"We mustn"t under-estimate our adversaries."
Wharton flipped the security files disgustedly with his nail.
"About the only two countries where Betterton hasn"t been seen," he said with chagrin. "Well, we"ll lay it all on. My G.o.d, if we fall down he said with chagrin. "Well, we"ll lay it all on. My G.o.d, if we fall down on the job this time -" on the job this time -"
Jessop leaned back in his chair.
"It"s a long time since I"ve had a holiday," he said. "I"m rather sick of this office. I might take a little trip abroad..." this office. I might take a little trip abroad..."
Chapter 3.
"Flight 108 to Paris. Air France. This way please."
The persons in the lounge at Heathrow Airport rose to their feet. Hilary Craven picked up her small, lizard skin travelling case and Hilary Craven picked up her small, lizard skin travelling case and moved in the wake of the others, out on to the tarmac. The wind moved in the wake of the others, out on to the tarmac. The wind blew sharply cold after the heated air of the lounge. blew sharply cold after the heated air of the lounge.
Hilary shivered and drew her furs a little closer round her. She followed the other pa.s.sengers across to where the aircraft was followed the other pa.s.sengers across to where the aircraft was waiting. This was it! She was off - escaping! Out of the greyness, waiting. This was it! She was off - escaping! Out of the greyness, the coldness, the dead numb misery. Escaping to sunshine and the coldness, the dead numb misery. Escaping to sunshine and blue skies and a new life. She would leave all this weight behind, blue skies and a new life. She would leave all this weight behind, this dead weight of misery and frustration. She went up the this dead weight of misery and frustration. She went up the gangway of her plane, bending her head as she pa.s.sed inside and gangway of her plane, bending her head as she pa.s.sed inside and was shown by the steward to her seat. For the first time in months was shown by the steward to her seat. For the first time in months she savoured relief from a pain that had been so sharply acute as she savoured relief from a pain that had been so sharply acute as almost to be physical. "I shall get away," she said to herself, almost to be physical. "I shall get away," she said to herself, hopefully. "I shall get away." hopefully. "I shall get away."
The roaring and the revolutions of the plane excited her. There seemed a kind of elemental savagery in it. Civilized misery, she seemed a kind of elemental savagery in it. Civilized misery, she thought, is the worst misery. Grey and hopeless. "But now," she thought, is the worst misery. Grey and hopeless. "But now," she thought, "I shall escape." thought, "I shall escape."
The plane taxied gently along the runway. The air hostess said: "Fasten your belts, please."
The plane made a half turn and stood waiting its signal to depart. Hilary thought, "Perhaps the plane will crash... Perhaps it will never Hilary thought, "Perhaps the plane will crash... Perhaps it will never rise off the ground. Then that will be the end, that will be the rise off the ground. Then that will be the end, that will be the solution to everything." They seemed to wait for ages out on the solution to everything." They seemed to wait for ages out on the airfield. Waiting for the signal to start off to freedom, Hilary thought, airfield. Waiting for the signal to start off to freedom, Hilary thought, absurdly; "I shall never get away, never. I shall be kept here - a absurdly; "I shall never get away, never. I shall be kept here - a prisoner..." prisoner..."
Ah, at last.
