"I ought to leave a note, of course; they always do."
Sitting down at her writing-desk, she directed an envelope to her husband, then wrote on a card:
"I am going away never to come back. Don"t look for me, for it will be quite useless, as I shall manage so that you can never trace me. It breaks my heart to leave you, my dear dear husband, for I love you better than life, but I know I have lost your love, and I want to rid you of the burden and annoyance of a hated wife. So, farewell forever in this world, and nay you be very happy all your days.
"ZOE."
Her tears fell fast as she wrote; she had to wipe them away again and again, and the card was so blotted and blistered by them that some of the words were scarcely legible, but there was not time to write another; so she put it in the envelope and laid it on the toilet table, where it would be sure to catch his eye.
Then taking up her shawl and satchel, she sent one tearful farewell glance around the room, and stole noiselessly down-stairs and out of the house by a side door. It caught her dress in closing, but she was unaware of that for a moment, as she stood still on the step, remembering with a sudden pang, that was more than half regret, that the deed was done beyond recall, for the dead-latch was down, and she had no key with which to effect an entrance; she must go on now, whether she would or not.
She took a step forward, and found she was last; she could neither go on nor retreat. Oh, dreadful to be caught there and her scheme at the same time baffled and revealed!
All at once she saw it in a new light. "Oh, how angry, how very angry Edward would be! What would he do and say to her? Certainly, she had given him sufficient reason to deem it necessary to lock her up; for what right had she to go away to stay without his knowledge and consent? she who had taken a solemn vow--in the presence of her dying father, too--to love, honor and obey him as long as they both should live. Oh, it would be too disgraceful to be caught so!"
She exerted all her strength in the effort to wrench herself free, even at the cost of tearing the dress and being obliged to travel with it unrepaired; but in vain; the material was too strong to give way, and she sank down on the step in a state of pitiable fright and despair.
She heard the clock in the hall strike two. Even the servants would not be stirring before five; so she had at least three hours to sit there alone and exposed to danger from tramps, thieves, and burglars, if any should happen to come about.
And oh, the miserable prospect before her when this trying vigil should be over. How grieved mamma would be! dear mamma, whom she loved with true daughterly affection; how stern and angry Grandpa Dinsmore, how astonished and displeased all the others; how wicked and supremely silly they would think her.
Perhaps she could bribe the servants to keep her secret (her dress, her travelling bag and the early hour would reveal something of its nature), and gain her rooms again without being seen by any of the family; but then her life would be one of constant terror of discovery.
Should she try that course, or the more straightforward one of not attempting any concealment?
She was still debating this question in her mind, when her heart almost flew into her mouth at the sound of a man"s step approaching on the gravel walk. It drew nearer, nearer, came close to her side, and with a cry of terror she fell in a little heap on the doorstep in a dead faint.
He uttered a low exclamation of astonishment, stooped over her, and pushing aside her veil so that the moonlight shone full upon her face, "Zoe!" he said, "is it possible! What can have brought you here at this hour of the night?"
He paused for an answer, but none came; then bending lower and perceiving that she was quite unconscious, also fast, he took a key from his pocket and opened the door.
He bent over her again, taking note of her dress and the travelling bag by her side.
"Running away, evidently! could any one have conceived the possibility of her doing so crazy a thing!" he muttered, as he took her in his arms.
Then a dark thought crossed his mind, but he put it determinately from him.
"No; I will not, cannot think it! She is pure, guileless, and innocent as an infant."
He stooped again, picked up the bag, closed the door softly, and carried her up-stairs--treading with caution lest a stumble or the sound of his footsteps should arouse some one and lead to the discovery of what was going on; yet with as great celerity as consistent with that caution, fearing consciousness might return too soon for the preservation of the secrecy he desired.
But it did not; she was still insensible when he laid her down on a couch in her boudoir.
He took off her hat and veil, threw them aside, loosened her dress, opened a window to give her air, then went into the dressing-room for the night lamp usually kept burning there.
