Chapter Thirty-Five.
Krista Bear glared at me from his non-swollen eye on his way to the bar. Someone really went to town on him last night. I didn"t know who and I didn"t care. I was quitting.
The thought hit me as soon as I walked through the doors of the club. I might never see this place again. I would also never see Colt again. Not even that could dampen my buzz. I was about to have a real job, a respectable job where I didn"t have to get naked or worry about how much lube to use.
About halfway through the night, I looked up to find Colt standing in front of the bar, dripping. My heart and my body did a flip-flop. Our first meeting after the big rejection.
G.o.dd.a.m.n he was hot. His white thermal shirt was nearly transparent and his black leather pants cupped everything. How bad would it be to have one last goodbye kiss? So what if he apologized and said sweet things to me while I was giving him a lap dance. He wouldn"t be the first guy. He also wouldn"t be the first guy to make a promise and then not show up.
I shrugged it off as best I could. I might not be able to have him, but maybe we could have one last hour together. I caught myself reaching out to touch his chest. Instead I shuffled the receipts for the latest liquor purchase.
"What happened to you?"
"There"s this stuff called rain gear." He grinned. "I don"t have it."
His smile caught me off guard and made my knees melt. He"d only ever smiled with Becky before. He"d sent me a few half smiles, but never this kind of devastating, hint-of-a-dimple grin. G.o.d, he was so hot my nipples hurt.
Even though he"d embarra.s.sed and humiliated me in front of the entire club, twice-once while I was practically naked-I still wanted him. I was doomed. It was a d.a.m.n good thing I had a new job in a week, otherwise Tate would have fired me because there was no way I could sleep with anyone else. Colt didn"t want me, I knew that, but I wanted him. Even if I was just playing at a relationship, fooling myself in exchange for some hot s.e.x.
"We don"t use rain gear in Southern California. I could order some, but I"ll be out of here before it even arrives. I"m leaving tomorrow."
The bottle of whiskey slipped in my hand. "Tomorrow?"
I knew he was going to leave. I knew that the patch on the back of his cut was different than everybody else"s. From the moment he walked into my life, I knew it was only temporary, but tomorrow was so soon.
My heart squeezed. I"d never see him again. Tonight was our last night.
"I need your help with something." He grabbed the tail of his thermal shirt and wrung it out. A little tiny triangle of brown abs peeked out at me as he twisted the material. The water splashed to the floor. "My pants have swollen and the zipper is stuck."
He gestured toward his crotch and I tried not to look. Really, I tried. His leather pants were soaked completely through, to the point where they"d probably be ruined. They also stuck to every part of him, including his crotch.
"Oh yeah, leather can do that." I stepped out from behind the bar. A lot of guys had problems with leather pants if they got caught in a rainstorm. I reached out for his fly, but he caught my wrists.
"My room." It wasn"t a question; it was a demand.
I watched his a.s.s as we climbed the stairs. He was leaving tomorrow. I repeated this to myself with every step. Tonight was going to be our last night and I would make it count.
He held the door open for his room and I followed him in.
I"d been in this particular room about a thousand times, but now it held his smell. It was his room. If I ever walked into this room after he left, I would remember standing right there, next to the bed, with Colt in front of me, staring down into my eyes.
The door closed behind me with a click. Colt walked past me, yanking his shirt over his head. "I need you to help me with the pants, and the belt."
Stepping even closer to him, I went for his belt. I"d unbuckled so many belts in the last year, I could do it blindfolded, but this one was leather and swollen with water. I yanked it twice. On the third yank, I stumbled sideways and he caught me.
His arms were wet but hot as he held me against him. I laid my cheek on his bare chest and just let him hold me. As shivers rose up and down my back, so did the memory of his words.
"I"ve had my fill."
"You"re a good person and a good mom."
Then there was the worst memory of all. "You"re claiming the wh.o.r.e for your old lady then?"
It was always a roller coaster with him. I needed to protect myself better. I wanted him to make me feel pretty and give me o.r.g.a.s.ms. It was a slippery slope straight into one-sided love.
But after tonight, I would never see him again. I needed just this final goodbye. I trailed my fingers down his chest, but he pushed me back.
"I"m sorry about what happened with Bear," he whispered.
