I woke up before Ethan, and lay there thinking about my life. I was wrapped in the arms of the man who had been my best friend for years, and the man who I had been in love with for three years was finally giving me what I wanted, but at a hurtful price. Did I still want Paul, or was Ethan my answer? I turned and looked at Ethan"s sleeping face and smiled at the sight.
No matter what happened, I knew I couldn"t survive losing Ethan. He has been my rock and the thought of not having him gave me chills. I now realized the feelings I"d recently developed for him were real, but it still scared me to death and I was apprehensive. He told me he loved me and that he has loved me for forever. I knew he was attracted to me, but love? That wasn"t something I"d considered.
I wasn"t sure what to do. Looking at him, all I wanted to do was just snuggle close and forget the rest of the world. I wanted him by my side with no worries, no stress, but that wasn"t reality and I couldn"t dodge my life forever. Paul made it clear he wasn"t giving up, and a part of me didn"t want him to, even though he"d shown me, very clearly, just what an a.s.shole he could be. I couldn"t ignore my heart. He was still in there.
Ethan stirred and pulled me close. I couldn"t hurt this man, just the thought tore me apart, but I couldn"t push him away either. I needed him too much and I wanted more from him if I was honest with myself. Could I really want two men at the same time? Was that even normal?
"Good morning, angel," he said and I jumped a little. I felt him chuckle deep in his chest. "I didn"t mean to startle you," he laughed as he ran his hand through my hair. "I could get used to waking up next to you."
"Good morning, and me too," I said shyly, ducking my head.
"No being shy with me, no matter what"s changed," he whispered, continuing to rub his fingers through my hair. "Now that I"ve said it, I"m going to say it often. I love you, Aly, no matter what."
I felt the affect his words had on me. What I had done to deserve this man, I"d never know. I couldn"t tell him the same yet, but he didn"t care. He was here.
"Thank you," I whispered back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in his scent. He always smelled of citrus and I loved it.
We stayed in bed like that for a while. It was Sunday and the fact that I had to go into the office tomorrow, made me nauseous. So far I"d been able to stay strong around Paul, but that had only been for minutes at a time. I hadn"t been around him for hours since the incident and I wasn"t sure I"d be able to keep my strength around him for hours at a time.
Ethan finally got out of bed and made me breakfast. He looked so s.e.xy at the stove, stirring eggs without a shirt on. He really was an amazing specimen and I suddenly wasn"t shy to stare. His abs rippled as he bent over to grab the spoon he dropped and when he caught me staring, a huge grin appeared on his face.
"Like what you see, angel?" he asked, teasing.
I continued staring and nodded. "Yep, sure do. You are hot, Ethan."
His grin got wider. "Oh yeah? Well coming from you, that absolutely made my day." He turned off the stove and walked over to the bar where I was sitting, spooning the scrambled eggs onto my plate.
"Bon appet.i.t," he smiled.
I took a bite and my mouth watered at the taste. He had added some cheese and garlic salt to the eggs, and they were delicious. I continued to eat, savoring every bite. I saw him toss some toast onto my plate and set a gla.s.s of orange juice down. He finally came and sat by my side, grinning at my reaction to his breakfast.
"You like it?" he asked, nudging me with his shoulder.
"Mmm hmm," I moaned, swallowing another bite. Ethan"s eyes suddenly changed, desire taking over. It made me a little nervous but excited too.
Ethan stood up and I looked at him questioningly. He came up behind me and took my fork from my hand, setting it on my plate. I felt him grab my hand as he pulled me off of my stool.
"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.
"This," he said as he touched his mouth to mine and placed his hands on my waist. My heart jumped when I felt him pull me to him and how much he desired me. His tongue slid between my lips and I immediately opened my mouth, welcoming him. He groaned as his tongue dove in my mouth and turned his head, deepening the kiss.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I allowed myself to let his amazing kisses strip me of all thought. His hand went to the back of my neck, pushing me even closer, and all sense left me as he started walking me to the couch.
The backs of my knees. .h.i.t the couch as he pushed me down, landing on top of me. We continued kissing, our pa.s.sion growing by the minute. I wanted him to touch me everywhere, but didn"t dare let him know at the moment. I didn"t want anything to ruin what we were doing.
