She opened her mouth, but Duke grabbed Caden"s arm and placed a hand at Sydney"s back. Moments later, they tumbled through emptiness, then landed in Bram"s office. Sabelle was already waiting, and though Caden wanted to be the one to tend to Sydney, her injuries weren"t life threatening. And he was too weak. As much as he hated to admit it, Bram"s sister was both talented and capable of handling Sydney.
"Go with her," Caden murmured. "Let her patch you up. I"ll be along shortly." She held up the handbag. "As long as she"s quick. I"ve got good film and the book inside." Leveling a sharp glance at Bram, she challenged, "You"re not backing out, right?"
"The matter is too serious for the Council to remain silent. You can transcast." Fury shot through Caden. Before he could object, Sydney rushed Sabelle out the door, excitement humming off of her. Caden wanted to go along, hold her hand, shout some sense into her, but the fair-haired general stood behind his desk and barked questions.
"Did anyone see Mathias teleport out?"
"Yes," Tynan snarled. "I was just about to blast the b.l.o.o.d.y s.a.d.i.s.t when I saw the warning explosion.
Unfortunately, so did he. He grabbed that gla.s.s globe his followers used to create Anarki and flashed out. After that, I grabbed a couple of the captured soldiers and left."
"f.u.c.k!" Ice spat the word everyone was thinking.
"At least we blew up his facility and d.a.m.n near a thousand zombies," Duke added.
Including his friend. Pain stabbed Caden in the gut, but even as it did, he knew he had to let go. What was done, was done. War was h.e.l.l. He just didn"t want to suffer any more losses.
"How was he making them in the first place?" Caden demanded. "What is that gla.s.s sphere? One of those soldiers was my friend."
Mercy tempered Bram"s battle-fierce expression for a moment. "I don"t know. A wizard can torture a human"s soul from him and replace their will with his bidding. Normally, he can convert but a few at a time at the cost of a great deal of energy. That gla.s.s ball his followers were wielding is a mystery to me.
I"ll start investigating."
Then Bram"s mercy hardened, and he glared at Caden. "The bad news is, Mathias got away. We were supposed to have more time to trap him so he"d go up in flames with the building. We agreed to that plan. Why the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l did you detonate off the charge early?" Caden"s temper spiked. He wasn"t one of the Doomsday Brethren. Bram wasn"t his commanding officer.
But you agreed to help, whispered the pesky voice in his head. He"d had a mission and he"d panicked and jettisoned the mission. Period.
"The Anarki had Sydney cornered and were about to kill her. I got her out."
"d.a.m.n you!" Bram charged from behind his desk and got in Caden"s face. "If you"d learn some b.l.o.o.d.y magic, you might have saved her without aborting the mission."
"I used it!"
Bram raised a brow. "On purpose?" Into Caden"s silence, he added, "Because of your stubborn refusal to learn magic, we blew our surprise and perhaps Shock"s cover so you could save Sydney. The fact she"s your mate and you won"t claim her is clouding your judgment." Caden absorbed Bram"s words with anger and guilt. He hated it, but the wizard was right.
"You"re no longer fighting with us. If your brother needs help, ring me. Otherwise, until you embrace your magic," Bram shook his head. "Get out."
Caden stomped up the stairs. Get out? He"d be more than b.l.o.o.d.y happy to. Bram ordering him gone hadn"t hurt in the least. That was fury brewing in his gut. Definitely. He didn"t need this group of wizards.
In fact, he didn"t belong tangled up in magic. He"d take Lucan back to his own house, as the healer recommended. Bram"s a.s.sistance hadn"t helped locate Anka, so Caden would continue that quest alone.
He"d grab his belongings, his brother, and go.
But what about Sydney?
She couldn"t return to her human life, and unless he mated with her, he had no business taking her with him. She would be safer with Bram and the others, especially now that Mathias had seen her face. It all made sense except . . . the thought of leaving her made him want to tear something apart with his bare hands. How the h.e.l.l could he protect Sydney from a distance?
