Consumed with work, J.D. ran late picking up Zoe after school, which made them late for their Friday afternoon family-therapy session. Of course she was upset with him, even though he"d apologized and asked her to understand that sometimes his job had to come first. But since he couldn"t share the details about his cases, especially about the conversation with Frankie Jo Rogers, with his fourteen-year-old daughter, he"d had to accept her anger and hostility.
"It"s rude to keep people waiting," she had told him as soon as she got in the car, and then she"d pouted all the way to Dr. Woodruff"s office.
To make matters worse, his mind had kept wandering during the session, a fact that didn"t escape either Zoe"s or their counselor"s notice. When Dr. Woodruff asked to speak to him privately after the session ended, he prepared himself for a verbal thrashing.
"Look, I apologize for missing a few beats here and there," J.D. told her. "But there were things that happened today on the cases I"m dealing with, things that I can"t simply dismiss from my mind."
"You don"t need to apologize to me, J.D.," Sally Woodruff said. "You need to apologize to Zoe. You let her down today. She"s made remarkable improvement in a very short period of time, due in great part to-"
"To Audrey Sherrod." J.D. knew better than anyone else the miracles that Audrey had performed with his daughter. Since spending time with Audrey, Zoe had, in many ways, become a different person.
"Yes, I think Audrey is most definitely a positive influence on Zoe, but I was going to say due in great part to your showing her that you"re willing to work at improving your father-and-daughter relationship."
"And today, I dropped the ball, huh?"
"Something like that." Dr. Woodruff smiled tolerantly. "I understand that your job is important to you and that you"re involved in a very high-profile case, but for the one hour that you"re here with Zoe, you need to learn to focus solely on your daughter and your relationship with her. Can you do that?"
"Yes, ma"am, I can." He looked her square in the eye. "And I will."
They went straight from their therapy session to Audrey"s home. The minute they arrived, Zoe rushed straight into the house, hugged Audrey, and disappeared down the hall. She dumped her book bag on the floor, went into the powder room, and slammed the door.
Audrey glared at him questioningly.
"She"s upset with me," J.D. said.
"Do you have time to tell me what happened or are you in a hurry? If you have a date tonight-"
"I don"t." J.D. closed the front door behind him. "I had planned to drop Zoe by here and go back to work, but..." He blew out a perplexed huff. "I take one step forward with her and then two steps back. I"m trying, G.o.d knows I"m trying, but Zoe won"t cut me any slack. I"m no good at this father-and-daughter stuff."
Audrey"s nonjudgmental expression changed instantly to one of annoyance.
"Don"t look at me that way," he told her.
"What way?" She tilted up her chin and gave him a disapproving glare.
"Like you"re as disappointed in me as Zoe is. But d.a.m.n it, Audrey, it"s not my fault that we got a break in the case today, maybe a halfway decent lead, and I had my mind on what it could mean instead of on Zoe during our session with Dr. Woodruff."
"If it"s not your fault, whose fault is it?"
"Huh?"
"I said if it"s not-"
"I know what you said," he told her. "But didn"t you hear what I said? My mind was on work because for the first time since Jill Scott showed up dead with a child"s skeleton in her arms, we"ve got a lead that may pay off."
"I heard you. And I hope whatever happened today will help you find and stop the killer. I understand how important your job is to you. My father"s job was always more important to him than my mother was, than I was." She broke eye contact and cleared her throat. "Is it too much to ask that you give your undivided attention to Zoe for one hour each week? I don"t think that"s asking for very much, and yet you don"t seem to be able to give your daughter even that."
"I should have known," J.D. grumbled.
"What?"
"That you"d see things exactly the way Dr. Woodruff does and that you"d be sympathetic to Zoe."
"Did you honestly think I"d tell you Zoe was being unreasonable and she shouldn"t have reacted the way she did?"
"h.e.l.l, I don"t know what I was thinking."
"There"s no need for you to curse at me."
"I"m not cursing at you." He wanted to grab Audrey and shake her. "It"s just that I can"t deal with Zoe right now. I need to go back to the office tonight and I was hoping you"d look after her for me."
"I"d be more than happy to look after Zoe."
"Thanks." He wished he could make her understand.
"You"re quite welcome. I enjoy spending time with Zoe."
J.D. clenched his teeth. What difference did it make whether or not Audrey understood him?
h.e.l.l if I know, but it does.
"Look, tell her that I"m sorry. Tell her...tell her not to give up on me, that I"m doing the best I can and that I"m going to keep trying to do better."
When he opened the door and stepped out onto the front porch, Audrey followed him. "J.D.?"
"Yeah?" He glanced back at her.
"I"ll tell her."
"Okay, thanks again."
"You really meant it, didn"t you, that you"re going to keep trying to do better?"
"Yeah, I meant it. Zoe"s turning out to be a pretty great kid and she deserves a halfway decent father, which I haven"t been."
"If you don"t finish up at the office until really late tonight, why not let Zoe stay here. And when you leave the office, if...if you need somebody to talk to, you could stop by. I"m a good listener."
"I may take you up on both offers."
A really crazy thought went through J.D."s mind.
I need Audrey as much as Zoe does.
He tromped down the sidewalk toward his Camaro, all the while thinking, You"re an idiot, Ca.s.s, a certifiable idiot! You"re an idiot, Ca.s.s, a certifiable idiot!
