In one place she walked past a grave, crudely dug into the raw earth and marked with a wooden slab.
Strictly speaking burial inside the town walls was still against the law, just as under the rule of Rome.
But the magistrates rarely met, or if they did n.o.body listened to their p.r.o.nouncements.
Even the great Basilica was affected by the general decay. Its walls still stood, but after its final abandonment by the landowners and their councils, its roof had collapsed, and birds nested in the gla.s.s- free frames of its gaping windows. But the building still had its uses. Even without the roof, the great walls provided some shelter from the weather-and a miniature village had grown up in there, on the floor of the great hall itself, with roof posts and beams driven into the walls to support small wooden lean-to shacks. It was an extraordinary sight. If you wanted proof of the Emperor"s gross dereliction of his duty to sort things out, Regina thought, it was in this single image of lean-tos huddling timidly in the lee of the mighty walls. When things got back to normal there would be anawful lot of work to do to put all this back together again.
Still, the Forum, the beating heart of the town, was as crowded as ever. Regina plunged into its noisy, smelly melee with a will.
Regina was popular with the Forum vendors, if only because she was younger than most of them. There were few young people to be seen in town nowadays, and fewer still with money. The town had never been able to sustain its own population numbers; infant mortality had always been too high for that. But because there was no work for them to do anymore, the flow of immigrants from the countryside had long dried up. Anyhow Regina played on her youth and energy for all it was worth, ruthlessly haggling with middle-age men who should have known better.
The stalls nowadays sold mostly fruits, vegetables, and meat from the local farmsteads, gardens, and orchards. There were very few manufactured goods for sale. But sometimes there were treasures to be found. A shipment of brooches or scents or fabrics from the continent might find its way here, or the contents of a town house or villa would be sold off by its owners, who had decamped in search of a better life elsewhere.
Today, in her rummage through the stalls, she was lucky. She found a shawl made of bright yellow wool that its vendor swore had come all the way from Carthage, and even a set of rings-only bronze, but one of them was set with an intaglio, a cut stone once used by some grand lady to seal doc.u.ments. She was able to pay for all this in coin, though she had to pa.s.s up a pretty iron brooch in the shape of a hare, for its vendor insisted on payment only in kind.
After that, bursting with energy, she raced back to the town house. Everybody knew Amator was home, and Carausias was beaming that his son, so long away, had returned. Regina yelled for Cartumandua. On a day like today it was only Carta, trained by Julia herself at the villa, who could help Regina prepare for her party.
Regina ran to the room she still shared with Marina, and threw her purchases onto her bed. She rummaged through her cosmetics and jewelry. She was running out of s.p.a.ce on the little wooden shelves she used to store her things, so she shoved the three littlematres out of the way and spread out her newest brooches, trying to decide which was the brightest. Beside the jewelry thematres looked like what they were, just dull lumps of crudely carved stone.
Once she had finished her ch.o.r.es in the kitchen, Carta came to help Regina with her toilet. She brought hot water, towels, and a sc.r.a.per to cleanse Regina"s skin. She used tweezers, nail cleaners, and ear scoops to ensure that every part of her was perfect, and she patiently braided her hair. And she dripped perfume onto her skin, scooping it out of little bottles with a bronze spoon. Meanwhile Regina went through her growing collection of hairpins and enameled brooches, beads of gla.s.s and jet, and rings and earrings, trying to decide what to wear.
But as she prepared charcoal-she ground it up in one of her own most precious possessions, a tiny mortar and pestle small enough to be held between thumb and forefinger-Carta let Regina know how much she disapproved. "To spend good money on brooches and hairpins and shawls! Youknow what Carausias is saving for . . ."
Things had gone from bad to worse in Britain. It was just as Aetius had tried to explain to her, long ago.
There had been a great wheel of state taxation and spending, with the towns at the hub; but now that wheel was shattered. The towns had lost their key functions as center of revenue collection, administration, state expenditure, distribution, and trade. And now that money was disappearing altogether, n.o.body could buy fancy pottery or ironware or clothing, and the towns" manufactories had all but collapsed, too. Carausias and the other landowners had a deepening dread that the towns were simply becoming irrelevant to the lives of the people in the countryside, on whom, in the end, everything depended.
