Have I not been nice to you? All right, relax and watch yourself get into the cla.s.s of the plumptically adequate.
And if you don"t succeed after a faithful trial, take the milk-cure, with its three to six weeks" absolute rest.
_Recapitulation_
1. Calm yourself.
2. Sleep.
3. Exercise.
4. Food.
5. Masticate 6. Delete the details.
7. Milk-cure.
_Review_
1. Repeat Elbert Hubbard"s advice.
2. Give three reasons why worry can make you thin.
3. Define "Medical Trust" and "League for Medical Freedom."
4. Memorize paragraph about nature 5. Enumerate the things you can eat to increase your calories.
7
Exercise
It is practically impossible to reduce weight through exercise alone, unless one can do a tremendous amount of it. For the food that one eats is usually enough to cover the energy lost by the exercise.
[Sidenote: _Light On Your Feet_]
However, exercise is a very important feature of any reducing program; not because of the fat that is burned up in the exercise--and there is some burned--but for the reason that it is necessary to keep one in a healthy condition. The muscles, the internal organs, the bones, the brain, are all benefited--in fact, the entire system.
[Sidenote: _Duty Dances_]
The exercises described hereinafter will help make you fat or thin, and they will keep you supple, graceful, and light on your feet, so that when I tell my husband that he must dance with you, Madam, he will not say, "Nothing stirring," and when you, Professor, ask me to dance, I will not curse the day I was born.
[Sidenote: _Warning_]
If you have not been accustomed to exercise, I warn you to take up only one or two at a time and do each one a few times only. You will be atrociously sore, and you will realize that you have muscles of which you wotted not.
However, persist, if you are sure there are no organic reasons why you shouldn"t--such as a weak heart. (In case you are very much overweight, I think it advisable to wait until you have reduced somewhat.)
[Sidenote: _Or Cla.s.sic Dancing_]
It is splendid if you can belong to a gymnasium or to a physical culture cla.s.s, but ten to fifteen minutes" systematic daily exercise practiced with vim, and each set followed by deep breathing, will do more good than a gymnasium spasmodically attended. Brisk walking with a long stride isn"t so bad; in fact, if taken with a very long stride it will twist "most every organ you have in your body.
There are hundreds of exercises you can take. If you will notice little rascal"s ill.u.s.trations you will find many good ones. Those ill.u.s.trating the beginning of this chapter are excellent.
If possible, it is best to take the exercises on arising in the morning, but if you have a household to care for you may not be able to do so.
For those who have to do their own work, it may be well to do the work first. You can do it in half the time if you plan it carefully and speed up. (This advice is not for my thin friends; their speedometers register too high already.) It does not matter so much when the exercises are done as that they are done, and done every day for the rest of your life, with the possible exception of two or three days a month.
Gallstones, permanent stiff joints, and other little things like that will have a hard time forming.
_My Exercises_
[Sidenote: _They Reach Most of My Muscles_]
(The services of my noted artist I was able to obtain with great difficulty, as he was engaged in the more important work of making a swagger stick. I finally secured him by the promise of an ice cream cone and twenty-three cents to go with his two cents so that he could buy a Thrift Stamp. He is given due credit on the t.i.tle page.)
[Sidenote: _Turn On Your Music_]
These exercises executed with vim, vigor, and vip--deep breathing between each set--will take ten to fifteen minutes. Re-read my warning.
[Sidenote: _Little Movements with Meanings All Their Own_]
1. Feet together, arms outstretched, palms up, describe as large a circle as possible. Fine for round shoulders and fat backs. Do slowly and stretch fifteen times. Smile.
2. Arms outstretched, swing to right and to left as far as possible at least 15 times each.
[Sidenote: _Important! Keep Facial Expression Throughout as per Artist"s Idea_]
3. Bend sideways, to right and left, alternately, as far as possible at least 15 times each.
4. Revolve the body upon the hips from right to left at least 10 times, and left to right the same.
5. Bend and touch the floor with your fingers, without bending your knees, at least 15 times.
6. Knee-bending exercise, at least 15 times. This is hard at first.
7. Hand on door or wall, swing each leg back and forth at least 15 times. To the side 15 times. Turn head, raise arm, and tense both.
[Sidenote: _You Will Soon Be as Graceful as Annette_]
8. Step on chair with each foot at least 10 times. This is good for calf and thigh muscles. After a while you won"t look as though you needed a derrick to get onto a street car.
9. Arms on sides of chair. Come down and touch abdomen. Fine for back and abdomen. Fifteen times.
[Sidenote: _It Has Been Called to My Attention that Bone Back Brushes Should Not Be Used by Some; i.e., There Is Danger in Affinities_]
10. Brush hair vigorously at least 200 double strokes all over the head, N.S.E.W., using a brush in each hand.
[Sidenote: _Good Exercise_]
(Military brushes are best. If you can"t purloin a set of your husband"s, two ordinary brushes will do.) Now shake out the loose dandruff. This is one of the best exercises and must not be omitted, for it accomplishes two purposes. It is a good arm and chest exercise, and it gives a healthy scalp absolutely free from the dammdruff.
NOW