Chapter 28
"Is he gone?" Zoe asked as she walked up beside Audrey where she stood in the open doorway watching J.D."s Camaro until all she could see were the red taillights.
After she closed the front door, she turned and smiled at Zoe. "He went back to work. They got an important lead of some sort today on the Rocking Chair Killer case, and right now, his job requires his full attention."
"When doesn"t it?" Zoe frowned.
Audrey put her arm around Zoe"s shoulders and gave her a commiserating hug. "His job is very important to him, and this case he"s working on involves people"s lives, you know. It"s not as if your dad is out there wheeling and dealing in the business world in order to make tons of money or working a regular nine-to-five job that he can forget about when he leaves the office."
Zoe pulled away and stared up at Audrey. "Are you defending him?"
Audrey smiled. "I"m cutting him some slack."
Zoe grinned. "His words, not yours. I guess he said that I"m not doing that, not cutting him some slack."
Audrey nodded. "He said some other things, too." Audrey inclined her head toward the kitchen. "Let"s put together a big salad and warm up some leftover lasagna. And while we"re preparing supper, I"ll tell you what your dad said."
Once again, Audrey chose preparing a meal together as a means of normalizing an evening for Zoe. The easy, relaxed atmosphere of working together in the kitchen was just what both she and Zoe needed tonight.
Audrey flipped on the overhead lights in the kitchen and a.s.signed Zoe the task of making the salad. The lasagna was left over from two nights ago, but should still be good, especially if she added some fresh cheese and allowed it to warm slowly in the oven for about twenty minutes instead of popping it into the microwave.
Zoe removed the salad ingredients from the refrigerator and cupboard and placed everything on the counter. "So, tell me, what did my dad say?"
Audrey set the oven temperature to 300 degrees. "He said to tell you that he"s sorry."
"Yeah, sure."
"I believe him."
"Do you really?"
Audrey nodded.
"Why?" Zoe asked. "Therapist intuition?"
"Yes, that and simple human instinct. I think I know your father well enough to believe he means what he says. And it"s the very fact that he"s not all that good at diplomacy, at pretending one thing while he feels something else, that tells me he"s sincere in wanting to be a better father."
"Did he say that he wants to be a better father?"
"He did," Audrey a.s.sured her. "He told me to ask you not to give up on him, that he"s doing the best he can and that he"s going to keep trying to do better."
Zoe"s mouth dropped open and her hands stilled in the middle of slicing a tomato. "So, I guess you think I shouldn"t give up on him, huh?"
"What do you want to do?"
"You know what I want. I want a real family. A mom and dad and a brother and sister and we all love each other and spend loads of time together and..." Zoe snorted softly. "Well, that"s really stupid, isn"t it?"
"No, I don"t think it"s stupid at all. It"s what every child wants, even when that child is an adult. It"s what I always wanted."
Zoe laid the paring knife on the chopping block beside the tomato slices. "Life sucks, doesn"t it?"
"Yes, sometimes it does. But just because we don"t have an ideal family doesn"t mean we can"t be grateful for what we do have. You have a father who is trying to make things work for the two of you. Who knows, if you don"t give up on him, you might find yourself with a father who genuinely loves you and wants to spend loads of time with you. You could have a strong father-and-daughter relationship. And it"s possible that someday, he"ll get married and give you a brother or sister."
"So, what you"re really saying is that J.D. and I have to cut each other some slack if I want him to be a real father to me."
Audrey smiled. "It would definitely be a step in the right direction."
Zoe picked up the knife and finished slicing the tomato while Audrey removed a loaf of French bread from the pantry and cut off several pieces.
"I told you that J.D. was married once, didn"t I," Zoe said.
"Hmm..."
"Her name was Erin. He never talks about her. They"ve been divorced for years and years." Zoe took the small, firm cuc.u.mber to the sink, rinsed it, and then laid it on the cutting board. "He"s not dating Holly Johnston anymore, you know."
"Is that right?"
"He had that one date with Jacy"s aunt Cara, but it must not have worked out because he hasn"t seen her again." Zoe sliced and diced the cuc.u.mber and added it to the salad bowl. "You broke up with that Porter guy, didn"t you? You didn"t decide to give him a second chance, did you? I mean, he was practically stalking you for a while."
Audrey removed a stick of b.u.t.ter from the refrigerator and spread the b.u.t.ter on the bread. "I believe Porter may have finally realized our relationship is over. I haven"t heard from him in a while."
The oven buzzer dinged, informing Audrey that the oven had reached the proper temperature.
"So, if J.D. were to ask you out on a date, would you go?" Zoe asked.
Audrey almost dropped the ca.s.serole dish as she opened the oven door and placed it inside. "Zoe, your father and I aren"t even friends. I"ve tried to explain this to you before. Our only real connection is you."
"So, is that a no?"
"What?"
"If J.D. asked you out on a date, would you say no?"
"It"s highly unlikely that your father will ask me out on a date."
Zoe wiped her hands on the kitchen towel, crossed her arms over her chest, and studied Audrey. "You"re being deliberately evasive, Dr. Sherrod. You"ll feel much better if you"re honest with me and with yourself." The corners of Zoe"s mouth twitched and then her lips spread into a wide smile.
"My G.o.d, do I sound that sanctimonious?"
"No, of course not. I was laying it on a little thick." Zoe"s smiling eyes fixed on Audrey"s. "I guess you know that if I could have my pick, I"d choose you for my mother."