"Um...Whatcolourbeard?"
"n.o.beard.You"reabeast.Nomoustacheeither."
Itsoundedserious."Whatsubject?"Iasked.
"Actually,organicchemistry."
"Ah."
"Anymoreahsandyouwon"tgetyourtubesa.n.a.lysed."
"Notanotherahshallpa.s.smylips."
WeatethecrispblackduckandduringourcoffeeBenjyUshertookhisattentionoffDotlongenoughtonoticemeacrosstheroom.
"Freddie!"heshouteduninhibitedly,turningeveryotherdiner"sheadhisway."Comeoverhere,youb.u.g.g.e.r."
Itseemedeasiesttogo.Istoppedattheirtableandsaidh.e.l.lotoDot.
"Comeandjoinus,"Benjycommanded."Bringthebird."
"She"smysister."
"Ohsure,pulltheotherone."/P Benjyhadhadonedrinktoomany.Dotlookedembarra.s.sed.Itwasforhersake,really,thatIwentandpersuadedLizzietocrossthecarpet.
WeacceptedcoffeefromDotandresistedBenjy"sofferofhugegla.s.sesofport.WhenBenjysummonedanotherforhimself,Dotsaidconversationally,"He"snowatimpotence.Paralysisnext."
"Viciousb.i.t.c.h,"Benjysaid.
Lizzie"seyeswidened.
Dotremarked,"Followedbyvomiting,endingintearsofmaudlinself-pity.Hecallshimselfaman."
"Pre-menstrualtension,"Benjymocked."Chroniccase."
Lizzielookedattheirhandsomefacesandcasuallygoodclothes,atthediamondsonDot"sfingersandatBenjy"sgoldwatch.Nocommentwaspossible.Nonewasneeded.Theirpleasuredependednotonmoneybutonspite.
"WhenareyougoingtoItalyformycolt?"Benjyaskedme.
"Monday,"Isuggested."It"lltakeusthreedays.HecouldbeherebyWednesdayevening."
"Whichdriver?NotthatonecalledBrett.MichaelsaysneverBrett."
"He"sleft.Itwon"tbeBrett."
"SendLewis.Michaelswearsbyhim,andhe"sdrivenmyhorsesalot.Thatcolt"svaluable,youknow.Andsendsomeonetolookafterhimonthejourney.Sendthatmanofyours,thatDave.Hecanhandlehim."
"Ishedifficulttohandle?"
"Youknowcolts,"Benjysaidexpansively."YousendDave.He"llbeallright."
Dotsaid,"Idon"tknowwhyyoudon"tstandhimatstudinItaly."
"Youkeepyourtongueoffwhatdoesn"tconcernyou,"herhusbandreplied.
Totrytostoptheirargument,Imentionedthatwe"dthatdaybroughttheloadofoldhorsesfromYorkshireandIgatheredhewasgivingahometotwoofthem.
"Thoseoldwrecks!"Dotexclaimed."Notmoreofthem."
"Doyouhavesomealready?"Lizzieasked.
"Theydied,"Dottoldher."Ihateit.Idon"twantanymore."
"Don"tlookatthem,"Benjysaid.
"Youputthemoutsidethedrawing-roomwindow."
I"llputtheminthedrawing-room.Thatshouldpleaseyou."
"You"reutterlychildish."
"You"reutterlystupid."
Lizziesaidsweetly,"It"sbeenterriblynicemeetingyou,"andstooduptoleave,andwhenwewereoutintheJaguarasked,"Dotheyalwaysgoonlikethat?"
"Icantestifytofifteenyearsofit."
Goodgrief."Sheyawned,well-fedandrelaxed,sleepy."Beautifulmoontonight.Terrificforflying."
"Butyou"renotgoingtonight!"
No,it"sjustahabitofmind.Ithinkoftheskyinflyingterms,youthinkofthegroundashardorsoftforhorses."
"IsupposeIdo."
Shesighedpleasurably."Lovelycar,this."
TheJaguarhummedthroughthenight,powerful,intimate,thebestwheelsI"downed.Thejockeyslatelyseemedtohavestoppedbuyingspeedinfavourofmiddle-rankfamilysaloons,ultra-reliablebutratherdull.Mybitofflamboyance,aliveinmyhands,wasnolongerpoliticallycorrectwiththenewseriouslotinthechangingroom.
Badluckforthem,Ithought.Lookingback,Iseemedtohavelaughedalotinthoseyears.Andcursedandachedandseethedatinjustices.Andhadasizzlinggoodtime.
