Rachel should have what Brynn has.
Rachel should be here, hurrying toward him in the autumn sunshine.
It isnt fair.
Isaac? Im Brynn. She comes to a stop a few feet away.
He nods. I remember.
Iyouarecan Brynn stops helplessly and shrugs. I dont even know where to begin.
Hes silent, watching her, remembering the last time they spoke. It was right after she graduated; he stopped by the sorority house to see Puffy.
What are you doing in town?the housemother still used to ask whenever she saw him back then.
She gave that up a long time ago. Now, she just sighs and hugs him when he turns up on the doorstep of the ZDK house, well aware that hes looking for Rachel.
Even now, after ten years. Always looking for Rachel, haunted by what she had told him in her last phone call, on her birthday.
He had already graduated from West Virginia University and was working in Manhattan. He had driven up to Cedar Crest to spend that long Memorial Day weekend retracing his lost stepsisters regular routines again, hoping to stumble across some clue hed missed before.
The sorority house was nearly vacant that day, only a few stragglers left clearing out their belongings or waiting for their summer jobs to kick in. The upstairs was usually off-limits to outsiders, but he convinced Puffy to let him take a last look at Rachels old room. Her things had been removed long before that, and her roommate had already moved out. The room was empty. He stood there in the hallway for a long time, looking at the bare mattress, remembering Then he heard footsteps behind him in the hall, and there was Brynn, carrying a bulging black garbage bag.
She hugged him when she saw him; asked him if there was any news.
Of course there wasnt.
They chatted awkwardly for a few minutes, then said an even more awkward good-bye.
Isaac hasnt spoken to her since.
But he knows all about her life now: the details are posted on the sororitys website, on the alumni page. Hes all but committed her updated bio to memory, just as he has Rachels other sisters. Brynn Costello Saddler: married, a stay-at-home mom to two children, lives in Cedar Crest And hes even seen her on a few occasions. Hes driven to her house, wanting to stop and talk to her about Rachel, just in case theres some tiny detail theyve all overlooked, something that might help him trace her.
But hes never found the nerve. Maybe hes just afraid he might slip and reveal what Rachel told him that night And he cant do that.
He swore to her that he wouldnt.
So he never stopped and talked to Brynn; not even when he saw her out in the yard pushing her kids on the swing, or sitting on the porch steps with her husband, Rachels former Soc professor.
Im sorry, Isaac, Brynn says now, shaking her head. I have so many questions for you, I think we need to go someplace to talk.
Questions.
What he needs are answers.
Do you want to get a cup of coffee somewhere?
He looks at his watch, shakes his head. I cant. I have to catch the shuttle back to New York.
New York, and Kylah, and her cousins wedding. He promised.
And he never breaks a promise.
No, you just lie, and sneak around, and I really need to talk to you, Isaac, Brynn says. Its important. Its about Rachel.
Rachel.
Of course. What else would it possibly be about?
Isaac hesitates, jabbing the toe of his polished black dress shoe against the low concrete parking barrier.
Kylah.
Rachel.
He looks up at Brynn. Okay.
Meg and her mom, Cynthia, are waiting for Ashley and her dad in front of the movie theater. Like Ashley, Meg is wearing her jeans with the pink embroidered b.u.t.terflies, just as they planned on the phone this morning.
Ashley, I hear your dad had a surprise for you, Megs mom says with a smile. Shes usually kind of drab-looking, but Ashley notices that shes wearing mascara and lipstick today, and her brown shoulder-length hair is kind of puffy, like she curled it.
You told them about my room, Daddy? Ashley asks him in surprise.
He didnt tell me, Meg protests. What are you talking about?
My dad built me a bedroom in his apartment!
Cool. Can I sleep over sometime with you?
Both Daddy and Megs mom laugh.
Sure, Daddy says. Anytime.
Jittery with excitement at the thought of it, Ashley cant help but compare Daddy to Mom, who wont let her have a sleepover at home. She says its too distracting for her to have kids in the house making noise overnight when she has to get up so early for work every day.
If I lived with Daddy, I could have sleepovers anytime I want.
This morning, Daddy told her to think very seriously about coming to live with him. He said that if she did, he would be able to get a bigger place, and she could go to the same school, and have visitation with Mom, just like she does with him.
Ashley realized that if she did that, she might actually end up seeing a lot more of her mom than she does now, because Mom would have to spend that time with her, and not working. She wouldnt be able to leave Ashley with a babysitter during her visitation would she?
Isnt the movie starting? Meg asks, bouncing a little. I want to make sure we have time to get popcorn and Milk Duds.
And strawberry Twizzlers, Ashley puts in.
Daddy smiles, checks his watch and says, Ill go get the tickets.
Let me treat, Pat, Megs mom says, opening her purse.
No, Cyn, thats okay, Ive got it.
Cyn?
Ashley looks at Meg, who raises her eyebrows.
Hmm. Maybe Daddy is interested in Megs mom after all. She does look kind of pretty today. Nowhere near as pretty as Mom, though, Ashley thinks loyally. Or Brynn.
If Daddy got married againto Megs momAshley would want to live with him for sure. Then it would be like having a real family.
What about Mom, though? Shed be all alone.
But maybe, Ashley cant help thinking, thats how she wants it.
Ca.s.sie turns right. Right again, attempting to retrace her way back to the highway, negotiating leafy side streets lined with American Dream houses.
Her cell phone rings.
Dammit. She turned it off for the church service, and absently turned it on again when she saw Fiona do the same thing earlier.
Why did I do it? I dont want to hear from anyone.
She flips the phone open to check caller ID and recognizes the number.
She hesitates, then realizes she cant avoid him forever.
Hi, Alec.
Where are you?
Just leaving Boston.
So youll be back in, what? A couple of hours?
She shakes her head mutely.
Ca.s.sandra?
Alec, Im not coming right back, she blurts. Im going away for a few days.
Silence.
Then, What do you mean?
I just need to get away. To think.
About what?
About what I want.
After a pause, he says grimly, I take it youre not talking about what you want for your birthday tomorrow.
No.
Youre talking about us, arent you? Marrying me.
That, and other things. I just need time to think.
So youre going away? he asks flatly.
Just for a couple of days, she says, feeling her way. Or maybe a week I dont really know.
But where Alec, please dont push me right now.
Push you? Youre telling me youre about to take off for G.o.d knows how long, to G.o.d knows where, a month before our wedding. Dont you think I have a right to ask some questions, here?
You have a right. And I have a right not to answer them. Good-bye, Alec.
She closes the phone with a snap and tosses it onto the seat beside her. Her heart races as she tries to focus her attention on the unfamiliar stretch of road ahead through the windshield.
I cant believe I just did that.
Now what am I supposed to do?
You cant do anything but drive. And breathe.
She gulps the welcome, almost balmy fresh air.
Where is she?
She must have missed a turn somewhere, because this area is looking unfamiliar: a series of McMansion developments rise on either side of the road, some still in various stages of construction and landscaping. The lots are dotted with signs that display the builders contact information.
All this can be yours,they seem to scream.
Yes, if you want it.
And I dont want it.
As if to punctuate Ca.s.sies thought, her cell phone begins to ring again.
Thats it.
Shes had enough.
Without pausing to see who it iswithout pausing to think at allshe s.n.a.t.c.hes the phone up and hurtles it with all her might out the open car window.
It disappears into a thicket of dense undergrowth alongside the road, where it can ring on indefinitely.
I should eat something,Brynn thinks as the waitress sets two menus and two gla.s.ses of ice water on the table between her and Isaac.