"She might be a little far out in left field," Dad said, "but it sure is nice to be in a place where the waitress talks American."
"Ooo, Dad. Naughty. You"re such a bigot."
"That"s me." He took a sip of coffee, then set down the mug. "I wanta check out the pictures and things. Anybody else?"
"I wouldn"t mind a closer look," Sharon said.
The two of them left the table. Dad headed straight for the picture of Wild Bill, Sharon at his side.
"Is your father a Republican?" Andy asked.
"Nope, a fascist storm trooper."
"You mean like a n.a.z.i?"
She laughed. "Yeah, only worse."
"Those n.a.z.is made lampshades out of skin. Real human skin. Did you know that? I saw this really gross book that this kid had at school. It showed all these pictures. They were so incredibly gross you wouldn"t believe it."
"You sound like you loved them."
He shrugged. "Well, they were pretty horrible in a way. But they were neat. Some of them showed all these women lined up to get ga.s.sed. The n.a.z.is tricked them into thinking they were going in to take a shower, only the shower room was really this gigantic gas chamber. Anyway, none of them had on a st.i.tch of clothes. I mean, you could see everything."
"You would like that."
He shrugged. "A lot of them were sort of fat and ugly, but ..."
"Jeez, Andy."
"Yeah, okay. But anyway, this other picture showed a lampshade. It just looked like any normal lampshade, pretty much. It had somebody"s tattoo on it, though. A bird. Some sort of bird, like an eagle or something. It looked like it was flying under the moon or the sun, but that was actually the guy"s nipple."
"That"s nauseating."
"Yeah, but it"s kind of cool."
"No it"s not." Jody stared at him. His parents and sister had just been butchered. How could he be talking about things like lampshades of human skin and naked women in line to be murdered, much less describing them with such relish?
And had he forgotten about the dead guy on the floor of his bedroom who"d been wearing pants made out of skin?
Pants. That"s even worse than a lampshade. They hadn"t been in some book, either. They"d been on a real guy in Andy"s own bedroom.
And he"s all excited about a picture of a lampshade?
That"s crazy.
Maybe this is like denial, Jody thought. Or compensating, or something. One of those psychological things people do when they"ve gotten their heads screwed up.
"I"d sure like to see that tattoo," Andy whispered.
"Knock it off about the lampshade, okay?"
"Not that," he said. "Sharon"s. I bet it"s on one of her b.o.o.bs."
Jody elbowed him fairly hard.
"Hey!"
"Don"t talk about people"s b.o.o.bs."
She saw Andy"s eyes lower to hers.
"Cut it out!"
"Okay, okay! Calm down."
"Anyway, that might not even be where her tattoo is. It might be on her b.u.t.t, for instance."
Andy frowned. "That"d be an awful place for one."
"I wouldn"t want one anywhere."
He leaned close and whispered, "Maybe it"s on her poon."
"On her what?"
"You know, her poon."
"No, I don"t know."
"Down there." He pointed toward Jody"s lap.
She whacked the back of his hand.
"Ow! That hurt!"
"Good. You oughta have your mouth washed out with soap."
"You don"t have to hit."
"You"d just better not go around pointing like that again. Jeez! Somebody might"ve seen you."
"n.o.body"s looking."
"How would you like it if I pointed down at your you-know-what?"
Andy grinned. "My peter?"
"SHHHH! We"re in a public place. Now, stop it!"
"Okay." He leaned close to Jody and whispered, "Peter peter peter peter."
"Idiot."
"Poon poon poon poon."
"What"re you doing, turning into a five-year-old?"
He chanted, "Poon and Peter sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g. First came ..."
Jody clapped a hand across his mouth and held it there. "Shut up! You"re not funny."
He nodded as if he wanted to a.s.sure her that he was very funny indeed.
"We"ll see how funny Sharon thinks you are," Jody said. Smiling, she lowered her hand.
Andy had quit smiling. His eyes searched the cafe until he spotted Sharon. She was standing beside Jack. They were both looking up at a painting of a moonlit desert.
"I think she"ll be very interested," Jody said, "in your theories about the location of her tattoo."
"Go ahead and tell."
"I plan to."
"I dare you."
Jody grinned. The way her face felt, she was sure it must be a wonderfully mean grin. "Sharon probably already knows what a poon is, don"t you suppose? I mean, she"s a cop. She"s probably heard just about everything. But I bet you it isn"t one of her favorite words. We women aren"t usually very amused by dirty words about that particular place."
Andy suddenly grimaced. "You won"t really tell, will you?"
"It"d serve you right."
He was beginning to look desperate. "Come on, Jody. You won"t, will you?"
"Give me one good reason."
"I don"t knowwww. Because we"re friends?"
When he said that, Jody"s throat went tight. She hadn"t expected that. She"d been angry, but she"d just started to enjoy taunting him. It came as a surprise to find herself suddenly on the verge of tears. "Yeah," she said. "We"re ..." She couldn"t say more, so instead she reached down and patted his leg.
"You"re my best friend in the whole world," he whispered.
She swallowed. "Shut up, okay?"
"I promise, I"ll never say peter or poon again."
"Or f.u.c.k," Jody muttered. And couldn"t believe that she"d said it.
"I didn"t say f.u.c.k," Andy protested.
"You spelled it. Same difference."
"Okay, I"ll never ..."
"Uh-oh, here comes breakfast. Cut out the dirty stuff."
Bess walked toward them, carrying a huge tray loaded with plates and gla.s.ses of Pepsi.
"That"s a neat tattoo on your arm there," Andy said as she set the tray on a fold-up stand.
"Well thanks, Sparkie."
"Do you have any others?"
"You bet."
"Can I see "em?"
Jody groaned.
Bess let out a bark of laughter. She grinned at Jody. "Your brother here"s sure a little pistol, ain"t he?"
"Yeah." Her face was burning. "A pistol, all right. And he keeps going off by accident."
Dad and Sharon came back to the table, but stood aside and waited until Bess finished setting out the breakfast. Then they slid into their booth.
"Anything interesting happen while we were gone?" Dad asked.
Andy gave Jody a nervous glance.
"Not much," she said. "How was the stuff?"
"Not bad."
"You two should take a look around before we leave," Sharon told them. "Some of it"s really neat."
"I bet you"d really like the Apache squaw," Dad said to Andy. "Her photo"s down at the far end near the restrooms."
"Why would Andy like it so much?" Jody asked. "Is she naked or something?"
"She"s minus her nose."
"She looks awful," Sharon said.
"Lopping off a gal"s schnoz was an old Apache punishment for adultery."
"Those Apaches must"ve been loads of fun," Sharon said.
As Dad laughed, Jody asked him, "Why do you suppose Andy would think that"s so great? Have you turned into a psychic?"