Especially in the face of snotty-a.s.s att.i.tudes like she was currently copping.
"Look, Audra, I"m not judging you."
At Audra"s sneer, she shrugged and admitted, "Okay, maybe a little. But that"s just, you know...me. I don"t get the whole s.e.x-without-emotions thing."
"Emotions can"t be trusted. Not when it comes to men," Audra stated adamantly as she pulled off the freeway. She"d learned that the hard way. The only guy she even considered semireliable was her brother. And that was more because she trusted his wife than out of any deep faith in him sticking around.
"Think of guys like dessert. Some you want to spend a lot of time on, savor. Get to know, maybe try a few more times to see if they"re as good as you remember. Others are like M&M"s. Quick, easy and clean. An easy between-meal treat that satisfies, but isn"t really worth remembering afterward."
Isabel"s laughter gurgled out, as Audra had intended. She glanced over and gave her friend a wink. Isabel rolled her eyes and shrugged. They"d been through over this same ground too many times before. They knew the drill.
Audra focused on negotiating streets she knew like the back of her hand. Finally, she pulled up in front of the small building that housed Isabel"s flower shop and her apartment above. Audra"s gaze landed on the neon lights flashing beer logos in the windows of the Good Times Sports Bar.
The difference in the two was as glaring-bright. Audra"s brother, Drew, had taken over the bar after their father died. He"d put some effort into cleaning it up, but it was still a bar. Its edgy brick facade was in sharp contrast to the pale green florist shop with its apricot trim and flower-filled window boxes.
It was above that bar Audra had learned to set her goals, bust her a.s.s and stand up for herself.
"So...what was this guy?" Isabel asked. "Tiramisu or M&M"s?"
After barely a taste, she"d bet he was tiramisu all the way. Since Wicked Chicks didn"t admit failure, Audra gave her friend a wink and her naughtiest grin.
"Let"s just say it would be my pleasure to try another taste of him," she drawled.
"It"s probably just as well you won"t," Isabel advised as she gathered her bag and opened the car door. "You need to focus on your career. This is no time to let some three-course dessert pull you off track."
"Hey, when have I ever let a guy matter enough to distract me from anything?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Audra winced. While that would have worked with Suzi or Bea, Isabel knew Audra"s history as well as her own. Once upon a time, Audra had thought love might exist. She"d believed a guy was more important than she was and had gladly handed him her dreams on a silver platter. Too bad he hadn"t been interested enough to even lift the lid.
Luckily, her friend didn"t press her advantage. She just patted Audra"s hand where it rested on the gearshift k.n.o.b and slid out of the car.
"Oh, hey, I almost forgot your souvenir." Isabel grinned and pulled a long strip of tacky green fabric from her bag. The tie. Audra took it with a wince. Ugly.
Isabel"s grin faded as she shut the car door with a little wave. "You"re there, Audra. Staring success in the face. Don"t blow it."
Audra rolled her eyes and, without a word, slammed the car in gear and shot away from the curb.
Tension flamed its way over her shoulders and down her neck. And no wonder. She"d been fighting to prove herself all freaking night. Sure, she"d convinced her friends to chill out.
The cost? Instead of celebrating the first step of achieving her dreams, she was now wrestling with a pack of doubts. To say nothing of feeling overwhelmed by what could only be described as an ident.i.ty crisis.
At this rate, she"d soon be one of those boring goody-goodys who worked all week for someone else"s glory. Then spent Sat.u.r.day night home alone. Maybe a pint of Chunky Monkey for company. Her friends would drop her a line now and then, a pity call for old times sake.
She was worried. h.e.l.l, she should be worried.
And yet all she could think about was whether or not she"d ever hear from Jesse again to finish what they"d started.
Maybe Isabel had a point?
4.
AT HER DRAWING TABLE Monday morning, Audra stared at the design she was supposed to be finishing. Instead, she"d been sitting here, staring, for over an hour. Blocked. She"d never been blocked before. But now, she looked at the sketch of a white silk chemise and all she saw was blah, boring, vanilla. Monday morning, Audra stared at the design she was supposed to be finishing. Instead, she"d been sitting here, staring, for over an hour. Blocked. She"d never been blocked before. But now, she looked at the sketch of a white silk chemise and all she saw was blah, boring, vanilla.
Had she sold out? Had she put the idea of building a career, of making a name for herself in the lingerie design business, ahead of her individuality? h.e.l.l, did she even have individuality anymore? The things she"d counted on most of her life seemed to be slipping away. Her friends, her wicked persona. Her s.e.xy att.i.tude and ability to wow a guy speechless.
