"I guess I forgot to mention that my aunt has homicidal tendencies," Serenity said to Dair as she blew out a breath, puffing out her cheeks.
"She wouldn"t really kill Mildred."
"Um, Dair, when her dogs kill one of her ducks, she takes the dead duck and beats the dog with it and then ties the same duck to their collar and makes them drag it around for a few days. Don"t underestimate Aunt Willa," Serenity warned.
"They never kill another duck that"s for sure," Willa grinned wickedly.
"And on that note, I think Dair should be going and I need to get to bed. I have to be at the clinic tomorrow morning bright and early." Serenity stood and held Dair"s hand as she pulled him toward the front door.
"It was nice to meet you Dair," Willa called out. "Don"t be a stranger."
Dair started to turn to say something but Serenity wasn"t having it. She needed to get Dair out of there before Willa started in on him again. She grabbed her coat from the rack next to the door and slipped it on as she shoved him, none too gently, out of the door.
"A less confident man would think that you were ashamed to have your family meet him," Dair said but Serenity heard the teasing note in his voice.
"Dair, any woman ashamed to be seen with you needs to have her head examined." She looked at her car and the lack of vehicle for Dair. "So I guess to make this look like you don"t just pop in and out of thin air I need to drive you home." She made air quotes around the word home.
"That means I get to spend more time with you...alone," he said waggling his eyebrows.
Serenity laughed at that. "Calm down, Sandman. I"m just going to drive to the drive-in and back. There will be no stops in between."
"A man can hope," he murmured in his deep s.e.xy voice as he climbed into the pa.s.senger side of her car.
Serenity shook her head at him, but her lips were still turned up in a smile as she pulled out of the driveway.
The week following Christmas was blissfully peaceful. Serenity would leave in the mornings and pick up Emma, regardless of Mildred"s complaints, and they would head to the clinic to take care of the animals. The owners didn"t mind Emma being there and actually seemed to enjoy Emma"s endless barrage of questions. In the afternoons, they would head to the library to volunteer in any way that Darla could use them, and then they would head somewhere for a quick dinner before Serenity had to take Emma back to her aunt"s.
Raphael took the time to go do whatever it was that angels had to do, but he told Emma that all she had to do was say his name and he would be there. Dair was around some but Serenity had noticed that he seemed distracted and distant. Each day seemed to draw him further away from her. When she asked him what was wrong, he would tell her he was fine and then quickly change the subject. Serenity didn"t want to be the nagging girlfriend, so she"d just let it slide. But by New Year"s Eve, she was beginning to get frustrated with him.
"Are you coming to the restaurant tonight for the New Year"s bash?" Glory"s voice crackled a little from the bad reception Serenity was getting at the back of the vet clinic. She was just about done cleaning and feeding the dogs and had plans to meet Dair for lunch. Emma hadn"t felt good that morning when she went to pick her up and had told her she was going to stay in bed. It had been hard for her to leave her at Mildred"s, but Raphael had reminded her that he would be watching over her. Still, Serenity had called her aunt to let her know, and Darla had promised to take Emma some chicken noodle soup at lunch.
Serenity"s mind had been so focused on confronting Dair once and for all over his strange behavior that she had forgotten about the New Year"s Eve party at The Fireside. She had promised Glory that she"d come since Glory had to work and wouldn"t get to come out to Darla and Wayne"s house like she normally did.
"Yes, I"ll be there. I really want to bring Emma but she said she wasn"t feeling well this morning," Serenity told her.
Glory made a clicking sound with her tongue. "Do you think she needs to see a doctor? Goodness knows Mildred won"t take her to see one."
"I"m not sure, but Darla is going to check on her at lunch. She"ll make sure Emma gets any kind of care she needs."
"So where are you off to after you get done at the clinic?" Glory asked her.
"Dair and I are having lunch."
"Oh, like a normal couple."
Serenity laughed. "I know, right? It"s almost like he isn"t an immortal being who helps shape history. He"s taking me on a date, like a normal guy."
"Honey, I hate to break it to you, but there is nothing normal about Dair. Even if he wasn"t immortal, men don"t look like him, and if they did the world would be in trouble because women would be too busy wiping drool off of their faces to get anything done."
Serenity couldn"t argue with her. Dair was a step above good looking and took s.e.xy to a whole different level. "Alright, so I"ll see you tonight."
