"William Tell Shooting the Apple From His Son"s Head," etc., etc., etc.
CHAPTER IX.
CHURCH AND SCHOOL SOCIALS
WAX WORKS GALLERY: MRS. JARLEY"S COLLECTION--CHINESE GIANT--TWO-HEADED GIRL--CAPTAIN KIDD--CELEBRATED DWARF--YANKEE--CANNIBAL, ETC.
The idea is that of a waxwork exhibition, the characters being personated, after a burlesque fashion, by living performers. Each "figure" is first duly described by the exhibitor, and then "wound up"
and made to go through certain characteristic movements.
The collection is supposed to be that of the far-famed Mrs. Jarley, of "Old Curiosity Shop" celebrity. She may be a.s.sisted, if thought desirable, by "Little Nell" and a couple of manservants, John and Peter. The costume of Mrs. Jarley is a black or chintz dress, bright shawl and huge bonnet; that of Little Nell may be a calico dress and white ap.r.o.n, with hat slung over her arm. John and Peter may be dressed in livery suits, and should be provided with watchman"s rattle, screwdriver, hammer, nails and oil-can. At the rise of the curtain the figures are seen ranged in a semicircle at the back of the stage, and Little Nell is discovered dusting them with a long feather brush. Mrs.
Jarley stands in front, and delivers her descriptive orations, directing her men to bring forward each figure before she describes it. After having been duly described, the figure is "wound" up, and goes through its peculiar movement, and when it stops it is moved back to its place.
If the stage is small, or it is desired that the same actors shall appear in various characters in succession, the figures may be exhibited in successive groups or compartments, the curtain being lowered to permit one party to retire and another to take their places. After the whole of the figures of a given chamber have been described, the a.s.sistants wind them all up, and they go through their various movements simultaneously, to a pianoforte accompaniment, which should gradually go faster, coming at last to a sudden stop, when the figures become motionless and the curtain falls.
Mrs. Jarley may be made a silent character, sitting on one side, and occasionally making believe to dust or arrange a figure, while the "patter" is delivered by a male exhibitor. Or Mrs. Jarley may, if preferred, be suppressed altogether, and the exhibitor appear as (say) Artemus Ward, or in ordinary evening costume, without a.s.suming any special character. A good deal of fun may be made of the supposed tendency of any particular figure to tip over, and the application, by John and Peter, of wooden wedges, penny pieces, etc., under its feet to keep it upright. Supposed defective working, causing the figure to stop suddenly in the middle of its movements, and involving the rewinding or oiling of its internal mechanism, will also produce a good deal of amus.e.m.e.nt. The "winding up" may be done with a bed-winch, a bottle-jack key, or the winch of a kitchen range, the click of the mechanism being imitated by means of a watchman"s rattle, or by the even simpler expedient of drawing a piece of hard wood smartly along a notched stick. (This, of course, should be done out of sight of the audience.) The movement of the figure should be accompanied by the piano, to a slow or lively measure, as may be most appropriate.
The arrangement being complete and the curtain raised, Mrs. Jarley delivers her opening speech, about as follows:
"Ladies and gentlemen, you here behold Mrs. Jarley, one of the most remarkable women of the world, who has traveled all over the country with her curious Collection of Waxworks. These figures have been gathered, at great expense, from every clime and country, and are here shown together for the first time. I shall describe each one of them for your benefit, and, after I have given you their history, I shall have each one of them wound up, for they are all fitted with clockwork inside, and they can thus go through the same motions they did when living. In fact, they execute their movements so naturally that many people have supposed them to be alive; but I a.s.sure you that they are all made of wood and wax--blockheads every one.
"Without further prelude, I shall now introduce to your notice each one of my figures, beginning, as usual, with the last one first."
I. THE CHINESE GIANT
A MAN OR WOMAN STANDING ON A HIGH STOOL, CHINTZ SKIRT AROUND THE WAIST, LONG ENOUGH TO HIDE THE STOOL, CHINESE OVERDRESS, HAT, PIG-TAIL AND MOUSTACHE
"This figure is universally allowed to be the tallest figure in my collection; he originated in the two provinces of Oolong and Shanghi, one province not being long enough to produce him. On account of his extreme length it is impossible to give any adequate idea of him in one entertainment, consequently he will be continued in our next.
"He was the inventor, projector and discoverer of Niagara Falls, Bunker"s Hill Monument and the Balm of Columbia. In fact, everything was originally discovered by him or some other of the Chinese. The portrait of this person, who was a high dignitary among them, may be often seen depicted on a blue china plate, standing upon a bridge, which leans upon nothing, at either end, and intently observing two birds which are behind him in the distance.