He couldn"t.
"Ouch! d.a.m.n it, I thought magical healing would be less painful. Did you fry my skin together?" Sydney. At the top of the stairs, he shook his head wryly. Even when his life was s.h.i.t, she amused him.
He had to figure out some way to watch over her and his brother. He wasn"t going to leave her when her life was in danger. After all, the diary had been stolen out from under Bram, so clearly the wizard made mistakes.
Lately, Caden had been riding the thin line between the magical heritage he rejected and the human world he embraced. He"d continue doing it to keep Sydney alive. He refused to step over the line while she sought the very world he wanted to escape. As much as he loved her, they wanted different futures.
Given that, linking his survival to her as his mate made little sense. She"d never be happy if she followed him to his human existence in Dallas. He had no doubt that if he mated with Sydney, with her so determined to help magickind, she"d end up dead and he"d become exactly like his brother.
Being back in the UK had been a homecoming, but if he remained with Sydney, she"d want him to join the Doomsday Brethren. Today"s battle had made him feel vital and part of a unit again, but he"d screwed up. Lost his edge. Maybe losing his platoon had done that. Whatever it was, he didn"t want to endure the pain again or put Bram and the others at risk.
As Bram had ceased Caden"s involvement with the Doomsday Brethren, he needed to do the same with Sydney. After settling Lucan in at home, he"d protect her, but no more.
As he entered the bedroom, Sabelle left, answering his unspoken question as she did. "Conrad just left.
Sydney"s fine."
"Indeed," Sydney insisted as she dug into her handbag and extracted the camera. "Help me edit this film?
I know you"re against me transcasting, but you saw how evil Mathias was. We can"t let him continue to run amok. I want to transcast within the hour."
His advice was going to fall on deaf ears, but Caden felt compelled to say it. "You understand that there"s no going back? You"ll both incur Mathias"s supreme wrath and be trapped in magickind forever."
"Trapped?" She frowned. "I have a chance now to save lives and achieve everything I ever dreamed.
Nothing worth doing is without risk."
"Pretty speech. I don"t think it will comfort you when Mathias tries to kill you. I"m not helping you transcast."
She c.o.c.ked her head and peered at him, clearly puzzling something out. "You"re walking away and leaving this mess to Bram and the others and wasting your abilities when you could be helping, too."
"Bram tossed me out, and I"m leaving something I never wanted to be involved in." Sydney paused, drew back. "You"re leaving me as well." Caden saw no reason to beat about the bush. "I"ll protect you. I can"t be this close, care this much, and lose you. I . . . can"t."
Clenching her fists, Sydney tried to hold back sudden tears. And failed. "I don"t understand you. First, you ran from your parents and your heritage, spent ten years trying to be American and human, when you"re neither. You came back to help your brother, why? Obligation? Because you couldn"t avoid it without feeling like a heel? You"re not running from the Doomsday Brethren and me. You"re running from yourself-like you have been your whole life."
Caden accepted the rebuke in silence. Sydney simply didn"t understand. Nor could she relate to the tangle of affection and duty he felt for Lucan after losing Westin. And she had no way of comprehending the disastrous results of a failed magical mating. Would it make a difference if she did? No, it was too late now. Some things simply weren"t meant to be.
"You"ve oversimplified everything," he said.
"Have I? Explain to me exactly how this isn"t running from your destiny." CHAPTER SEVENTEEN "SYDNEY, I DON"T EXPECT you to understand."
Which meant he wasn"t even going to try to explain. Grief felt like a blow to the chest.
"Make me understand. Why?"
He raked a frustrated hand through mussed brown hair.
"Magic isn"t always . . . good."
"Mathias proves that."
"I mean that using magic, even the sort you think is good, can change your life in terrible ways." His words renewed her dread. She"d fantasized about him in the Doomsday Diary to lure him to her side.
Had that changed their lives in terrible ways? The possibility sounded ugly. How much, if any, of their affection and pa.s.sion was due strictly to the book"s magic?
