Uncomfortable, I cleared my throat.
"Well, I"m sure you had friends, right?"
Her look was incredulous.
"Friends? Brother dear, I had to look up the definition of that word when I was six and saw a TV show about a sleep over. Dad never took me anywhere. I"m pretty sure the only reason I lived was because Mom was so fiercely protective, didn"t want to lose another child and all that."
Pain pierced through my chest.
What would it have been like to have had a parent care so desperately for you? I didn"t know. Would never know that kind of love.
A brief image of Mo flashed across my mind.
That was a different kind of love, and it was no more.
"Have you heard from her?"
Bee shook her head. "After Phoenix took me into his protection I was cut off from the entire family... Phoenix was afraid Alfonso would try to use me as a way to get to you."
"Smart." I sighed. "I guess I owe Phoenix a lot. He um, he never touched you, right?"
Bee snorted with laughter. "You kidding? Swear, I asked him if he was gay every single day he was with me."
Yeah I bet Phoenix had hated that.
"So, he didn"t?"
Bee"s cheeks stained pink. "He doesn"t even see me."
Yeah, I highly doubted that. Phoenix may have been to h.e.l.l and back but he was still a man and my sister wasn"t a child. h.e.l.l, I was having a hard enough time letting her wear a c.o.c.ktail dress in public.
Clearing my throat, I looked away.
"You"ll stay here."
"Here?"
She repeated "In Chicago?"
"Here." I licked my lips. "With me and the Abandonato"s until I take my place."
Bee"s shoulders slumped as she examined her nails, almost trying to appear indifferent about the whole thing.
"So, is that what you"re going to do?
Follow in Daddio"s footsteps and d.a.m.n us all to h.e.l.l?"
"No," I snapped. "I"m going to fix it."
"But-"
"Leave it at that," I warned. "I"ll keep you safe and I"ll fix everything- all of it."
"So, you"re Superman now?"
Another step towards me and then finally she laid her head on my shoulder. "I always was fond of the cape."
"No..." I wrapped my arm around her. "Superman would find a better way to do what I have to do."
"And what"s that?"
"Kill a lot of people."
"Oh." She didn"t cringe at all instead she pressed closer to my side.
"Just do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Don"t kill Phoenix."
At that I laughed. "Can"t kill what the devil don"t want."
She tensed.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"He"s been good to me, even though he says I"m a pain in the a.s.s, and maybe I am, but I just... I swear I"ll kill you myself if you tell him this but..."
"Spit it out Bee..."
"He"s the only friend I"ve ever had."
My heart shook with injustice as my arm clenched her tighter to me. Sad, when the killer becomes your friend, when the very devil is the only one keeping you company at night. What type of life is that? What type of childhood?
When the darkness is your only comfort, your only warmth.
"I won"t," I answered finally. "I won"t kill him."
"Thanks," she breathed. "I mean if anyone should get the honor it"s me, did you know he made fun of my shoes?"
"The absolute nerve."
"Right?"
"I"m surprised he"s still walking."
"I did stomp on his foot."
"Mature."
"I thought so."
"Bee?"
"Yeah?"
"I don"t know you well yet-but I"ll protect you until I die, you know that right?"
She sighed. "Yeah, Tex. I know."
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR.
Waking up alone is a very cold feeling even when sunlight burns your skin.
Mo SUNLIGHT PIERCED THROUGH the curtains in my dark room. It felt warm, protective. I could almost believe I wasn"t dead inside. I could almost imagine a world where Tex was lying next to me.
A world where the Mafia didn"t exist.
And marriage wasn"t used politically. Who was I kidding? I"d done the same thing in order to protect him.
The only difference had been I loved him. I still loved him. Though hate was making a huge play at trying to trump that love. I never could quite understand how he could say he could never hate me as much as he loved me-he was doing a really good job of proving the opposite of that.
A knock sounded at the door.
Ignoring it, I put the pillow across my face and groaned.
"Mo." Mil stepped into the room. I could hear footsteps, ah she probably brought Trace with her. Fabulous. Both of them present to witness my inability to lift my head high enough to eat breakfast or walk down the hall.
"Get up!" Mil slapped my b.u.t.t.
Trace sat on the other side of the bed and gave me a concerned look. "You need to shower."
"I"ll shower when I"m ready."
Which was never, but they didn"t need to know that. I still had his smell on me, I wanted to keep it that way. Visions of us together plagued my sleep until finally I just gave up and stared at the ceiling as images of Tex"s smile flashed through my mind.
Trace sighed and lay down next to me. "Remember when I first came to Eagle Elite?"
I almost laughed out loud. Yeah I remembered, she was an absolute train wreck that girl. "Nixon was a complete a.s.s to you, and I"m pretty sure Tex and Phoenix flipped you off to say h.e.l.lo, and don"t even get me started on Chase."
"Chase was the nicest," Trace defended. "Good job catching that one, Mil."
"He"s my prize ba.s.s." Mil lay down on my other side.
"I"m sure he"d be happy to be compared to an ugly fish." I said dryly, knowing Chase was way more vain than any of them gave him credit for, then again, it was for good reason. Not that I would admit that out loud. My eyes had always been for Tex.
No more.
"You saved me," Trace whispered.
"I remember thinking you were insane."
She chuckled. "But you were so strong, I mean you even stood up to Nixon, all I kept thinking was that I admired the person you were, wanted to have that type of confidence, you know?"
I fought the tears clogging my throat, making it impossible to breathe normally.
Trace kept talking. "When the guys bullied me, you made them stop, when Nixon fed me tofu, you got after him, and when I found out all the dirty little secrets you were never afraid, just accepted things and moved on with your head held high."
"I was a different girl then," I whispered hoa.r.s.ely.
"Don"t be." Trace reached for my hand and held it tight. "Don"t let others change the person you"ve always been.
So your heart"s broken..."
I snorted wanting the conversation to end.
"So your life"s a mess." Mil added.
"Are you guys trying to make me suicidal?"
Trace sighed. "So Tex is an a.s.s."
"Truth." Mil agreed.
"So." Trace squeezed my hand tighter. "What"s Mo Abandonato gonna do about it?"
"Lie in bed until I die alone?" I offered.
"Try again." Trace pinched me.
"Ouch!" I pulled away. "That hurt!"
"What are you going to do about it?" Her voice was stern as her eyes flashed. "When have you ever let the guys tell you how to live your life or what to do? Didn"t you have enough of that with your dad?"
I reared back as if slapped. The woman knew too much. "This is different."
"The h.e.l.l it is." Mil pushed up from the bed and crossed her arms. "I"m the head of a Family too. Tex is allowing them to pull the strings on purpose...
haven"t you been watching? Sergio"s reaction to Tex? Phoenix"s reaction to Sergio? Luca? Something isn"t right."