He lifted his mouth and touched his forehead to mine, breathing fast. "Oh, Aly, you have no idea what you do to me, what you"ve always done to me," he breathed.
I smiled up at him, running my fingers through his hair. I loved hearing that. I had no idea what was going to happen, but as I looked in his eyes, I shoved those thoughts aside and brought his head back down to mine for another amazing kiss.
I woke up the next morning, my stomach in knots. Today was the day I had to go back to work and be close to Paul. I had to stay strong because I couldn"t fall for his charms. I had the feeling he was going to put it on thick today so I had to be prepared.
I showered and dressed in a grey pencil skirt and royal blue fitted t-shirt in a lacy pattern. I decided not to put much effort into my appearance as I didn"t want to be noticeable, so I wore my hair straight down my shoulders and kept my makeup to mascara, light brown eye shadow, and gloss.
I pulled into the office-parking garage and took deep breaths. Why was I so nervous? I could handle Paul and Ethan was near if I needed him. Thinking about Ethan made me smile and I was still stunned at the turn of events in our relationship. He has been so cute with me, so patient. I thought back to when he left last night and warned me again about Paul. I knew he was nervous and I was sure a part of that was insecurity. I tried my best to calm him, but I wouldn"t lie. I still had feelings for Paul and needed to figure everything out.
I walked inside and immediately everyone welcomed me back, asking if I was okay. I nodded and told them things were fine. It didn"t appear anyone was aware of the real reason I was away so that made me feel a little better as I had worried a bit about the rumor mill, but so far that didn"t seem to be the case.
I got to my desk and put my purse down. Sighing, I sat down on my chair and stared around me. This place was my second home and everything about it reminded me of Paul and better times. The thought of going into his office, where everything happened, made me start to perspire and feel sick. How could I face the place that I had my happiest and most horrifying moments?
Pushing those thoughts aside, I booted up my computer. Immersing myself into my job would help. No more thinking about what happened, or I"d run screaming from the building and never come back.
Opening my email, I saw there was one from Norman.
Hi Aly- We"ve had a change of plans. Sean Halliday will be heading in your direction for a job on Friday and would rather meet with you and Paul then. He said sometime after 10:00am would be best. Will this work for you both? I will be coming with him too.
Thank you, Norman I was very relieved to read that. It meant that Paul and I would not have to travel to Brewerton together. I checked Paul"s schedule and was glad to see his morning was free on Friday. I wrote back to Norman that ten would work out fine on Friday and that we looked forward to seeing him.
I was busy responding to other emails when Paul walked in. He froze at the sight of me at my desk and I pretended not to notice. My heart was racing and my palms started sweating. I could do this. He would not get to me, I am a professional, I kept chanting to myself.
"Aly," he whispered as he walked toward me.
I finally raised my eyes to look at him and my treacherous heart betrayed me at the sight. He was beautiful, d.a.m.n him. His hair was styled in messy waves, his green eyes lit up, and his full lips had a shadow of a smile. His black shirt was undone at the top and his tan slacks hung low on his hips. I would never make it through the day.
I was going to stay neutral. "Good morning," I said, turning back to my computer. I hoped he couldn"t see my heart beating so rapidly in my chest. I was dying inside.
He came up behind me, laying a hand gently on my shoulder.
"You look beautiful," he said softly as he pushed my hair aside.
I stilled my typing, but continued staring at the screen. I felt the shocks throughout my body at his touch, but refused to show it. He brushed my hair over my shoulder and turned my chair to face him. He bent down on his knees and looked in my eyes. This was one of those times I wished our office were more open for others to see. Having it as private as it was made it easier for him to do things like this.
"Are you doing okay?" The look in his eyes told me he was being sincere. While it made me feel a little better, I still found myself wrapping my hair around my finger, my nervous habit. He noticed me doing that and smiled. I stopped what I was doing and dropped my hand to my lap. He leaned over and grazed my hand with his index finger, sending shivers down my body, and I s.n.a.t.c.hed my hand away, annoyed that he still had an affect over me. He rocked back on his heels, a knowing look on his face.
