Oh, Sun G.o.d, Moon G.o.ddess, what have I done? Our child? We had a child? And I killed him! I drank his blood in revenge. I AM a monster! No, I am not! I am not a monster! I am me, I am lost. What do I do? How do I fix this? G.o.ddess, how could this happen? My G.o.ddess" child! My child!I fall to my knees and cry. Tears stream down my face as the cold ground wets the knees of my pants. "No!" I bellow into the night sky. This can"t be happening. I hear an owl in the distance and I close my eyes that now burn from my tears. This is the worse feeling I have ever felt. It feels as though my heart is being ripped out piece by piece. My chest is hollow now and my body is wracked with pain.
I"m not sure how long I have been on this dark forest floor but I know that I must get up. "Get up!" I tell myself. I know where I must go. I have to speak with my mother. Maybe she has seen this. Maybe she knows what I must do to fix this. "She"ll know," I whisper, knowing the truth. She"ll know what to do. She"ll know why this has happened and how to win M"lady"s forgiveness. She must!
I pick myself up off of the ground and find my direction. I must find the waterfall. I must go home. I have to. I fall, tripping on a fallen branch. My head crashes into a tree and I am on my back looking up at the full moon above me. "G.o.ddess, forgive me, I do not know what I am doing. I can"t feel anything but this pain that consumes me. Help me, please, give me the strength." I plead to the beautiful G.o.ddess that hangs in the night sky.
"Get up," I hear the words as they float on the breeze. The voice is but a whisper and delicate to my breaking heart. I roll over and get to my feet. My face is burning from my collision with the tree and I can still taste the blood in my mouth.
For so long, I thought Dru hated me for what I did to her family, to her Dah, but to find that I had fathered a child with the one woman that I have ever loved and then killed him in front of her, knowing the pain that I caused her then and the pain she feels even now. It"s too much to bear. Her face flashes in front of my eyes. The look of devastation in her eyes as she told me. The pain in them and the sound of her voice as she tried to tell me.
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I lean against a tree and let it all circle around in my mind. I remember the day I met her. The day she came to us in a floating rose. A rose much like the roses that would spring up from the ground as her tears would land. A rose much like those in her father"s garden that we make love for the first time. Oh, G.o.ddess! I think as a wave of pain and agony washes over me again. I am crippled this time and I cannot move. I cannot even stand. I fall back to the ground and sob like a human child.
Suddenly, I know what she had meant as she sobbed to me. "I don"t like being so…human," she had said. I know now how she felt. I don"t understand why, but I feel so defenseless, laying here on the cold ground. Everything circles around over and over again, that night so many years ago. The look of pure torment on Dru"s face as I... I can"t even finish the thought. Her face keeps changing, her hair flashing white, her eyes changing colors, her true form showing itself through her exterior.
"Oh, G.o.ddess, what have I done? I have become a monster! This world has finally done it! It has taken every last thing that I held dear to me and left a monster in its wake! I don"t deserve her! Her forgiveness! Her compa.s.sion! Her company! I don"t deserve to be anywhere near her! I don"t even deserve to go home! Look at what I have done! Look at the pain that I have brought her! The pain I have caused her!" I sob loudly in the darkness.
"No, get up," the soft voice floats to my ears on the quiet breeze again. I can"t move, no matter how hard I try. I just don"t have the strength. My body is aching and wracked in pain from my sobs. "Get up!" the voice is stern now, almost demanding.
I push myself up to my feet and begin walking. I continue pushing myself forward and I start hearing the sound of water running. The waterfall is close. I have to get to it. I have to get home. I have to talk to my mother. I freeze at the sight. It is now daylight, early morning and the spray from the water creates a rainbow. I fall to my knees in exhaustion and relief. I have made it and it is beautiful. But I cannot move another inch. My legs are weak, my body has no more strength and my head is pounding. I cannot find the energy to do anything, not even sob another tear.
"What do I do?" I ask myself. I am so close, yet still so far away. One last tear p.r.i.c.ks at my eye as I keep trying to get to my feet. I am truly humbled here, next to the water. "Please, Sun G.o.d, help me, please." I whisper at the rising sun.
Suddenly, as if in response, I hear a whinny and a stark white horse jumps out of the waterfall. I know this horse, I know him from some previous life. He approaches me and I look deep into his forest green eyes and know that everything will get better.
I struggle to get to my feet and he sees my trouble. He lowers himself to the ground to allow me to climb onto his back. Once I am upright on his back, he rises and takes off into the waterfall.