Here we are, she says briskly as she pulls into the Saddlers driveway. She tilts the rearview mirror slightly, toward her face, and checks her teeth for lipstick as she says, Have fun tonight, Ash.
Arent you coming inside?
No time, sweetie. Ill watch you from here and make sure you get in okay. Oh, look, Brynn is already there waiting for you, see?
Ashley turns her head. Yes, theres Brynn, waving from the doorway, with Jeremy on her hip. Shes smiling and saying something to him and pointing at the car.
Mom leans across the seat and gives Ashley a quick, tight hug. Have a good time, okay? And dont forget to pick up after yourself, and help around the house. And make sure Brynn drops you at school on time in the morning. Tell her she can bring your overnight bag by the office afterward so you dont have to carry it around. I wont have time to come back here and pick it up.
Ashley says nothing to that. Shed rather carry her stuff to school than make Brynn go out of her way to drop it at Moms office.
She opens the car door and disentangles her legs from the straps of her backpack and her green floral Vera Bradley duffel, both on the floor.
Mom taught her long ago that whenever shes going someplace with a bag, she should keep it on the mat below her feet, with the straps looped around her ankle. That way, sh.e.l.l never forget it.
If you just toss it in the backseat, Ashley, youll leave it behind. Out of sight, out of mind.
Ashley swings her legs around and climbs out of the car, lugging her bags. Bye, Mom.
Bye, honey. She shifts gears and calls out the window, Thanks again, Brynn. Shes already inREVERSE , backing away.
Ashley hoists the heavy duffel onto her shoulder. Aunt Deirdre gave it to her last Christmas. She had it sent from some store. She never comes back to Cedar Crest for Christmasor ever, for that matter.
Mom visited Aunt Deirdre on St. John last fall while Ashley was up at the cabin with Daddy. She herself hasnt seen Aunt Deirdre since she and her mother met her in Miami for a weekend almost two years ago. That was a business trip for Mom; Ashley spent most of her time at the pool getting to know her aunt.
Mom and Aunt Deirdre arent identical, but rather, mirror image twins. As far as Ashley can tell, that pretty much just means Mom is left-handed and Aunt Deirdre is right, yet really, theyre opposites in every way.
By the time that South Beach weekend drew to a close, she fervently wished Aunt Deirdre lived closerand that her mother was more like her twin.
Now, walking up the sidewalk toward Brynns welcoming smile, she thinks the same thing about her: why cant Mom be more like Brynn, who always has time? Time for her own kids, and time for Ashley.
Brynn remembers little details, toothings like Ashleys fondness for strawberries, and her newest best friends name: Meg.
Mom forgets sometimes and thinks her name is Mich.e.l.le.
Daddy keeps her friends straight, though, and he always makes sure he has strawberries in the fridge for her weekends with him. Sometimes Ashley wishes she could go live with him full timewhich she once overheard her mom telling him would only happen over my dead body, in a tone that gave Ashley chills.
Anyway, if she lived with her father she wouldnt even have her own room. Daddy just has a studio apartment with a bed in one corner, plus a pullout couch where he sleeps whenever Ashley spends the night.
She doesnt like to make him give up his bed, but Mom told Daddy she isnt allowed to visit if she has to sleep on his couch. She said its bad for Ashleys back, even though Ashleys back has always been perfectly fine.
Hearing a horn honk, Ashley turns to see her mother driving awaymuch faster, she bets, than the posted 15-mile-an-hour Tamarack Lane speed limit.
Ashley! Were so excited that youre here.
Hi, Brynn.
I swear, you grow another inch every time I see you! Brynn gives her a quick hug as Jeremy grabs hold of her dark hair and gives it a tug.
Oh, Jeremy, no, dont hurt Ashley! Let go!
Its okay. Ashley hides a wince behind a smile as Jeremy pulls again, hard. Hes just a little guy, arent you, Jeremy? You dont know any better.
He loves long hair, Brynn says, gently untangling her sons fingers. Thats why Ive always got mine in a ponytail.
I like to wear mine in a ponytail, too. But she rarely does. Mom says she needs hair around her facea softer look suits you better, is how she puts it.
What she means, Ashley figured out, is that Ashley isnt pretty enough to go around with all her hair pulled backshe looks much better when she can hide behind it.
So she does. She wears it loose and has developed a habit of tilting her head when shes talking to people, so that a shadowy screen of hair falls partially across her face. It gets in her way a lot, especially when shes eating or chewing gum.
But maybe someday, when shes prettier, she can pull her hair back to keep it out of the way, like Brynn does.
Um, where should I put my bag? Ashley asks, just inside the door. Today, Brynns house smells like chocolate and potpourri, and the floor is cluttered, as always, with Lego and Matchbox cars.
You can just throw it anywhere for now, Brynn tells her, and come into the kitchen. The boys and I were about to have brownies and milk. Then well go out for pizza in a little while.
Brownies, then pizza?
Sure, why not? I just made them, and they taste the best when theyre gooey and hot.
I know, but dessert before dinner?
Oh, this isnt dessert. Its a late-afternoon snack, really. Pizza will be dinner, and then the boys and I were thinking that we might have to stop at that new Cold Stone Creamery for dessert. What do you think?
I think youre the best mom ever.
The thought catches Ashley off guard, and she almost cringes guiltily.
It isnt that she doesnt love her own mom. She does. Moreshe cant help but think sometimesthan her mom loves her.
