Doppelgangster

"A type type of operation? How many types do they got?" Lucky demanded. of operation? How many types do they got?" Lucky demanded.

I consulted the book again, one from a large pile that Max had suggested I peruse when I arrived at his bookstore this morning. He was currently down in the laboratory in search of a rare scroll or something.

After the initial shock of hearing that they had just been talking to a dead man, Max and Lucky both came to the obvious conclusion as we stood on the sidewalk outside of St. Monica"s yesterday evening: The body pulled from the East River had been incorrectly identified.

They were right, I realized when I calmed down, it couldn"t be Johnny Gambello. It must be some other Elvis impersonator. An understandable mistake. Lopez would discover the error once he arrived at the scene. And apart from the fact that the discovery of the corpse had ruined my plans for the evening, it had nothing to do with us or our strange problem.

Naturally, we called Johnny"s cell phone, just to a.s.sure ourselves that he was alive and kicking. He didn"t answer. This made us uneasy, but Lucky insisted it didn"t mean anything. After all, Johnny was a mook who lost one cell phone after another. Or maybe he had turned it off because he"d gone straight from the church to a poker game. In any case, we had just seen seen Johnny, so we knew the day-old body in the river was someone else. Johnny, so we knew the day-old body in the river was someone else.

Soothed by this st.u.r.dy logic, I went home to eat Chinese food alone in my pajamas and fantasize about what might have been. Lopez spent the night working, as I later learned from a text message he sent me (not wanting to wake me). Max went home to commune with his familiar. And Lucky, who never seemed to sleep, woke me bright and early the following morning to break the news that the corpse from the East River was indeed Johnny Be Good Gambello.

Johnny"s wife, who hadn"t seen him in several days (which wasn"t unusual, I gathered), had identified the body. The Gambellos were going into mourning. And the Shy Don was pressuring Lucky to find out who"d killed the mook.

"So how many types of operations do we need to be worrying about?" Lucky prodded now, as I continued peering at the text in my hands with tired eyes.

I said, "An apparition can be a doppelganger, an alter ego, a ghost or spirit, a poltergeist, a remnant or revenant, the result of an out-of-body experience, an astral projection, an etheric body, or a . . ." I took a wild guess at the p.r.o.nunciation. "A fylgia fylgia-but this last one seems to have more to do with shapeshifting than with what we"re seeing."

Lucky let out a low whistle "It"s a whole salumeria salumeria of supernatural soldiers." of supernatural soldiers."

"That sounds like an Expose Expose headline." I added, "The Tibetans believe a double can separate from the original physical body either voluntarily or involuntarily. But considering who"s been replicated so far, I think we can rule out their theories in this case." headline." I added, "The Tibetans believe a double can separate from the original physical body either voluntarily or involuntarily. But considering who"s been replicated so far, I think we can rule out their theories in this case."

"Why? Max ain"t ruling out German German theories, after all." theories, after all."

"Because in Tibetan tradition," I said, glancing at the text again, "such separation normally occurs as a result of prolonged prayer and meditation."

"Well, Johnny only went to church when he bet big on a longshot," Lucky admitted. "But Charlie went to Ma.s.s and Confession every week."

"Among the Tibetans," I added, "a double or apparition is almost always a.s.sociated with saints, hermits, and holy persons."

"Oh. In that case, yeah," Lucky agreed. "We can rule that out."

Lucky, alas, was not amenable to wading through a stack of books. He mostly paced around the shop and made phone calls while Max and I tried to figure out what was going on.

"It"s not like Johnny will be missed," the hit man said, taking a seat at the old wooden table with me. "It"s just that it looks so bad. The don"s nephew whacked, and we ain"t got no idea who done it? It"s embarra.s.sing!"

I thought this seemed like a secondary concern compared to the issue that had my skin crawling. "I just thank G.o.d that thing thing in the crypt didn"t try to shake my hand." in the crypt didn"t try to shake my hand."