As he turned it up, his eye fell upon Zoe"s note.
He knew her handwriting instantly.
"Here is the explanation," was the thought that flashed into his mind, and s.n.a.t.c.hing it up, he tore open the envelope, held the card near the light and read what her fingers had traced scarcely an hour ago.
His eyes filled as he read, and two great drops fell as he laid it down.
He picked up the lamp and hastened back to her.
As he drew near she opened her eyes, sent one frightened glance round the room and up into his pale, troubled face, then covering hers with her hands, burst into hysterical weeping.
He set down the lamp, knelt by her sofa and gathered her in his arms, resting her head against his breast.
"Zoe, my little Zoe, my own dear wife!" he said in faltering accents, "have I really been so cruel that you despair of my love? Why, my darling, no greater calamity than your loss could possibly befall me. I love you dearly, dearly! better far than I did when I asked you to be mine--when we gave ourselves to each other."
"Oh, is it true? do you really love me yet in spite of all my jealousy and wilfulness, and--and--oh, I have been very bad and ungrateful and troublesome!" she sobbed, clinging about his neck.
"And I have been too dictatorial and stern," he said, kissing her again and again. "I have not had the patience I ought to have had with my little girl-wife, have not been so forbearing and kind as I meant to be."
"Indeed, you have been very patient and forbearing," she returned, "and would never have been cross to me if I hadn"t provoked you beyond endurance. I have been very bad to you, dear Ned, but if you"ll keep me and love me I"ll try to behave better."
"I"ll do both," he said, holding her closer and repeating his caresses.
"Oh, I"m so glad, so glad!" she cried, with the tears running over her cheeks, "so glad I have to weep for joy. And I"ve been breaking my heart since you went away and left me in anger and without one word of good-by."
"My poor darling, it was too cruel," he sighed; "but I found I could not stand it any more than you, so had to come back to make it up with you.
And I frightened you terribly down there at the door, did I not?"
"O Ned," she murmured, hiding her blushing face on his breast, "how very good you are to be so loving and kind when you have a right to be angry and stern with me. You haven"t even asked me what I was doing down there in the night."
"Your note explained that," he said in moved tones, thinking how great must have been the distress that led to such an act, "and I fear I am as deserving of reproof as yourself."
"Then you will forgive me?" she asked humbly. "I thought I had a right to go away, thinking it would make you happier, but now I know I hadn"t, because I had promised myself to you for all my life."
"No; neither of us has a right to forsake the other (we "are no more twain but one flesh. What, therefore, G.o.d hath joined together, let no man put asunder"); we are husband and wife for as long as we both shall live, and must dwell together in mutual love and forbearance. We will exchange forgiveness, dearest, for we have both been to blame, and I forgive your attempt of to-night on condition that you promise me never, never to do such a thing again."
"I promise," she said, "and," imploringly, "O Ned, won"t you keep my secret? I couldn"t bear to have it known even in the family."
"No more could I, love," he answered; "and oh, but I am thankful that you were caught by the door and so prevented from carrying out your purpose!"
"So am I, and that it was my own dear husband, and not a burglar, as I feared, who found me there."
"Ah, was that the cause of your fright?" he asked, with a look of relief and pleasure. "I thought it was your terror of your husband"s wrath that caused your faint. But, darling, you are looking weary and actually ill.
You must go to bed at once."
"I"ll obey you, this time and always," she answered, looking up fondly into his face. "I am convinced now that I am only a foolish child in need of guidance and control, and who should provide them but you? I could hardly stand it from anybody else--unless mamma--but I"m sure that in future it will be a pleasure to take it from my own dear husband if--if only----" she paused, blushing and hiding her face on his breast.
"If what, love?"
"If only instead of "You must and shall," you will say kindly, "I want you to do it to please me, Zoe.""
"Sweet one," he answered, holding her to his heart, "I do fully intend that it shall be always love and coaxing after this."