A final roar of engines, then the plane started forward. Quicker, quicker, racing along. Hilary thought; "It won"t rise. It can"t... This is quicker, racing along. Hilary thought; "It won"t rise. It can"t... This is the end." Ah, they were above the ground now, it seemed. Not so the end." Ah, they were above the ground now, it seemed. Not so much that the plane rose as that the earth was falling away, much that the plane rose as that the earth was falling away, dropping down, thrusting its problems and its disappointments and dropping down, thrusting its problems and its disappointments and its frustrations beneath the soaring creature rising up so proudly its frustrations beneath the soaring creature rising up so proudly into the clouds. Up they went, circling round, the aerodrome into the clouds. Up they went, circling round, the aerodrome looking like a ridiculous child"s toy beneath. Funny little roads, looking like a ridiculous child"s toy beneath. Funny little roads, strange little railways with toy trains on them. A ridiculous childish strange little railways with toy trains on them. A ridiculous childish world where people loved and hated and broke their hearts. None world where people loved and hated and broke their hearts. None of it mattered because they were all so ridiculous and so pettily of it mattered because they were all so ridiculous and so pettily small and unimportant. Now there were clouds below them, a small and unimportant. Now there were clouds below them, a dense, greyish-white ma.s.s. They must be over the Channel now. dense, greyish-white ma.s.s. They must be over the Channel now. Hilary leaned back, closing her eyes. Escape. Escape. She had left Hilary leaned back, closing her eyes. Escape. Escape. She had left England, left Nigel, left the sad little mound that was Brenda"s England, left Nigel, left the sad little mound that was Brenda"s grave. All left behind. She opened her eyes, closed them again with grave. All left behind. She opened her eyes, closed them again with a long sigh. She slept... a long sigh. She slept...
II.
When Hilary awoke, the plane was coming down.
"Paris," thought Hilary, as she sat up in her seat and reached for her handbag. But it was not Paris. The air hostess came down the her handbag. But it was not Paris. The air hostess came down the car saying, with that nursery governess brightness that some car saying, with that nursery governess brightness that some travellers found so annoying: travellers found so annoying: "We are landing you at Beauvais as the fog is very thick in Paris."
The suggestion in her manner was: "Won"t that be nice, children?" Hilary peered down through the small s.p.a.ce of window at her side. Hilary peered down through the small s.p.a.ce of window at her side. She could see little. Beauvais also appeared to be wreathed in fog. She could see little. Beauvais also appeared to be wreathed in fog. The plane was circling round slowly. It was some time before it The plane was circling round slowly. It was some time before it finally made its landing. Then the pa.s.sengers were marshalled finally made its landing. Then the pa.s.sengers were marshalled through cold, damp mist into a rough wooden building with a few through cold, damp mist into a rough wooden building with a few chairs and a long wooden counter. chairs and a long wooden counter.
Depression settled down on Hilary but she tried to fight it off. A man near her murmured: near her murmured: "An old war aerodrome. No heating or comforts here. Still, fortunately being the French, they"ll serve us out some drinks." fortunately being the French, they"ll serve us out some drinks."
True enough, almost immediately a man came along with some keys and presently pa.s.sengers were being served with various keys and presently pa.s.sengers were being served with various forms of alcoholic refreshment to boost their morale. It helped to forms of alcoholic refreshment to boost their morale. It helped to buoy the pa.s.sengers up for the long and irritating wait. buoy the pa.s.sengers up for the long and irritating wait.
Some hours pa.s.sed before anything happened. Other planes appeared out of the fog and landed, also diverted from Paris. Soon appeared out of the fog and landed, also diverted from Paris. Soon the small room was crowded with cold, irritable people grumbling the small room was crowded with cold, irritable people grumbling about the delay. about the delay.
To Hilary it all had an unreal quality. It was as though she was still in a dream, mercifully protected from contact with reality. This was a dream, mercifully protected from contact with reality. This was only a delay, only a matter of waiting. She was still on her journey - only a delay, only a matter of waiting. She was still on her journey - her journey of escape. She was still getting away from it all, still her journey of escape. She was still getting away from it all, still going towards that spot where her life would start again. Her mood going towards that spot where her life would start again. Her mood held. Held through the long, fatiguing delay, held through the held. Held through the long, fatiguing delay, held through the moments of chaos when it was announced, long after dark, that moments of chaos when it was announced, long after dark, that buses had come to convey the travellers to Paris. buses had come to convey the travellers to Paris.
There was then a wild confusion, of coming and going, pa.s.sengers, officials, porters, all carrying baggage, hurrying and colliding in the officials, porters, all carrying baggage, hurrying and colliding in the darkness. In the end Hilary found herself, her feet and legs icy cold, darkness. In the end Hilary found herself, her feet and legs icy cold, in a bus slowly rumbling its way through the fog towards Paris. in a bus slowly rumbling its way through the fog towards Paris.
