
"Precisely," Daniel said, giving Clio a wink.
"But who would put a homing spell on white girl here?" Kali said, totally not buying Daniel"s scenario.
"Yeah, who would want to put a homing spell on me other than to kill me, paralyze me, or otherwise render me incapable of completing my tasks other than to kill me, paralyze me, or otherwise render me incapable of completing my tasks," I said sarcastically. The point seemed to be taken because Kali backed off, letting Daniel and Clio continue.
"It"s a totally hard-core spell, so it would have to be someone really well versed in magical theory," Clio said, her cute forehead scrunched up with thought.
"So great great, that could be anyone," I said miserably. Everyone was pretty quiet after that. I guess I"d sort of put a damper on the proceedings with my injection of reality reality.
"Look, we may not know their name, but we do do know their magical signature," Daniel offered, breaking the silence. "And because of that, we can sever the connection." know their magical signature," Daniel offered, breaking the silence. "And because of that, we can sever the connection."
"We can?" I said hopefully.
"It"s easy as pie, Cal," Clio said as she held out her hands, giving them a shake before placing them on my shoulders. It took only about two seconds after her touch for a sharp, jarring pain to shoot up both my arms.
"Ow!" I screeched. "Stop it! That hurts!"
Clio dropped her hands and looked down at my arms . . . where a handcuff-shaped circlet of bright purple glowed warningly from around both wrists. where a handcuff-shaped circlet of bright purple glowed warningly from around both wrists.
"Well, I guess that answers the first question." I sighed. "Now we know who did this to me. It was that stupid wannabe detective from the Psychical Bureau of Investigations."
"The one that kidnapped Jarvis?"
"The very one," I said as I handed Daniel the Cup of Jamshid, then lifted my wrists up in the air for a little attention. "Would someone please take them off me?"
"Let me do it," Kali said, pushing her way past Clio, who was already reaching out to try to take the spell off me. Under Kali"s breath, I heard her say: "Easy as pie my a.s.s . . ."
And then she grabbed my wrists.
"ARRRGGHHHH!"
I watched in horror as her hands caught fire, turning a succession of painful-looking red and brown colors before she got smart and dropped my arms, letting them slam painfully into my sides. Luckily, it hadn"t all been in vain. When I looked down, the purple circlets were gone.
Yay, I"m free! I"m free! I thought to myself. I thought to myself. Thank Thank you you, G.o.d.
"That b.l.o.o.d.y hurt!" Kali wailed as she glared at my wrists with such intense hatred that I kinda feared for their lives-that is, if wrists had had lives. lives.
"Well, I guess that"s that that," I said as I listened to Kali trying not to moan with pain as she nursed her damaged hands.
"So what do we do now?" Clio said, looking from me to Daniel.
I really wanted to give my sister some amazing, well-thought-out answer. Some new, wonderful idea that would put us right on the road to finding our father and going home, but my only problem with all that was- I wasn"t anyone"s fearless leader. I couldn"t come up with some crack plan right out of my a.s.s. I was just some girl girl who worked in the home and garden sector, and had a cruddy dating track record. who worked in the home and garden sector, and had a cruddy dating track record.
But apparently I was still one of the honored few in our universe that was on speaking terms with G.o.d because I didn"t have to wait very long for some help from above.
"Why"s the cup glowing like that?" I said, my eyes instantly drawn over to the silvery object in Daniel"s hands. Not waiting for anyone to reply to my rhetorical question, I nimbly plucked the cup from his fingers and looked inside it.
I would"ve bet my one good pair of Jimmy Choo"s that the cup had been empty empty when I was holding it not two minutes before, but now, to my utter surprise, it was completely full of a shimmering, mercurial substance that glowed like lightning as it leapt and burbled in its container. when I was holding it not two minutes before, but now, to my utter surprise, it was completely full of a shimmering, mercurial substance that glowed like lightning as it leapt and burbled in its container.
"What the-" I started to say, but my attention was caught by the startlingly clear image of my father"s face suspended in the depths of the liquid. His eyes were closed, and the skin of his face so pinched and ashen that it made me sick-he looked awful awful, no, worse worse than awful. than awful.
I wanted to look away-I mean, what kid wants to see their parent looking like a semiconscious corpse-but I couldn"t, even when I felt Clio"s hand on my shoulder.
