Then my life was turned upside down again. My mom always told me to make the best of the situation you were handed. Well, I was handed a really s.h.i.tty situation and then s.h.i.t on again. Now I was looking for less s.h.i.t and maybe some water to wash away the other s.h.i.t.
Evan was the water.
Game 63 Edmonton Oilers.
Wednesday, March 5, 2010.
I got a text from him first thing the next morning before his morning skate. They were back in Chicago and set to play the Edmonton Oilers, a team he wasn"t sure how they"d fair against. I distracted him by telling him that his sheets smelled like me now.
So you"re still in my bed?
I had to laugh. He couldn"t let it go.
Nope. In your shower.
There was no reply for a good forty-five minutes.
Eventually, I did get a response but he avoided the topic of the shower and his bed after that. I only gathered it was because he had a game that night and was trying to stay focused.
He continued to send me texts the rest of the day. Apparently, Leo had caught on to his texting and sent me a picture of Evan scowling, his arm stretched out like he was trying to get his phone back. It was adorable.
Leo got my number out of the phone and started with his own text messages, all thoroughly amusing because they were pictures of Evan with captions. In one of them he was hunched over on the plane reading a message on his phone.
Leo"s caption read: Look at him all happy. He has no idea what"s going on. Stupid f.u.c.k is clueless.
I couldn"t wait to meet Leo. He seemed really cool and was already giving me loads of information about hockey and terms to use. The next text was: Your boy had a nice pole drag in the third period and stuffed the puck in the net to win it for us. I love him. Seriously, I think I"m in love with him.
Leo was a crack up. I had no idea what pole drag meant. I a.s.sumed it was a trick or something.
Evan ended up calling me before the game when they were in the locker room, laughter and loud catcalls rang throughout the room as the boys teased Evan about calling me. He didn"t seem to mind at all and played along.
I never felt pressured around him. I felt comfortable, like I had known him my entire life. He seemed to know exactly what to say before I even knew I needed to hear it. His whole family was like that.
We were just sitting down to watch the game when Evan"s grandmother came in. I only knew it was his grandmother because his dad told me. "Watch out for Granny B," he warned, giving me a soft smile. "The lady is off her f.u.c.king rocker."
I had to bite back a laugh by covering my mouth as his dad watched this feeble old woman scoot across the room to sit in the rocking chair near the window, her foamy Chicago Blackhawks finger in her hand and wearing her Masen #5 jersey. Before she sat down, she looked at me. "It"s a great day for a ball game!"
Sam looked at me. "See what I mean?"
Again, I had to bite back a laugh.
It was nice seeing his family all gathered around the television watching him. Even a few of their neighbors came over.
Evan was more aggressive this game than he was the last. He was in a fight within the first two minutes of the game and then sat the rest of the first period in the penalty box all because one of the Oilers players checked Leo into the boards pretty hard.
"Evan is powerful, both physically and emotionally. You"ll never meet another guy like him. He has a huge heart, always has." Judy laughed, explaining Evan"s actions as to why he was defending Leo. "I always tell him he"s that way because I had him on Valentine"s Day."
I gave Judy a smile. "My brother was born on Valentine"s Day, too. They were the same age."
She gave me a tender smile of her own, as if to apologize for bringing it up. "I"m sorry, dear."
"Don"t be."
"You gotta make those catches!" Granny B yelled at the television, tossing her foamy finger.
Granny B was Judy"s mom, and she lived in their bas.e.m.e.nt. She was...interesting, to say the least. I understood completely why she was living with them because if not for them, someone would have had that woman committed to a mental hospital. She was entertaining.
Evan sent me a text that night after the game. They lost to the Oilers, but his mood seemed upbeat, all things considered. He said he had a game Friday night and wanted to know if I wanted to come to it. That meant I would be leaving first thing in the morning to get back to Chicago in time to see the game. I wasn"t flying. I wasn"t sure I ever would. When I had left Oregon, I just got on a bus and went with it. Chicago was where I decided to stay. My reason for staying? The dance studio was there, but also because the Chicago Cubs were Andrew"s favorite baseball team.
I sent Evan a text telling him I would love to see a home game, so he agreed to come get me in the morning and drive me back to Chicago. When he left me here a few days ago, he had left his car at the airport, so that made traveling a little easier.
Lying there in his bed again that night, I thought about asking Evan if I could stay with him at his apartment. I liked it here, but it felt weird. I missed Evan.
I wasn"t sure what I wanted to do now that I was out of the hospital. I didn"t have to worry about all those medical bills because Evan graciously took care of them, but honestly, I kind of felt like I was his charity case.
