DAUP: Why? how can you justify your own being of a poet, that so slight all the old poets?
DAW: Why? every man that writes in verse is not a poet; you have of the wits that write verses, and yet are no poets: they are poets that live by it, the poor fellows that live by it.
DAUP: Why, would not you live by your verses, sir John?
CLER: No, "twere pity he should. A knight live by his verses? he did not make them to that end, I hope.
DAUP: And yet the n.o.ble Sidney lives by his, and the n.o.ble family not ashamed.
CLER: Ay, he profest himself; but sir John Daw has more caution: he"ll not hinder his own rising in the state so much. Do you think he will? Your verses, good sir John, and no poems.
DAW: Silence in woman, is like speech in man, Deny"t who can.
DAUP: Not I, believe it: your reason, sir.
DAW: Nor, is"t a tale, That female vice should be a virtue male, Or masculine vice a female virtue be: You shall it see Prov"d with increase; I know to speak, and she to hold her peace.
Do you conceive me, gentlemen?
DAUP: No, faith; how mean you "with increase," sir John?
DAW: Why, with increase is, when I court her for the common cause of mankind; and she says nothing, but "consentire videtur": and in time is gravida.
DAUP: Then this is a ballad of procreation?
CLER: A madrigal of procreation; you mistake.
EPI: "Pray give me my verses again, servant.
DAW: If you"ll ask them aloud, you shall.
[WALKS ASIDE WITH THE PAPERS.]
[ENTER TRUEWIT WITH HIS HORN.]
CLER: See, here"s Truewit again!--Where hast thou been, in the name of madness! thus accoutred with thy horn?
TRUE: Where the sound of it might have pierced your sense with gladness, had you been in ear-reach of it. Dauphine, fall down and worship me: I have forbid the bans, lad: I have been with thy virtuous uncle, and have broke the match.
DAUP: You have not, I hope.
TRUE: Yes faith; if thou shouldst hope otherwise, I should repent me: this horn got me entrance; kiss it. I had no other way to get in, but by faining to be a post; but when I got in once, I proved none, but rather the contrary, turn"d him into a post, or a stone, or what is stiffer, with thundering into him the incommodities of a wife, and the miseries of marriage. If ever Gorgon were seen in the shape of a woman, he hath seen her in my description: I have put him off o" that scent for ever.--Why do you not applaud and adore me, sirs? why stand you mute? are you stupid? You are not worthy of the benefit.
DAUP: Did not I tell you? Mischief!--
CLER: I would you had placed this benefit somewhere else.
TRUE: Why so?
CLER: "Slight, you have done the most inconsiderate, rash, weak thing, that ever man did to his friend.
DAUP: Friend! if the most malicious enemy I have, had studied to inflict an injury upon me, it could not be a greater.
TRUE: Wherein, for G.o.ds-sake? Gentlemen, come to yourselves again.
DAUP: But I presaged thus much afore to you.
CLER: Would my lips had been solder"d when I spake on"t. Slight, what moved you to be thus impertinent?
TRUE: My masters, do not put on this strange face to pay my courtesy; off with this visor. Have good turns done you, and thank "em this way!
DAUP: "Fore heav"n, you have undone me. That which I have plotted for, and been maturing now these four months, you have blasted in a minute: Now I am lost, I may speak. This gentlewoman was lodged here by me o" purpose, and, to be put upon my uncle, hath profest this obstinate silence for my sake; being my entire friend, and one that for the requital of such a fortune as to marry him, would have made me very ample conditions: where now, all my hopes are utterly miscarried by this unlucky accident.
CLER: Thus "tis when a man will be ignorantly officious, do services, and not know his why; I wonder what courteous itch possest you. You never did absurder part in your life, nor a greater trespa.s.s to friendship or humanity.
DAUP: Faith, you may forgive it best: "twas your cause princ.i.p.ally.
CLER: I know it, would it had not.
[ENTER CUTBEARD.]
DAUP: How now, Cutbeard! what news?
CUT: The best, the happiest that ever was, sir. There has been a mad gentleman with your uncle, this morning, [SEEING TRUEWIT.]
--I think this be the gentleman--that has almost talk"d him out of his wits, with threatening him from marriage--
DAUP: On, I prithee.
CUT: And your uncle, sir, he thinks "twas done by your procurement; therefore he will see the party you wot of presently: and if he like her, he says, and that she be so inclining to dumb as I have told him, he swears he will marry her, to-day, instantly, and not defer it a minute longer.
DAUP: Excellent! beyond our expectation!
TRUE: Beyond our expectation! By this light, I knew it would be thus.
DAUP: Nay, sweet Truewit, forgive me.
TRUE: No, I was ignorantly officious, impertinent: this was the absurd, weak part.
CLER: Wilt thou ascribe that to merit now, was mere fortune?
TRUE: Fortune! mere providence. Fortune had not a finger in"t. I saw it must necessarily in nature fall out so: my genius is never false to me in these things. Shew me how it could be otherwise.
DAUP: Nay, gentlemen, contend not, "tis well now.
TRUE: Alas, I let him go on with inconsiderate, and rash, and what he pleas"d.
CLER: Away, thou strange justifier of thyself, to be wiser than thou wert, by the event!
TRUE: Event! by this light, thou shalt never persuade me, but I foresaw it as well as the stars themselves.