"What do you see?" she asked. "What is it?"
I shook my head, waiting for the image to clear, but instead it changed.
"Oh, no," I breathed as I realized what I was looking at now. "This can"t be. It doesn"t make any sense."
But then, suddenly, it all all started to make a started to make a whole lot of sense whole lot of sense-more sense than I ever wanted to think about, actually. The pieces were starting to fall into place, and the picture was not looking like it was gonna be a very pretty one.
From the beginning, I hadn"t been able to put my finger on why why someone would want to kidnap my father, sister, and the other company Executives. It seemed like a totally pointless exercise in making a quick buck. After all, my father and sister were immortal, and if I were a gambling woman, I"d have bet most of the other company Executives were, too, so Death wasn"t really on the table here. someone would want to kidnap my father, sister, and the other company Executives. It seemed like a totally pointless exercise in making a quick buck. After all, my father and sister were immortal, and if I were a gambling woman, I"d have bet most of the other company Executives were, too, so Death wasn"t really on the table here.
At best, the kidnappers would make their demands while hiding their victims away for a while to keep everyone on tenterhooks, and then when they"d gotten whatever ransom they wanted, they"d let their hostages go.
Only, I was starting to suspect that ransoming "hostages" had never been this kidnapper"s intention. I mean, didn"t the word "hostage" kind of imply that there was something someone wanted in exchange for the victim"s safe return? And strangely enough, in this case, no one no one ever brought up the existence of a ransom note. Period. ever brought up the existence of a ransom note. Period.
So, either the kidnapper"s plan was never to let anyone go, or maybe-just maybe-the plan was for no one no one to know that a kidnapping had ever taken place at all. to know that a kidnapping had ever taken place at all.
That was what the Devil had been trying to tell me when he"d been picking my brains through the old guard at the Psychical Bureau of Investigations: No one had ever reported the kidnapping to the authorities, so why the h.e.l.l was one of their agents investigating the case? so why the h.e.l.l was one of their agents investigating the case?
The question I now had to ask myself was: Who benefited the most most from having Father out of the way? from having Father out of the way?
If I hadn"t been me, and I didn"t know all the things I know about myself-like I was a quasinormal girl who didn"t have any any aspirations toward usurping her father"s position as the Grim Reaper-then I probably would"ve had to put myself at the top of the list of people who benefited from his "disappearance." aspirations toward usurping her father"s position as the Grim Reaper-then I probably would"ve had to put myself at the top of the list of people who benefited from his "disappearance."
Someone out there had gone to a lot of pains to discredit me by putting a b.u.t.tload of money in my bank account, then spreading the story that I"d accepted said money as payment from the Devil to do away with my father and the others. No wonder the King of h.e.l.l wasn"t a happy camper-that put just as much blame on him as on me.
I decided that even though I really, really really disliked the Devil, this kind of gave him an alibi. Yes, he would benefit-and he would try to spin whatever he could in his favor-but he wasn"t the kidnapper. It would"ve taken entirely too much effort on his part, and frankly, it wasn"t his style. disliked the Devil, this kind of gave him an alibi. Yes, he would benefit-and he would try to spin whatever he could in his favor-but he wasn"t the kidnapper. It would"ve taken entirely too much effort on his part, and frankly, it wasn"t his style.
I had to lump Daniel in with the Devil. The guy was was his protege-whatever that entailed-and probably wasn"t allowed to come up with big, fancy kidnapping plans all by himself anyway. his protege-whatever that entailed-and probably wasn"t allowed to come up with big, fancy kidnapping plans all by himself anyway.
I wanted to clear my family at one fell swoop, but I didn"t have enough information to rule them out. My mother and Father McGee had been very persistent about dragging me-kicking and screaming-into all of this insanity, but they both did did seem genuinely worried about Father and Thalia. seem genuinely worried about Father and Thalia.
I had no problem vouching for Clio-c"mon, if you didn"t know your kid sister, then who did did you know? She and Runt were as innocent as newborn babies, as far as I was concerned. you know? She and Runt were as innocent as newborn babies, as far as I was concerned.
And Jarvis saved my life. Enough said.
That left Indra-who was probably lying dismembered somewhere-and the mystery man mystery man: the infamous Detective Davenport, who wasn"t a detective at all.