"You"re always so b.l.o.o.d.y vague, raising more questions than you answer." Sighing, pacing, he grasped for words. "Magic is all new and interesting to you now, but it"s ripped apart my life more than once."
"Change happens in everyone"s lives, whether you"re magical or not. Tell me what"s so terrible-"
"No point except to dredge up bad memories and burden you with tragedies you can"t change. I just need to go."
"You belong here, fighting beside these warriors. I think you belong beside me, as well." She pressed her lips together to hold in tears. "I"ve fallen in love with you. You used magic today to save me, though you hate it. You must care about me a bit. Perhaps, in time, it could be real-"
"It is real." His blue eyes burned with truth.
But a niggle of doubt remained.
Caden"s slumped shoulders and the exhausted lines bracketing his eyes and mouth made him look like defeat on two legs. "I wish the answer was as simple as love, firecracker. But taking the next step with you means accepting magic I don"t trust. It"s too uncontrollable." Though she knew better, Sydney couldn"t stop fighting for them. "So is life!"
"I"ve died a hundred times with the desire to kiss you, but if I do, we would be mated for life. You would adopt my lifespan, so that means hundreds of years, literally." He wrapped warm hands around her shoulders, and Sydney wished he"d welcome her farther into his embrace. "But if you keep to this path, you"re going to die-and take me down with you. I can"t stand by and watch. It will drive me mad." His every word was a pick ax to the heart, and she struggled to comprehend his reasons for walking away from greatness and love for the mundane and lonely. "So you"d prefer to end it, just to be safe?" Caden hesitated. "You"ve chosen to remain, and I"m going to protect you. But mating in the middle of a war with both of us on the front lines, there would be consequences you can"t begin to comprehend."
"Explain them."
He sighed. "Even if I did, it would change nothing. We want different lives. I won"t lie and say I don"t love you or that I don"t wish things could be different. But I"d be doing us both a disservice if I spoke the Call." Caden looked at her then with bleak, hollow eyes. The expression magnified as he touched her cheek and leaned in to hold her close and kiss her forehead. "I"ll remain your bodyguard, nothing more." Sydney pulled away from his embrace. A deep, heavy ache spread across her chest, shattering her heart into a million pieces. "I"ll do my d.a.m.nedest to make you regret your choice." She grabbed the video camera, hurt pounding inside her. But she hesitated. That tousled hair that curled at the ends, those electric eyes, the ripped body . . . yes, at first he"d been a walking fantasy, and she"d l.u.s.ted after him. But soon, she"d discovered the man beneath, the one who put his brother first, who believed in her, who made love pa.s.sionately, who fought to protect her even when he wanted to run away.
But it appeared that magic was a hurdle they couldn"t overcome. Sydney wasn"t going to walk away from magickind. This had become more than a story to her. Bram and the others were a handful against a powerful evil. If she could help them, she would. She"d proudly do this job until she could return to the human world to tell the best story ever about magickind.
Pity she"d take the spotlight alone.
"No doubt you"ll achieve all your ambitions. I"ll miss you." Tears burning her eyes, she watched Caden leave.
" . . . sobering video from a fight that took place earlier today. Mathias D"Arc is definitely back and, as you saw, is abducting soldiers from around the world and converting them to zombies to make his army.
He and his followers have attacked at least four Privileged families, killing many and abducting the women. Take precautions. Keep close watch on all family members. Never stray far from your wand.
Have some means of communication nearby. If you"re being attacked, contact Bram Rion. Updates will follow as necessary. I"m Sydney Blair. Stay safe. Good afternoon." With that, Bram waved a hand in front of the ancient, heavy mirror hanging in the library. Beside him, Sabelle stood with a smile, despite the strain on her face.
"Good job," Bram praised, exiting into the hall. "Angry Council members will scream their displeasure in mere moments, I suspect, but at least innocent people have been warned."
"You"ve done the right thing," Sabelle added, following Bram.