She eyed the tie she"d tossed on her table and rolled her eyes. Well, maybe she hadn"t lost the speechless thing. That geek hadn"t been able to weave three words together.
Audra looked at the wall over her table, sketches for the fall line in various stages of completion tacked across it. Some were, yes...vanilla. But only a couple. Most were hot. Empowering. An invitation for a woman to embrace her sensuality, to dress herself up in a way that would guarantee she felt strong and s.e.xy.
Dammit, she was proud of those designs.
For a girl with few standout traits-at least, ones she wanted to market-the acclaim and attention she"d received designing lingerie were amazing. Audra had never stood out for anything but her looks and her bada.s.s att.i.tude. So to take the s.e.xy little designs she dreamed up from sketch to finished product gave her a sense of accomplishment she"d never imagined growing up as a number on a social worker"s case file.
To have others actually pay money for that lingerie? It rocked, plain and simple.
So maybe she was focusing on the vanilla aspect, for now. It was a place to start. Soon, she"d layer in some rich, bittersweet chocolate syrup, maybe a little whipped cream. If she followed Isabel"s advice and all that career planning stuff her friend spouted, Audra figured she"d have her cherry-topped dreams before she was thirty.
Nothing to worry about. She wasn"t losing herself in the dream. Just working toward making her starring role a little better.
Semirea.s.sured, she forced herself to shake off the irritating introspection and took a swig of her energy drink.
She fingered her memento from Sat.u.r.day night, the geek"s hideous tie. It was a poorly-sewn-together monstrosity of blue geometric shapes strewn over an eye-watering green polyester background. She ought to toss it in the trash, but for some reason she couldn"t. Probably because it reminded her of the delight she"d almost had, and how she"d let it get away.
"What"s that? A new design?" Natasha, Audra"s sister-in-law and boss, asked as she entered the small office-slash-design room. She reached out to touch the tie and grimaced. "No offense, Audra, but that"s b.u.t.t-ugly. Is that the kind of thing you"re going to do now that you"ve graduated textile design school with all those honors?"
Audra fought back a blush. Honors. Who"d have thunk it? She was so not not an honors kind of chick. For a woman who"d gotten her high school diploma through the G.E.D. program, school was not the gig of choice. But the Textile and Fashion Design Academy? She"d found heaven. People who admired her for more than her bust, who were more interested in the designs she envisioned and brought to life than how much she could drink. an honors kind of chick. For a woman who"d gotten her high school diploma through the G.E.D. program, school was not the gig of choice. But the Textile and Fashion Design Academy? She"d found heaven. People who admired her for more than her bust, who were more interested in the designs she envisioned and brought to life than how much she could drink.
"No," she said in answer to the question, "this isn"t a design for Simply Sensual. It"s more like a reminder."
"Of what not to wear, I hope."
More like of the hottest guy she"d ever almost had, to say nothing of her fall from Wicked Chick status. Two dares failed in one night. How humiliating. A wave of despair washed over her. Were her friends right? Was she changing? Losing her edge in her drive to build a career? The missing condom definitely supported that theory.
She looked around the work s.p.a.ce, its soft blues and deep burgundies edged with gilt and curlicues. Pure femininity. The colors and lines definitely weren"t what she"d call her style, yet she was perfectly comfortable here. Productive, even more so than in the vivid purple and red decor of her apartment.
It was a Monday morning, and she"d shown up at work before Natasha to open the shop. Again, a sign of responsibility at odds with her bad girl reputation of swinging in whenever the whim took her.
It was enough to make a girl panic. But Audra ignored the sick tension in her stomach and the freaked-out thoughts swirling through her brain. She was made of sterner stuff than that. Dammit, she could have it all. She"d prove her badness, and and make her mark on the lingerie world. make her mark on the lingerie world.
Since that wasn"t the kind of thing she could share, though, she just smiled. In looks, Natasha was her complete opposite. Blond, ladylike and subdued. It was only after Audra had gotten to know her that she"d recognized the wild woman under Natasha"s tidy exterior.
"I like to think of it as a design with an ident.i.ty crisis," Audra said of the tie. Like a game show hostess, she held it high in one hand and trailed the back of her fingers over it with the other. It was so poorly constructed, it felt as if they"d left a needle or something between the layers.