"I"m doing fine, thanks," I finally answered him. "How are you?"
He placed his hands on each of my arm rests and looked deep into my eyes. "I"m doing so much better now that you"re here. The last few days have been h.e.l.l."
I couldn"t look away from his stare, no matter how much I wanted to. "Well, I"m back and ready to work," I responded, trying to turn my chair back around to face the computer. Paul had other ideas though and stopped my attempt.
"I"m glad. We have a lot to go over, but remember one thing, I meant everything I said the other night. I"m not giving up."
He stood up and walked into his office, leaving me staring after him. I knew he"d make it tough, but I had no idea how much. I had to be on top of my game at all times.
It was barely after nine o"clock and I already wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go back to my cave, my home. It was safe there and I could control most things. Here, anything could happen.
"Aly, would you come in here for a moment, please?" I heard Paul call out to me.
I froze. It was time to go into the room that changed the course of my life; the room where he"d finally taken me to new heights, then immediately shattered them into new lows.
Smoothing out my skirt, I rose from my chair and started walking. When I got to the threshold, I hesitated. He was sitting at his computer, his back to me. I looked around the room. Everything was the same as always, the items on his desk were back in place from when he"d swiped them on the floor. Of course they are, Aly, I said to myself. Did you expect him to leave them that way?
He turned his chair around and smiled a big smile, standing up. "What are you doing? Come in," he said, motioning to me with his hand.
I forced myself to enter his office. I sat in the opposite chair I usually sat on because I didn"t want to follow the same patterns I"d followed before, no matter how lame that may be. He raised an eyebrow, but didn"t say anything. He came over and sat on the chair next to me and I crossed my arms over my waist, doing my best to protect myself from the advances I a.s.sumed were coming.
"Aly, I can tell you"re nervous. Don"t be. We"re both professionals, right? We can still work together and get the job done. I know what I said a few minutes ago at your desk, and I meant it. When I"m around you, I can barely keep my hands off of you, but I"m doing my best. I know we need to keep work our top priority here. Please know it"s okay."
I sighed a breath of relief. I was so glad to hear him say this as I"d been frantic all week before coming back. I couldn"t focus on work when I was so worried about what he was going to do. Knowing he was aware work should come first helped a lot.
"Okay, thank you. I must admit, I"ve been worried about that and it"s affected me more than I"d like to admit. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I"d rather focus on our jobs at work. I"m glad you feel the same."
He bent over, resting his elbows on his knees. "I didn"t say I felt the same necessarily, but I know it"s what"s right. I also know you need some time and s.p.a.ce. I"m doing my best to give those to you, but like I said, it"s extremely hard not to touch you when you"re so close. I still want you, so much. You"re all I think about," he whispered.
I couldn"t help but melt a little when I heard that and I had to turn my head, I couldn"t look at him. I was still so upset with him, but my body didn"t care. My body was begging me to give in to him, to stand up and sit on his lap, but I refused. I was still humiliated, hurt and I was in no way ready to start up where we left off before Casey interrupted.
"Paul," I started.
He lifted his hand. "I know, I"m sorry. I can"t promise you I won"t say things like that or mess up, but I wanted you to know I"m trying."
I started twisting my hair around my fingers. "Thank you," I said quietly.
"But stop doing that if you want me to focus, okay? Otherwise I can"t be held responsible. I told you what that does to me when you do that."
I immediately stopped and put my hand in my lap. He chuckled and got up from the chair, walking around his desk. He sat down in his chair and opened a file.
"I received the final printouts of the homes for the Glendale project last Friday. I"ve been anxious to have you look at them and hear your thoughts." He pushed the file over to me and I reached over to grab it.
I flipped through the pages and felt the excitement grow at each picture. The names of each family who would occupy the home were on there and I smiled, picturing each one and how happy they would be. I got to the last one, Sheldon, and I was thrilled to see the final print out of the oldest residents home.
"These all look fantastic," I said as I set the file back on his desk. I felt the thrill of my job coursing through my veins and was excited to see how close the Glendale project was to starting. This was the reminder I needed to let me know that I had made the right decision by not leaving this job.