I knew I wouldn"t be able to be on my own just yet; just the thought of being alone right now gave me anxiety.
Going back to the dance studio wasn"t what I wanted either.
What was my problem?
Honestly, I kind of missed Evan and being around him. I had no idea where things were going with him, but the sparks were there, and the warmth of his friendship was something I craved. It left me very confused.
Face off This is the method of starting play. This is the dropping of the puck by the official between the sticks of two opposing players standing one stick length apart with stick blades flat on the ice. It"s used to begin each period or to resume play when it has stopped for other reasons.
Before I was coherent that morning, I was hard, thoughts of Ami and those starry blue eyes, pink skin, freckled nose, and those adorably pouty lips filling my head. f.u.c.k.
I had no idea what time it was and didn"t really care. She was in my thoughts. Turning to the side, I peeked one eye open to see that the sun was rising over the city. Closing my eyelids tighter, I thought about how I teased Ami and the little sounds she made.
My heart beat faster. My hand went to my d.i.c.k while my mind spun with want and heat and memories of her.
I thought about the first time I kissed her and the little moan she let out, like she"d been waiting on that f.u.c.king kiss her entire life, and I"m hard, so f.u.c.king hard. Aching, I closed my eyes tighter, thinking about starry blue and soft skin. I thought about what it would be like, what she would feel like clinging to me the first time. I think about her being mine.
I groaned and gripped hard, wanting her so f.u.c.king bad. I wanted her right here, right now, in this bed. Tightening my grip, I moved with intent...but...it was no use because once I saw those images, others flashed in my head, and I was reminded that I couldn"t. I couldn"t have her this way.
My stomach clenched, burned through the need to finish, but it vanished. I blinked, the memories gone.
Every morning was like that. I wanted her and those thoughts wouldn"t leave, but it wasn"t right.
Just thinking about why those thoughts weren"t right, well, that led to me wanting to find the guy and beat the s.h.i.t out of him because I couldn"t have this perfect girl...because of him. I wanted to give the guy everything she went through.
The part that got me was her seeming so unfazed by it all, as though it didn"t really happen. To be fair, in her mind it didn"t happen. She remembered nothing.
Then I would get ahead of myself and think if she didn"t remember, well then it would be okay to fall for her, right?
After practice Thursday morning, Leo and I were packing our skates and sticks. Without looking up, I turned slightly toward him. "Someone got pretty rough with Callie the other night," I told him, my voice barely above a whisper.
I hadn"t told anyone, but Callie had come over to my place with a swollen right eye the other night when we got back from New York. She wanted to watch a movie. She never did say what happened, but after Ami, it didn"t sit well with me.
Leo stopped for a moment, and without looking, he nodded and then we went back to what we were doing.
Though we knew Callie got around, there was an agreement between us: we looked out for her. Leo, Remy, and I, even Travis, we protected that girl and didn"t appreciate someone getting rough when she didn"t ask for it.
I knew Callie could take care of herself, too, but I felt Leo needed to know. He would never admit it, but Callie was the one girl he couldn"t get his mind off of lately. They"d had a drunk encounter, maybe more than one, and she moved on. I think if Leo had his way, she"d still be in his bed.
I flew home to Pittsburgh that afternoon to see Ami with plans of bringing her back to Chicago.
Flying into the city, the skyline caught my eye. When I thought about Pittsburgh, I thought about my childhood, and when I thought about my childhood, street hockey, frozen hands, and red cheeks came to mind.
I thought about how I fell in love with the sport.
It was an image I had of my dad and his buddies and my best friends growing up, all great memories.
The streets of this city were a training ground. We weren"t thinking we would ever make it to the NHL. We dreamed of it, yeah, but we never thought it would really happen. Now when I drove down my childhood street, I was reminded of what it meant to me that I had the opportunity to become what I had.
Only now, it meant a little more because I had a lot to be thankful for. Take Andrew for example. He had the same upbringing as me, experienced the same single-minded athlete mentality, but just as he was about to see that dream come true, he was killed.
I didn"t know him, but hearing the sadness in Ami"s voice when she spoke about him and her family, and being back in Pittsburgh, made it feel real.
When I walked inside my parents" home, Ami was sitting on the couch with Granny B, listening intently to one of her stories. I smiled at Ami dressed in that Blackhawks hoodie I got her. She looked good, healthier. Her blonde wavy hair was longer already, now peeking past her ears and styled with a little gel giving it a crazy appearance that suited her well.
"Where do cousins come from Mase?" Granny B asked when I sat down next to them, b.u.mping Ami"s knee with my own as a h.e.l.lo.
I shrugged, giving my Ami a look before turning back to Granny B.
"Aunt holes," she cackled.