"Ident.i.ty crisis?" Natasha repeated with a laugh. "That tie is just ugly."
d.a.m.ned good thing she hadn"t ended up with its owner. Who knew what else of his was poorly constructed? Audra suppressed a shudder and shrugged. "Some ideas might come of it."
Hopefully ideas on how to find balance between her ambitions and her friends instead of the s.e.xual fantasies she"d entertained about Jesse and all the alternate endings to their encounter. Alternate endings she had no way to engineer since she"d not only become wuss girl without the condom, but hadn"t even got the man"s phone number.
G.o.d, what was happening to her?
"If anyone can find inspiration from it to use in a lingerie design, you can," said Natasha. "After all, your latest nightie is selling like gangbusters. Didn"t you say it was inspired by one of those plastic six-pack carriers?"
Audra grinned. She loved the nightie Natasha mentioned. Its random circles of opaque fabric stamped over sheer organza offered tantalizing peeks of bare flesh, all in a baby doll style that screamed sa.s.sy fun.
"This just goes to prove the brilliance of my decision to make you head designer," Natasha claimed with a satisfied smile.
To hide her infinitesimal wince, Audra shrugged. Head designer. It sounded so...uptight, official. So not her. She wasn"t sure if it was the designation or the implied responsibility that gave her the w.i.l.l.i.e.s. Then again...if it kept her on the road to that cherry-topped dream, she"d deal with it. w.i.l.l.i.e.s and all.
She pinned the tie to the wall next to her sketches. She was just about to pitch the changes she"d been dying to make for the new fall line when Natasha jumped up and clapped her hands.
"Oh, that reminds me." Excitement rang clear in her sister-in-law"s voice. "I had a call. A very special call, as a matter of fact. From Hantai Lingerie. They definitely want to talk business."
Audra"s mouth went dry. Business? International business? Visions of her latest design ideas flashed through her mind. Now that she was head designer, she"d be able to get a little wild, instead of the more demure, subtle designs Natasha favored. Where better to launch them than in a new country? Excitement whipped through her.
This was why she was teetering on the edge of losing her Wicked Chick status and even the respect of her friends. For a shot at making these visions a reality. To make her mark on the design world with lingerie and finally prove she was a success. Go beyond bridal fluff and get into truly s.e.xy creativity.
"This is it, Audra. We"re heading for the big time. That makes the third China-based lingerie distributor wanting to carry our fall line."
Natasha grinned and grabbed Audra, pulling her out of her chair for a hug. Still unused to the ready affection, Audra was stiff at first, but Natasha didn"t let up. A few seconds was all it took Audra to loosen up and join her sister-in-law in the celebration. They did a wild b.u.t.t-swinging boogie and slapped hands before dropping to their chairs.
"Rock on. I"ve been thinking of some designs to spice up the line. You know, add a few options to grab the more adventurous customers." It was all Audra could do to keep her cool and not bounce in her seat like a little schoolgirl.
Natasha"s smile dimmed and her face got that let"s-let-her-down-gently look.
Audra didn"t even need to hear the words to know she was being denied.
"I"d love to see your ideas. I"m sure there"s a solid market for more adventurous designs. I"ll bet you have some exciting things in mind."
Nice words, but a shutdown, none the less.
"But..."
Here it was.
"Simply Sensual has built its reputation in a more demure and subtle direction. I think, at least for the fall line, we should keep our focus there. That"s what these distributors have recognized us for, what they are interested in. After all, we can"t afford to experiment at this point. We just don"t have the time or the financial resources."
In other words, more fluffy sweet designs. Audra bit back a sigh. Not that she didn"t enjoy the challenge of making something demure scream "Do me." But she"d thought she"d be able to spread her wings a little now. Wasn"t that what head designer meant? That she was in charge of the designs?
Before she could find an unchallenging way to ask, Natasha leaned forward to tap the papers spread over the drafting table.
"Let"s focus on signing these Chinese distributors. We"ll keep the fall line in sync with our current image. But draw me up these designs you have in mind, and we"ll see what we can do about incorporating some aspect of them into the spring additions, okay?"
After a brief struggle with impatience, Audra grimaced and shrugged. Heck, she was getting her way, right? Maybe not as fast as she"d prefer, but Natasha"s explanation made sense.
"I"ve been thinking about it," Natasha said, her fair face flushed from dancing. "I know I said I didn"t want to borrow any money from a bank because I need all the capital and collateral available for this next big order. But I talked to my aunt last week. She"s willing to loan me enough money to guarantee we nail this deal."