Meanwhile, without pay-as Regina knew too well-even the standing armies of the north and the coasts had dispersed. It was said that some of their leaders were setting themselves up as kinglets in their own right. Seeking security, the Verulamium town council had even tried to contact thecivitates , the tribes of the north and west who had always stayed somewhat independent of the Empire, content to pay the Emperor"s taxes. But there wasn"t much leadership to be had there, either, and there was much b.l.o.o.d.y conflict between factions and rival bands. It was as if Britain, amputated from the Empire, were withering like a detached limb. There was no obvious solution in sight, not until the Emperor returned to sort everything out.
In Verulamium things were peaceful for now, if a bit shabby, despite wild rumors from the countryside of roamingbacaudae and vicious barbarian hordes. But sometimes, even to Regina who tried not to think about all this, it felt like the calm before the storm.
Meanwhile Carausias was h.o.a.rding all the coinage he could get his hands on.
He hoped to secure pa.s.sage for the family from Britain to Armorica. This was a British colony in western Gaul, where a cousin of Carausias"s had a villa. There the imperial mandate still ran strong, and it was a refuge for many of the elite and wealthy from Britain. And there, as Carausias put it, the family could "ride it out until things get back to normal."
But Carausias needed coins. Whereas the economy of the towns was mostly run by barter nowadays, the captains of the few oceangoing ships that still called at Londinium or the other main ports would accept payment only in the Emperor"s coin-and, it was said, at exorbitant rates at that.
That was why Carta was scolding Regina. "It would break Uncle"s heart if he knew-"
"Oh, Carta, don"t nag me," Regina said, pouting into her hand mirror to see if her black lip coloring was thick enough. "You can"tget this sort of stuff for a handful of beans. You have to pay for it. And it is my money; I can do what I want with it."
Carta stood before her, mixing the charcoal with oil on a little palette. "Your allowance is a gift from Carausias, Regina. He means to teach you some responsibility with money. But it isn"tyours . You must remember that. You came here from the Wall with nothing but the clothes on your back . . ."
Which was true, as she had learned over the years. Poor Aetius had had nothing but his soldier"s salary and a few meager savings. Even his chalet under the Wall had, it turned out, belonged to the army.
n.o.body knew what had become of her family"s money. It wasn"t a pleasant subject to be reminded of.
Sometimes Regina regretted throwing away that dragon brooch of her mother"s. She could never have borne to wear it, but at least she could have sold it, and had a little of her mother"s wealth.
But all this was a bother. "I know all that," Regina said crossly. "I just want to have a little fun, just for one night. Is that so much to ask? . . ."
Carta sighed, put down her cosmetic palette, and sat with Regina. "But, child, yesterday wasjust one night , too. As will tomorrow be. And the next night, and the next . . . What about the future? You don"t keep up with your share of the ch.o.r.es, in the kitchen, cleaning, in the stables."
Regina pulled a face. She found her future hard to imagine, but she was sure it wasn"t going to involve mucking out stables.
Carta said, "And what about your studies? Aetius would be disappointed if he could know that you"ve all but given them up."
"Aetius isdead ," Regina said. But she said it brightly, as if it were a joke. "Dead, dead, dead. He died and left me all alone withyou . Why should I care what he would have thought?" She got up and skipped lightly. "Oh, Carta, you"ve become such an old woman! I"ll deal with the future when it comes. What else can I do?"
Carta glared at her. But she said, "Oh, come here and be still. We aren"t done yet." She bade her lean down and carefully painted the charcoal around her eyes. "There," she said at last. She held up a hand mirror.
Even Regina herself was startled by the effect. The darkness of the charcoal paste made her eyes shine, while the pink of her light woolen tunic was perfect for bringing out their smoky gray. As she slipped on her new bronze rings Regina"s mood of antic.i.p.ation deepened. Briefly she thought of Aetius, and the responsibility he had tried to instill in her.You are the family now, Regina . . . But she was seventeen, and her blood was wine-rich; surrounded by her jewelry and clothes and cosmetics she felt light, airy, floating like a leaf on a breeze, far above the earthy stonelike concerns embodied by thematres .
She said, "Carta, I hear what you say." She took more steps around the room. "But I"m only dancing."
Carta forced a smile. "And maybe I don"t dance enough. Dance, then. Dance for all you"re worth! But -"
"Oh, Carta, always abut !"
"Be careful who you dance with."
"You mean Amator?" Her translucent mood turned to irritation. "You never did approve of him, did you?"
"He was too old, you too young, to be flirting the way you used to."
"But that"syears ago. He"s different, Carta."And so am I, she thought, in a dark warm secret core of herself, which contemplated possibilities she didn"t dare broach even in her own mind. "Carta, Amator is your cousin. You should trust him."
