"And Mrs. Todgers, pa," said Mercy.
"And Mrs. Todgers, of London," added Mr. Pecksniff, "that I, and my daughters, and Mrs. Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, as our object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brother is a young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this very n.o.ble mansion without adding my humble tribute, as an architect, to the correctness and elegance of the owner"s taste, and to his just appreciation of that beautiful art, to the cultivation of which I have devoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement I have sacrificed a--a fortune--I shall be very much obliged to you."
"Missis" compliments to Miss Pinch," said the footman, suddenly appearing and speaking in exactly the same key as before, "and begs to know wot my young lady is a-learning of just now."
"Oh!" said Mr. Pecksniff, "here is the young man. _He_ will take the card. With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we are interrupting the studies. Let us go."
One evening, following the visit to Miss Pinch, there was a great bustle at Todgers", partly owing to some additional domestic preparations for the morrow and partly to the excitement always arising in that house from Sat.u.r.day night, when every gentleman"s linen arrived at a different hour in his own little bundle, with his private account pinned on the outside. Shrill quarrels from time to time arose between Mrs. Todgers and the girls in remote back kitchens; and sounds were occasionally heard, indicative of small articles of ironmongery and hardware being thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on Sat.u.r.days to roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade all parts of the house in an ap.r.o.n of coa.r.s.e green baize; moreover, he was more strongly tempted on Sat.u.r.days than on other days (it being a busy time) to make bolts into the neighboring alleys when he answered the door, and there to play at leap-frog and other sports with vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or the lobe of his ear; thus, he was quite a conspicuous feature among the peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers".
He was especially so on this particular Sat.u.r.day evening, and honored the Misses Pecksniff with a deal of notice; seldom pa.s.sing the door of Mrs. Todgers" private room, where they sat alone before the fire, without putting in his head and greeting them with some such compliments as, "There you are again!" "Ain"t it nice?"--and similar humorous attentions.
"I say," he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro, "young ladies, there"s soup to-morrow. She"s a-making it now. Ain"t she a-putting in the water? Oh! not at all neither!"
In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head again:
"I say--there"s fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!"
Presently he called through the keyhole:
"There"s a fish to-morrow--just come. Don"t eat none of him!" and with this spectral warning vanished again.
By-and-by, he returned to lay the cloth for supper. He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the lighted candle into his mouth, after the performance of which feat, he went on with his professional duties; brightening every knife as he laid it on the table, by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the same on the ap.r.o.n already mentioned.
When he had completed his preparations, he grinned at the sisters, and expressed his belief that the approaching meal would be of "rather a spicy sort."
"Will it be long before it"s ready, Bailey?" asked Mercy.
"No," said Bailey, "it _is_ cooked. When I come up she was dodging among the tender pieces with a fork, and eating of "em."
But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he received a sudden blow on the head, which sent him staggering against the wall; and Mrs. Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly before him.
"Oh you little villain!" said that lady. "Oh you bad, false boy!"
"No worse than yerself," retorted Bailey, guarding his head with his arm. "Ah! Come now! Do that agin, will yer!"
"He"s the most dreadful child," said Mrs. Todgers, setting down the dish, "I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that extent, and teach him such things, that I"m afraid nothing but hanging will ever do him any good."
"Won"t it!" cried Bailey. "Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin" the table-beer for, then, and destroying my const.i.tooshun?"
"Go down-stairs, you vicious boy!" said Mrs. Todgers, holding the door open. "Do you hear me? Go along!"
After two or three skilful dodges he went, and was seen no more that night, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, and much disturbed the two Misses Pecksniff by squinting hideously behind the back of the unconscious Mrs. Todgers. Having done this justice to his wounded feelings, he retired under-ground; where, in company with a swarm of black beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed himself in cleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced.
Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young servant, but he was known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had been converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle.