It was a long weary drive taking four hours. It was midnight when they arrived at the Invalides and Hilary was thankful to collect her they arrived at the Invalides and Hilary was thankful to collect her baggage and drive to the hotel where accommodation was baggage and drive to the hotel where accommodation was reserved for her. She was too tired to eat - just had a hot bath and tumbled into bed. tumbled into bed.
The plane to Casablanca was due to leave Orly Airport at ten thirty the following morning, but when they arrived at Orly everything was the following morning, but when they arrived at Orly everything was confusion. Planes had been grounded in many parts of Europe, confusion. Planes had been grounded in many parts of Europe, arrivals had been delayed as well as departures. arrivals had been delayed as well as departures.
A hara.s.sed clerk at the departure desk shrugged his shoulders and said: said: "Impossible for Madame to go on the flight where she had reservations! The schedules have all had to be changed. If Madame reservations! The schedules have all had to be changed. If Madame will take a seat for a little minute, presumably all will arrange itself." will take a seat for a little minute, presumably all will arrange itself." In the end she was summoned and told that there was a place on a In the end she was summoned and told that there was a place on a plane going to Dakar which normally did not touch down at plane going to Dakar which normally did not touch down at Casablanca but would do so on this occasion. Casablanca but would do so on this occasion.
"You will arrive three hours later, that is all, Madame, on this later service." service."
Hilary acquiesced without protest and the official seemed surprised and positively delighted by her att.i.tude. surprised and positively delighted by her att.i.tude.
"Madame has no conceptions of the difficulties that have been made to me this morning," he said. "Enfin, they are unreasonable, made to me this morning," he said. "Enfin, they are unreasonable, Messieurs the travellers. It is not I who made the fog! Naturally it Messieurs the travellers. It is not I who made the fog! Naturally it has caused the disruptions. One must accommodate oneself with has caused the disruptions. One must accommodate oneself with the good humour - that is what I say, however displeasing it is to the good humour - that is what I say, however displeasing it is to have one"s plans altered. Apres tout, Madame, a little delay of an have one"s plans altered. Apres tout, Madame, a little delay of an hour or two hours or three hours, what does it matter? How can it hour or two hours or three hours, what does it matter? How can it matter by what plane one arrives at Casablanca." matter by what plane one arrives at Casablanca."
Yet on that particular day it mattered more than the little Frenchman knew when he spoke those words. For when Hilary Frenchman knew when he spoke those words. For when Hilary finally arrived and stepped out into the sunshine on to the tarmac, finally arrived and stepped out into the sunshine on to the tarmac, the porter who was moving beside her with his piled-up trolley of the porter who was moving beside her with his piled-up trolley of luggage observed: luggage observed: "You have the lucky chance, Madame, not to have been on the plane before this, the regular plane for Casablanca." plane before this, the regular plane for Casablanca."
Hilary said: "Why, what happened?"
The man looked uneasily to and fro, but after all, the news could not be kept secret. He lowered his voice confidentially and leant be kept secret. He lowered his voice confidentially and leant towards her. towards her.
"Mauvaise affaire!" he muttered. "It crashed - landing. The pilot and the navigator are dead and most of the pa.s.sengers. Four or five the navigator are dead and most of the pa.s.sengers. Four or five were alive and have been taken to hospital. Some of those are were alive and have been taken to hospital. Some of those are badly hurt." badly hurt."
Hilary"s first reaction was a kind of blinding anger. Almost unprompted there leapt into her mind the thought, "Why wasn"t I in unprompted there leapt into her mind the thought, "Why wasn"t I in that plane? If I had been, it would have been all over now - I should that plane? If I had been, it would have been all over now - I should be dead, out of it all. No more heartaches, no more misery. The be dead, out of it all. No more heartaches, no more misery. The people in that plane wanted to live. And I - I don"t care. Why people in that plane wanted to live. And I - I don"t care. Why shouldn"t it have been me?" shouldn"t it have been me?"
