"Why, I"ve nothing else! It just makes the difference to life." He paused a moment, and then broke out: "And they"ve nothing but love for me. Not a word, not a thought of reproach! Just because I"ve never been cruel to them, whatever else I"ve been! Poor little beggars! We can"t keep like that when we grow up. We"re too fond of our grievances--eh?"
John looked at him for a moment, but said nothing. They went into the house in renewed silence. It seemed very large, empty, and dreary.
"Your wife not back yet? I heard she was staying with the Imasons."
"She"s there still. I don"t know when she"s coming back."
"Rather dull for you, isn"t it? You know you always depended on her a lot."
John made no answer, but led the way into his study. He gave Tom an evening paper, and began to open his letters. But his thoughts were not on the letters. They were occupied with what he had seen that afternoon and with the words which had fallen from Tom Courtland"s lips. The children forgave with that fine free forgiveness which will not even recognise the need for itself or the existence of any fault towards which it should be exercised. It is there that forgiveness rises to and is merged in love. But when people grow up, Tom had said, they are too fond of their grievances. John had been very fond of his grievance. It was a fine large one--about the largest any man could have, everybody must admit that; and John had declined to belittle it or to shear off an inch or two of its imposing stature. All it demanded he had given. But had he? What about Frank Caylesham"s money? Had it not demanded there something which he had refused? But he had given all it asked so far as the sinner who had caused it was concerned. Against her he had nursed and cosseted it; for its sake he had made his home desolate and starved his heart. Aye, he had always depended on Christine. Tom was right. But because of his grievance he had put her from him. He was fond of his grievance indeed! If Tom"s children had been old enough to recognise the true value and preciousness of a big grievance, they would never have received Tom as they had that afternoon; they would have made him feel what he had been guilty of. He would have been made to feel it handsomely before he was forgiven. Children were different, as Tom Courtland said.
John got up and poked the fire fiercely.
"The house is beastly cold!" he grumbled.
"Ah, it wouldn"t be if Mrs. John was at home!" laughed Tom. "She always looks after the fire, doesn"t she?"
John Fanshaw bitterly envied him his peace and happiness. He forgot how hardly they had been achieved. The vision of the afternoon was before his eyes, and he declared that fate was too kind to Tom. A heavy dulness was over his face, and a forlorn puzzled look in his eyes. He must have done right, he must be doing right! How could a self-respecting man do otherwise? And yet he was so desolate, so starved of human love, in the end so full of longing for Christine--for her gracious presence and her dainty little ways.
With an effort he collected his thoughts from these wanderings, and began to read his letters. Tom was still occupied with his paper and his cigar; but he looked up at the sound of an "Ah!" which escaped from John"s lips. John had come on a letter which set his thoughts going again--a letter from Sibylla. She upbraided him playfully for not having come down to see them and Christine.
"I"m sure Christine must be hurt with you, though she"s much too proud to say so. We want to keep her over Christmas. Will you come as soon as you can and stay over Christmas and as long as possible? I"ve not told her I"m asking you, so that she mayn"t be disappointed if you can"t come."
There was diplomacy in Sibylla"s letter, since she knew the state of the case far better than her references to Christine implied. But John was not aware of this. His attention was fixed only on the invitation, and on the circ.u.mstances in which it came. He could not go to Milldean and take his grievance with him; it was too big and obtrusive for other people"s houses--it could flourish properly only in a domestic _tete-a-tete_. So he must stay at home. He sighed as he laid down the letter. Then his fingers wandered irresolutely to it again as he looked across at Tom Courtland, who had now ceased reading and was smoking with a quiet smile on his face.
"Anything up, old fellow?" asked Tom, noting the gravity of his expression.
"No. It"s only from Mrs. Imason, asking me to go down there at Christmas."
"You go!" counselled Tom. "Better than bringing your wife back here."
There was a third course--the course favoured by the grievance. John did not speak of it, but it was present in his thoughts. He shook his head impatiently, and began to talk of general topics; but all the evening Sibylla"s letter was in his mind, ranging itself side by side with the scene which he had witnessed at Tom Courtland"s.
The gloomy idol he had set up in his heart was not yet cast down. But the little hands of the children had given its pedestal a shake.
CHAPTER XXVI
THE GREAT WRONG
The Raymores were lodging over the post-office at Milldean, in the rooms once occupied by the curate. The new curate did not need them; he was staying at the rectory, and meant, after his marriage with Dora Hutting, to build himself a little house, go on being curate, and ultimately be rector. He had a well-to-do father who had bought the advowson for him as a wedding present. His path in life was clear, visible to the very end, and entirely peaceful--unless Dora decided otherwise. So the rooms came in handy for the Raymores; and it suited Jeremy"s inclination and leisure to stay the while with his sister on the hill. He had a bit of work to finish down at Milldean, while the Raymores were there. However a.s.siduous you may be, love-making in London is liable to interruption; it must be to a certain degree spasmodic there: business, society, and such-like trifles keep breaking in. A clear week in the country will do wonders. Thus thought Jeremy, and it was his brilliant suggestion that brought the Raymores to Milldean for a month. What more obvious, since Charley was to land at Fairhaven and to stay a month in England? Spend that month in London, where things interrupted, and people stared, and old-time talk was remembered? No! Kate Raymore jumped at the idea that this wonderful month should be spent in the country, in quiet and seclusion, among old friends whose lips would be guarded, whose looks friendly, whose hearts in sympathy.
When Jeremy made this arrangement--so excellent a one that he may be pardoned for almost forgetting the selfish side of it--he had not failed to remember Dora Hutting. There had always been alternative endings to that story. Jeremy"s present scheme was a variation from both of them.