The gentlemen at Todgers" had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him, for the time being, the name of any notorious criminal or minister; and sometimes, when current events were flat, they even sought the pages of history for these distinctions; as Mr. Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the period of which we write, he was generally known among the gentlemen as Bailey junior; a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction, perhaps, to the Old Bailey prison; and possibly as involving the recollection of an unfortunate lady of the same name, who perished by her own hand early in life, and has been made famous in a song.
The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers" was two o"clock--a suitable time, it was considered, for all parties; convenient to Mrs. Todgers, on account of the baker"s; and convenient to the gentlemen, with reference to their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce the two Misses Pecksniff to a full knowledge of Todgers" and its society, the dinner was postponed until five, in order that everything might be as genteel as the occasion demanded.
When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement, appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too large for him, and, in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary magnitude that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit) called him "collars" on the spot. At about a quarter before five a deputation, consisting of Mr. Jinkins and another gentleman whose name was Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs. Todgers" room, and, being formally introduced to the two Misses Pecksniff by their parent, who was in waiting, besought the honor of showing them up-stairs.
Here the gentlemen were all a.s.sembled. There was a general cry of "Hear, hear!" and "Bravo, Jink!" when Mr. Jinkins appeared with Charity on his arm: which became quite rapturous as Mr. Gander followed, escorting Mercy, and Mr. Pecksniff brought up the rear with Mrs. Todgers.
"The wittles is up!"
FOOTNOTE:
[D] A "round-robin" is a letter signed by all the people of a company, with the names written in a circle around the letter so that no name will be first or last.
XI.
d.i.c.k SWIVELLER AND THE MARCHIONESS.
RICHARD SWIVELLER, a good-hearted, though somewhat queer young man, the clerk of Sampson Bra.s.s, a scheming lawyer, often found time hanging heavily on his hands; and for the better preservation of his cheerfulness therefore, and to prevent his faculties from rusting, he provided himself with a cribbage-board and pack of cards, and accustomed himself to play at cribbage with a dummy, for twenty, thirty, or sometimes even fifty thousand pounds a side, besides many hazardous bets to a considerable amount.
As these games were very silently conducted, notwithstanding the greatness of the interests involved, Mr. Swiveller, began to think that on those evenings when Mr. and Miss Bra.s.s were out (and they often went out now) he heard a kind of snorting or hard-breathing sound in the direction of the door, which it occurred to him, after some thought, must proceed from the small servant, who always had a cold from damp living. Looking intently that way one night, he plainly distinguished an eye gleaming and glistening at the keyhole; and having now no doubt that his suspicions were correct, he stole softly to the door and pounced upon her before she was aware of his approach.
"Oh! I didn"t mean any harm indeed. Upon my word I didn"t," cried the small servant, struggling like a much larger one. "It"s so very dull down-stairs. Please don"t you tell upon me; please don"t."
"Tell upon you!" said d.i.c.k. "Do you mean to say you were looking through the keyhole for company?"
"Yes, upon my word I was," replied the small servant.
"How long have you been cooling your eye there?" said d.i.c.k.
"Oh, ever since you first began to play them cards, and long before."
Vague recollections of several fantastic exercises such as dancing around the room, and bowing to imaginary people with which he had refreshed himself after the fatigues of business; all of which, no doubt, the small servant had seen through the keyhole, made Mr.
Swiveller feel rather awkward; but he was not very sensitive on such points, and recovered himself speedily.
"Well--come in," he said, after a little thought. "Here--sit down, and I"ll teach you how to play."
"Oh! I durstn"t do it," rejoined the small servant. "Miss Sally "ud kill me, if she know"d I came up here."
"Have you got a fire down-stairs?" said d.i.c.k.
"A very little one," replied the small servant.
"Miss Sally couldn"t kill me if she know"d I went down there, so I"ll come," said Richard, putting the cards into his pocket. "Why, how thin you are! What do you mean by it?"
"It ain"t my fault."
"Could you eat any bread and meat?" said d.i.c.k, taking down his hat.
"Yes? Ah! I thought so. Did you ever taste beer?"
"I had a sip of it once," said the small servant.