"John, wind up the Giant."
The Giant bows low, then wags his head three times and bows as before, and after a dozen motions slowly stops.
"You will observe that I have spared no expense in procuring wonders of every sort, and here is my crowning effort or masterpiece--"
II. THE TWO-HEADED GIRL
"A remarkable freak of nature, which impresses the beholder with silent awe. Observe the two heads and one body. See these fair faces, each one lovelier than the other. No one can gaze upon them without a double sensation "of sorrow and of joy"--sorrow that such beauty and grace were ever united, and joy that he has had the pleasure of contemplating their union.
"Wind them up, Peter."
This figure is made by two young ladies standing back to back, wrapped in one large skirt. They hold their arms out, with their hands hanging, and slowly revolve when they are wound up.
III. THE SEWING-WOMAN
"John, bring out the Sewing-Woman, and let the ladies behold the unfortunate seamstress who died from p.r.i.c.king her finger with a needle while sewing on Sunday. You see that the work which she holds is stained with gore, which drips from her finger onto the floor. (Which is poetry!) This forms a sad and melancholy warning to all heads of families immediately to purchase the best sewing-machines, for this accident never could have happened had she not been without one of those excellent machines, such as no family should be without."
Costume: Optional.
When wound up, the figure sews very stiffly and stops slowly.
IV. CAPTAIN KIDD AND HIS VICTIM
"Ladies and Gentlemen: Permit me to call your attention to this beautiful group, which has lately been added, at an enormous expense, to my collection. You here behold the first privateer and the first victim of his murderous propensities. Captain Kidd, the robber of the main, is supposed to have originated somewhere down east. His whole life being spent upon the stormy deep, he ama.s.sed an immense fortune, and buried it in the sand along the flower-clad banks of Cape Cod, by which course he invented the savings banks, now so common along sh.o.r.e.
Having hidden away so much property, which, like so many modern investments, never can be unearthed, he was known as a great _sea-cretur_. Before him kneels his lovely and innocent victim, the Lady Blousabella Infantina, who was several times taken and murdered by this bloodthirsty tyrant, which accounts for the calm look of resignation depicted upon her lovely countenance.
"Wind "em up, John."
Costumes: Captain Kidd--white pantaloons, blue shirt, sailor hat, pistol and sword.
Victim--Lady with flowing hair, white dress. Movement--The captain"s sword moves up and down, and the victim"s arms go in unison.
V. THE SIAMESE TWINS
Two gentlemen dressed alike in ordinary costume, with a large bone (attached by wire or string) between them. One arm of each over the other"s neck. Pugnacious expression of countenance.
"The wonderful Siamese Twins compose the next group. These remarkable brothers lived together in the greatest harmony, though there was always a bone of contention between them. They were never seen apart, such was their brotherly fondness. They married young, both being opposed to a single life. The short one is not quite so tall as his brother, although their ages are about the same. One of them was born in the Island of Borneo, the other on the southern extremity of Cape Cod."
When wound up they begin to fight, continue for a moment and stop suddenly.
VI. THE CELEBRATED DWARF
BOY WITH RED CLOAK, LONG WHITE WIG, BOWL AND SPOON
"This wonderful child has created some interest in the medical and scientific world, from the fact that he was thirteen years old when he was born, and kept on growing older and older until he died, at the somewhat advanced age of two hundred and ninety-seven, in consequence of eating too freely of pies and cakes, his favorite food. He measured exactly two feet and seven inches from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, and two feet and ten inches back again. Was first discovered ten miles from any land and twelve miles from any water, making the enormous total of ninety-one, which figure was never before reached by any previous exhibition. Wind him up, John."
Dwarf eats very stiffly with a large spoon in his right hand; in his left hand he holds a bowl, which falls on the floor after a moment and is broken.
"John, get your tools and screw up that dwarf"s hand, for it has become so loose that it costs a fortune for the crockery he breaks."
John screws up the hand, gets a new bowl, and again winds up the figure, which now moves with much greater energy.
VII. THE VOCALIST
"Bring out the Vocalist. I now call your attention to the most costly of all my figures. This wonderful automaton singer represents Signorina Squallini, the unrivaled vocalist, whose notes are current in every market, and sway all hearts at her own sweet will.
"Wind her up and let her liquid notes pour forth."
She gesticulates wildly, and sings a few notes in a very extravagant manner, then stops with a hoa.r.s.e sound.
Mrs. J.: "John, this figure needs oiling. Why do you not attend to your duties better?"