But it was gone.
"It"s gone," I whispered, his smile faded and his brows drew together as his arms convulsed tight around me in reaction to my tone.
"What"s gone, baby?"
"That poisonous thing in my belly."
I felt his body still against mine as his eyes locked on mine in the mirror. Then I was turned from the mirror and lifted up. Automatically, my limbs wrapped around him as he walked us out of the bathroom, into the bedroom and then he put a knee to the bed, twisted and I had my head in the pillows and my man on me.
He didn"t say a word but his eyes searched my face and I let them.
My search was going to be multisensory.
So my fingers went to his face and moved over his skin, his stubbled jaw and chin, his lips, his temples, his thick eyebrows then both hands glided down and wrapped around the sides of his neck where it met his shoulders and my eyes went back to his.
"My wild man," I whispered. "My snake charmer."
He closed his eyes and shoved his face in my neck, groaning, "f.u.c.k, Tess. "
I turned my head so my lips were at his ear and no lies, no masks, no bulls.h.i.t, no games, I kept whispering when I told him, "I love you, Brock."
He growled against my skin then his head came up, his hands slid up the silk at my sides, over my armpits, forcing up my arms, they kept sliding up, up until his fingers laced with mine and he planted them in the pillow above my head.
Then he asked, "My sweet f.u.c.kin" Tess, what am I gonna do with you?"
"I"m yours so... anything," I answered.
His fingers clenched mine then his head slanted and he kissed me hard and deep and wet and sweet and, most importantly, un-f.u.c.king-believably beautiful.
I bucked my back, he let go of my hands and allowed me to roll him and we kept making out with him on bottom, me on top, his hands at my a.s.s.
And about that time, as was our luck, a loud knock came at the front door.
My head went up and his fingers dug into my a.s.s as he snarled, "This is f.u.c.kin"
unbelievable."
He had that right.
We waited, frozen in position then it came again.
"f.u.c.k," he clipped, one hand left my a.s.s, drove into my hair and he positioned my face close to his. "Don"t want whoever"s there to get one of the boys or wake "em. I"ll be back."
I nodded, he lifted his head, touched his lips to mine, rolled me off of him then rolled off the bed. Tagging his jeans off the floor, he pulled them on as another knock came at the door.
Then he tagged his tee off the floor and prowled to the door yanking it on, jeans still undone.
d.a.m.n but my man was hot.
The door closed and I pulled his pillow to me, hugging it close and smiling.
Then I smelled his hair on the pillow, his hair, not cologne, not aftershave, all Brock.
My smile got bigger.
Then I rolled off the bed, went to the bathroom and cleaned up thinking about our upcoming day.
No, thinking how much I was looking forward to our upcoming day.
It was Sat.u.r.day after Thanksgiving. Brock got the boys yesterday at three. Why Olivia didn"t let him have them all day Thursday and Friday considering they had both days off school, I did not know and upon asking Brock, his response was to ask back, "Why the f.u.c.k does that b.i.t.c.h do anything?" and I had no clue as to the answer to that question but also, at his response, I decided not to prod further.
Since our plans were what they were for that day, I came over last night, made dinner and spent the night. We were going to see how it went with the boys as to whether I spent the night tonight.
And what we were going to do that day was go out and buy Christmas decorations and a tree and decorate Brock"s tree and house and then we were going to go back out and buy another tree and take it to my house and decorate that.
With the boys.
I already had my Christmas decorations out and at the ready.
Double the Christmas.
Double the joy.
I couldn"t f.u.c.king wait.
I rinsed out the washcloth and smoothed it around the edge of the basin. Then I stared at it.
Navy blue, like his sheets, both of which I bought.
My eyes went to my own personal toothbrush in the holder on the wall. Then they went to the shower where my shampoo, conditioner and bath wash was. I"d noted Brock"s brand and bought him shampoo so his was in my shower. He also had a toothbrush at my place.
I leaned forward and opened the medicine cabinet.