"It shook my my hand," Lucky said, looking a little queasy. hand," Lucky said, looking a little queasy.

I thought about this. "So we know the doppelgangsters can touch people. Was its hand cold or somehow lifeless?"

"No." Lucky gave a brief shake of his head. "Normal temperature. And felt just like Johnny"s hand always did-damp palm, weak grip."

"Hmm." After a moment, I said, "Still no reply from Danny Dapezzo?"

"Not yet," he grumbled. "I"ve left three messages."

We weren"t sure what to think now of the story that Johnny"s doppelgangster had told us about Danny the Doctor. True, Mickey Rosenblum had confirmed the story. He had also answered Lucky"s phone call this morning (which woke him before dawn in Nevada) and talked some more, but we realized we couldn"t be sure Lucky wasn"t talking to Mickey"s Mickey"s doppelgangster in Vegas. Did we indeed need to warn Danny Dapezzo that he was marked for death? Or had Johnny"s doppelgangster simply distracted us with misleading bait? Or, in seeking out Danny, were we entering a trap? doppelgangster in Vegas. Did we indeed need to warn Danny Dapezzo that he was marked for death? Or had Johnny"s doppelgangster simply distracted us with misleading bait? Or, in seeking out Danny, were we entering a trap?

After an hour of head banging this morning, we had agreed that we were theorizing in a vacuum and needed to speak to Danny Dapezzo-or to whatever was masquerading as Danny now. One or the other anyhow.

"And you"re sure it was Johnny yesterday?" I asked Lucky. "Er, I mean, you"re sure that you were sure at the time?"

"I known that mook since he was in diapers," Lucky said. "It was Johnny all right. Or, I mean, something exactly like Johnny."

I shuddered again, creeped out. "What is going on on?"

Nelli"s toenails clicked on the floorboards as she trotted around a bookcase and approached us. She held a book clamped between her ma.s.sive jaws. As I stared at her, she came over and dropped it at my feet, her immense floppy ears swinging as her head moved. Then she looked at me expectantly.

"We can"t play fetch with Max"s books," I said to her. "Bad dog."

She whined at me.

Since Max was still down in the laboratory, I gingerly picked up the book, which had some drool on it, and rose from my seat to reshelve it. Nelli blocked my path and barked at me.

Lucky said, "Hey, I think she wants you to look look at that book." at that book."

"Good G.o.d, this is like some warped episode of La.s.sie La.s.sie," I muttered.

"Come on, be a sport," Lucky urged. "Open it."

"I need this advice from a man who hasn"t deigned to open a book since we got here this morning?" I said irritably.

"Fine, give it here." Lucky reached over and took the book from my hands.

It was old and ragged, with a plain black cover. Its edges were frayed, and scarcely anything was left of the gold lettering that had once adorned its cover. Lucky opened the book and frowned as he read the t.i.tle page.

"What"s . . . "bilocate?" " he asked me.

"I don"t know."

Nelli nudged Lucky.

"Knock it off," he said. "Your nose is cold."

My cell phone rang. I checked the readout. "Oh, good. It"s my agent." I flipped open the phone. "Thack?"

" "Singing Server Sees Slaying"?" quoted Thackeray Shackleton-not his real name, I suspected.

"Huh?"

"It"s certainly not how I want to see you packaged," said my agent, "but that"s some lovely alliteration, don"t you think?"

"Oh!" Surprised, I asked, "You read tabloids?"

"Geraldo does. He left it on my desk this morning, after he recognized your name." Geraldo was Thack"s a.s.sistant. "He wasn"t sure it was you, though, because of the picture. Not a flattering likeness, is it? I keep telling you, your left side is better. When you see a camera, give them the left left profile, Esther." profile, Esther."

"I was a little overwrought at the time," I pointed out tersely.

"Oh, my G.o.d. What am I even saying? Of course you were!" He sounded contrite and horrified. "Esther. Are you all right?"