Thelaststretchoftheroadfromdinnertobedwentpastthefarmyard.Islowedautomaticallytoglanceattherowoftransportgleaminginthemoonlight.Thegateswereopen,whichmeantthatoneormoreboxeswerestilloutontheroad,andIcompletedtheshortdistancetothehousewonderingwhichoneitwas.
Lizzie"sRobinson22shoneinthemoonlight,standingonthetarmacwherethenine-boxhadstoodwithKevinKeithOgdenonboard.
"I"llleaveaboutnineinthemorning,"shesaid,"andgetyoura.n.a.lysisstartedintheafternoon."
"Great."Imusthavesoundedpreoccupied.Sheturnedherheadtostudyme.
"What"sthematter?"sheasked.
"Nothingreally.Yougoin,gotobed.I"lljustnipbacktothefarmyardtolockthegates.Therearen"tanyboxesstillout,oranywaythereshouldn"tbe.Iwon"tbelong."
Sheyawned."Seeyouinthemorning,then."
"Thanksforcoming."
"I"veenjoyedit."
Wehuggedbrieflyandshewentinsmiling.IhopedProfessorQuippwouldloveherforalongtime,asI"dneverknownhersoatpeace.
IdrovetheJaguarbacktothefarmyardandstoppedoutsidethegates.Someonewaswalkingaboutintheyard,asHarveoftendid,takingcareofthings,andIwalkedtowardsthehalf-seenfigure,calling"Harve?"
Noanswer.Iwalkedon,reachingthenearestboxtoHarve"sown,andpa.s.singintoapatchofshadow.
"Harve,"Ishouted.
Iheardnothing,butsomethinghitmeveryhardonthebackofthehead.
IworkedoutlaterhowlongIspentunawareoftheworld:onehour,fortyminutes.
ThefirstsensationofthedazeIawoketowasapaininthehead.Thesecondsensationwasofbeingcarried.Thethirdwasamatterofhearing,withavoicemakinganonsensicalremark.
"Ifthisdoesn"tgivehimflu,nothingwill."
Iwasdreamingofcourse.
Ofcourse.
SoonIwouldwakeup.
IfeltIwasfalling.Ihateddreamsaboutfalling:theywerealwaysaboutfallingoffbuildings,neveroffhorses.
Ifellintowater.Breathtakinglycold.
Iwentdownintoitwithoutstruggling.Whollyimmersed.Wentdowndeep.
Terribledream.
Instinct,perhaps,switchedmetoreality.Thiswasnodream,thiswasFreddieCroft,inhisclothes,drowning.
Thefirstawfulcompulsionwastotakeadeepbreath,anditwasagainsubconsciousknowledge,notpresentthought,thatstoppedme.
Ikicked,seekingtogoupward,andfeltsuckedtoonesideandclutchedbycurrents,aragdollinlimbo.
Ikickedagainwithgrowinghorror,urgencyfloodingfinallyintoaresponsefromarmsandlegs,musclesbunching,workinghard,chesthurting,headhammering.
Swimup,forG.o.d"ssake.
Swim...up.
Iswamupincrazypanic-drivenb.r.e.a.s.t.strokes.Swamasifhorizontal,armssweeping,legskicking,knowingIwasalsogoingsideways,beingsweptwithoutchoice.
ProbablyIspentbarelymorethanaminuteunderwater.Ib.r.e.a.s.t.strokedthroughthesurfaceintothenightandgulpedairintomystarvedlungswithawhoopingroar,andthemomentIstoppedswimmingmyheavilysaturatedclothesandwaterfilledshoesdraggedmedownagain,downlikeasee-saw,ultimateterror.
Thedrowningcomeuptwice,andthethirdtimestaydown...thebadnewswisdom.Iswamwithebbingstrengthtothesurfaceagainsttheweightofmyclothesandthedragofthewateranditsinexorableswirlingsuction,seeingnolightanywhere,onlydarknessenoughforonestrugglinggasp,andmyheadwentunderagain,willpowerurgingmeupandthesaltseaclaimingmeforitsown.
Saltsea...Iswallowedit,gagging.Prettywelleveryvestigeofathleticismwentintoliftingmynoseabovethesurface,andkickingtostaythere.InawayIknewitwasalosingbattle,butIcouldn"taccept.i.t.IfI"dbeendroppedoffaboat,ifIwerealonefarfromland,anendwouldcomesoon,anditwasintolerable.Iprotestedfuriously,vainly,againstbeingmurdered.
Isawaglitteronthewater,aflashoflight.Thecurrentwastakingmeintoit,outofdarkness.
Electriclight.