None the less, he had come decidedly to prefer it to either. But he had not allowed for the presence of the curate; and this circ.u.mstance, casually brought to his knowledge by Grantley Imason on the evening of his arrival, had rather disturbed him. There was another feature in the case for which he was quite unprepared. The name of the curate was a famous one--actually famous through the length and breadth of the land!
This was rather a staggerer for Jeremy, who might deride, but could not deny, the curate"s greatness. Certain forms of glory may appeal more to one man than to another, but all are glorious. The curate was Mallam of Somerset.
"The Mallam?" asked Jeremy.
"Yes, the Mallam," said Grantley gravely.
"By Jove!" Jeremy murmured.
"I think you ought to forgive her," Grantley suggested. "He"s played twice for England, you know, and made a century the first time."
"I remember," Jeremy acknowledged, looking very thoughtful.
This was quite a different matter from the ordinary curate. Ritualistic proclivities, however obnoxious to Jeremy in their essence, became a pardonable eccentricity in a man whose solid reputation had been won in other fields.
It was not surprising that Dora carried her head very high, or that the cold politeness of her bow relegated Jeremy to a fathomless oblivion.
Knowing the ways of girls, and reluctantly conscious of Mr. Mallam"s greatness--conscious too, perhaps, that his own riches and fame were not as yet much in evidence--he was prepared for that. But, alas, Charlie was a cricketer too, and had infected Eva with his enthusiasm for the game. She was quite excited about Mallam. Jeremy did not appreciate this feeling as generously as he might have; yet Eva made no attempt to conceal it. She rather emphasised it; for she had come to the stage when she sought defences. After the first eager spring to meet the offered and congenial love, there comes often this recoil. The girl would have things stay as they are, since they are very pleasant, and the next step is into the unknown. She loves delay then, and, since the man will not have it for its own sake (not knowing its sweetness nor the fear that aids its charm), she enforces it on him by trickery, and makes him afraid of losing the draught altogether by insisting on his sipping it at first. She will use any weapon in this campaign, and an ardent admiration for Mr. Mallam was a very useful weapon to Eva Raymore. She said more than once that she considered Dora Hutting a very lucky girl.
She thought Dora must be charming, since Mallam was in love with her.
She held Mallam to be very handsome, and refused to believe--well, that his talent was so highly specialised as Jeremy tried to persuade her in words somewhat less gentle than these.
Jeremy"s knowledge of girls gave out before this unexpected call upon it. He recollected how Dora had served him, and how Anna Selford had trifled with Alec Turner. He grew apprehensive and troubled--also more and more in love. He forecast complicated tragedies, and saw Mallam darkening his life wherever he turned. But the women understood--Kate Raymore, Christine, even Sibylla. They glanced at one another, and laughed among themselves. They were rather proud of Eva, who played their s.e.x"s game so well.
"Thank goodness, she"s learnt to flirt!" said Christine. "A woman"s nowhere without that, my dear, and I don"t care whether she"s married or not."
"She just adores Jeremy," Kate a.s.sured Sibylla. "Only men can"t see, you know."
Sibylla laughed. She understood now better than in the days when she herself was wooed. But she blushed a little too, which was strange, unless, perchance, she found some parallel to Eva"s conduct which she was not inclined to discuss with her friends. Jeremy was not the only man who went courting just now in Milldean. Nor was Kate Raymore the only woman whose heart expected a wanderer home, and trembled at the joy of a long-desired meeting. The period of Mrs. Mumple"s expectation was almost done. In two or three weeks she was to go on a journey; she would come back to Old Mill House not alone. The house was swept and garnished, and Mrs. Mumple had a new silk gown. The latter she showed to Kate, and a new bonnet too, which was a trifle gayer than her ordinary wear; it had a touch of youth about it. Mrs. Mumple knew very well who was the best person to show these treasures to, who the best listener to her speculations as to the manner of that meeting. And she, in turn, was eager to listen to Kate when the news came that Charley"s ship was to be in quite soon. Kate could not say much about that to anybody except to Mrs. Mumple; but she was sure that Mrs. Mumple would understand.
When on the top of all this came the announcement that Dora Hutting"s wedding was fixed for that day three weeks, Christine Fanshaw was moved to protest.
"Really, Grantley," she exclaimed, "this village is a centre of love-making, of one sort or another!"
"All villages are," said Grantley, suavely tolerant, "or they couldn"t go on being villages. It"s life or death to them, Christine."
"That"s a contemptible evasion. The atmosphere is horribly sentimental.
I don"t think I"m in sympathy with it at all."
"Don"t talk to me then," said Grantley. "I like it, you know. Oh, you needn"t fret, my dear friend! There"s been lots of trouble--and there"ll be lots more."
"Yes, trouble--and hatred too?"
"Oh, well, suppose we suppose there won"t be that?" he suggested. "But the trouble, anyhow."
"Then everybody oughtn"t to pretend that there won"t! The way people talk about marriages is simply hypocrisy."
"When the bather is on the bank, it"s no moment for remarking that the water is cold. And the truth is in our hearts all the time. Am I likely to forget it, for instance? Or are you likely to forget poor old Tom and that unhappy woman?"
"Or am I likely to forget myself?" Christine murmured, looking out of the window. As she looked, Dora pa.s.sed by, and broad-shouldered young Mallam with her. "Oh, well, bless the children!" she said, laughing.
"It doesn"t do, though, to be too knowing--too much up to all nature"s little tricks," Grantley went on, as he came and stood beside her. "We oughtn"t to give the old lady away. She seems a bit primitive in her methods sometimes, but, if we don"t interfere, she usually gets there in the end. But we mustn"t find out all her secrets."
Christine looked up with a smile and the suspicion of a blush.