She pa.s.sed through the Customs, a perfunctory affair, and drove with her baggage to the hotel. It was a glorious, sunlit afternoon, with her baggage to the hotel. It was a glorious, sunlit afternoon, with the sun just sinking to rest. The clear air and golden light - it with the sun just sinking to rest. The clear air and golden light - it was all as she had pictured it. She had arrived! She had left the fog, was all as she had pictured it. She had arrived! She had left the fog, the cold, the darkness of London; she had left behind her misery the cold, the darkness of London; she had left behind her misery and indecision and suffering. Here there was pulsating life and and indecision and suffering. Here there was pulsating life and colour and sunshine. colour and sunshine.
She crossed her bedroom and threw open the shutters, looking out into the street. Yes, it was all as she had pictured it would be. Hilary into the street. Yes, it was all as she had pictured it would be. Hilary turned slowly away from the window and sat down on the side of turned slowly away from the window and sat down on the side of the bed. Escape, escape! That was the refrain that had hummed the bed. Escape, escape! That was the refrain that had hummed incessantly in her mind ever since she left England. Escape. incessantly in her mind ever since she left England. Escape. Escape. And now she knew - knew with a horrible, stricken Escape. And now she knew - knew with a horrible, stricken coldness, that there was no escape. coldness, that there was no escape.
Everything was just the same here as it had been in London. She herself, Hilary Craven, was the same. It was from Hilary Craven that herself, Hilary Craven, was the same. It was from Hilary Craven that she was trying to escape, and Hilary Craven was Hilary Craven in she was trying to escape, and Hilary Craven was Hilary Craven in Morocco just as much as she had been Hilary Craven in London. Morocco just as much as she had been Hilary Craven in London. She said very softly to herself: She said very softly to herself: "What a fool I"ve been - what a fool I am. Why did I think that I"d feel differently if I got away from England?" differently if I got away from England?"
Brenda"s grave, that small pathetic mound, was in England and Nigel would shortly be marrying his new wife, in England. Why had Nigel would shortly be marrying his new wife, in England. Why had she imagined that those two things would matter less to her here? she imagined that those two things would matter less to her here?
Wishful thinking, that was all. Well, that was all over now. She was up against reality. The reality of herself and what she could bear, up against reality. The reality of herself and what she could bear, and what she could not bear. One could bear things, Hilary thought, and what she could not bear. One could bear things, Hilary thought, so long as there was a reason for bearing them. She had borne her so long as there was a reason for bearing them. She had borne her own long illness, she had borne Nigel"s defection and the cruel and own long illness, she had borne Nigel"s defection and the cruel and brutal circ.u.mstances in which it had operated. She had borne brutal circ.u.mstances in which it had operated. She had borne these things because there was Brenda. Then had come the long, these things because there was Brenda. Then had come the long, slow, losing fight for Brenda"s life - the final defeat... Now there was slow, losing fight for Brenda"s life - the final defeat... Now there was nothing to live for any longer. It had taken the journey to Morocco to nothing to live for any longer. It had taken the journey to Morocco to prove that to her. In London she had had a queer, confused feeling prove that to her. In London she had had a queer, confused feeling that if only she could get somewhere else she could forget what lay that if only she could get somewhere else she could forget what lay behind her and start again. And so she had booked her journey to behind her and start again. And so she had booked her journey to this place which had no a.s.sociations with the past, a place quite this place which had no a.s.sociations with the past, a place quite new to her which had the qualities she loved to much: sunlight, pure new to her which had the qualities she loved to much: sunlight, pure air and the strangeness of new people and things. Here, she had air and the strangeness of new people and things. Here, she had thought, things will be different. But they were not different. They thought, things will be different. But they were not different. They were the same. The facts were quite simple and inescapable. She, were the same. The facts were quite simple and inescapable. She, Hilary Craven, had no longer any wish to go on living. It was as Hilary Craven, had no longer any wish to go on living. It was as simple as that. simple as that.
