It was at this point I was beginning to get scared. That was to say I was beginning to get scared to add to the already scared I was which was layered on top of the ma.s.sive freak out created by my home being invaded by what appeared to be about three teams of multi-agency SWAT (because some had the word POLICE on their vests, some had FBI and some had DEA), pulled out of my bed and hauled to the Police Station to be questioned.
Therefore my bravado melted and it came out as a whisper when I asked, "Please, can you tell me what"s going on?"
He didn"t tell me what was going on. Instead, he queried, "Did you ever regret that, Ms.
O"Hara?"
"What?" I asked.
"Accepting from your husband nothing but your legal fees, did you ever regret that?"
I shook my head. "No, I... no. I didn"t. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted "
"Why?"
I blinked at him. "What?"
"Why did you want a fresh start? Ten years with him, multiple infidelities, he made six figures, you lived a very nice life. You could have cleaned up. But you took the dog and took off. Didn"t you think he owed you? Didn"t you think you should have part of the life you built together?"
I shook my head again. "No, I just wanted to... go," I answered. "Is something... has something happened to Damian?"
He didn"t answer my question. Instead he remarked, "Ten years is a long time. That"s a lot to invest in a life, a marriage, a home just to walk away with nothing but the dog. Seems strange you wouldn"t lay claim to something. The wedding china. The dining room set. You didn"t even take a car."
"Damian paid for the cars," I said quietly.
"And you wanted nothing to do with him," he noted. "Nothing to remind you of him. Am I right?"
I nodded, staring at him, trying to read his face but he wasn"t giving me anything.
"Lotta women, they wouldn"t feel like you. Lotta women, kind of money he made, kind of lifestyle they were used to, they"d feel something different," he observed.
"I"m not a lot of women," I told him.
"No, seems to me you definitely aren"t. Leaving all that behind, taking nothing but the dog. Seems to me it wasn"t so much leaving him as running away. Were you running away from your husband, Ms. O"Hara?"
I felt my chest compress like a hundred pound weight had settled on it.
"No," I breathed out on a wheeze, this the first lie I"d uttered since he came in and his eyes sharpened on my face.
He knew I was lying.
"We had someone taking photos of you at lunch. This did not go well. We know this. You didn"t finish your lunch, Ms. O"Hara. You left early looking agitated. Hurried. Like you were running away. He tell you something at lunch that would make you wanna run away?"
"I didn"t run away," I denied, my second lie, I did. "I just didn"t... when he told me that he"d lied about his father and he wanted to reconcile and I knew I didn"t, I didn"t think there was any reason to stay."
He sat back in his chair and threw out an arm. "Ten years together, he screwed around on you, that"s tough but you married him, spent ten years with him. Time had pa.s.sed. Time heals wounds. It wasn"t cool he lied about his dad but he went out of his way to get you. You couldn"t shoot the breeze over salads? Talk about old times?"
"Please tell me what"s going on," I begged softly.
"I"d like to understand why you left your husband and why you left that lunch in such a hurry."
"I told you and so did the court papers. He cheated on me and I didn"t want to have lunch when I learned the theme," I reminded him.
He leaned toward me and said softly, "I don"t believe you."
Oh G.o.d.
Something had happened to Damian.
"Something"s happened to Damian," I whispered and he smiled.
I didn"t like that smile mainly because it wasn"t the kind of smile you liked.
"Now, why would you think that?"
I threw up my hands and lost a bit more control. "I don"t know. Because we"re talking about him in an interrogation room in the middle of the night, maybe?"
"You know someone who would want to hurt Damian h.e.l.ler?" he asked.
"No," I told him the truth.
"Sure about that?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yes, I am."
"No one?" he pushed.
I shook my head. "No one."
"Why"d you want a fresh start, Ms. O"Hara?"
"My husband was cheating "
"Why"d you want a fresh start?"
"Like I said, he was unfaith "
He banged his hand on the table, so, wound up and freaked out, my body involuntarily jumped in shock at the sudden movement and loud noise and he clipped angrily, "Why"d you want a fresh start?"
"Because he raped me! " I shrieked.
It just came out, those four words, they just came right out of my mouth.
The first time I said them to anyone.
He shot back in his chair blinking and I heard a loud crash outside the room so my head jerked toward the wall.
My heart was beating fast and my chest was moving deep with my heavy breathing as I stared at my pale face in the mirror.
And I stared for a long time at my pale face in the mirror.
G.o.d, I hadn"t really looked in the mirror for ages. Not really. Not for years.