I didn"t know anything else about the guy-except that I hated his guts and would fry him like a fish the next time I saw him-but he was fast becoming my primary suspect. He was obviously a liar who knew entirely too much about the kidnapping situation to be only an innocent player in the game. He was the one who"d had the most opportunity to spread the bulls.h.i.t story about me taking bribes, he was the jerkoid who"d kidnapped Jarvis, he was the one who"d put some sort of magical tracking device on my wrists when he"d cuffed me, and that meant he was the b.a.s.t.a.r.d who"d sent that poisoned Midori Sour to me-ruining the beauty of that frosty beverage forever in my mind. The only thing that I couldn"t figure out was how the heck this jerkoid detective had gotten himself mixed up with Indra"s arch nemesis, Vritra. the beauty of that frosty beverage forever in my mind. The only thing that I couldn"t figure out was how the heck this jerkoid detective had gotten himself mixed up with Indra"s arch nemesis, Vritra.
You remember Vritra . . . the scary serpent creature that owned the disgusting human corpse human corpse castle? The very castle? The very castle castle in which-if the Cup of Jamshid could be believed-my father and the other hostages were being held against their will? in which-if the Cup of Jamshid could be believed-my father and the other hostages were being held against their will?
I gave my band of merry men and women-Daniel, Clio, Kali, and Runt-the best explanation I could muster as to what I"d seen in the cup. I don"t think you can ever really really give a good description of something as heinous as Vritra"s castle, but I tried. Needless to say, I only ended up making give a good description of something as heinous as Vritra"s castle, but I tried. Needless to say, I only ended up making myself myself a little sick since I was the wussiest member of my little crew. All Clio wanted to know was a little sick since I was the wussiest member of my little crew. All Clio wanted to know was how how they got the bodies to stick to the walls of the castle. they got the bodies to stick to the walls of the castle.
I didn"t have the heart to tell her that the corpses were were the walls. the walls.
The next order of business was to figure out how in the world we were gonna get get to Vritra"s castle. The last time I"d been there, it had been through Indra"s memories, so I was really hoping Kali could send us back the same way. to Vritra"s castle. The last time I"d been there, it had been through Indra"s memories, so I was really hoping Kali could send us back the same way.
"Look," I said coaxingly, "I know your hands hurt-"
"You"re d.a.m.n right they b.l.o.o.d.y well hurt!"
"But we really need you to take us to the first place in Indra"s memory. If you can get us to that pavilion . . . pavilion . . ."
I could see that Kali was so not not feeling her Girl Scout best, but she nodded her head in a.s.sent anyway, making me feel like the case for our friendship wasn"t lost, after all. feeling her Girl Scout best, but she nodded her head in a.s.sent anyway, making me feel like the case for our friendship wasn"t lost, after all.
"All right, I can do that, white girl, but I don"t know where where the stupid castle is. You"re the only one who"s been there." the stupid castle is. You"re the only one who"s been there."
"It"s why Indra needed you, Kali," I said. "You weren"t his downfall; you were his savior. You gave me the map to Vritra"s castle in Indra"s memories. And because of that, once we"re there, I can find the place blindfolded. It"s like Indra"s legacy or something."
"Legacy-schmegacy," she snorted. "We"ll see, white girl. We"ll see." she snorted. "We"ll see, white girl. We"ll see."
I really didn"t want Clio and Runt to go with us into Vritra"s realm, but no matter what I did, Clio was one step ahead of me. The girl was was the smartest one in our family for good reason. the smartest one in our family for good reason.
"You want me to tell Mom?" she threatened, pulling out her BlackBerry.
"Does that thing really work out here?" I asked, incredulous.
"You wanna find out?" she said.
"Nope."
Our last order of business before we left Indra"s soundstage was to try to give the Gopis a proper burial. None of us could stomach leaving them there, soaking in their own viscera like that. Daniel suggested we set the soundstage on fire, but I didn"t have the heart to do it.
Finally, it was Kali who had the best idea of all.
"You know, the Gopi are just lying here, doing nothing for n.o.body," she offered, pursing her lips. "You could just resurrect them."
"Resurrect them?" Did I just hear what I thought thought I"d heard-she wanted me to bring the Gopi I"d heard-she wanted me to bring the Gopi back back from the dead? Was that really such a wise idea? from the dead? Was that really such a wise idea?