If the fog had not intervened, if she had travelled on the plane on which her reservations had been made, then her problem might which her reservations had been made, then her problem might have been solved by now. She might be lying now in some French have been solved by now. She might be lying now in some French official mortuary, a body broken and battered with her spirit at official mortuary, a body broken and battered with her spirit at peace, freed from suffering. Well, the same end could be achieved, peace, freed from suffering. Well, the same end could be achieved, but she would have to take a little trouble. but she would have to take a little trouble.
It would have been so easy if she had had sleeping stuff with her. She remembered how she had asked Dr. Grey and the rather queer She remembered how she had asked Dr. Grey and the rather queer look on his face as he had answered: "Better not. Much better to learn to sleep naturally. May be hard at first, but it will come." first, but it will come."
A queer look on his face. Had he known then or suspected that it would come to this? Oh well, it should not be difficult. She rose to would come to this? Oh well, it should not be difficult. She rose to her feet with decision. She would go out now to a chemist"s shop. her feet with decision. She would go out now to a chemist"s shop.
III.
Hilary had always imagined that drugs were easy to buy in foreign cities. Rather to her surprise, she found that this was not so. The cities. Rather to her surprise, she found that this was not so. The chemist she went to first supplied her with only two doses. For chemist she went to first supplied her with only two doses. For more than that amount, he said, a doctor"s prescription would be more than that amount, he said, a doctor"s prescription would be advisable. She thanked him smilingly and nonchalantly and went advisable. She thanked him smilingly and nonchalantly and went rather quickly out of the shop, colliding as she did so with a tall, rather quickly out of the shop, colliding as she did so with a tall, rather solemn-faced young man, who apologised in English. She rather solemn-faced young man, who apologised in English. She heard him asking for toothpaste as she left the shop. heard him asking for toothpaste as she left the shop.
Somehow that amused her. Toothpaste. It seemed so ridiculous, so normal, so everyday. Then a sharp pang pierced her, for the normal, so everyday. Then a sharp pang pierced her, for the toothpaste he had asked for was the brand that Nigel had always toothpaste he had asked for was the brand that Nigel had always preferred. She crossed the street and went into a shop opposite. preferred. She crossed the street and went into a shop opposite. She had been to four chemists" shops by the time she returned to She had been to four chemists" shops by the time she returned to the hotel. It had amused her a little that in the third shop the owlish the hotel. It had amused her a little that in the third shop the owlish young man had again appeared, once more asking obstinately for young man had again appeared, once more asking obstinately for his particular brand of toothpaste which evidently was not one his particular brand of toothpaste which evidently was not one commonly stocked by French chemists in Casablanca. commonly stocked by French chemists in Casablanca.
Hilary felt almost lighthearted as she changed her frock and made up her face before going down for dinner. She purposely went up her face before going down for dinner. She purposely went down as late as possible since she was anxious not to encounter down as late as possible since she was anxious not to encounter any of her fellow travellers or the personnel of the aeroplane. That any of her fellow travellers or the personnel of the aeroplane. That was hardly likely in any case, since the plane had gone on to Dakar, was hardly likely in any case, since the plane had gone on to Dakar, she thought that she had been the only person put off at she thought that she had been the only person put off at Casablanca. Casablanca.
The restaurant was almost empty by the time she came into it, though she noticed that the young Englishman with the owl-like though she noticed that the young Englishman with the owl-like face was just finishing his meal at the table by the wall. He was face was just finishing his meal at the table by the wall. He was reading a French newspaper and seemed quite absorbed in it. reading a French newspaper and seemed quite absorbed in it.
Hilary ordered herself a good meal with a half bottle of wine. She was feeling a heady kind of excitement. She thought to herself, was feeling a heady kind of excitement. She thought to herself, "What is this after all, but the last adventure?" Then she ordered a bottle of Vichy water to be sent up to her room and went straight up bottle of Vichy water to be sent up to her room and went straight up after leaving the dining room. after leaving the dining room.
