"Davy, dear. If I ain"t been azackly as intimate with you. Lately, as I used to be. It ain"t because I don"t love you. Just as well and more, my pretty poppet. It"s because I thought it better for you. And for someone else besides. Davy, my darling, are you listening? Can you hear?"
"Ye--ye--ye--yes, Peggotty!" I sobbed.
"My own!" said Peggotty, with infinite compa.s.sion. "What I want to say, is. That you must never forget me. For I"ll never forget you. And I"ll take as much care of your mamma, Davy. As I ever took of you. And I won"t leave her. The day may come when she"ll be glad to lay her poor head. On her stupid, cross old Peggotty"s arm again. And I"ll write to you, my dear. Though I ain"t no scholar. And I"ll--I"ll--" Peggotty fell to kissing the keyhole, as she couldn"t kiss me.
"Thank you, dear Peggotty!" said I. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! Will you promise me one thing, Peggotty? Will you write and tell Mr. Peggotty and little Em"ly and Mrs. Gummidge and Ham that I am not so bad as they might suppose, and that I sent "em all my love--especially to little Em"ly? Will you, if you please, Peggotty?"
The kind soul promised, and we both of us kissed the keyhole with the greatest affection--I patted it with my hand, I recollect, as if it had been her honest face--and parted.
In the morning Miss Murdstone appeared as usual, and told me I was going to school; which was not altogether such news to me as she supposed. She also informed me that when I was dressed, I was to come down-stairs into the parlor and have my breakfast. There I found my mother, very pale and with red eyes; into whose arms I ran, and begged her pardon from my suffering soul.
"Oh, Davy!" she said. "That you could hurt anyone I love! Try to be better, pray to be better! I forgive you; but I am so grieved, Davy, that you should have such bad pa.s.sions in your heart."
Miss Murdstone was good enough to take me out to the cart, and to say on the way that she hoped I would repent, before I came to a bad end; and then I got into the cart, and the lazy horse walked off with it.
We might have gone about half a mile, and my pocket handkerchief was quite wet through, when the carrier stopped short.
Looking out to ascertain for what, I saw, to my amazement, Peggotty burst from a hedge and climb into the cart. She took me in both her arms and squeezed me until the pressure on my nose was extremely painful, though I never thought of that till afterwards, when I found it very tender. Not a single word did Peggotty speak, releasing one of her arms, she put it down in her pocket to the elbow, and brought out some paper-bags of cakes, which she crammed into my pockets, and a purse which she put into my hand, but not one word did she say. After another and a final squeeze with both arms, she got down from the cart and ran away; and my belief is, and has always been, without a solitary b.u.t.ton on her gown. I picked up one, of several that was rolling about, and treasured it as a keepsake for a long time.
The carrier looked at me, as if to inquire if she were coming back. I shook my head, and said I thought not. "Then come up!" said the carrier to the lazy horse, who came up accordingly.
Having by this time cried as much as I possibly could, I began to think it was of no use crying any more. The carrier seeing me in this resolution, proposed that my pocket handkerchief should be spread upon the horse"s back to dry. I thanked him and agreed; and particularly small it looked under those circ.u.mstances.
I had now time to examine the purse. It was a stiff leather purse, with a snap, and had three bright shillings in it, which Peggotty had evidently polished up with whitening, for my greater delight. But its precious contents were two half-crowns folded together in a bit of paper, on which was written, in my mother"s hand, "For Davy. With my love." I was so overcome by this, that I asked the carrier to be so good as reach me my pocket handkerchief again, but he said he thought I had better do without it; and I thought I really had; so I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and stopped myself.
For good, too; though, in consequence of my previous feelings, I was still occasionally seized with a stormy sob. After we had jogged on for some little time, I asked the carrier if he was going all the way.
"All the way where?" inquired the carrier.
"There," I said.
"Where"s there?" inquired the carrier.
"Near London," I said.
"Why, that horse," said the carrier, jerking the rein to point him out, "would be deader than pork afore he got over half the ground."
"Are you only going to Yarmouth then?" I asked.
"That"s about it," said the carrier. "And there I shall take you to the stage-cutch, and the stage-cutch that"ll take you to--wherever it is."
I shared my cakes with the carrier, who asked if Peggotty made them, and told him yes, she did all our cooking. The carrier looked thoughtful, and then asked if I would send a message to Peggotty from him. I agreed, and the message was "Barkis is willing." While I was waiting for the coach at Yarmouth, I wrote to Peggotty:
"MY DEAR PEGGOTTY:--I have come here safe. Barkis is willing. My love to mamma. Yours affectionately.
"_P.S._--He says he particularly wanted you to know _Barkis is willing_."
