Turning his body in her direction, he yells out, “What are you looking at, you fat b.i.t.c.h?”
Even from several feet away I hear her gasp before she flushes a bright red, rushes into her car and speed off. What’s wrong with this man? He’s shaking with laughter, raking his hands through his short, blonde hair, and singing. I back up towards the door to get inside of the studio, banging on it so that the guard can let me in.
Sinjin turns back around to face me, and there are tears streaming down his cheeks. Now, instead of laughing, he’s sobbing violently. I move closer to him, finally noticing the beads of perspiration on his upper lip. He shakes his head, backs up.
He’s messed up, completely obliterated. I’ve not been around drug addicts for so long that it’s taken me this long to notice it.
“Don’t touch me, you s.l.u.t,” he hisses, pulling at clumps of his hair.
“I’m trying to help you, and—”
He lunges toward me, and out of reflex or watching too many movies with Tori, I ram my elbow back into his nose and bring my knee up to strike him in the stomach. He stumbles backward, glaring down at the blood on one of his hands and holding his belly tight with the other. Then he vomits all over himself.
The door behind us buzzes open.
†
Lucas orders me to go home, to the house on Green Hills, and wait for him while he handles things for Sinjin. I don’t argue, despite having a million questions and even more concerns. But I find myself pulling Lucas close to me, our hands clasped and his chin on top of my head. He inhales my scent for what seems like forever before gently nudging me into the Escalade. When our eyes meet, the fear in his is enough to paralyze me.
I’m still shaken the moment after I enter the house and lock the doors and activate the alarm, but I call Seth. After seeing Sinjin fall apart and realizing how much of things similar to that Seth had seen as a kid, I know it’s the perfect time to talk to my brother. Plus, Lucas is right. There’s so much I need to say to my brother and until I do, I won’t ever be able to do anything else.
Seth sounds anguished from the moment he answers. “Sienna, I’m—”
“No, you listen for once,” I say. “You can’t just take out your frustrations on people you care about without even giving them a chance to explain themselves. And by the way, I don’t have to explain myself to you, the same way you don’t want to prove yourself to me. You ripped into me without knowing a G.o.dd.a.m.n thing about what was going on. If you had only asked me, I probably would have just told you what you wanted to know.”
“Look, I—”
I cut him off again. “I’m not finished. If you ever talk to me like you did yesterday again, I will kick you in the b.a.l.l.s, Seth. You’re so p.i.s.sed at what Mom did to you, the way Jeremy used to talk to you, the people they brought around you, and yet you act just like them.” And here I am, the total opposite of Seth. Wincing every time someone so much as breathes at me.
“Seth, I don’t want to be the f**ked up people they’ve made us,” I whisper.
He inhales and exhales heavily for what seems like minutes, hours, but in reality is only seconds. “Me neither.”
“So what do we do?” I ask.
“G.o.d, I wish I could tell you. But I’m sorry, Sienna. I shouldn’t have ever spoken to you like that. I-I love you.”
“Holy s.h.i.t, are we having a creepy talking card moment?” I ask, and he laughs.
When he finally stops, his tone of voice turns serious. “Can you tell me what you’re doing with Wolfe? Please?”
“It’s best I don’t,” I say honestly.
“Well then, let me ask you this: Does it have something to do with the house?”
“Yes.”
And no. It started out as having everything to do with the house and now . . . I’m not entirely positive what it is anymore. The only thing I do know is that no matter how happy I pretend I am in five days, I’ll be dying inside because I’ll have to let this go.
I’ll have to let Lucas go.
I’m sure my brother’s mind has gone to the worst possible a.s.sumptions but after he clears his throat a couple times, he says, “Then I’m sure you’ve got a good a.s.s reason for what you’re doing.”
It’s the closest thing to an acceptance that I’m probably going to get from my brother, but for now it works. I have a feeling that in order for Seth and me to really get all of our feelings out on the table, we’re going to have to do it in front of our mother.
And when that happens, we’ll go ahead and take Gram along for the ride too. That way Mom can finally explain to us why she convinced Gram to take out a six-figure loan on her house to bail her out of jail just to turn around and skip town.
It will be a good old family reunion, complete with tears and hatred.
†
Lucas comes in while I’m answering his fan mail, looking absolutely exhausted. I feel awkward asking him anything about Sinjin, so I don’t keep him in the little downstairs office for long. An hour after he arrives, though, he messages me to come upstairs to the main office.
I’m at a genuine loss for words as I linger by the door, my fingers gripping the elaborate crown molding as I wait for him to say something, anything at all.
He stands, coming around to the front of the desk and motions me forward. I go to him but leave a foot of s.p.a.ce between ourselves. “Sin’s agreed to go back to rehab,” he says.
I can still see the wild look in Sinjin’s eyes when he came after me. Honestly, I don’t think he was sober enough to hit his mark, but it was still terrifying to think about him being high enough to try and hurt me. “I’m so glad. D-do you think . . . he’ll be alright?” I whisper.