"Yeah, I know."
"Like I said, Sarah and I are fighting all the f.u.c.kin" time."
"I heard. Lacey told me she"s witnessed a few good ones."
"Over the stupidest s.h.i.t. But her mouth mostly."
"And the way she dresses, I"m sure."
"That, too."
Rae quiets beside me, still fidgeting with her jeans.
Looking ahead, I see my sister at the bar talking to Hayden. He has his arms around her waist and kisses her forehead while she smiles up at him. Marlee and Toby stand at the end of the bar. Marlee"s standing between Toby"s legs as he rests his chin on her shoulder. I"m so envious how easy it is between all of them.
"Want my opinion?" she asks, finally breaking the silence.
"You have one?" I smile.
Smirking back, she says, "I do, but I haven"t had time to think this through so it may be ridiculous."
"Shoot," I reply.
"This opinion is based on the fact that you want her, okay? I mean, you haven"t said Sarah"s what you want, but go with me on this."
"Okay," I answer, but I already know Sarah"s what I want.
"Give her s.p.a.ce and time. Bean was her best friend, and both she and Ace haven"t gotten over the loss."
"s.p.a.ce," I repeat.
"Lots of it. Let her decide."
"I hate Devon," I tell her.
She smiles. "Well, that makes sense considering . . ." She stops, still processing. "G.o.d, this must be killing you!"
"Slowly."
"Jesus, Travis."
As I start to stand and position myself in front of her, leaving the view of my friends behind, I tell her, "Look, I know me telling you what happened could f.u.c.k things up with Ace. I won"t ask you to-."
"Enough," she snaps. "He won"t hear it from me. I"m guessing, though, if you"re this wound up about it, he"ll hear it from one of you two soon enough. You do need to tell him. Eventually. Even if nothing comes of any of this." Still flabbergasted, she asks again, "How long ago was this?"
I tell her again. Apparently the information isn"t sinking in. "After you left my place the night of Bean"s funeral."
"Criminy, Trav," she shakes her head as she speaks, "I knew you and Sarah were close, I just didn"t realize. . . ."
"I know."
"I"m a s.h.i.tty best friend," she tells me. "I should"ve known more was going on."
"I think Ace will tell you I"m the s.h.i.tty one."
She looks up, realization finally settling in. "Sarah has always loved you. When I moved here it was obvious."
"She"s always crushed on Hayden, remember? She may love me in some f.u.c.ked-up way, but she tolerates me more than anything else."
Rae"s eyebrows rise, losing themselves in her hairline. "Uhh, Trav? Even I crush on Hayden Flynn."
"Don"t need to hear this, Rae," I tell her.
"He"s easy on the eyes, but he"s never been anyone"s type but Lacey"s, and even that was a mess."
"I guess."
"G.o.d, I"m so . . ."
Smiling into my lap, I tighten the bag at the top before putting it down beside me. "I know."
Rae leans over and b.u.mps her shoulder into mine. "It"s okay. Things will work out."
Looking over my shoulder to the stage, I see Ace come out from the side with a clipboard in his hand and pencil behind his ear. He"s so engrossed in what he"s doing he doesn"t notice Rae and me sitting in front of him.
He hasn"t been the same since Bean died, either.
"How was it?" Rae asks, half-smiling.
I narrow my eyes and hope she"s not asking what I think she is. "How was what?"
"You know," she teases. "Was it weird?"
Raising my eyebrows and trying to remain calm, I ask, "Are you trying to get me to talk about my s.e.x life?"
Her smile widens. "Not really, but thought I"d try."
"Rae," Ace calls from behind her and she jumps.
"s.h.i.t," she mumbles, turning in his direction.
"Where"s Sarah?" he asks us.
Rae answers first. "She"s with Lacey at the bar."
Ace nods, turns around and goes about what he was doing.
"What do you think Ace will say?" she asks, after he is out of view.
"I don"t know."
"You"re going to eventually tell him, aren"t you?"
Nodding, I return, "Yeah, but I"m not sure when or why. Sarah doesn"t want this. She doesn"t want me."
"Sarah"s young. She doesn"t know what she wants. Time and s.p.a.ce."
"I know."
Shaking her head once again in disbelief, she adds, "It makes more sense than it did before."
"What"s that?"
"You and Sarah. She was mourning Bean, sure, but it was odd she was mourning her without you. I mean you two used to be inseparable, but then . . ."
"Yeah," I agree. "After the fight with Ace, she showed up at the apartment."
"You couldn"t say no."
"I couldn"t turn her away."
Rae smiles, nudging my shoulder again. "Because you love her."
Looking down, I agree, "I do."
CHAPTER FIVE.