My face wash. My body lotion. My moisturizer. My contact lens solution. My deodorant next to Brock"s.
I did the same thing with his deodorant, buying his brand and putting it in my medicine cabinet.
This all came about naturally, no words, no discussion. He came to my place and found the stuff then didn"t say a word but didn"t bother packing it again, he only brought over clothes and when he did, he brought enough to last awhile. I went to his place and saw a new toothbrush in its wrapping on the vanity. A statement. The next time I went over, I stocked his bathroom. He didn"t say a word. Nor did he say a word when I brought a big workout bag filled with fashion selections and, as he did in my house, deposited it in a corner and that was where it stayed unless it was scheduled for rotation.
I smiled again.
Yeah, it was gone. That thing in my belly was long gone.
This different kind of wild was a good, safe place to be.
I closed the medicine cabinet, spied my undies on the floor, nabbed them and slid them on.
Then I walked into the bedroom thinking Brock had been gone awhile. Maybe he was making coffee. Maybe one of the boys was up.
I considered this dilemma. Then I walked to the nightstand, slid my gla.s.ses on my nose and walked to Brock"s closet and selected one of his flannels. Soft, oft-worn, burgundy. I slipped it on and it engulfed me.
Okay, it wasn"t a robe but it hid more than most robes and if I saw one of the boys, I could hightail it back to the bedroom and put on clothes.
I rolled back the cuffs then I walked out to the landing.
Then I stopped dead when I heard Brock"s clipped, "Jesus, she"s in the next f.u.c.kin" room, brother."
To that I heard the whispered, but still loud angry words, "So?" Then, "f.u.c.k, Slim, this is the same d.a.m.ned s.h.i.t as with Bree."
Levi.
But who was Bree?
"Leave it," Brock growled.
"Honest to G.o.d you think I"m gonna leave it? You think I"m gonna stand aside, keep my f.u.c.kin" mouth shut and watch you slide over the edge again, tied to another woman with a mountain of problems you think you can fix?"
I sucked in a silent breath and put my hand to the wall.
"Levi "
"No, Slim, f.u.c.kin" no. You need me to spell it out? I will. Bree got raped, that was tough man, you know I know it. It was ugly, it was brutal, f.u.c.k, Slim, it was me who went with you to visit her in the hospital and I saw her, Slim, I f.u.c.kin" saw her messed up, jaw wired, teeth gone, eyes swollen shut, bones broken, same as you. Then you go gung ho, nearly losin" your job, I might add, pullin" out all the stops to take that motherf.u.c.ker down. I get that too. Then she finds her way to deal and she does it usin" a needle. She checks way the f.u.c.k out before she injected too much of that poison and finally checks out. What do you do when your ex-f.u.c.kin"-girlfriend overdoses? You leave The Force and take a job with the f.u.c.king Drug Enforcement Agency and no one f.u.c.kin" sees you. You"re undercover, livin" with the sc.u.m of the earth on some wild a.s.s crusade to turn back time and bring Bree back. Well, man, you can"t do that. It isn"t Bree"s a.s.s hangin" out there "cause she"s dead. It"s yours. Mom, Jill and Laura, and I"ll admit, me, we all lost sleep with you doin" that job, wonderin" when the call would come."
"Well, now you don"t have to lose sleep, Levi," Brock said low.
"No, now we don"t. "Cause sweet Tess and her cakes are in your life now."
I moved closer to the wall of the landing and tried not to hyperventilate.
"Careful," Brock snarled.
"Careful?" Levi asked. "Not even for your own f.u.c.kin" wife, and I will give it to you, I wouldn"t do s.h.i.t for that b.i.t.c.h either, but not for your own f.u.c.kin" boys did you leave that job but Tessa O"Hara with her haunted eyes walks into your life and what do you do?" A pause then, "No, your answer will be bulls.h.i.t so don"t even say it because I know because you told Laurie and Laurie told me that you knew before you even approached her to see if she"d accept you back in her life that you looked for a way out of the DEA so you could concentrate on her and give her what you didn"t give Olivia and you couldn"t give Bree seein" as the b.i.t.c.h essentially killed herself and took her time doin" it."