"They do, don"t they?" he asked as he grabbed the file and put it in a drawer. "I"m really happy with how everything turned out. Once the groundbreaking ceremony happens, they"ll start building."
I had done everything to prepare for the groundbreaking ceremony next week. The fact that it was coming so soon and I hadn"t given it much thought made me chastise myself. Another reminder that life does go on, even when I don"t.
"That"s great. I did tell you I got everything finalized for that, right?" I asked, looking at him.
He smiled. "You did, thank you. We are all set for next Wednesday at noon. On Thursday, the building of homes begins." He smiled even wider when he said that and I found myself mesmerized at the sight. He was such a beautiful man and I"d wanted him for so so long.
He snapped his fingers. "Aly?"
I shook myself out of the daze and looked at him. "What?"
He chuckled. "You zoned out there for a minute. I"m hoping you were fantasizing about me?" he asked, a knowing grin on his face.
I rolled my eyes. "I also need to tell you that I received an email from Norman this morning with a change of plans." He raised a brow at that, but stayed silent. "Mr. Halliday needs to come this way for business on Friday and would rather meet with us here, at the office. Norman asked if ten o"clock would work. I looked at your schedule and your morning is free so I confirmed it with him."
Paul sat back in his chair. "Oh, okay. I guess that makes it easier on us, doesn"t it? Although I can"t help but feel a little disappointed we won"t be getting another night away."
"Nothing would have happened anyway, Paul," I stated softly.
He sighed. "I know, but at least I would have spent that time with you." His green eyes looked sad and a part of me wanted to reach out and comfort him, but of course I wouldn"t. I stood up, needing some s.p.a.ce from him.
"Is that all? If so, I need to get back and do some work."
He nodded. "Yeah, that"s all for now."
"Okay, I"ll be at my desk." I turned and walked out, before I could change my mind.
Why did I feel the d.a.m.n tears br.i.m.m.i.n.g? When would I ever stop crying and be that strong girl I used to be? I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes, turning to the computer to start working again. It was then I noticed I had a new email from Ethan.
Good morning, angel. These are for you.
Attached to his email was a picture of a bouquet of roses. I smiled as I stared at the screen. He really was so sweet and I absolutely needed this.
"And the real thing," I heard someone say as I jumped in surprise. I looked up to see Ethan standing in front of my desk, holding a bouquet of roses. My heart slammed as I stared up at him. He smiled at me and winked. My mouth watered at the sight.
Today he was wearing jeans and a b.u.t.ton down white shirt. His hair was spiky and his eyes were bright, looking at me. He was clean-shaven and all I wanted to do was run to him and run my hand down his face.
"Well, aren"t you going to take them?" he asked, laughing.
I got myself together and apologized. "Ugh. Sorry, Ethan, of course. They are beautiful, thank you." I stood and walked around my desk to hug him. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I felt him nuzzle his face in my hair and plant a kiss on my neck.
"You always smell so good," he whispered in my ear. "I could stay like this all day."
I rested my head on his shoulder. "Me too."
After a minute though, I raised my head and stepped back. We couldn"t do this at work, especially with Paul just a few feet away. I swore to myself I"d be professional at work and that had to apply to Ethan too.
"Thank you for these, they"re lovely," I told him.
"Anything for you," he said as he smiled.
I placed them on my desk. "I"ll need to go get a vase for them."
He turned me to him and ran his fingers down my cheek. "How is today going? Are you doing okay?"
I nodded. "It"s actually going better than I expected. We talked and he told me he knew things needed to stay professional here at work. That made me feel a little better."
He continued stroking my cheek. "Okay good. I"m glad he at least has some sense."
"Mr. Halliday is coming up here on Friday now, he had a change of plans. So I won"t have to travel to Brewerton anymore."
"Oh, that"s good news. Will Paul be at the meeting too?"
"Yes, and Mr. Shay. I"m hopeful this will be a positive meeting and that we can get Mr. Halliday to change his mind."
He ran his thumb across my lower lip, sending shivers down my body, before putting his hand down to his side. "You will. I have no doubt."