"I"ll be there with a smile on my face, after I"ve had a few drinks," Glory teased.
"I know better than that. You"ve seen firsthand what a little alcohol can make people do. And let me tell you, Glory Day, you don"t need any help letting go of your inhibitions."
Glory laughed. "True enough. Later."
Serenity slipped her phone into her back pocket and gave the kennel one more look before clocking out and heading toward the front door. She waved goodbye to Dr. Little as she pushed the door open and felt the bite of winter against her face. Her eyes narrowed as the icy wind caused them to water producing a sheen of moisture to distort her vision. She reached up to wipe them as she headed to her car. Once her vision was again clear, she could see that her car was not empty.
Dair sat in the pa.s.senger seat looking at her innocently. She unlocked her door and tossed her purse into the back seat before climbing in. Serenity quickly stuck the keys in the ignition and started the engine, wanting to get the heat going as fast as possible before she looked over at Dair.
"Make yourself at home?" she asked with a single raised brow.
"I thought it would be better than just suddenly appearing in the parking lot, considering the clinic seems to be busy today. I would hate to scare some little lady and her poodle."
Serenity nodded. "Fair enough. What do you want for lunch?"
The look Dair shot her held enough heat to cause the car to warm up. It was the first time all week that he had given her one of his smoldering gazes, complete with bedroom eyes.
"I didn"t say who do you want for lunch? I said what," she pointed out.
"Semantics," Dair muttered as his gaze continued to devour her.
"Okay," Serenity said, drawing out the word. "Perhaps, I better pick the cuisine this time."
As she pulled out of the parking lot, Dair reached over and laid his large hand on her thigh. Serenity tensed, having not expected the gesture. He gave it a firm squeeze before letting it relax. She didn"t say anything and he didn"t remove it until they had pulled into the parking lot of the drive-in. She"d decided she wanted privacy for the conversation they were about to have.
"Dair," she began, but was cut off by his words.
"Do you think it"s wise for us to stay in the car, together?" He paused meaningfully. "Alone?" His voice was low and full of suggestion. Serenity felt his hand under her chin as he gently turned her face to look at him. Her breath caught in her throat as she met his swirling dark eyes. If she didn"t know Dair, didn"t trust that he would never try something that she wasn"t comfortable with, that look might have scared her. It was intense, filled with desire and want. But she did know him. She knew that he cared for her deeply and because of that he would never ask for what she wasn"t ready to give. If anything, she was scared of herself because if he kept looking at her like that and talking to her in that voice, she might just offer herself up on a golden platter complete with a side dish of please take me now.
Dair knew he shouldn"t tempt himself or her. He was well aware of the strong desire that constantly pulled at both of them, but he needed to distract her. Serenity had noticed that he had been distant all week. What she didn"t know was why. But he had gotten the feeling that her patience with him was wearing thin, and she was going to confront him about his behavior. Dair would give her anything she asked if it was in his power, but he could not give her the information she was seeking. He could not tell her what had caused him to be lost in his thoughts and drenched in grief. Even if it was allowed, how did he tell someonenot just someone, but the woman he lovedthat she was going to die from a gunshot aimed at someone else? How could he tell her that she would be the reason Emma lived, but it would be at the price of her own life? And perhaps, worst of all, he didn"t know what to do to prevent it from happening. If he interfered, Emma might be lost. So, he"d come up with the strategy to seduce her away from her questions. Probably not the brightest idea he had come up with in his hundreds of years. But then, he was learning that people did stupid things in the name of love.
Dair began to lean forward as Serenity got lost in his eyes. He whispered sweet words to her allowing the hypnotic quality of his voice to draw her to him. Her breath was warm against his face and her scent called to him, enticing him to get closer. As his hand slid up her neck and wrapped around the back of her head she gasped. The sound hit Dair in his gut, and he had to fight for control because in that moment, seeing her so lost to him, he wanted herall of her.
Their lips were mere centimeters apart when she said his name. It was what she said that pulled him from the haze of l.u.s.t and need and want.
"Stop," Serenity said again, only this time her voice was more than a whisper. "Dair, please, stop."
Dair closed his eyes and squeezed them tight as he pressed his forehead to hers. Not like this, he thought to himself. He couldn"t sully any of their time together by using her desire for him as a weapon. "I"m sorry," he whispered through ragged breaths.
"What was that about?" she asked him. "I mean, I know that you"re attracted to me but that was a lot more intense and intentional than you"ve ever been before. What"s going on, Dair?"