I was desperate to look into his eyes. But I couldn"t let myself. I couldn"t look at him because I was weak. Because I would think of him saying really nice things in the dance room but then remember that he didn"t stand up to claim me in front of the club. I was tired of him never going quite far enough. That was the problem with Colt-he took me all the way to the edge, but that"s where it ended. Well, that"s where it ended for him. I"d jumped off the cliff long ago, but he just couldn"t do it. I was in love with someone who would never love me enough.
I had to keep focused on the task at hand, his pants. Here I was undressing the man I loved, who had treated me like s.h.i.t. I tried to stay angry, I swear to G.o.d, I tried. But my knuckles brushed against his abs and his skin was hot against my fingers. I imagined undressing him at night; my whole body tingled. I recognized that feeling now-arousal. I wanted him.
I wanted the guy who went to Becky"s dance lesson, who made funny voices during The Wizard of Oz, who woke me up the next day by holding me. But he was also the man who took someone else to his room to hurt me. The man who didn"t have the courage to claim me as his woman.
I gave his pants a good yank and the b.u.t.ton popped off. As I reached for his zipper, he caught my wrists. He touched his thumb to his middle finger, holding my wrists loosely.
"My boots first?"
Right. Boots first, then pants. He sat on the bed and I settled on my knees in front of him. I"d knelt in front of a thousand guys, but this time I unlaced his big black combat boots and took them off. The boots were also wet and they made a popping noise when I got them off his feet. I took off his wet socks too. It was so intimate, the kind of thing you would do for someone you cared about, like a girlfriend, or a wife.
Robby had been my husband, but our marriage had been nothing more than a piece of paper. Colt would be a partner. He would care about me and my life and then we would create our life, something together. He just needed the b.a.l.l.s to say it.
"You all right?" He frowned. "You stopped."
s.h.i.t. One sock was still hanging off his foot. I"d gotten lost in my little daydream.
I straightened. Time to work his zipper.
Of course the zipper was stuck. I pulled his pants away from his body to give the zipper more play, and it gave way. He pushed his pants and his boxer briefs down to his thighs. His d.i.c.k, hard, now bobbed in my face. A tiny little bead of moisture on the tip. I wasn"t the only one who was aroused.
I looked up at him and he stared back at me. We both wanted to say goodbye.
My tongue flicked out and I licked the drop. I hadn"t had a chance to taste him before. Salty, a little bitter, delicious. I wanted to know all of him, the way he had known me. If one piece of my heart couldn"t forgive him, I wanted this as a consolation prize.
I closed my lips around his shaft and gave him a long suck. I wanted to love him, to feel him love me. He may not say it, but I could feel it through his body.
He shifted a bit and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me off. "Krista, stop."
My heart dropped and I backed off.
"I"m sorry, I thought we both wanted..." I waved at his d.i.c.k standing tall and hard between us. This had been a bad idea. I jumped to my feet and turned to go.
"Wait." He caught my arm and stuffed himself back into his wet boxers.
He dug something out of the pocket of his pants. He took my hand and placed it in my palm. Wet, crumpled twenties. He was paying me for showing that I loved him.
Tears burned hot down my cheeks and dropped onto the cash. I couldn"t look at him.
"That"s Robby"s money." He tilted my chin up to look at him. "What"s left of what he stole from you. But this is from me."
Five hundred-dollar bills. Wet, but perfect. He pressed those into my hand as well. I looked up at him and then back to the money. I thought what was between us had been beyond payment.
He bent close to me and whispered in my ear, "Let me take care of you. Be my girl."
Be my girl.
My heart stopped. "Be your girl, like girlfriend? Or like girl that you happen to see when you"re in town?"
It would be so easy. I"d never have to worry about my rent. He would come up to visit on runs and he would give me amazing o.r.g.a.s.ms. I would never have to worry again.
I leaned my forehead against his chest and he put his arms around me. He was wet, but his skin was warm against mine.
"Krista," he whispered against my hair. "Don"t think, just feel. Okay?"
He didn"t answer my question. But he placed both hands on my ribs and goose b.u.mps broke out over my body. He ran his fingertips across my back until he found the clasp on my bra. It gave way. I forgot the question.
I needed to explore all of him, every ab, nipple and glorious muscle. I skimmed over his chest, trying to memorize him.
He pushed me back. "Let"s get you undressed."
He grabbed the hem of my tank top and drew it over my head. My bra fell off my shoulders and landed on top of my shirt. I pushed on his shoulders and made him sit on the bed. It took us a second, but we got his wet underwear off. His d.i.c.k sprang up. He was still hard and ready for me-not some hooker fantasy. Me.