"You are Death, aren"t you?" she said, goading me into it.
She"s right. I am am Death, Death, I thought to myself, I thought to myself, so why not put any powers I still have to good use. so why not put any powers I still have to good use.
I promptly called every single one of the Gopi back into being. The only problem was that they"d been dead a little too long to return to a normal state of existence. From afar, the Gopi looked okay okay, but if you got up close and personal in their business . . . well, that was another story. A number of the ladies were missing body parts or had co-opted body parts that didn"t quite fit. There were a few missing eyeb.a.l.l.s and teeth-and one headless Gopi who couldn"t stop walking into the staircases and knocking herself out.
It was hard to believe that these were the same beautiful women I"d envied as they twirled like dervishes for Indra"s camera. Now they were little more than walking zombies with broken fingernails, in tattered saris.
"Ladies," I called, and they slowly turned to face me.
Seriously, as I surveyed the crowd, I kept imagining I was staring at the extras rejects from the "Thriller" music video. All we needed was Vincent Price, and we"d be ready to go.
"I know that I have no right to ask anything anything of you," I continued, "but we plan on going to fight the evil Vritra-" of you," I continued, "but we plan on going to fight the evil Vritra-"
"VRITRA . . . ?" they muttered as one-which was pretty freaky. they muttered as one-which was pretty freaky.
"Yes, we"re going to fight Vritra-"
"VRITRA . . . ?" they said again. Daniel reached over and grasped my forearm. they said again. Daniel reached over and grasped my forearm.
"I don"t know if it"s such a good idea to use the word "Vritra," Callie," he whispered. "You seem to be agitating them."
He was right. They had had started to repeat the name among themselves, and the sound of their bitterness was only building with each pa.s.sing second. started to repeat the name among themselves, and the sound of their bitterness was only building with each pa.s.sing second.
"Why don"t you come with us?" I said to the a.s.semblage. "Let"s go kick some Vritra Vritra a.s.s!" a.s.s!"
"Vritra . . . Vritra . . . VRITR A . . . VRITR A . . ." they continued to chant until the word was like a mantra shared between their brains. they continued to chant until the word was like a mantra shared between their brains.
"Let"s go!" I said, turning to Kali, who was totally getting freaked-out by the weird Gopi behavior.
"I can totally kick their a.s.ses, but they"re giving can totally kick their a.s.ses, but they"re giving me me the w.i.l.l.i.e.s right now," Kali said, her eyes unblinking. Even Runt was smart enough not to bark while the Gopi were around. I had a feeling that if they couldn"t get a little Vritra blood, they"d probably settle for any blood at all. the w.i.l.l.i.e.s right now," Kali said, her eyes unblinking. Even Runt was smart enough not to bark while the Gopi were around. I had a feeling that if they couldn"t get a little Vritra blood, they"d probably settle for any blood at all.
"Give me your hand, white girl-and the rest of you, hold on to a piece of her shirt," Kali yelled over the drone of the Gopi chanting.
"What about them!" I said, indicating the Gopi.
"They don"t need my help," she said, shaking her head, her eyes wide. I turned my head and saw why Kali was looking a little overwhelmed.
The Gopi were eating each other.
Not really chowing down, not tearing flesh, nor drawing blood . . . Instead, they were swallowing each other whole. whole. One would unhinge her jaw the way a snake did when it was about to consume its dinner, and her partner would climb inside. This went on and on, Gopi consuming Gopi, until only three were left-one of them being the headless Gopi-and then two . . . and then finally only the headless Gopi remained as her last sister with a head unhinged her own jaw and ate herself. One would unhinge her jaw the way a snake did when it was about to consume its dinner, and her partner would climb inside. This went on and on, Gopi consuming Gopi, until only three were left-one of them being the headless Gopi-and then two . . . and then finally only the headless Gopi remained as her last sister with a head unhinged her own jaw and ate herself.
"They may look like they"re eating one another," Kali continued, "but as each one is consumed, they are actually being transported into the next realm so they can find Indra and fulfill their mission to protect him. Only the last one will remain trapped on this plane."
I kind of felt sorry for the poor, headless Gopi as she wandered pathetically around the soundstage, but I forgot her plight the moment Kali began to squeeze my hand, and I felt all the little bones inside my skin begin to break into a million pieces.
And then I was gone.