and apart from that, the quality of his tension unnerved her. It was as though he had been carved from stone. Even his breathing seemed to have stopped.
"You see I"ve been having problems with one of my writers. He seems to have developed a fixation about my virginity."
"So why go to bed with me and not him?" Joss demanded crudely.
She couldn"t let him see how much this was costing her. how much pain she was being forced to inflict upon herself.
"Because for one thing I do not find him in the least attractive far from it for another he"s married ... and for yet another I dislike his brash a.s.sumption that I should warm his bed, simply because he desires it."
Speaking slowly as though he wanted every word to be clearly understood Joss asked her, "Are you telling me that you went to bed with me simply to stop another man from desiring you?"
No . no . never . her heart cried, but Sarah silenced its cry.
"Perhaps that"s rather over simplifying matters, but yes, in essence, that"s correct."
The silence that followed seemed to stretch for ever and then at last Joss said curtly, "So what now? When do you plan to flaunt your night of debauchery in his face?"
The acid way he bit out the words burned into her with soul-shrivelling pain. He was making no attempt to conceal his contempt and anger. She badly wanted to cry, to plead with him to understand that she couldn"t tell him the truth; that she was terrified of admitting even to herself just how much he already meant to her. It was pride and pride alone that kept her standing there, her voice as cool as she could make it as she replied.
"I"m hoping that I shan"t need to. Don"t they say a man can always tell when a woman he wants has another lover?" She spoke as derisively to him as he had done to her.
"Do they?" He laughed with a soft savagery that froze her muscles.
"Well, it certainly helps if there are a few clues to go by as well."
The way he hauled her into his arms made her tense in instant fear--a fear which she had never come near to experiencing on Sat.u.r.day night.
She wanted to weep for what they were doing between them to the memories she cherished, but it was too late for tears. too late for explanations. She gasped in a mingling of shock and pain as she felt Joss"s teeth bite into the soft skin of her throat, the rough movement of his mouth against her skin arousing her despite all her attempts to pretend it was not.
He released her as roughly as he had seized hold of her. She saw that he was breathing hard, as though he had been running, a dull flush of colour running up under his tan.
"Now," he told her thickly, gripping her chin with unkind fingers.
"Now he will know at least that you have been touched by pa.s.sion."
His eyes hardened as he added with a venom that made her body ache with pain, "I hope for your sake he doesn"t react the same way to this," his fingers touched her throat, burning her skin, "as I wanted to do when I woke up on Sunday morning and found you gone. "
He paused in the doorway to her office, his eyes glittering febrilely as they refused to let her look away.
"It was all nothing more than a cheating fake from start to finish wasn"t it, Sarah? All of it."
She desperately wanted to tell him the truth, but pride compelled her to say huskily instead, "What did you expect?" Her mouth twisted.
"That I"d fallen madly in love with you?"
His smile was cruel as he responded softly.
"I wish to G.o.d you had because believe me I can think of no sweeter means of revenge right at this moment in time."
Revenge! The cold bitterness of the world held her rigid by her desk long after he had gone. She must have damaged his pride more than she had ever imagined . surely not because she had left him? No. because of the lie she had told him, Sarah told herself emptily. How on earth was she going to be able to work for him? It just was not possible.
She looked at her desk, her glance falling on the ma.n.u.script she had begun that morning with such enthusiasm. Now all she wanted to do was to crawl into a dark safe place and hide preferably for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER FIVE.
the realisation that Joss was to start work with them the following Monday only served to depress Sarah further. She must be the only person in the entire company who had not gone down with Joshua Howard fever, she reflected bitterly, after a particularly trying lunchtime during which she had had to endure her colleagues" paeans of praise and intense speculation about their new Editor in Chief.
"Having been a writer himself he"ll know exactly what to look for,"
Rachel enthused to Sarah over their afternoon coffee.
"Not necessarily." Sarah knew she sounded brusque and that Rachel was staring curiously at her, but she couldn"t help herself. She was still agonisingly raw inside from the verbal mauling Joss had given her on Monday. With each hour that pa.s.sed she dreaded the coming week . how on earth could she work alongside him? It was impossible . and yet how could she leave?
Rachel had just left her office when Katy popped her head round the door and grimaced faintly.
"I thought I"d just warn you that David Randal"s on the premises. I saw him come out of the lift just as I left the ladies"."
David! That was all she needed right now. Instinctively her hand went to her throat and the betraying mark Joss had left there. Today it was discreetly covered with a silk scarf. Colour stung her skin as she remembered her shock on discovering just what he had done to her.
Fortunately now the bite was fading.
She forced herself to concentrate on the work on her desk, hoping that David would leave her alone.
After Monday"s shock meeting with Joss she was surprised that there was anything left that could overset her, Sarah found herself thinking wryly, but the sensations Joss"s lovemaking had aroused inside her had given her a new insight into David"s aggressiveness.
Now that she had known for herself the full power of s.e.xual desire she did not find it as easy to dismiss David"s threats as she had done before.
She knew the moment he walked into her office, p.r.i.c.kling darts of awareness running along her skin. She had his ma.n.u.script on the desk in front of her, together with a list of the amendments she wanted to discuss with him.
He strolled in carelessly, exuding an air of s.e.xual aggression that she could almost reach out and touch.
"Well ... and how"s my beautiful Sarah? You"ve thought about what I said to you the last time I was here, I hope."
Sarah cringed beneath the gloating tone of his voice. David was already antic.i.p.ating his own victory. A shudder of distaste convulsed her body at the thought of him so much as touching her-the sickness she had known before, only intensified now that she had known Joss"s lovemaking.
She looked up in time to see David"s eyes narrow and harden as he witnessed her automatic revulsion. A hard flush of colour stained his skin, and with the afternoon sunlight pouring into her room he suddenly looked exactly what he was. A middle-aged man, well past the best part of his life, his face pouchy, marked indelibly by the life he had led.
There was nothing kind or rea.s.suring about him, Sarah thought tensely.
Everything about him repulsed and yes, frightened her. She recognised within him an ego that would never forgive her for rejecting him; and in addition to the lure of her virginity part of his desire to possess her was founded on that rejection. He wanted to subdue and punish her, Sarah recognised, and the knowledge made her suddenly and acutely aware of how vulnerable she was.
Telling herself that she was being ridiculous and that not even David would attempt to force himself on her in her own office, she gave him a calm smile and picked up the ma.n.u.script.
"I"ve read through it again, David, and there are several points I want to discuss with you."
She could see the flush of rage on his face, because she had ignored his threat; and fear pierced through her, sharp and entirely female.
Gripping the notes she had made Sarah fought for self-control. If she let David see he had frightened her. Her mind shied frantically away from the danger that suddenly seemed to yawn in front of her. Today she could sense about him a barely leashed rage and instinctively she knew he was only waiting for an excuse to give that rage physical expression. He would hurt her if he touched her now and enjoy hurting her. Just as he enjoyed the degradation he enforced upon his heroines, Sarah realised, recognising now exactly what it was about the supposed "love" scenes in his books that she always found so distasteful.
The knowledge which had come to her so swiftly made it easier for her to confront him, her voice calm and reasonable, as she asked him to sit down.
"I was going to write to you about your ma.n.u.script, David, but now that you"re here..."