"Did you fight with Karas.h.i.+ma?"Lila recalled what happened this morning and shook her head. "I just told him what I"m honestly thinking right now."
"That you want to focus on your career?"
"Mmm," Lila smiled. "Don"t get me wrong; I"m not breaking up with him. But I just think we could use a breather. We see each other constantly every day. I feel the warmth when I"m with him. I don"t feel so empty. At the beginning, it was like that, but these days even when we are together, I feel so empty. "Ah, there is something wrong.""
"For you, singing was a means to connect you to your mother. But, that changed, didn"t it? You grew to love it," Arata trailed off. "Karas.h.i.+ma has been distracting you too much."
Lila laughed, "You noticed?"
Arata sighed, "Of course. d.a.m.n him, wasting your potential like that. But well, I hate to admit it. He really is a good manager; he got you pretty good offers. You even expanded your name abroad. However, when it comes to the Dream Stars tournament, it doesn"t feel like you are advancing too much."
"I don"t want to remain stagnant. I want to win."
"That"s why your…"
"Yes," Lila closed her eyes. "The times I have with Haruka may be cut short from now on. But, that"s okay with me. Because right now, there is something more important."
….
Two days later - K Studios - Waiting room 5
"I told you to let me focus from now on. So what are your hands doing?" Lila exclaimed.
"I can"t even steal a kiss?" Haruka looked genuinely hurt.
"She spoilt him way too much." Lila thought. But it"s way too late; the damage has been done. "A hug, and nothing more." She wanted to return to fix the arrangements on the score quickly. Lila took a deep breath, and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Only two days have pa.s.sed since then. For the last two days, she"s been awfully busy, so she hasn"t seen him other than when they are rehearsing in the studio.
"Haruka, did you miss me?"
"Yeah," his lips grazed against her ear. "But I do understand your feelings. I also want to see you win the Dream stars tournament."
Lila smiled, "This is the first time you"re admitting your biasness, Mr. Judge."
"Lila, my wife…won"t you let me kiss you?"
Geez, why is he so hopeless for? Lila leaned forward but only lightly brushed their lips.
...
- Lounge-
"Alright, Karas.h.i.+ma, you start," Arata said.
"Huh? Why me, what a pain."
However, despite Haruka"s reluctance, he started to sing. Lila"s eyes widened.
W--ah--?!!! Haruka"s singing has gotten so much better. It"s so much better; how can that be? Maybe he"s secretly been practicing? Haruka always tells her that he would rather work behind the scenes. That
The others too seemed to be immersed in his singing. Of course, anybody would be, there is something different in his voice.
Arata looked disappointed, and Lila immediately knew why. If Haruka turned out to be a bad singer, he could use it as an excuse to criticize him. Once Haruka was finished singing, he looked over at her.
"Falling for me again?"
"Ah-huh," Lila nodded her head dumbly.
Haruka blinked surprised before he flicked her forehead, "Idiot. Don"t agree."
Eh? Isn"t she supposed to agree? How come? Lila reached out unconsciously, and Haruka grabbed hold of her hand. "Make your mind up, no or yes?"
Make her mind up? Is she really so weak? It"s only been a couple of days, what happened to all that talk? But she really wants..
Arata suddenly stood up, "Alright, let"s all take a break."
Ryunosuke nodded, "I agree, okay, Oujiro - I"ll teach you something nice, come along."
Once they left the room, Lila fidgeted nervously in her seat. Haruka"s arms wrapped around her, "Do you regret it?"
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"Our relations.h.i.+p," Haruka trailed off. "I"m aware that we"ve done it more than go on dates or anything. While I do treat you especially, we…"
Lila shook her head, "I don"t regret it, while at times I questioned what we were doing. Well uhh, I knew what we were doing but like I"ve always thought how much of a h.o.r.n.y idiot you are.."
Haruka laughed, "h.o.r.n.y, indeed." He reached over and grabbed hold of her hand. "Lila, from now on, I do want things to be different."