Ami lost it in a fit of snorting giggles. I leaned down, my lips at her ear, brushing against the soft skin, and she trembled. "Don"t encourage her. She"s like a child. If you laugh at her jokes, she"ll keep spinning them all f.u.c.king day." Granny B was a f.u.c.king case. She lived in our bas.e.m.e.nt because couldn"t live alone, and she"d been kicked out of every other nursing home in Pittsburgh. She did crazy s.h.i.t like duck taping her door shut, inappropriate as all get out, and wrote down everything. She had journals of all kinds of s.h.i.t, most of which wasn"t true.
We didn"t have time to stay if we were heading back to Chicago tonight so I stood. "You ready to go?"
Ami stood as well and leaned into me. Her pretty smile was contagious as she hugged me. She snuggled into me, lingering a few seconds longer than necessary. I let myself selfishly melt into her, my body hunched around her.
Over the past few days, I had gotten so comfortable with her on the phone I wasn"t sure how she would react once I saw her again.
Apparently, I had nothing to worry about.
"Yes, definitely ready to see some live hockey."
Once we said good-bye to my parents and crazy grandmother, we were just about outside of Pittsburgh when Ami turned to me in the car.
"I can"t live with your parents, Evan. I"m not their daughter, and while I appreciate the gesture, I can"t do it."
"Okay..." I knew she wouldn"t stay with them long, and the idea of her living with me was terrifying, but I also didn"t want her anywhere but with me or my family. It went back to protection. I"d become attached to this girl and couldn"t stand the thought of her alone.
"Stay with me for a while," I suggested. I had just asked her to move in with me. The decision and the question stunned me, even as I asked it. It was completely unlike me.
"What?" Ami looked at me, clearly shocked by my request.
"Stay with me. In Chicago. I need a roommate."
"No, you don"t."
"Yes, I do. My cat hates me. I get lonely."
"Highly doubtful."
We were silent, a touch of awkwardness settling over us when she spoke again. This time she looked over at me. "I"m not your charity case. I don"t want to hurt you, but I hope that"s not what this is, some pro athlete trying to help the poor girl he found or something like that. I"m just a girl that lost her family and got caught at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe...I"m not a good thing for you right now."
"Why don"t you let me decide what"s good for me?" My answer was sharp. I didn"t want her thinking that was what this was, but to be fair, from the outside, to those doctors, to Ami, it didn"t look that great. Here I was completely taken by this girl, basically stalking her, and for what?
She sighed, taking a deep breath and looked out the window at the pa.s.sing cars.
"Just think about it." I reached across the console for her hand, wanting to touch her in some way. She let me, a slight tug to her lips informed me I was wearing her down. "I"m not home much, the building is secure, and you wouldn"t have to worry."
"I need to get a job, Evan, and figure out what the h.e.l.l I"m doing with my life."
"Well do that living with me for a little while."
I was well aware of what this situation was, and though I knew my intentions weren"t harmful to Ami, I had to keep in mind that she didn"t really know me. But she also didn"t know my parents either. f.u.c.k. I was all over the place.
"So?" I asked, pushing when she didn"t say anything after about an hour.
"So?" she returned, not sure what I was searching for.
"Stay with me?"
"What do you think?" Ami gave me a slightly annoyed, slightly amused side-eyed glance.
I chucked a little. "I think you"re going to say yes."
So, it was set. I was about to have a girl live with me for the first time.
My apartment, well, condo actually, at Trump Towers was on the 30th floor, facing north, with a somewhat shaded view of Lake Michigan. Leo was on the 35th floor. I both hated and loved that he lived in the same building as me. You could imagine why.
When we pulled into the parking garage, she said nothing, her eyes following the lights of the city just as they had done when we drove to Pittsburgh. Even through the lobby and into the elevator, nothing was said.
When we got to the door, her eyes found mine as I unlocked the door. "I haven"t even seen the place yet, but I can honestly tell you this is the coolest place I"ve ever been."
I laughed, wrapping my arm around her and led her inside. Trump Towers was cool.
I watched carefully as she explored my two thousand square foot condo. There had only been about three or four girls that had ever stayed the night here. Callie was the only one that had stayed multiple times, and she didn"t give a s.h.i.t about what my place looked like other than if it had a bed.
I had a feeling Ami would have a reaction similar to Callie"s. It was just a place to sleep. Sure, it had some perks that some other places didn"t, like a private health club, but it was still just a condo.
The more Ami moved through the place, looked at pictures on shelves, and the decorations Caitlin had put in there, the more nervous I got.
"Are you hungry?" I asked when I saw that my a.s.sistant had put dinner on the counter for us.