At Yarmouth I found dinner was ordered for me, and felt very shy at having a table all to myself, and very much alarmed when the waiter told me he had seen a gentleman fall down dead after drinking some of their beer. I said I would have some water, and was quite grateful to the waiter for drinking the ale that had been ordered for me, for fear the people of the hotel should be offended. He also helped me to eat my dinner, and accepted one of my bright shillings.
After a long, tiring journey by the coach, for there were no trains in those days, I arrived in London and was taken to the school at Blackheath, by one of the masters, Mr. Mell.
I gazed upon the schoolroom into which he took me, as the most forlorn and desolate place I had ever seen. I see it now. A long room, with three long rows of desks, and six of long seats, bristling all round with pegs for hats and slates. Sc.r.a.ps of old copy-books and exercises litter the dirty floor.
Mr. Mell having left me for a few moments, I went softly to the upper end of the room, observing all this as I crept along. Suddenly I came upon a pasteboard placard, beautifully written which was lying on the desk, and bore these words--"_Take care of him._ _He bites._"
I got upon the desk immediately, afraid of at least a great dog underneath. But, though I looked all round with anxious eyes, I could see nothing of him. I was still engaged in peering about when Mr. Mell came back, and asked me what I did up there.
"I beg your pardon, sir," says I, "if you please, I"m looking for the dog."
"Dog?" says he. "What dog?"
"Isn"t it a dog, sir?"
"Isn"t what a dog?"
"That"s to be taken care of, sir; that bites."
"No, Copperfield," says he, gravely, "that"s not a dog. That"s a boy. My instructions are, Copperfield, to put this placard on your back. I am sorry to make such a beginning with you, but I must do it."
With that, he took me down, and tied the placard, which was neatly constructed for the purpose, on my shoulders like a knapsack; and wherever I went, afterwards, I had the consolation of carrying it.
What I suffered from that placard, n.o.body can imagine. Whether it was possible for people to see me or not, I always fancied that somebody was reading it. It was no relief to turn round and find n.o.body; for wherever my back was, there I imagined somebody always to be.
There was an old door in this playground, on which the boys had a custom of carving their names. It was completely covered with such inscriptions. In my dread of the end of the vacation and their coming back, I could not read one boy"s name, without inquiring in what tone and with what emphasis _he_ would read, "Take care of him. He bites."
There was one boy--a certain J. Steerforth--who cut his name very deep and very often, who, I conceived, would read it in a rather strong voice, and afterwards pull my hair. There was another boy, one Tommy Traddles, who I dreaded would make game of it, and pretend to be dreadfully frightened of me. There was a third, George Demple, who I fancied would sing it. I have looked, a little shrinking creature, at that door, until the owners of all the names--there were five-and-forty of them in the school then, Mr. Mell said--seemed to cry out, each in his own way, "Take care of him. He bites!"
Tommy Traddles was the first boy who returned. He introduced himself by informing me that I should find his name on the right-hand corner of the gate, over the top bolt; upon that I said, "Traddles?" to which he replied, "The same," and then he asked me for a full account of myself and family.
It was fortunate for me that Traddles came back first. He enjoyed my placard so much that he saved me from the embarra.s.sment of either telling about it or trying to hide it by presenting me to every other boy who came back, great or small, immediately on his arrival, in this form of introduction, "Look here! Here"s a game!" Happily, too, the greater part of the boys came back low-spirited, and were not so boisterous at my expense as I had expected. Some of them certainly could not resist the temptation of pretending that I was a dog, and patting and smoothing me lest I should bite, and saying, "Lie down, sir!" and calling me Towzer. This was naturally confusing, among so many strangers, and cost some tears, but on the whole it was much better than I had antic.i.p.ated.
I was not considered as being formally received into the school, however, until J. Steerforth arrived. Before this boy, who was reputed to be a great scholar, and was very good-looking, and at least half-a-dozen years older than I, I was carried as before a judge. He inquired, under a shed in the playground, into the particulars of my punishment, and was pleased to express his opinion that it was a "jolly shame;" for which I became bound to him ever afterwards.
"What money have you got, Copperfield?" he said, walking aside with me when he had disposed of my affair in these terms.
I told him seven shillings.
"You had better give it to me to take care of," he said. "At least, you can, if you like. You needn"t if you don"t like."
I hastened to comply with his friendly suggestion, and, opening Peggotty"s purse, turned it upside down into his hand.
"Do you want to spend anything now?" he asked me.
"No, thank you," I replied.
"You can, if you like, you know," said Steerforth. "Say the word."
"No, thank you, sir," I repeated.
"Perhaps you"d like to spend a couple of shillings or so in a bottle of currant wine by-and-by, up in the bedroom?" said Steerforth. "You belong to my bedroom, I find."