Natasha"s aunt was rolling in snooty, upscale money.
"I think it"d be smart if one of us went over to Beijing and met with these companies," Natasha continued. "You know, talk us up and personally present the designs. Be there to get them to sign the contracts."
From the serious look on the blonde"s aristocratic face, she"d put a lot of thought into this. The lure of China stifled Audra"s still simmering impatience to branch out with her designs.
"Okay. That"s smart," Audra agreed with a nod. She didn"t even ask which one of them would go. She might be the newly appointed head designer, but the businesswoman thing was obviously not her specialty. "It"ll cost a bit of capital, but if the loan will cover it, it"s worth it. I think the connection we"ll make by face-to-face meetings will pay off in the long run."
But didn"t this mean there was more money available? Like, money that could go toward some hot, s.e.xy designs? Audra pressed her lips together, but didn"t say anything. Bottom line, it was Natasha"s business. As much as Audra might want to push for her rights as head designer, she"d wait. She"d watch for the opportune moment. Any bad girl worth her garter belt knew how to turn a no into a yes. It was all in the timing.
Simply Sensual would be a success. Thanks, in part, to her. This would be the first major step they"d taken since Natasha had bought the company from her aunt almost two years before, one they couldn"t have made without Audra"s talent.
She sucked in a breath and held it, her cheeks puffed out. Focus on the trip. China, so much to see and do. She"d never traveled outside the country. Not that she"d be going this time, but wouldn"t it be cool if she could? Make big deals, wow the distributors with her charm and moxie.
"Which one of us is going to go?" she asked, just in case a miracle happened and Natasha thought knowledge of the designs would be a bigger a.s.set on this trip than knowing the business.
"I"m not sure," Natasha admitted with a grimace. "You did the designs. But I know the business end. You know, what we need to make this deal work."
Not sure, her a.s.s. When it was put that way, Audra could hardly argue. She really wasn"t disappointed. And maybe if she repeated it enough, she"d believe it.
Besides, she had enough at stake already, trying to wade through her personal ident.i.ty crisis. The exhilaration fading, Audra wanted to sink into her chair and bury her head in her hands, but couldn"t. Not while Natasha was here. To admit such a problem-h.e.l.l, to admit any weakness-wasn"t her way.
"You"d make a stronger impression on the suits" was all Audra could come up with. And it was true. While Audra might wow them, the impression Natasha would make would likely net more business.
"Are you sure?"
"I"m sure. You go. h.e.l.l, you should take Drew," Audra suggested, certain her brother would love the idea of a second honeymoon. He"d been so focused on saving their deceased father"s bar, then on building enough business to keep Aaron Walker"s legacy in the black, that he hardly ever took time off. Besides, not only had he been the one to nag Audra into going to design school, he"d even paid her way.
The least she could do was make sure big brother got a little international nooky with his wife. "He"d get a charge out of it. I"ll bet it"d make a better impression on those businessmen, too, you being solidly married and all that."
"Oh, good point." Natasha scooted around the desk and grabbed a pad and pen. Audra grinned when she started scratching out a list of things to do. Then Natasha paused and tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear and peered at Audra.
"Um, you"d have to handle the boutique on your own. I think I could get Aunt Sharon to help behind the counter once in a while, but mostly it"d fall on you. I"d have to be gone about two weeks, I think."
Unspoken was the fact that the longest Audra had been responsible for Simply Sensual was a three-day weekend. That was the weekend she"d ended up hosting an impromptu bridal shower in the boutique, complete with male strippers. It probably wouldn"t have been too big a deal if Natasha"s aunt hadn"t chosen to stop in just as the bride-to-be and the stripper had been acting out an explicit s.e.xual act on the checkout counter. They"d sold a h.e.l.l of a lot of lingerie that evening, she remembered, suppressing a naughty grin.
Natasha"s doubts, so politely unsaid, were clear on her face. Audra knew her sister-in-law would be enlisting her aunt as a babysitter, as well as temporary clerk. Audra"s amus.e.m.e.nt fell away. No matter how she sugarcoated it, her sister-in-law expected her to drop the ball.
Jeez, how hard could it be to take charge of the boutique for a couple weeks? Audra ran through a checklist of what she knew about running the business. It was a dismally short list.
d.a.m.n.
Maybe Natasha was right to worry about the wisdom of leaving it all in her hands. But if there was one thing Audra refused to do, it was to appear needy. Nope, she"d suck up the insecurity and do a kick-a.s.s job.
"When do you think you"ll go?"