Do you want some milk? Brynn asks her in the cheerful blue and yellow kitchen, where the fridge is covered in crayon drawings and the air is heavy with a melted cocoa scent.
Sure.
Chocolate or white?
White, Ashley decides reluctantly. Mom is always warning her that too much chocolate isnt good for her skin or her teeth. Which reminds her Um, Brynn? I forgot my toothbrush. Do you think we could stop off somewhere on the way out for pizza and I could buy one? I have some leftover lunch money in my bag, so Save your lunch money, sweetie. I have a couple of new toothbrushes in the medicine cabinet. I bought a bunch of extras last month so that well have them when we need them. I like to be organized.
Thats funny, because Mom says Brynn is the least organized person she ever knew.
Ashley is starting to notice that Mom is wrong about some thingsespecially when she criticizes other people.
But she would never dare to point that out. Mom definitely doesnt like to be criticized herself.
Yay! Ashleys here! Caleb darts into the kitchen and throws his arms around her waist. Hi! Did you hear Im in kindergarten now?
I heard. Congratulations.
How old are you, Ashley?
Third grade.
Wow. My friend Tyler has a big sister in third grade, Caleb says solemnly, and turns to his mother. Can Ashley come and live with us? I want a big sister, too. Then I can be the little brother, and Jeremy can be the pet snail, and you can be the Mommy, and Except that Ashley already has a mommy, Brynn informs him as she pours milk into plastic cups.
She does? Who?
Auntie Fee.
Auntie Fee is a mommy? Caleb asks in disbelief.
Of course. What did you think?
I thought she was a lady.
Brynn laughs at that, but Ashley doesnt.
What about the daddy? Can Daddy be Ashleys daddy? She doesnt have one does she?
Sure I do. Ashley manages to smile.
Who? Do I know him?
I bet you dont, because he doesnt live here, Ashley tells Caleb.
Brynn is so busy cutting brownies that she cant look up. Either that, or shes pretending to be busy cutting brownies so she wont have to look up.
He doesnt live here? Why not?
Because my mom and dad have a divorce. So they dont live together.
When are you and Daddy going to get a divorce? Caleb asks fearfully, turning to Brynn.
Oh, honey, dont worry about that. We arent.
Ashley watches with envy as she holds him close in a rea.s.suring hug, remembering that her father once did the same thing, made the same promise to her.
The next day, Mom kicked him out of the house.
But she cant imagine Brynn doing something like that.
What about Garth, though? Hes different from Brynn; different from her own dad, too. He acts nice and everything, but theres something kind of creepy about him.
Mostly because hes got all those books about dead people. She knows, because once when she was here, she found a whole stack of them and snuck a peek at some of the creepy pictures until she got spooked.
Maybe, Ashley thinks hopefully, if Garth kicks Brynn out, she can marry Daddy and become Ashleys stepmother, and the boys will be her stepbrothers And what about Mom? she wonders belatedly. Where does she fit into any of that?
She doesnt, and Ashley is swept by a bad feeling.
Brynn? she asks in a small voice. Do you think my mom is going to be okay?
Still stroking Calebs hair, Brynn looks up, startled. What do you mean?
What if something bad happens to her?
You mean tonight, while shes in Boston?
Ashley nods, though shes not at all sure thats what she means. Her mothers over my dead body is ringing in her ears for some reason, and she cant help but picture the grotesque corpse pictures she saw in Garths books that time.
Of course sh.e.l.l be okay, Brynn says with a smile. Sh.e.l.l go on her date, and then sh.e.l.l come home, and tomorrow youll Date? I thought it was a meeting.
A meeting? Oh! Right. It is! It is a meeting, Ashley. Your mom is at a meeting. In Boston. Youre absolutely right.
Brynn is good at a lot of things, Ashley notes, but lying isnt one of them.
Its long past midnight when the uniformed driver opens the back door.
A giddy, giggling Tildy, wearing an iridescent white dress with a swirling skirt, steps out of the double-parked limousine on Commonwealth Avenue.
Are you all right, Miss Harrington? the driver asks as she sways a bit when her feet hit the sidewalk in front of her town house.
Im fine! Its just these stilettos. Theyre hard to walk in, but I love stilettos! Dont you?
Absolutely.
Hmm, she notices that he seems to be awfully blurry for someone responsible for driving a car. Hey, are you all right to get home from here?
Absolutely, he says again. But Im not so sure about you, Miss Harrington. Come on, Ill walk you up to the door.
Oh, no, no, Im fine.
I promised your father that I would see you safely home.
Oh, right Hes Daddys new driver, Ed. Is it Ed?
Must be. That name rings a bell.
Oh, well, whatever I hadsssssuch a great time tonight, she tells him. Did you have a great time?
I had a very nice time, he a.s.sures her.
Wait! You werent at the party, Ed! You were waiting outside, werent you? You shoulda come in! You coulda come in! Everyone shoulda come in. There was champagne, and there were mojitos, and Tapas, and wait, was there a chocolate fountain? There was ssssposed to be a chocolate fountain, but I dont remember if it was there Im sure it was. Let me walk you up to your door, Miss Harrington. The driver firmly takes her arm and propels her up the brick steps. Do you have your keys?
She jangles them in his face and giggles.
Good, okay, Ill open the door for you.
You will? Well, youre a gentleman What was your name? Ed? Dave?