110,000 365 = 301 C.
_Answer_. X has eaten 301 C. per day more than necessary.
6. How many calories have you averaged daily over your maintenance diet?
And what could you have left off your menu and kept from gaining all that weight?
10
Testimonials
[Sidenote: _From the Field_]
After you have reduced or gained, let me share your joys. Write me a little note. You need not sign your name if you don"t want to. I antic.i.p.ate the following:
DEAR DOCTOR:
I am so grateful to you, Dr. Lulu Hunt Peters, for what you have done for me. After reading your book, "Diet and Health, with Key to the Calories" my chronic case of meanness--I mean leanness--was absolutely cured. My weight, which was ... now is ... and I am on my way to normal.
I am fond of you.
DEAREST DOCTOR:
I cannot be too grateful to you, dear Doctor Lulu Hunt Peters, for your book "Diet and Health, with Key to the Calories," for I have lost ...
pounds! My weight was ... and now is ... and I am on my way to normal.
I should be ungrateful indeed if I did not mention that while reading the book a chronic case of dammdruff which I had had for years, and which had been given up by six specialists, was absolutely cured. I adore you!
[Sidenote: _A Wonderful Demonstration_]
DEAR DOCTOR:
For your book, "Diet and Health, with Key to the Calories," words are inadequate to express my thanks. For I have been delivered from a chronic affliction of many years" duration, for which I had tried all known methods of cure. I refer to the smoking of cheap cigars by my husband. He suddenly found he had no desire for the noxious weed! Your arm and leg exercises are wonderful.
11
An Apology and Some Amendments
On re-reading this literary gem, humorous cla.s.sic, and scientific treatise on weight reduction and gaining, I see that I have a very intimate mixture of the thins and the fats. But that is as it should be for balance. I had intended to keep you strictly separate, but the preaching, the exercises, the dry definitions, the Key to the Calories, and so forth, was matter that was applicable to both, so it could not be done.
[Sidenote: _Watch Your Weight_]
I have just got to bring this to a close now, if I have it ready as I promised, for the lecture, "Watch Your Weight!" I am glad of it, too. I am getting so ... funny it is painful. I will close with the next chapter. It will be beautifully scientific, but not funny, I promise.
_Some Amendments_
[Sidenote: _No. 1_]
You perhaps have noticed that my first chapter is called "Preliminary Bout," and then I have gone on to describe a club meeting. I am aware that P.B. is a prize fighting term, and I meant it for the picture of me fighting myself, not for the club meeting. I have attended many club meetings, and in none of them have I ever seen any fighting that would have taken any prize anywhere, although I will say I have seen and have myself personally conducted some very cla.s.sy stuff.
[Sidenote: _No. 2_]
I do not use slang. I use only the purest, most refined, and cultured English. I leave slang to those who can get by with it and put it over.
So where I have used dashes you may use your favorite slang words. Mine were deleted by the censors.
[Sidenote: _No. 3 (a)_]
Mrs. Ima Gobbler is not really fat enough to be called a fat--! She is only 40 or 50 pounds overweight, but she is fond of me and I took liberties with her. She is a darling.
[Sidenote: _No. 3 (b)_]
She is a purist, too. I called her up after I put her in my book, and I said, "You are fond of me, aren"t you, Mrs. Gobbler?" And she said, "Youbetcha." "And you are a good sport, aren"t you?" "Surest thing you know!" "That"s good, for I have said a horrid thing to you. I had to, in order to stop the club discussion." And she responded soulfully, "Go to it, Kid!"
[Sidenote: _No. 4_]
Mrs. Sheesasite"s husband did not really have to buy her a pair of freight scales; that is just a gentle josh. The ordinary scales will weigh 300 pounds, I believe. She is also a dear.
[Sidenote: _No. 5_]
My husband"s eyes are not really green, nor is he cross-eyed. They are the loveliest, softest brown. The green eyes belong on the maternal side of this house.
[Sidenote: _No. 6_]
My artist is not really noted. He is just an ordinary adorable ten-year-old boy kiddie. Aren"t his little figures the dearest ever?
[Sidenote: _Doing My Bit_]
All the characters in my book are friends of mine. Perhaps you had better subst.i.tute _were_ for _are_. There was one woman mentioned in my original ma.n.u.script and my husband said what have you put her in for Pattie? (a corruption of Pettie, a H.moon hangover) she is no friend of yours: she knocks you. And I said loftily like, I want you to know Ijit (corruption of Idiot, also a H.moon hangover) I am above personalities she is prominent and besides she is fat especially in the feet and head and she doesn"t know it and he said that doesn"t make any difference you do not have to immortalize her and I said I would look up the authorities on the subject and he said he was authority enough and I said I would see what the other authorities said anyway and I did and I found one most eminent that said you should love your enemies but none that said you should immortalize them so I said I"d drop her and he said he should say so and so I did.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Dear Enemy Unimmortalised]
--All the characters in my book are friends of mine. Perhaps you had better subst.i.tute _were_ for _are_.