The waiter brought the Vichy, uncapped it, placed it on the table, and wishing her goodnight, left the room. Hilary drew a sigh of and wishing her goodnight, left the room. Hilary drew a sigh of relief. As he closed the door after him, she went to it and turned the relief. As he closed the door after him, she went to it and turned the key in the lock. She took from the drawer of the dressing table the key in the lock. She took from the drawer of the dressing table the four little packets she had obtained from the chemists, and four little packets she had obtained from the chemists, and unwrapped them. She laid the tablets out on the table and poured unwrapped them. She laid the tablets out on the table and poured herself out a gla.s.s of Vichy water. Since the drugs were in tablet herself out a gla.s.s of Vichy water. Since the drugs were in tablet form, she had only to swallow them, and wash them down with the form, she had only to swallow them, and wash them down with the Vichy water. Vichy water.
She undressed, wrapped her dressing gown round her and came back to sit by the table. Her heart beat faster. She felt something back to sit by the table. Her heart beat faster. She felt something like fear now, but the fear was half fascination and not the kind of like fear now, but the fear was half fascination and not the kind of flinching that would have tempted her to abandon her plan. She flinching that would have tempted her to abandon her plan. She was quite calm and clear about that. This was escape at last - real was quite calm and clear about that. This was escape at last - real escape. She looked at the writing table, debating whether she escape. She looked at the writing table, debating whether she would leave a note. She decided against it. She had no relations, no would leave a note. She decided against it. She had no relations, no close or dear friends, there was n.o.body to whom she wished to say close or dear friends, there was n.o.body to whom she wished to say goodbye. As for Nigel, she had no wish to burden him with useless goodbye. As for Nigel, she had no wish to burden him with useless remorse even if a note from her would have achieved that object. remorse even if a note from her would have achieved that object. Nigel would read presumably in the paper that a Mrs. Hilary Craven Nigel would read presumably in the paper that a Mrs. Hilary Craven had died of an overdose of sleeping tablets in Casablanca. It would had died of an overdose of sleeping tablets in Casablanca. It would probably be quite a small paragraph. He would accept it at its face probably be quite a small paragraph. He would accept it at its face value. "Poor old Hilary," he would say, "bad luck" - and it might be value. "Poor old Hilary," he would say, "bad luck" - and it might be that, secretly, he would be rather relieved. Because she guessed that, secretly, he would be rather relieved. Because she guessed that she was, slightly, on Nigel"s conscience, and he was a man that she was, slightly, on Nigel"s conscience, and he was a man who wished to feel comfortable with himself. who wished to feel comfortable with himself.
Already Nigel seemed very far away and curiously unimportant. There was nothing more to be done. She would swallow the pills There was nothing more to be done. She would swallow the pills and lie down on her bed and sleep. From that sleep she would not and lie down on her bed and sleep. From that sleep she would not wake. She had not, or thought she had not, any religious feeling. wake. She had not, or thought she had not, any religious feeling. Brenda"s death had shut down on all that. So there was nothing Brenda"s death had shut down on all that. So there was nothing more to consider. She was once again a traveller as she had been more to consider. She was once again a traveller as she had been at Heathrow Airport, a traveller waiting to depart for an unknown at Heathrow Airport, a traveller waiting to depart for an unknown destination, unenc.u.mbered by baggage, unaffected by farewells. destination, unenc.u.mbered by baggage, unaffected by farewells. For the first time in her life she was free, entirely free, to act as she For the first time in her life she was free, entirely free, to act as she wished to act. Already the past was cut away from her. The long wished to act. Already the past was cut away from her. The long aching misery that had dragged her down in her waking hours was aching misery that had dragged her down in her waking hours was gone. Yes. Light, free, unenc.u.mbered! Ready to start on her gone. Yes. Light, free, unenc.u.mbered! Ready to start on her journey. journey.
She stretched out her hand towards the first tablet. As she did so there came a soft, discreet tap on the door. Hilary frowned. She sat there came a soft, discreet tap on the door. Hilary frowned. She sat there, her hand arrested in mid-air. Who was it - a chambermaid? there, her hand arrested in mid-air. Who was it - a chambermaid?