I liked Thack because, like me, he was originally from Wisconsin, so he was hardworking and polite. This is a rarity in theatrical agents. Despite his conventional middle-cla.s.s Milwaukee origins, he was gay and flamboyant in an uptown yuppie way, so he fit in well in his profession here.

"Yes, I"m fine," I said. "Listen-"

"This mobster was killed right in front front of you?" Thack said. of you?" Thack said.

"Yeah, I saw him get whacked," I said absently. "Look, I called you yesterday because-"

"My G.o.d!" he said again. "Are you okay? okay? Are you traumatized? Are you going into the Witness Protection Program?" Are you traumatized? Are you going into the Witness Protection Program?"

"What? No, I"m not going anywhere. And I"m fine. Really."

"I can"t imagine what you must be going through! Are you able to sleep? Are you able to eat? Have you left your apartment at all? Can you even get out of bed? Do you want me to have Geraldo bring you anything?"

As Thack continued fretting about my well-being, I started to wonder if I was less empathetic and humane than I should be. Although I had indeed been scared and distraught when I saw Chubby Charlie die, I wasn"t as traumatized as Lopez supposed, with his theory that I just couldn"t remember what I"d really seen; and I certainly certainly wasn"t as shattered as my agent a.s.sumed I was. wasn"t as shattered as my agent a.s.sumed I was.

"Look, Thack," I interrupted as he continued wondering just how how devastated I must be. "Chubby Charlie and I weren"t close, it was three days ago, and I"m over it. Let"s move on." devastated I must be. "Chubby Charlie and I weren"t close, it was three days ago, and I"m over it. Let"s move on."

"What? Oh! Oh. Oh. You don"t want to talk about it, do you? I"m sorry. I"m making it even worse, aren"t I? Bringing it all up again. I"ll stop now." You don"t want to talk about it, do you? I"m sorry. I"m making it even worse, aren"t I? Bringing it all up again. I"ll stop now."

"Okay, so what I wanted to talk about is-"

"I just want to know one thing. Are you getting counseling? Taking any medication?"

"What? No, of course not. I don"t need counseling or medication."

"That"s denial talking, Esther," Thack said.

No, no, I"m just focused on more pressing matters, such as the two deadly doppelgangsters that I"ve met lately.

"I"m fine," I said firmly, wondering if, in fact, I needed a whole boatload of counseling and medication.

"You can"t get through this alone," Thack insisted. "You"re an actress. You"re sensitive!"

"Let"s be frank," I said wearily. "I"m not nearly as sensitive as the men in my life think I should be."

"You need to talk with someone about this. A professional."

"Well, I . . ." I shrugged and said, "I talked to a priest about it yesterday." Sort of. For twenty seconds.

I would actually rather tell my mother that I was described as a "chorus girl with Mafia connections" in the tabloids than tell her how much time I had spent in a church in recent days. But Thack, being neither Jewish nor my mother, was wonderfully oblivious. He simply said, "A priest? Oh, good! Good Good. Yes, that was a wise instinct on your part. Someone who can offer you spiritual comfort, not just pills and a.n.a.lysis."

Recalling the way a bevy of overdressed female parishioners had been gazing at the hunky priest yesterday, I wasn"t sure how many people went to see Father Gabriel for spiritual spiritual reasons. But he had been warm, gracious, and tactful both times we"d met, so maybe he would be a good professional to turn to in a crisis. reasons. But he had been warm, gracious, and tactful both times we"d met, so maybe he would be a good professional to turn to in a crisis.

I said, "Thack, the reason I"ve been trying to reach you-"

"I"m sorry, Geraldo wants something. Hang on a second, Esther."

"Hey," Lucky said, "this "bilocation" stuff? I think we"re on to something here."

Nelli barked cheerfully.

"Shh," I said to her. "I"m on the phone."

