Every morning, thereafter, she said that she was better--always better--much, much better. "Twas wonderful, she said, "twas fair past making out, indeed, that she should so soon grow into a fine, hearty woman again; and "twould be an easy matter, said she, for the mail-boat doctor to cure _her_--when he came. And she was now more discreet with her moods; not once did I catch her brooding alone, though more than once I lay in wait in dark corners or peered through the crack in the door; and she went smiling about the house, as of old--but yet not as of old; and I puzzled over the difference, but could not discover it. More often, now, at twilight, she lured me to her lap, where I was never loath to go, great lad of nine years though I was; and she sat silent with me, rocking, rocking, while the deeper night came down--and she kissed me so often that I wondered she did not tire of it--and she stroked my brow and cheeks, and touched my eyes, and ran her finger-tips over my eyebrows and nose and lips, ay, and softly played with my lips--and at times she strained me so hard to her breast that I near complained of the embrace--and I was no more driven off to bed when my eyes grew heavy, but let lie in her arms, while we sat silent, rocking, rocking, until long, long after I had fallen asleep. And once, at the end of a sweet, strange hour, making believe to play, she gently pried my eyes wide open and looked far into their depths--so deep, so long, so searchingly, so strangely, that I waxed uneasy under the glance.
"Wh-wh-what--what you----" I began, inarticulately.
"What am I looking for?" she interrupted, speaking quickly.
"Ay," I whimpered, for I was deeply agitated; "what you lookin" for?"
"For your heart," said she.
I did not know what she meant; and I wondered concerning the fancy she had, but did not ask, for there was that in her voice and eyes that made me very solemn.
""Tis but a child"s heart," she sighed, turning away. ""Tis but like the hearts," she whispered, "of all children. I cannot tell--I cannot tell,"
she sobbed, "and I want--oh, I want so much--to know!"
"Don"t cry!" I pleaded, thrown into an agony by her tears, in the way of all children.
She sat me back in her lap. "Look in your mother"s eyes, lad," said she, "and say after me this: "My mother----""
""My mother----"" I repeated, very soberly.
""Looked upon my heart----""
""Looked upon my heart----"" said I.
""And found it brave----""
""An" found it brave----""
""And sweet----""
""An" sweet----""
""Willing for the day"s work----"" said she.
""Willing for the day"s work----"" I repeated.
""And harbouring no shameful hope.""
""An" harbouring--no shameful--hope.""
Again and again she had me say it--until I knew it every word by heart.
"Ah," said she, at last, "but you"ll forget!"
"No, no!" I cried. "I"ll not forget. "My mother looked upon my heart,""
I rattled, ""an" found it brave an" sweet, willing for the day"s work an" harbouring no shameful hope." I"ve not forgot! I"ve _not_ forgot!"
"He"ll forget," she whispered, but not to me, "like all children."
But I have not forgotten--I have not forgotten--I have never forgotten--that when I was a child my mother looked upon my heart and found it brave and sweet, willing for the day"s work and harbouring no shameful hope.
The winter fell early and with ominous severity. Our bleak coast was soon too bitter with wind and frost and snow for the folk to continue in their poor habitations. They were driven in haste to the snugger inland tilts, which lay in a huddle at the Lodge, far up Twisted Arm, in the blessed proximity of fire-wood--there to trap and sleep in hardly mitigated misery until the kindlier spring days should once again invite them to the coast. My father, the only trader on forty miles of our coast, as always dealt them salt beef and flour and tea with a free hand, until, at last, the storehouses were swept clean of food, save sufficient for our own wants: his great heart hopeful that the catch of next season, and the honest hearts of the folk, and the mysterious favor of the Lord, would all conspire to repay him. And so they departed, bag and baggage, youngsters and dogs; and the waste of our harbour and of the infinite roundabout was left white and silent, as of death itself.
But we dwelt on in our house under the sheltering Watchman; for my father, being a small trader, was better off than they--though I would not have you think him of consequence elsewhere--and had builded a stout house, double-windowed, lined with felt and wainscotted with canvas, so that but little frost formed on the walls of the living rooms, and that only in the coldest weather.