Nodding, he sighed and approached Sydney. "Are you all right?" Define all right, she thought. Transcasting the news of Mathias"s return had been both exhilarating and bittersweet. Without Caden here to cheer her on, hold her hand, love her afterward . . . a part of her was missing.
"Fine." Melancholy and exhaustion made holding her plastic smile a Herculean task.
"I"ll pretend I believe you and wait for the deluge of messages in my office. The rest of the warriors and I should talk, plan our next moves." He paused and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You"ve done us a great service at much risk to yourself. I appreciate you. I know the others do as well." Looking tired but determined, Bram left.
"I don"t know what he"s going to do," Sabelle murmured after he"d cleared the room.
"Do?"
"He"s nearly out of energy and cannot find his mate," the witch explained. "Thus far, he"s only skimmed the barest amount from a surrogate. I hope he finds this mystery woman soon. Or takes more energy.
He"s too important to the cause to go on like this."
"What will happen if he doesn"t?"
"He"ll die. It"s why I"ve been tending Caden"s brother. Technically, he"s no longer mated since Anka broke with him, but he rejected all females until I duped him into believing I was her. His condition is awful. He"s keeping his strength now, but his mind . . . I don"t know if he"ll recover." Caden had returned to the UK for his brother and had reluctantly admitted that Lucan had a mental imbalance, but nothing more. Now she saw the truth he"d avoided telling her. Sabelle"s explanation made all the pieces click into place. Lucan"s magical "divorce" from Anka had caused Lucan"s condition.
Could Caden be rejecting a future with me, not because I"d written in the diary, but because he feared becoming like his brother?
Oh. Dear G.o.d.
Suddenly, Sabelle speared Sydney with a direct stare. "You"re right. Sorry to read your mind. Terrible habit. Caden is terrified of becoming like Lucan." She shook her head. "I hope Caden finds Anka before it"s too late."
She had to see the man, had to know what had spooked Caden. Trying to fight something she couldn"t see and scarcely understood was both stupid and impossible.
"When Caden left, I told him I would be by shortly to see Lucan. I"m certain they"re settled in at Lucan"s townhouse. I think it"s time you see the dangerous side of magic." She hardly needed more proof to understand magic"s potential peril. But perhaps this would unravel the rest of the complicated puzzle of Caden.
"Of course."
"No pictures. I simply want you to understand, not report." Naturally. If I reported on Lucan"s condition, it might spur Mathias to take the mates of other Doomsday Brethren.
"Just Bram," Sabelle provided. "Marrok isn"t a wizard, and none of the others are fully mated."
"Fully mated?"
Sabelle began trudging her way up the stairs. "Remember when I told you about the Call? They ask, you answer, then you"re mated?"
She nodded. "It sounded simple enough, so how can someone be partially mated?"
"They ask and they"re refused."
"But if they"re refused, how can the bond be established?"
"The wizard takes a mate in his heart when he speaks the words. Whether or not he genuinely means them or the feelings are reciprocated, he is bound by that Call. Until the woman dies, he is hers exclusively."
Sydney"s jaw dropped as she followed the woman. "And one of these big warriors-"
"Shock. He Called to Anka shortly before Lucan did and was eventually Renounced." Another jaw dropper. Lucan and Shock quarreling over the same woman?
"For over a century. When Lucan slipped into mate mourning, we called Caden here to care for his brother. He"s afraid because he knows you"re his, but has seen firsthand the tragic possibilities of mating."
Sabelle reached the top of the stairs and headed for a corner room in the family wing. Sydney had never been to this side of the estate, and when the witch pushed her way into a glamorous room, Sydney"s jaw threatened to drop once more. Sumptuous cream silk bedding with golden touches was relieved by hints of melted chocolate. The walls were warm, the drapes swagged, the furniture of dark, glossy wood.
Crystal candlesticks gleamed, plush furniture lounged. The room fit Sabelle completely.
"It"s lovely."
Sabelle smiled. "My haven. I just need to grab a few things. Should only be a moment." Why not just summon objects? Sydney wondered.