Letting out a deep breath, he pulled away from her. He did not meet her gaze because he knew it would be full of questions and hurt. Dair didn"t want to hurt her, but he couldn"t tell her what she wanted to know. Not only could he not but he didn"t want to. He knew Serenity, knew her heart for others, andeven if she was scared beyond reasonknew she would do whatever it took to save Emma if the young girl was in danger. He didn"t want little Emma to die. Not just because of the important future that was in front of her but because she was a precious life, so young and innocent. One such as her should not have her life cut short so soon. But neither did he want his love to die. Dair felt almost as if he was having to choose between the two females who had become extremely important to him. It was a choice no man should ever have to make.
"There are some things that I can"t share with anyone because it might alter the future." He attempted to choose his words carefully. Dair didn"t want to make her feel like it was only her specifically that he couldn"t tell, because in truth it wasn"t. The knowledge the Creator had bestowed upon him had been for Dair"s eyes only. It was his burden to carry and, like so many things over the centuries, he would bear it alone.
"Does it have something to do with me?" Serenity asked and her voice was less confident than it had been. "You"ve been. . . distant. I mean. . . not that you owe me anything. It"s not like we"ve really established what this," she said and motioned between them, "is. I just-"
Dair reached up inhumanly fast and cupped her face, pulling her closer to him causing her words to freeze in her throat. "Listen closely, Sarah Serenity. The first time I laid eyes on you, it was as though I was seeing a sunrise for the first time. The warmth that radiated off of you penetrated through my dark world with an intensity I"d never felt before. It was like the rays of the sun breaking through a raging storm, offering hope to all that had been tormented. You say I don"t owe you anything, but I would say you are very, very wrong. Before you I was just the dream maker, the Sandman. But you have made me something more, you have given me something more, and for that I am forever grateful. And perhaps, I need to establish what this," he said as he motioned with his free hand, just as she had done, "is between us so that there is no confusion. Humans would call us boyfriend and girlfriend and for the public I am fine with that. But in private, when it is just you and me, those terms do not come close to capturing what you are to me." Dair took a breath as he steadied himself. His emotions were a thrashing hurricane inside of him, raging against his desire to protect her and yet his need to obey his Creator. They had been since he had watched the woman before him die. He was unaccustomed to such feelings, and though he believed Serenity had come to care for him, he didn"t want to scare her off by coming on too strong. But when the words started pouring from his lips, the censure he fought to have was completely gone. To say that the dam had broken would be a gross understatement.
"It is not fair of me to ask you for the same commitment that I am ready and willing to give to you. You are so young, your life only just beginning with a future stretched out before you with promise. I have existed for longer than your mind can fathom. So I"m asking you not to let my admission make you feel obligated to reciprocate, or even respond at all. But I feel you have a right to know since it is obvious that my feelings are unclear to you. I love you. I have never fully understood what those words meant until you. And now in all of their messy glory, I know what I love you means."
"What does it mean?" Serenity"s words came out in a barely audible whisper.
"It means I am yours-heart, body, soul. I am yours. Whether you want me, choose to be with me, or walk away, I will always be yours. There will not be a day where the sun rises that I do not think of your safety, wellbeing, and happiness nor will there be a night that I don"t make sure your dreams are peaceful and your mind rested. It means that your needs come before my own. It comes at no cost to you, and yet it will cost me everything, and it is a debt I"ll gladly pay. It means there is no h.e.l.l I won"t walk through, no battle I won"t fight, and no sacrifice I won"t make to ensure that you are safe, protected, and happy."
There was silence once his voice no longer filled the small s.p.a.ce. The only noise came from the m.u.f.fled music that was playing from the drive-in"s speakers and the muted voices of the other people ordering their food. Serenity sat still as stone. Her eyes held his but she gave nothing away. He didn"t know if she was in shock, scared, happy, or angry about what he"d just told her. Dair was trying to be patient but he was close to growling like an animal, needing to know her thoughts. To be fair, he had told her that she didn"t have to respond. He wanted to kick himself for that. He wanted her to respond even if it was to laugh at him; he needed to know where he stood with her.
"Is that all?" she said suddenly breaking the silence.
"Is that all what?" Dair asked his forehead scrunching up in confusion.
"Is that all it means?" Had Dair not seen the slight quirk of her lips and the wicked gleam in her eyes, he would have thought she was serious.