Sarah "HOW LONG HAVE you known him again?" Lacey asks, running her fingers through Liv"s thick dark hair as she sits on her mother"s lap playing with her necklace. Olivia is talking to herself about a cow and a moon. We stopped a.s.suming she was trying to communicate with us long ago and instead we"ve realized she"s probably reciting words from the songs Hayden sings at night to get her to sleep.
"I don"t know. It"s been a while now," I tell her as we sit around Trav"s dining room table.
"And you"re positive you feel safe going out with him? He treats you okay?"
Her line of questioning already exasperates me. "G.o.d, you sound like Ace and Travis! Lacey, it"s a dinner date. People go out together all the time."
"I know, I know. Sorry. You"ve never really talked about dating anyone before. None of us really know him. He doesn"t say much when he"s around, and you said before you weren"t dating. Friends only, remember?"
Lacey wasn"t around when I was younger and tried to have boyfriends. She missed how Ace always created s.p.a.ce between me and any boy I liked. He was vicious, threatening, and took pleasure in scaring the s.h.i.t out them. Now that I"m not living under his thumb, I"m almost free to date whomever I want.
About two months ago, Ace and I finally grew tired of tiptoeing around each other. Ace"s refusal to see me as an adult finally hit its breaking point. I was tired of being told what to do. He"s always been ridiculous, but Bean was always there to run interference. With her gone, our personalities have started to clash more than ever before. After our last big blowout, which involved me coming home after eleven o"clock one night, Ace and I talked. We agreed it was best I go. Then Ace, without my knowledge, moved forward in finding me somewhere to stay until we were able to be in the same room together without wanting to break something, namely each other.
Ace didn"t know that his decision to move me temporarily in with Travis, until I could get on my own feet, completely contradicted what he was trying to accomplish. Since Travis and I spent our night together, we"ve become so distant.
I push, he pulls, both of us refusing to back down.
"Devon doesn"t say much. But he"s a good guy. We"re still just friends," I tell Lacey as she continues to stare at me.
Devon"s been pushing for more for weeks. I"m not exactly sure what "more" means, since I"ve never had an actual relationship. When I told him he could take me out tonight and we"d label it a date, he was far more enthused than I was.
Lacey quiets, stares down at Liv, and admits, "I"m excited you found someone."
"I haven"t found someone, Lace. It"s dinner remember? I just said that."
"Whatever. It"s nice to get out of the house with someone else. Travis isn"t a good roommate. Most days, he"s a pain in the a.s.s," Lacey returns.
A few minutes later, Travis walks through the door wearing his work uniform. His hands are filthy; a mix of oil and dirt stain his calloused hands. His shirt and pants are soiled with whatever he worked with all day, and holy s.h.i.t, he stinks.
"I didn"t know you"d be here." He greets Lacey carelessly as he walks to her and bends down quickly, keeping his body away from Liv, but kisses the top of his niece"s head.
"How"s my buddy?" he asks Olivia, but she ignores him and continues looking up at her mom, still mumbling incoherent words and verses.
Feeling ignored, Lacey interjects, "We"re all doing fine, Travis. Thanks for asking."
"Don"t start. I had a s.h.i.t day."
"Don"t you always?" I ask, not serious.
"Since you"ve moved in? Yeah," he answers without a smile, heading toward the kitchen to get a beer.
By now, I know Trav"s routine. After work he comes home, goes to the fridge to grab a beer, showers, then comes out for dinner. If I have to work and haven"t made dinner, he makes his way to the diner where all the other waitresses swoon over his moody a.s.s. Once he leaves, I"m left to answer to each of them why he"s not mine. We aren"t together. Travis belongs to no one.
"I didn"t cook," I remind him, knowing he"s probably forgotten about the date I accepted last week.
"I"ll wait and meet you on your break at work later then," he says as he opens a new case of beer. His back is to Lacey and me as we continue to sit at the table.
"You can have dinner with Lettie then. I"m not working tonight, but she is."
His head pops up over the refrigerator door and I see his mind turning over scenarios. He"s trying to think of what he forgot.
"I"m going to dinner with Devon, remember? I told you this yesterday."
"No. I don"t remember." He shuts the refrigerator door with his foot and walks to the entrance of the kitchen to lean against the doorjamb. After taking a pull from his beer, he levels me with a questioning glance. "Why doesn"t he ever come around when we"re here? Is he hiding something?"
I notice a familiar shade of emotion in Travis"s eyes. He"s angry.
"Calm down, Travis," Lacey responds. "Look at yourself. Maybe that"s why he avoids all of us."
Ignoring his sister, Travis inquires, "When"s Devon gonna be here and where"s he plan on takin" you tonight?"
Lacey catches his annoyance, but doesn"t realize why it"s there. "Wow, big brother," she states. "You could be nice to him, ya know?"
"f.u.c.k that. He"s an a.s.s," Trav replies, looking at me with a murderous glare that makes me more than a little uncomfortable.