"I know I should." Carta eyed her. "Just be careful, Regina."
"Carta-"
"Promise me."
"Yes. All right, I promise . . ."
Carta surprised Regina by hugging her, briefly. They stepped apart, both a little embarra.s.sed.
"What was that for?"
"I"m sorry, child. It"s just, made up like that, you look so beautiful. That fire in your eyes when you argue with me-you have spirit, and I can"t blame you for that. And-well, sometimes you look so like your mother."
She couldn"t have said anything that would have moved Regina more. Regina touched her cheek. "Dear Carta. You mustn"t worry so. Now help me fix my hair; this bone pin justwon"t stay in place . . ."
But Carta"s face, already lined though she was only in her midtwenties herself, remained creased with concern.
Amator and Athaulf met her at the old bathhouse, not long after sunset. Amator was carrying a great flagon of wine.
The bathhouse, like the Basilica, had long lost its roof. Domes, broken open like eggsh.e.l.ls, gaped in the dark. Somebody had dug down through the fine mosaic floor of the main chamber, smashing the design and scattering the tesserae: perhaps it had been a Christian fanatic who had objected to some pagan image. n.o.body knew; n.o.body cared.
With Amator and Athaulf was a girl called Curatia. Regina didn"t know her, but she knew about her.
About Regina"s age, Curatia routinely went about dripping with as fine a collection of hairpins, jewelry, and cosmetics as you could find in Verulamium. But, so went the gossip, she lived alone, and had no obvious means to pay for such things-none save her popularity with a variety of men, some old enough to be her father . . . Regina felt faintly disturbed to find such a girl here; immediately the evening seemed soiled.
But Curatia had brought a lyre. When she played, with her black hair cascading over the strings, Regina had to admit her music was quite beautiful. And once she had begun to sip Amator"s wine, Regina began to feel much more relaxed about the girl"s presence. It was a balmy autumn evening, the fragments of mosaic and the wall paintings that had survived the weather were poignant and beautiful, and even the weeds and saplings that grew waist-high looked fresh and pretty. And when Amator and Athaulf had set out the candles they had brought, on the floor, on the walls and in the gaping windows, the shadows became deep, flickering, and complex.
Amator and Regina sat together on a stretch of broken wall. Amator sifted rubble with his hand and dug out a collection of oyster sh.e.l.ls. "Once people ate well here," he said. He shrugged and let the sh.e.l.ls drop.
"I"ve never eaten oysters," Regina said wistfully.
"Oh, I have."
Athaulf crawled around the half-ruined building, poking into crevices and cracks and feeling under the floor. "Did they really light fires under the floor? . . ."
"It"s called ahypocaust , you pig chaser!" Amator shouted out in Latin, waving his wine. He said to Regina, "You must forgive Athaulf. He"s still a ragged-a.r.s.e barbarian at heart."
Regina leaned against Amator"s legs. "I never heard a name like that.Athaulf. "
"Well, he"s a Visigoth. And like all his kind his name sounds like you"re hawking to bring up phlegm . . ."
Visigoth he might be, but Athaulf"s family wielded power in Gaul. After the disastrous night on which the frozen Rhine had been crossed by the barbarians from Germany, Roman military commanders had managed to stabilize the province by giving the barbarians land inside the old border. Thus a Visigoth federation had been established in southwestern France, centered on Burdigala. Athaulf was a rich man, and a solid business partner for Amator.
Amator drank deeply of his wine. "Thus the Visigoths, who are barbarians, are employed on the Emperor"s payroll to keep down the troublesomebacaudae , many of whom are Roman citizens. Makes you think."
"But I don"twant to think," she said, and held up her cup for more wine.
"Quite right, too."
Athaulf stood up in the rubble of the hypocaust. "Look! I found an iron hook!"
"It"s astrigil , you savage. It"s supposed to keep your skin clean. Oh, throw it away. Cura! Enough of that funeral music. We want to dance!"
With a whoop, Curatia abandoned her gentle dirge and launched into a lively rhythmic tune, an ancient British piece.
Amator yelled, dragged Regina to her feet, and took her in his arms. They started with formal steps, but soon, as Athaulf joined in, they clambered in and out of the old hypocaust and ran laughingly along the sections of broken walls.
