Dream Star

Haruka laid her back down on the bed and said a single word.

"Rest."

Lila nodded, but after a few minutes, she realized she couldn"t get some sleep with her mind in disarray like this. So she peeked at Haruka from the covers. Haruka is her first love, and they knew each other before. Because of the events as of late, the talk with brother slipped out of her mind. But now she has time to process what she heard. Haruka and her share a more profound connection than the one she has with Kiryu right? If it"s like that, then everything that happened at the beginning makes a lot more sense. But at the same time, she wonders why Haruka never told her. Haruka"s feelings for her are genuine, that much Lila understood from the start.

Genuine feelings, but he treated her like that. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Lila knows she still hasn"t forgiven Haruka properly for that time. It"s always going to give her a permanent scar whenever she recalls it. Under the influence of drugs or not, it still happened. Maybe unknowingly due to that incidence the barrier she put up between them grew rather than shrunk. It does feel like they"ve gotten closer with each other. But the wall is still there.

"You should sleep," Haruka commented, "Aren"t you tired?"

"I was thinking Haruka; we met before right?"

Haruka stopped typing on his laptop, "This isn"t the time for you to mention this," Haruka ran his hand through his hair, he looked bothered, "We can discuss it another time."

"But I want to know."

She really does want to know. Besides if she were to wait for another time, then Haruka will surely find a way to dodge the issue. He"s very good at that. Noticing he wasn"t moving from his spot or saying a word, Lila proceeded to get up, but just then Haruka walked back over to the bed.

"I"ll lay down next to you okay?"

Lila nodded, that"s what she wanted.

However, Haruka didn"t lay down facing her or the ceiling. Instead, she merely saw his back.

Haruka, like she told him on his birthday. She wants to make happy memories with him. Lila knew this was a difficult task. From the moment Ameno-senpai told her, that her mission involved the man named Karas.h.i.+ma Haruka. Lila knew it would not be easy. She knew the difficulties behind it, and honestly with her own problems - taking on a difficult job like this probably wasn"t the best idea. However, because it was him, Lila made the exception. Haruka doesn"t know, but she has watched over him for a long time.

"Don"t be difficult."

"Your the one being difficult Haruka," Lila argued back, "I just want to be with you, is that so hard?"

"It shouldn"t be, but it is. Sorry," Haruka apologized, and Lila felt him lace their hands together, "If you haven"t noticed, I"m an insecure guy. There are many things I haven"t told you yet. Many secrets that I"m sure once they are out in the open will make you hate me."

Hate him?

Even when he forced himself on her, Lila never once hated him. Sure she did loathe what happened and feared him for a bit. But that"s all, she never once hated him.

Perhaps Haruka read her mind since a deep sigh pa.s.sed his lips, as he continued, "Your the only one who would be so foolishly naive. That time I hurt you, I hurt you so much. Yes, they drugged me before then, but that"s no excuse. I hurt you," Haruka repeated the last line in a trance.

It"s then Lila realizes, this whole time - since then Haruka must have been worrying about it what he did to her that first day and the times afterward. Every time he held her, even after they started dating, he always looked like he was in pain. Is this the reason behind it? Back then, they never truly spoke about it. As much as possible Lila wanted to focus on her audition and getting Kiryu to wake up. But Haruka, he never once stopped thinking about what happened back then. This whole time it"s remained firmly in his mind like a curse that could not break. How much pain has Haruka endured on those strong and yet frail shoulders of his?

She didn"t know anything. The reason why Haruka ran off right after their first night of her confessing their feelings to each other was because of this. Haruka doesn"t think he deserves her at all. He is filled with regret after what he did to her the first time around. Lila wrapped her arms tightly around his back; she can"t bear to see it anymore. This back that"s carrying and shouldering so many burdens, it"s lonely when it doesn"t have to be.

"What are you doing?" Haruka asked.

"I"m holding you tightly; I love you Haruka."

She loves him so much. He"s very important to her. Her thoughts break off when Haruka turned around, Lila looked up and saw a resigned and defeated look on his face. He cups her cheeks, "You love me so much, more than him I dare ask?"

"I can"t give you an answer to that and even if I did. It wouldn"t be accurate. Both you and Kiryu are different people. The love I have for you now and the one I had for him are different."

These are the words she should have told him on that night she confessed her feelings. If she did, then perhaps this situation wouldn"t have occurred. No, even long before that night.

"Sorry," Haruka apologized. Sensing his pained tone alongside the pain on his face, Lila held him even tighter than ever before. This person is precious and so very important to her. Why does he have to suffer so much? It"s not fair. What did he do to deserve such injustice? No matter what he did. n.o.body deserves to suffer this much.

She has to teach him...

A long time ago she was the same as him too, scared, and terrified. Even if she wanted to take a step forward, she would end up backing down due to fear. But because of everybody back in Universal Star Town, because of her precious friends and family, she overcame that fear. Haruka"s fears are different from hers, but she can still relate.

A deep pain, something that cant vanish overnight.

But that"s fine, the two of them have plenty of time.