My heart started thumping and me legs started trembling.
Levi kept talking. "And not only that, you lived in your G.o.dd.a.m.ned place since Olivia took your a.s.s to the cleaners but all of a sudden," another pause where I visualized him throwing out an arm, "here you are in a sweet condo that sweet Tessa of Tessa"s Cakes would find more agreeable. So now you"re a homicide detective with a middlecla.s.s condo and five months ago you were an agent for the DEA with a death wish but at least you had a f.u.c.kin"
mission and all that is for her. f.u.c.k, I"m lookin" at my brother in his f.u.c.kin" kitchen with new f.u.c.kin" dishtowels and I don"t even know who the f.u.c.k he is because he"s losin" all that he is, again, for another, lost, haunted soul with a great pair of t.i.ts."
And that was when I moved because it came over me. I didn"t know what it was because I"d never felt it before, nothing like it. But it was there and I had no control of my actions.
I just moved.
And I did it quickly.
So I forged through the abrasive atmosphere of the Lucas brothers" mood and in the middle of Brock growling something low in response, I ran down the stairs, took three long strides and then ran up the steps to the kitchen.
Brock"s eyes came to me, his mouth snapped shut and Levi turned in the direction of his brother"s stare.
I ignored Levi and launched right in.
"I don"t believe you," I hissed at Brock.
"Tess "
I shook my head and made it to him, planting both hands in his chest, I gave him a shove; he went back on a foot, his head jerking in surprise as his hands came up and clamped on my wrists.
I got close and went up on my toes to get in his face and snap, "I told you I didn"t want you to change for me."
His face went soft and he whispered, "Baby "
"No," I shook my head again, tried to yank my wrists out of his hold, failed and gave up.
"I don"t need you to be anything but what you are. h.e.l.l, when I fell in love with you I didn"t even know your..." I got closer to his face, "f.u.c.king..." I got even closer, "Name. "
He let my wrists go but only for his arms to fix around me, I pulled at them but he held tight, murmuring, "Tess, darlin" "
"Unh-unh, no way, Brock. I don"t need a nice apartment where I don"t take my life in my hands walking up the rusty, rickety staircase to get to it. Don"t you see? I"d walk through fire if you were what I was walking to."
"f.u.c.king h.e.l.l," Levi breathed and I watched Brock do a slow blink but I was in another zone, totally in p.i.s.sed off la-la land and there was no going back.
"If you had a dangerous job that took you away from me, it would suck and I"ll admit, I would hate it because I had three months without you and that was enough. But if it meant something to you, I"d suck it up, I"d deal, because I"d know you were doing something you believed in and you"d eventually come back to me so that would be enough for me."
His arms separated, grew tighter, gathering me closer, his eyes so warm they were liquid mercury and he whispered, "Baby "
"You can be Brock, you can be Jake, you could call yourself Errol f.u.c.king Flynn and I wouldn"t care because, bottom line, you"d be the man for me. I know from knowing a bad one, the worst, I know a good man when I see him and it"s important to me to let him be just who he is, not what he thinks I want him to be."
"Tess "
"No, I "
"Tess " he growled.
"No, I"m not done "
"Tess," he clipped, one arm leaving me so his hand could cover my mouth and his face got in mine, "Shut it. "
I glared at him.
He held my glare and stared at me.
Then his eyes started dancing and he asked, "Errol f.u.c.king Flynn?"
"This is not f.u.c.king funny," I said against his hand so it came out garbled and he burst out laughing, his hand leaving my mouth to become an arm wrapped tight around me again and he shoved his laughing face in my neck.
"I"m not finding anything funny, Brock," I told the wall behind him as my hands slid up and put pressure on his shoulders (to no avail).
He lifted his head still chuckling and gave me a squeeze.