No, the bed had already been turned down. Somebody, perhaps, about papers or pa.s.sport? She shrugged her shoulders. She would about papers or pa.s.sport? She shrugged her shoulders. She would not answer the door. Why should she bother? Presently whoever it not answer the door. Why should she bother? Presently whoever it was would go away and come back at some further opportunity. was would go away and come back at some further opportunity.
The knock came again, a little louder this time. But Hilary did not move. There could be no real urgency, and whoever it was would move. There could be no real urgency, and whoever it was would soon go away. soon go away.
Her eyes were on the door, and suddenly they widened with astonishment. The key was slowly turning backwards round the astonishment. The key was slowly turning backwards round the lock. It jerked forward and fell on the floor with a metallic clang. lock. It jerked forward and fell on the floor with a metallic clang. Then the handle turned, the door opened and a man came in. She Then the handle turned, the door opened and a man came in. She recognised him as the solemn, owlish young man who had been recognised him as the solemn, owlish young man who had been buying toothpaste. Hilary stared at him. She was too startled for the buying toothpaste. Hilary stared at him. She was too startled for the moment to say or do anything. The young man turned round, shut moment to say or do anything. The young man turned round, shut the door, picked the key up from the floor, put it into the lock and the door, picked the key up from the floor, put it into the lock and turned it. Then he came across towards her and sat down in a chair turned it. Then he came across towards her and sat down in a chair the other side of the table. He said, and it seemed to her a most the other side of the table. He said, and it seemed to her a most incongruous remark: incongruous remark: "My name"s Jessop."
The colour rose sharply in Hilary"s face. She leaned forward. She said with cold anger, said with cold anger, "What do you think you"re doing here, may I ask?"
He looked at her solemnly - and blinked.
"Funny," he said. "I came to ask you that." He gave a quick sideways nod towards the preparations on the table. Hilary said sideways nod towards the preparations on the table. Hilary said sharply: sharply: "I don"t know what you mean."
"Oh yes, you do."
Hilary paused, struggling for words. There were so many things she wanted to say. To express indignation. To order him out of the wanted to say. To express indignation. To order him out of the room. But strangely enough, it was curiosity that won the day. The room. But strangely enough, it was curiosity that won the day. The question rose to her lips so naturally that she was almost unaware question rose to her lips so naturally that she was almost unaware of asking it. of asking it.
"That key," she said, "it turned, of itself, in the lock?"
"Oh, that!" The young man gave a sudden boyish grin that transformed his face. He put his hand into his pocket, and taking transformed his face. He put his hand into his pocket, and taking out a metal instrument, he handed it to her to examine. out a metal instrument, he handed it to her to examine.
"There you are," he said, "very handy little tool. Insert it into the lock the other side, it grips the key and turns it." He "took it back lock the other side, it grips the key and turns it." He "took it back from her and put it in his pocket. "Burglars use them," he said. from her and put it in his pocket. "Burglars use them," he said.
"So you"re a burglar?"
"No, no, Mrs. Craven, do me justice. I did knock, you know. Burglars don"t knock. Then, when it seemed you weren"t going to let Burglars don"t knock. Then, when it seemed you weren"t going to let me in, I used this." me in, I used this."
"But why?"
Again her visitor"s eyes strayed to the preparations on the table.
"I shouldn"t do it if I were you," he said. "It isn"t a bit what you think, you know. You think you just go to sleep and you don"t wake up. But you know. You think you just go to sleep and you don"t wake up. But it"s not quite like that. All sorts of unpleasant effects. Convulsions it"s not quite like that. All sorts of unpleasant effects. Convulsions sometimes, gangrene of the skin. If you"re resistant to the drug, it sometimes, gangrene of the skin. If you"re resistant to the drug, it takes a long time to work, and someone gets to you in time and then takes a long time to work, and someone gets to you in time and then all sorts of unpleasant things happen. Stomach pump. Castor oil, all sorts of unpleasant things happen. Stomach pump. Castor oil, hot coffee, slapping and pushing. All very undignified, I a.s.sure hot coffee, slapping and pushing. All very undignified, I a.s.sure you." you."