"I suppose it is rather a letdown," he told her, playing along. "I should have added in some jewels or castles."
"Definitely would have been more impressive," she agreed with a nod. His hand was still against her warm cheek. He left it there a moment longer before finally pulling it away. Silence once again filled the car but thankfully it didn"t last long.
"I know you said I didn"t have to respond or whatever," Serenity began, "but do you mind if I do?"
Dair loved the way she bit her bottom lip as she looked up at him through lowered lashes. "Of course not." He gave a casual nod encouraging her to proceed.
She let out a breath blowing the wisps of hair that framed her face. She seemed hesitant, yet there was a determined tightness to her mouth. Dair waited. He waited to see if she was trying to let him down easy. He waited to hear the words that would either throw him back into a world of darkness or words that would keep him wrapped in her light.
"The only love I have received or given was that of a child to a parent or other family member," Serenity said as she leaned back in her seat. "So I admit that I don"t have any experience with other types of love. But I do know that what I feel for you is like nothing I"ve felt before. It"s strong, intense, wild, andat timesa little scary."
Dair"s eyes were riveted to her face as Serenity spoke. His chest rose and fell with every breath that felt hinged on what she would say next.
"I"ll be honest; I"m afraid to say that I love you because it seems like we should know each other longer before such a strong sentiment is given, but I don"t know what else to call what I feel for you." Her head lifted and turned, finally looking at him. "I"m also afraid to feel these things because I don"t know what kind of future we really have together. I lost my parents and the pain of that has never gone away. I don"t know if I can stand losing someone else I care deeply for. But even to keep from having a broken heart, I can"t ask you to leave. The idea of you not being here is. . . well. . . it"s horrible. It leaves an emptiness inside of me that takes my breath away."
"Don"t ask me to leave." His plea came out in a hoa.r.s.e whisper as his hand reached for hers. "I can"t, not even if I wanted to."
Emma stared up at the ceiling in her room. She was tired. That had been the real reason she"d told Serenity that she didn"t want to go with her to the clinic that morning. Raphael had stayed with her as he did every night, but he couldn"t stop the yelling match that carried on most of the night between Mildred and her guests. Emma had needed to pee since early that morning but hadn"t dared to leave her room until Mildred and the others had fallen asleep. They had all collapsed into drunken stupors, so thankfully they were out cold, at least for a while. She had hoped she would be able to go to sleep but so far all she"d managed was a short nap. Raphael had been quiet, though that wasn"t anything new. She could tell he was trying to let her rest.
After another few minutes, Emma finally gave up. She sat up and pushed herself back until she was leaning against the cold wall behind her. Raphael didn"t turn toward her even when she spoke.
"Do you ever wish you were human?" Emma asked him. It had been a question that had bounced around her head several times over the weeks that she"d gotten to know the angel. He watched everything around him with such intensity, and she couldn"t help but wonder if he ever got tired of being on the outside looking in. He didn"t seem surprised by her question, but then it seemed very little could surprise Raphael.
"I cannot miss what I have never had." His voice held its usual coolness and there was no inflection.
"That doesn"t mean you aren"t affected by the things you see in this world. Families, couples, childrenthings you will never have. Does it bother you?" After the question was already out, Emma realized that it might have sounded a little cruel. She sometimes spoke before she thought because her mind was always curious, always wanting to learn more. Her questions were most often just a need to know the facts, not to be intrusive. She supposed that for all of her intelligence and maturity she still was just an eight-year-old after all. Instead of apologizing, she simply waited to see if he would answer.
"I was not created for any of those things. The drive that lives inside of me is the need to protect the Creator"s creation and to fight evil, the enemies of the Creator. I find that when I see humans living out their purpose, happy and content, then I find pleasure in that, but I do not wish for it. Besides, if I hadn"t been created for protection, then who would do it?"
Emma"s forehead wrinkled as she looked at him trying to understand what he was saying. "You mean that if you weren"t there to do your job, then maybe it might not get done?"
The angel shook his head. "Not at all. The Creator always accomplishes his purposes. But I am privileged that He created me to aid in those purposes."
Emma thought about that and decided she could understand someone feeling satisfaction by doing what he was created to do. She still wasn"t sure what she had been created for, but she felt like it was important. Why else would G.o.d give her such intelligence? Her need to focus on something other than the stirring she heard happening in the other room had her asking more questions.