As she danced in the ruins, and the cool autumn air mixed with the heady wine and the scent of the candles-and as Amator"s legs brushed hers, and his arm circled her waist-Regina could feel her intoxication growing, as if her blood were burning. This multileveled place, full of complicated light and Curatia"s shimmering, oddly wistful music, came to seem as unreal and enchanted as if they had been transported to a cloud.
Later, she found herself lying on a thick woolen blanket, cast over the stones of the broken wall. She was panting hard, the blood in her head singing from the whirling dance. Amator was lying beside her, propped up on his elbow, looking down at her. She could sense his old intensity in the way he looked at her. But that frisson of fear she had once felt had gone now, leaving only warmth.
"I wish this night would last forever," she said, flushed and breathless. "This moment."
"Yes," he murmured. "So do I." He lay beside her, his arm over her stomach, and she felt his tongue flicker at her ear.
She stared up at the silent stars. "She had such parties," she whispered.
"Who?"
"My mother . . . Why did it all go wrong, do you think? The town. The way people lived. There are no barbarianshere ."
"None save capering oafs like Athaulf."
"But there aren"t. The ocean didn"t freeze over, like the Rhine, so the barbarians could walk in. And there was no plague, no great fire that burned everything up. It all just-stopped. And now Cartumandua can"t buy a new vase, because n.o.body makes them anymore, and money is useless anyhow . . ."
"It was all a dream," he said softly. "A dream that lasted a thousand years. The money, the towns, everything. And when people stopped believing in the dream, it disappeared. Just like that."
"But they will believe again."
He snorted, and she could feel his hot breath on her neck. "Not here they won"t. Here they are pursuing a different dream, of a man on a cross, a martyr"s grave at the top of the hill."
"No, you"re wrong. When things get back to normal-"
He leaned over her; his eyes were black pits, unreadable, deep, and welcoming. "Elsewhere the dream goes on."
"Where?"
"In the south and the east. Around the coasts of the central sea, in Barcino and Ravenna and Constantinople, even Rome itself . . . There are still towns and villas. There are still parties, and wine, and perfumes, and people dancing. That"s whereI"m going." He leaned closer. "Come with me, Regina."
His hand moved beneath her tunic, and caressed her thigh.
Her blood was surging; his every touch was like fire. "I thought you didn"t like me," she whispered. "I knew how you looked at me when I first arrived. But you never touched me. And then you went away."
"Ah, Regina-would I pluck an apple before it is ripe? But-"
"What is it?"
"There has been n.o.body else?"
"No," she said, averting her face. "n.o.body else, dear Amator."
He took her chin and made her face him. "Come with me, then, little Regina, little chicken. Come to Rome. There we will dance for another thousand years . . ." His face descended toward hers, and she felt his tongue probe at her lips. She opened her mouth, and he flowed into her, like hot metal.
At first there was pain, sharp and deep, but that soon trans.m.u.ted to pleasure.
Amator rolled away from her, turning his head. She felt oddly cold, and reached for him. He came back, and filled her cup with wine.
After that, her thoughts became fragmentary.
There were only bits of clarity, scattered like the tesserae of the smashed mosaic. The sharpness of the pain of the rubble that dug in her back when he lay on her. The sense of bruising in her legs and belly as he thrust. A glimpse of Athaulf standing on the broken walls with his tunic raised, p.i.s.sing noisily on the ground beyond, while the girl Curatia ma.s.saged his legs and bare b.u.t.tocks.
And then the last time, a different weight, a different scent, a different sensation between her slippery thighs. When he pulled away, belching, not looking at her, this time it was not Amator but Athaulf. But she felt too broken, too disconnected to grasp at that thought.
The last memory of all was of a painful stagger through the streets of Verulamium, where with every pace she seemed to trip over some bit of rubble, her arm draped over Curatia, for Amator and Athaulf had gone.
After that it seemed just a moment before she woke in her bed-and was immediately a.s.sailed by the stink of vomit-but Marina was here, wiping at her brow, while Cartumandua"s face hovered beyond like a concerned, disapproving moon. Her head throbbed, her throat was sore with vomiting, her belly was filled with an empty ache, and between her legs was what felt like a single great bruise that spanned from one thigh to the other.
That first day she stayed in the dark, sipping the soup and water Marina brought her. Amator didn"t call for her, to take her to Rome.
The second day she got up and dressed. She felt a lot better, save for a lingering sickness at the base of her stomach-and a sharp pain between her legs, a pain she clung to, trying to keep her memories of Amator strong, despite that disturbing final image of Athaulf.