She perked up at this comment, "Different?" As she said those words, she was pushed down onto the ground. Thump. Thump. It was that annoying heartbeat again. She always found it stupid whenever she got nervous around Haruka. Why does she have to get so nervous? How many things have they done together, how much have they gone through?
"It"s probably because she really likes him.."
That must be it, if she didn"t really like him - then she wouldn"t act like such an idiot whenever they are together.
"Um, is this different?" Lila laughed, "I don"t think so."
"Mmmm, sorry, but yeah I"ve held it back for a while. Can you bear with me my wife?"
"Yes…" Lila ran her hand through his hair, "Haruka, thank you."
"Yeah," Haruka smiled, "You smell nice…"
Something feels different. "Haruka I um.."
"Don"t be nervous. I"ll get nervous too."
...
Still, Lila took a sideways glance at her husband. It must be a crime for somebody to be born this good looking. Quite some time has pa.s.sed since she last looked at him like this. Lila reached over and played with his hair, "Say, Haruka?"
"What"s wrong my wife?"
Wife? Lila beamed happily, "I was thinking, I want to go on a date soon. Can we?"
"A date? How about a honeymoon?"
Lila laughed, "Not yet. We can do that another time."
Haruka brought her closer, "Happy?"
"Mm," when was the last time she felt so blissful after they slept together? She feels very content and happy now. "Can things always be like this?" Since they came here, far too many things have happened. It feels like their relations.h.i.+p has turned into a complete mess. Lila wanted things to return to those peaceful days in London.
"So, you want to have s.e.x every day like before?" Haruka must have read her mind about the London thing, "We did it a lot back there."
Lila hits him with her hands. "It"s not like that!" she exclaimed. "Even if we do it, I want it to be like this." She wants to feel content and happy, not needy and desperate.
__
Three hours later- 3:00 PM - Lila"s apartment
If one were to ask him whether or not he was bothered by something, Haruka would always casually brush it off, it isn"t because he wishes to avoid those topics. It isn"t because he"s lazy either - though he was sure people thought so otherwise. No, that"s not it. It"s because when it concerns expressing his feelings, he"s never once been good at it. He can never convey it through words, and that"s why his actions have always contradicted his words.
When he sees her again after all these years, she"s different. He knew that she wouldn"t be the same person as when he left, but he still hoped.
She"s stronger now, more grown-up. When he left, she had been a girl, how she"s a woman. He doesn"t know what to think. People change; people evolve.
When she sees him for the first time in years, she lights up. That star, that sun, that light. She runs over to hug him. It feels like coming home. Feeling the girl stir, he brushes his hands gently against the girl"s black locks.
"Haruka?"
"I"m here, are you hungry?" It always surprised him how gentle his voice sounded when he was with her.
"No…" she trails off and pulls a face as though she was carefully thinking of something. Before he feels the black-haired girl"s hand against his, " I do want to keep this hand for a bit, though."
He chuckles at the girl"s actions. A childlike innocence that never seems to disappear, and yet eventually. Eventually, that innocence will be soiled. .Haruka"s gaze dimmed at the thought. No matter what happens, he can"t let them win.
She hides it from him all too well.
She avoided mentioning it out of concern - not out of guilt. She hasn"t done anything wrong. It"s for the filming, Haruka understands that all too well and yet it doesn"t stop him from having bitter and negative feelings inside. It"s disgusting, jealousy. But what"s probably even more corrupt is the entertainment industry. Haruka was aware of what conditions the movie was created in - under what circ.u.mstances the decisions for the casting came about.
Haruka pulled the girl into his arms, sensing that something was wrong, " Are you alright?"
"Hold me, Haruka."
Even if he were to apologize, it would probably confuse her. But if he were ever to explain the circ.u.mstances - he knew she would end up doing something that could cost her, her career and that is something he won"t let her do. Since she finally has a dream to call her own, he won"t say it.
Even if it continues haunting him.