Was that what I looked like?
"Ms. O"Hara," he called, his voice different, quiet, weirdly gentle but I kept staring at my pale face in the mirror, stunned by what I saw. "Tess," he whispered and my head turned, my eyes sliding to his. "Your husband raped you?" he asked softly.
"I know it sounds funny," I found my lips whispering. "He was my husband but it happened." I held his eyes and kept whispering. "It happened."
"It doesn"t sound funny," he whispered back. "Not the least bit funny."
I held his eyes and said nothing.
"You ran away," he stated.
"Yes," I whispered.
I ran away. f.u.c.k yes, I ran away.
"Had he hurt you before?"
I nodded. "He was changing. Something was happening." I hesitated then repeated, "He was changing."
"What was happening?"
I shook my head. "I don"t know. I tried to talk... we had... we fought. He would get..." I paused. "Suddenly, it never happened before but suddenly when we fought it would get physical so I stopped trying to talk."
"He fought the divorce."
"Damian doesn"t like losing hold on what he thinks is his."
He studied me with eyes now as gentle as his voice.
Then he said quietly, "But he left you alone for four and a half years."
"Yes, he left me alone," I whispered.
"Then he wanted you back."
"Yes."
"Did he explain why he approached you after all this time?"
I shook my head but said, "He said he was... he said..." I pulled in a deep breath then told him, "He said he loved me, missed me, messed up and wanted to make it up to me."
"And since that lunch, he"s been contacting you regularly in an effort to do that."
"Yes."
His head tipped slightly to the side. "And after what he"d done to you, you took his calls?
You had lunch with him?"
Suddenly, needing to know, needing to know since I"d told him something I"d never told anyone before, I asked, "What"s your name?"
"Sorry, Agent Calhoun."
"Well, Agent Calhoun, the answer to your question is, yes. I took his calls and I had lunch with him. Damian is who he is and I know who he is. I didn"t want him showing up at my house. I didn"t want him sending presents and flowers. I didn"t want him anywhere near me.
He thought, throughout the whole time we were getting divorced, that I"d come back. He told me so and he worked at it. Only when I saw it through did he leave me alone. Whatever this is, whatever he wants from me, I had to see it through until it sunk in with him that I wasn"t coming back and he left me alone. So, I was seeing it through."
He studied me again then he remarked, "That took a lot of courage."
"He raped me, Agent Calhoun, he hit me but he didn"t kill me. As long as I"m breathing, I"ve got fight in me and luckily I"m breathing."
It was at that he whispered, "You aren"t like a lot of women."
"Yes I am," I whispered back. "I"m like all women. You see this but inside there"s something else that I won"t let you see or him see but it"s the mess he left me. But that"s mine. No one gets to it. Everything you get and he gets is a show. One thing you learn really quickly and really well when that kind of thing happens to you is to be a f.u.c.king great actress. You don"t have a choice in that because a man like that does something like that to you, you lose having choices. The only choice you have is what role you intend to play. I picked my role and that... that Agent Calhoun is what you see."
I watched him draw in breath but he didn"t respond.
Then I asked, "Now, will you tell me what"s going on?"
He held my eyes as he finally answered.
"Tonight, we swept up your ex-husband"s entire operation. He"s the top narcotics distributor in Denver with ties direct to Colombia."
I blinked.
Then I breathed, "What? "
"As far as we can trace it, after a number of years being a low level dealer to high end clientele, mostly colleagues, he entered the game in a serious way ten years ago and crawled his way to the top."
I felt my lips part as I stared at him.
He kept talking. "Your name is joint with his on all his offsh.o.r.e accounts. There are four of them totaling seventy-five million US dollars."
"Oh my G.o.d," I whispered.
"You hit our radar with your lunch and we monitor his phones. We were aware you were in regular contact with him over the phone for the last six months though we did not know what these conversations were about. And we were aware your name was on his accounts.
However, we didn"t know what your involvement was in his operation. As the disintegration of your marriage and your divorce coincided relatively closely with his moves to elevate his position in the business, we thought you"d discovered what he was doing. But we couldn"t know why you and he resumed contact."
"I don"t have any involvement in his operations." I was still whispering.
He reached into his inside jacket pocket, pulled out a tri-folded piece of paper and set it on the table. "Search warrant. We"re searching your house, car, business premises and computers. We"ll also be taking a sample of your handwriting because someone signed your name to open those offsh.o.r.e accounts and they did this approximately six months ago."
I kept staring at him then I closed my eyes and turned it away while shaking it.