Hilary leaned back in her chair, her eyelids narrowed. She clenched her hands slightly. She forced herself to smile. clenched her hands slightly. She forced herself to smile.
"What a ridiculous person you are," she said. "Do you imagine that I was committing suicide, or something like that?" was committing suicide, or something like that?"
"Not only imagine it," said the young man called Jessop, "I"m quite sure of it. I was in that chemist, you know, when you came in. sure of it. I was in that chemist, you know, when you came in. Buying toothpaste, as a matter of fact. Well, they hadn"t got the sort Buying toothpaste, as a matter of fact. Well, they hadn"t got the sort I like, so I went to another shop. And there you were, asking for I like, so I went to another shop. And there you were, asking for sleeping pills again. Well, I thought that was a bit odd, you know, so sleeping pills again. Well, I thought that was a bit odd, you know, so I followed you. All those sleeping pills at different places. It could I followed you. All those sleeping pills at different places. It could only add up to one thing." only add up to one thing."
His tone was friendly, offhand, but quite a.s.sured. Looking at him Hilary Craven abandoned pretence. Hilary Craven abandoned pretence.
"Then don"t you think it is unwarrantable impertinence on your part to try and stop me?" to try and stop me?"
He considered the point for a moment or two. Then he shook his head. head.
"No. It"s one of those things that you can"t not do - if you understand." understand."
Hilary spoke with energy. "You can stop me for the moment. I mean you can take the pills away - throw them out of the window or you can take the pills away - throw them out of the window or something like that - but you can"t stop me from buying more something like that - but you can"t stop me from buying more another day or throwing myself down from the top floor of the another day or throwing myself down from the top floor of the building, or jumping in front of a train." building, or jumping in front of a train."
The young man considered this.
"No," he said. "I agree I can"t stop you doing any of those things. But it"s a question, you know, whether you will do them. Tomorrow, But it"s a question, you know, whether you will do them. Tomorrow, that is." that is."
"You think I shall feel differently tomorrow?" asked Hilary, faint bitterness in her tone. bitterness in her tone.
"People do," said Jessop, almost apologetically.
"Yes, perhaps," she considered. "If you"re doing things in a mood of hot despair. But when it"s cold despair, it"s different. I"ve nothing to hot despair. But when it"s cold despair, it"s different. I"ve nothing to live for, you see." live for, you see."
Jessop put his rather owlish head on one side, and blinked.
"Interesting," he remarked.
"Not really. Not interesting at all. I"m not a very interesting woman. My husband, whom I loved, left me, my only child died very painfully My husband, whom I loved, left me, my only child died very painfully of meningitis. I"ve no near friends or relations. I"ve no vocation, no of meningitis. I"ve no near friends or relations. I"ve no vocation, no art or craft or work that I love doing." art or craft or work that I love doing."
"Tough," said Jessop appreciatively. He added, rather hesitantly: "You don"t think of it as - wrong?"
Hilary said heatedly: "Why should it be wrong? It"s my life."
"Oh yes, yes," Jessop repeated hastily. "I"m not taking a high moral line myself, but there are people, you know, who think it"s wrong." line myself, but there are people, you know, who think it"s wrong."
Hilary said, "I"m not one of them."
Mr. Jessop said, rather inadequately, "Quite."
He sat there looking at her, blinking his eyes thoughtfully. Hilary said: said: "So perhaps now, Mr. - er -"
"Jessop," said the young man.
"So perhaps now, Mr. Jessop, you will leave me alone."
But Jessop shook his head.
"Not just yet," he said. "I wanted to know, you see, just what was behind it all. I"ve got it clear now, have I? You"re not interested in behind it all. I"ve got it clear now, have I? You"re not interested in life, you don"t want to live any longer, you more or less welcome the life, you don"t want to live any longer, you more or less welcome the idea of death?" idea of death?"
"Yes."
"Good," said Jessop, cheerfully. "So now we know where we are. Let"s go on to the next step. Has it got to be sleeping pills?" Let"s go on to the next step. Has it got to be sleeping pills?"
"What do you mean?"