Might as well put some of my skills to use.
I stepped in between his legs and slowly undid my jeans. Opening the front of my pants, I teased him with a bit of my pink panties. Then I stepped back and turned around, easing my jeans down so he got a nice view of my b.u.t.t.
I could hear him chuckle. "Can I touch you?" he asked.
I smiled to myself. The answer to that question had always been no. But for Colt... "Yes."
Bending at the waist, I pushed my jeans down to my ankles. Colt"s finger tracked the crack of my b.u.t.t. His other hand smoothed across my hip.
"Turn around, babe."
I stepped out of my jeans and shoes and turned back to him. On his face was raw need. Good. That"s how I was feeling too. I straddled him and balanced on my knees.
I started to grind.
This wasn"t just s.e.x; it was power. He looked at me with such need, like no one else before him. It was power because I knew that need was driven by more than just l.u.s.t for my body. He loved me. He wanted me, the person-not the wh.o.r.e.
I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. His tongue stroked the inside of my mouth, and I reveled in that connection. So intimate, so close.
As I rocked my hips, I felt him stroke my c.l.i.t over the front of my panties. Then he tugged the lace aside and slipped a finger into me. I gasped. We kissed and I moved myself against his finger, learning what made my body feel good. As amazing as that felt, I needed to stop. I wanted to come and I wanted his d.i.c.k inside of me when I did.
Colt broke off our kiss first. "Take off your panties, babe."
He drew his finger out of me and I pouted. We both laughed-then I stood up and removed my pink thong. His eyes were hooded as he watched me draw the material down my legs. I loved that I had the power to make him feel that way. I loved that he made me feel beautiful and wanted.
Naked, I straddled him again and placed my hands on his shoulders. "Now," I whispered.
He positioned his d.i.c.k at my opening and I slid down. Inch by inch, I savored the feeling of his skin against mine, each of us slick and wanting the other.
Closing my eyes, I arched my back and began to rock. His hands swept up my ribs and covered my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, then pinched my nipples. I cried out.
"You like your nipples played with," he murmured against my neck. "I want to learn everything that causes you to make those little noises."
"Yes." I wanted him to know every way possible to make come. If he had to spend years trying, I wanted him to learn my body.
We found a rhythm, and before long, we were both racing to the edge of that cliff.
"Babe, look at me."
I opened my eyes and looked down at him. He was searching me, trying to find something in my face.
"I want to watch you," he said. "You"re so beautiful and wild when you come."
Clasping my hands around his neck, I stared into his eyes as I rode him. I panted and our bodies grew slick as my o.r.g.a.s.m built. This was what I had been wanting. The intimacy, the satisfaction, the pure joy of being with him. I memorized his face, the intensity of his gaze as he watched me. It was there, upon me.
My body shattered as I came.
As I came back to my senses, I realized I was still riding him. But now he had his hands on my hips and was driving hard into me. I loved it. It was his turn to let go and show me how he liked it. He squeezed his eyes shut, and heat exploded inside my body as he shuddered.
"Krista." His breath was hot against my temple.
I waited. This was it. This was what I"d been hoping to hear.
"Tell me you"ll do it." He was still breathless from our lovemaking. "Tell me you"ll be my girl and that you"ll be waiting here when I come back. I"ll give you money, however much you want."
That was not what I"d been hoping to hear. I untangled myself from his arms and got up.
"Do you love me, Colt?" I tried to cover my nakedness with my arms. "Or do you just want to keep me as your own personal wh.o.r.e?"
"It wouldn"t be like that." He stood up and put his arms around me. "We could do this whenever I was in town." Leaning down, he gave me a quick kiss and smiled. "This was fun, right?"
I pushed him away and searched his face. "I don"t want fun. I want love."
He shook his head. "I can"t give you that. All I have is this." He grabbed the money he"d given me earlier and put it in my hand, closing his hand around my fist so I couldn"t drop it. "You work hard, you"re smart, you"re a good mom, you have a gorgeous rack. You are perfect." He squeezed my hand. "You deserve to be loved."
"Yeah, by you." I s.n.a.t.c.hed my hand out of his and dropped the money on the bed. Deep in my bones, I knew he loved me. Even if he didn"t realize it himself, he felt it. "Why are you destroying our future?"
He turned to his dresser and pulled out a pair of pants and started to get dressed.