"When you say enemies, what are you talking about?"
Raphael turned to face her. His large arms were folded across his chest as he leaned back against the wall. She could tell he was deciding how much to tell her. His shoulders seemed to relax as he came to a decision.
"In your time, in your church, have you ever heard of the angel Lucifer?"
She nodded. "He desired to be like G.o.d and was cast from heaven."
"Correct," he confirmed as his eyes glazed over and memories pulled him from the room. "The biggest rebellion to ever stand against the Creator happened that day. Lucifer and those he had convinced to follow him were thrown into the depths. He was given the earth as his domain and the fallen angels that slowly withered until there was nothing good left in them. Their bitterness at the Creator ate away at them until all that was left were grotesque creatures that reflected the darkness they held inside." He paused and Emma found herself leaning forward with her arms on her knees and her hands on her face supporting her head as she watched and waited for Raphael to continue.
"But Lucifer"s heart was full of greed and malice. He wanted more than just the earth. He wanted all that inhabited it as well. His goal has been to inflict as much pain on the Creator as he can by corrupting and destroying all that the Creator has fashioned."
"My mama used to say that Lucifer and his demons only had as much power as we were willing to give them. She told me that if he knocks on my door and I open it to him while offering him cookies and lemonade then I shouldn"t be surprised if he kicked back and stayed a while."
Raphael gave her one of his rare smiles. "Your mother said a lot of interesting things."
Emma laughed. "I think I could write a book just based on her sayings."
"That is good that you have those memories of her. She left a piece of herself inside of you through her wisdom. Treasure that, because wisdom is rare commodity in this world."
"People are always so surprised when things around them seem to fall apart. But why should they expect anything different if they build their house from twigs and spit based on a blueprint of stupid?" Emma grinned.
"Mama?" Raphael asked with a raised brow.
She nodded. "Will you tell me more?"
His answer was to continue his story. "The mistake many humans make is believing that because Lucifer is fallen that he must not be too bright. The truth is he is the most cunning of beings. His mind is a calculating labyrinth of ways to draw people into darkness. He is patient, relentless, and thoughtful in his attacks. There is a reason that at one time when he was still in heaven he stood at the Creator"s right hand side. He was beautiful, a bright shining beacon of heaven"s glory, but it was not enough.
"After all the time he has roamed the earth, he has learned who to prey upon and has succeeded in taking many with him. He is always trying to find out the Creator"s plans and thwart them, and he will use any weapon he has at his disposal. One such weapon is the demons that serve him. They roam the world unseen, wreaking havoc on unsuspecting humans. Myself and other angels have been tasked with destroying them, but we can only attack if they are attempting to cause physical harm to a human by their direct actions. If they influence another vessel to cause the harm we cannot intercede. We cannot interfere with free will. It has to be the human"s choice to turn away from the evil. The demons can whisper all they want into the minds of those who are willing to listen and we can do nothing, but if they raise a hand to harm them, then we can act."
"All that is going on around us and we don"t even know it," Emma said softly.
"Some can feel it," Raphael corrected her, "like those who are very attuned to the spiritual. They feel evil when it comes near and can even feel my presence without me making myself known. They are rare, but they are out there."
Emma didn"t have time to sift through this new information because her door was suddenly flung open so hard that it bounced off the wall nearly returning closed. Her aunt stood in the doorway looking very annoyed, which Emma didn"t understand because she hadn"t done anything to annoy herother than breathe that is.
"You got someone here to see you," Mildred told her as the cigarette she hadn"t bothered to remove bounced against her lips as she spoke.
Emma slid from the bed glancing back at Raphael. She knew her aunt couldn"t see him, but it still seemed odd to Emma because he was just so big and his presence so profound. She didn"t know how Mildred couldn"t feel it. She walked past her aunt and into the living room to find Darla standing just inside the doorway holding a covered bowl and a box of crackers. Her smile was like a brilliant star lighting the dark sky.
"I heard you were under the weather and wanted to see if you needed anything. I also brought you food."
"Of course you did," Emma said as she smiled at the woman she"d grown to love like a mother. She took the bowl and crackers from her and carried them to the table in the kitchen. Darla followed, taking no notice of Mildred who stood at the hallway entrance.
"Are you alright?" Darla asked, her eyes taking on a serious glint.
"Yeah, I"m fine. It"s probably just a little virus."