Alamp...highabovethewaterh.e.l.lip;onalampstandard.
Ihadn"trealisedhowfarI"dlosthopeuntiltheknowledgethatelectriclampstandardsdidn"tgrowinmid-oceanhitmybrainlikeamorefriendlyblowontheskull.Lampstandardsequalledland.Landmeantlife.Lifemeantswimmingtothelampstandard.
Simple.
Notsosimple.ItwasallIcoulddotostayup.Allthesame,thecurrentthathadfloatedmefromdarknesstolightcontinueditsbenignwork,takingmetowardsthelampstandard,butslowly,casually,indifferenttoitsflotsam.
Twolampstandards.
Theywereaboveme,ontopofawall.Ib.u.mpedeventuallyintothewall,nolongerabletoseethelightsontheirtallstalks,butknowingtheywerethere.Iwasinshadowagainbythewallbut,lookingback,Icouldseelittlelightseverywhere,bright,unmoving,awholeforestoflampstandards.
Thewallwa.s.smoothandslimy,withouthandholds.Thewatercarriedmealongitslowly,suckingmeawayandslappingmebackagainst.i.t,whileIkickedfearfullyandwithinsidiouslygrowingfeeblenesstostayuptobreathe.
Itriedshoutingforhelp.Thesuckandslapandgurgleoftheeddiessmotheredmyvoice.WhenItookadeepbreathtoshoutagain,thesalt.w.a.terrushedintomymouthandsetmechoking.
ItseemedridiculoustodrownwhenIcouldactuallytouchland,whiletheswellliftedmeagainstsafetyandpulledmeawayagain,whiletenfeetabovemetherewasadryplacetowalk.
Ilivedbyluck.Livedthankstothedesignerwho"dbuiltastaircaseintohiswall.Onesurgeofwaterliftedmeintoasortofhollowinthesmoothcliffandtheretreatingebballbutfloatedmeoutagain.AlmosttoolateIthrustmyarmsandhandsagainstslipperyconcrete,desperatenottobedraggedaway,waiting...waiting...forthewatertoliftmeagainintothehollowandknowingitwasthelastchance,themiracleofdeliveranceifonlyIhadthestrength.
Irolledwiththewaterintothehollowandpressedmybodyontoasharpstep;feltthetugoftherecedingswellandrolledagainst.i.t,usingthekillingweightofshoes,trousersandjacketasanchor.WiththenextswellofwaterIrosetothestepaboveandlaythereimmobile,headandshouldersoutofthewater,legsandfeetstillsubmerged.ThenextwaveachievedformeonemorestepupsothatIwaslyingontheslopeofstairs,feelinghardlandembracemeasifinforgiveness,asifsaying,"Allright,then,notyet."
Thestairswereinset,parallelwiththewall,theseawardsidebeingalwayswideopentothewater.Icrawleduponestepmoreandsimplylaythere,exhausted,shuddering,frozenandconcussed,withalmostnilactivitygoingoninthebrain-box.Myfeet,stillinthewater,liftedandfellwithliquidrhythmanditwasn"tuntilonewaveslappedovermykneesandtriedtofloatmeoutagainthatIsluggishlyrealisedthatthetidehadtoberisingandthatifIdidn"tclimbupwardsIwouldbebackwhereI"dcomefromwithnostrengthforanotherfight.
Islithereduptwosteps.Threesteps.Atthetop,asIlookedup,stoodalampstandard.
WhensomesemblanceofstrengthoozedbackIcontinuedcrawling,pressingmyself.a.gainsttheinnerwall,cravenlyfrightenedofdroppingofftheopenedgebackintothesea.Truenightmaresweren"taboutfallingoffbuildings,Ithought,theywereaboutfallingoffstepsbuiltforembarkingontoboats.
Theendless-seemingclimbended.Islitheredontoharddustyflatdryroad-surface,crawledweaklytothelampstandardandlayfulllengthbesideit,facedown,onearmhookedrounditasiftoconvincemyselfthatthis,atleast,wasnodream.
IhadnoideawhereIwas.I"dbeentoobusytryingtosurvivetoworryaboutsuchminordetails.Myheadthrobbed.WhenItriedtoworkoutwhy,memorygotlostinafog.
Therewerefootstepsapproaching,grittilyscrunching.Forashatteringmoment.i.thoughtthepeoplewho"dthrownmeinhadfoundmeagain,b.u.t.thevoicethatspokeabovemecarriedadifferentsortofthreat,theheavyresentmentofaffrontedpettyauthority.
"Youcan"tliehere,"hesaid."Clearoff."