""Tis cozy enough," said my father, chucking my mother under the chin, "even for a maid a man might cotch up Boston way!"
Presently came Skipper Tommy Lovejoy by rollicking dog-team from the Lodge to inquire after my mother"s health--to cheer us, it may be, I"m thinking, with his hearty way, his vast hope, his odd fancies, his ruddy, twinkling face. Most we laughed when he described his plan (how seriously conceived there was no knowing) for training whales to serve as tugboats in calms and adverse winds. It appeared, too, that a similar recital had been trying to the composure of old Tom Tot, of our harbour, who had searched the Bible for seven years to discover therein a good man of whom it was said that he laughed, and, failing utterly, had thereupon vowed never again to commit the sin of levity.
"Sure, I near fetched un," said Skipper Tommy, gleefully, "with me whales. I come near makin" Tom Tot break that scandalous vow, zur, indeed I did! He got wonderful purple in the face, an" choked in a fearsome way, when I showed un my steerin" gear for the beast"s tail, but, as I"m sad t" say, zur, he managed t" keep it in without bustin".
But I"ll get un yet, zur--oh, ay, zur--just leave un t" me! Ecod! zur, I"m thinkin" he"ll capsize with all hands when I tells un I"m t" have a wheel-house on the forward deck o" that wha-a-ale!"
But the old man soon forgot all about his whales, as he had forgotten to make out the strange way the Lord had discovered to fasten His stars to the sky; moved by a long contemplation of my mother"s frailty, he had a n.o.bler inspiration.
""Tis sad, la.s.s," he said, his face aquiver with sympathy, "t" think that we"ve but one doctor t" cure the sick, an" him on the mail-boat.
"Tis _wonderful_ sad t" think o" that! "Tis a hard case," he went on, "but if a man only thunk hard enough he"d find a way t" mend it. Sure, what _ought_ t" be mended _can_ be mended. "Tis the way o" the world. If a man only thinks hard an" thinks sensible, he"ll find a way, zur, every time. "Tis easy t" think hard, but "tis sometimes hard," he added, "t"
think t" the point."
We were silent while he continued lost in deep and puzzled thought.
"Ecod!" he burst out. "I got it!"
"Have you, now?" cried my father, half amused, half amazed.
"Just this minute, zur," said the skipper, in a glow of delighted astonishment. "It come t" me all t" oncet."
"An" what is it?"
""Tis a sort o" book, zur!"
"A book?"
"Ay, "tis just a book. Find out all the cures in the world an" put un in a book. Get the doctor-women"s, an" the healers", an" the real doctor"s, an" put un right in a book. Has you got the dip-theria? Ask the book what t" do. "Dip-theria?" says the book t" you. "Well, that"s sad. Tie a split herring round your neck." S"pose you got the salt-water sores.
What do you do, then? Why, turn t" the book. "Oh, "tis nothin" t" cure _that_," says the book. "Wear a bra.s.s chain on your wrist, lad, an"
you"ll be troubled no more." Take it, now, when you got blood-poison in the hand. What is you t" do, you wants t" know? "Blood-poison in the hand?" says the book. "Good gracious, that"s awful! Cut off your hand."
"Twould be a wonderful good work," the skipper concluded, "t" make a book like that!" It appeared to me that it would.
"I wonder," the skipper went on, staring at the fire, a little smile playing upon his face, "if _I_ couldn"t do that! "Twould surely be a thing worth doin". I wonder--I wonder--if I couldn"t manage--somehow--t"
do it!"
We said nothing; for he was not thinking of us, any more, as we knew--but only dreaming of the new and beneficent work which had of a sudden appeared to him.
"But I isn"t able t" write," he muttered, at last. "I--I--_wisht I could_!"
""Twould be a wonderful fine work for a man t" do," said my father.
""Tis a wonder, now," said Skipper Tommy, looking up with a bright face, "that no one ever thought o" doin" that afore. T" my mind," he added, much puzzled, ""tis very queer, indeed, that they"s nar a man in all the world t" think o" that--but _me_!"