Thack was still talking to Geraldo, who sounded agitated. I heard Thack say, "Oh, for f.u.c.k"s sake." Then he said into the phone, "I"m sorry, Esther, I"ve got to go. I"ve got a client doing an episode of Criminal Motive Criminal Motive this week-you know, the "brainiest" of the this week-you know, the "brainiest" of the Crime and Punishment Crime and Punishment spin-offs? His character gets found hung upside down in a Brooklyn meat locker. Well, you know what sticklers they are for gritty realism on all the spin-offs? His character gets found hung upside down in a Brooklyn meat locker. Well, you know what sticklers they are for gritty realism on all the C&P C&P sets." Thack sighed. "So they had a little mishap. Now they want me to dash over to the hospital and see if my client is planning to sue them. I"ll have to talk him out of it, of course-but really, I wouldn"t blame him. A series wins a few Emmy Awards, and suddenly it"s, "Hey, how close can we come to sets." Thack sighed. "So they had a little mishap. Now they want me to dash over to the hospital and see if my client is planning to sue them. I"ll have to talk him out of it, of course-but really, I wouldn"t blame him. A series wins a few Emmy Awards, and suddenly it"s, "Hey, how close can we come to really really killing our guest performers? " I swear, it"s enough to make you want to go back to doing Shakespeare in the rain, isn"t it?" killing our guest performers? " I swear, it"s enough to make you want to go back to doing Shakespeare in the rain, isn"t it?"

"I do do Shakespeare in the rain," I pointed out. "But, in fact, Shakespeare in the rain," I pointed out. "But, in fact, Crime and Punishment Crime and Punishment is what I wanted to talk to y-" is what I wanted to talk to y-"

"Gotta go. Bye!"

"Wait! I wanted to tell you about . . ." I realized I was talking to dead air.

I tossed my phone on the table in frustration and said a bad word.

"Is there a problem?" Lucky asked, eyeing me.

"Sort of. There"s this part that"s opened up," I said, hearing Max"s footsteps approaching us from the cellar.

"A part of what?" Max asked, setting some dusty volumes and two scrolls down on the table.

"An acting part?" Lucky guessed.

I nodded. "On The Dirty Thirty The Dirty Thirty."

"Pardon?" said Max.

"It"s the newest Crime and Punishment Crime and Punishment spin-off," I said. spin-off," I said.

"Crime and Punishment?" Max frowned. "Are we talking about Dostoyevsky?" Max frowned. "Are we talking about Dostoyevsky?"

"She"s talkin" about that TV show," Lucky said. "The one that"s got a million spin-offs and wins all the Oscars."

"Emmys," I said. "TV shows win Emmy Awards."

"Whatever."

The latest venture in C&P C&P"s empire of prestigious law enforcement dramas was its most controversial spin-off to date, a gritty, morally ambivalent show about police corruption in the Thirtieth Precinct, a.k.a. "the dirty Thirty."

After C&P C&P"s regular network had rejected the series, afraid its dark subject matter and antihero protagonists would scare away advertisers, the innovative C&P C&P producers had sold producers had sold D30 D30 (as it was now known to fans) to a cable network. The show had premiered last year, and had become a critically acclaimed cable hit with a steadily growing audience. Some New York City cops condemned and boycotted the program, while others reputedly provided much of the show"s material from their own experiences on the force. (as it was now known to fans) to a cable network. The show had premiered last year, and had become a critically acclaimed cable hit with a steadily growing audience. Some New York City cops condemned and boycotted the program, while others reputedly provided much of the show"s material from their own experiences on the force.

"So you"re gonna be on TV?" Lucky asked.

"Only if I get the part," I said. "Which can only happen if I get this audition. The actress who was cast in this role isn"t in performance condition anymore-not after this weekend-so they"ll need to recast. And fast, too, because they start shooting the episode in a few weeks."

"How come they"re shooting now?" Lucky asked. "It"s May."

"Some cable networks have had success launching new shows in the summer, when the compet.i.tion mostly consists of reruns. That"s what happened with Dirty Thirty Dirty Thirty last year, and it worked well. So the show is launching its second year of episodes this summer, off-season again." last year, and it worked well. So the show is launching its second year of episodes this summer, off-season again."