1028 Joe Walker
"I didn"t know I was pregnant until I was 5 months in. We had kept our marriage secret because we didn"t want anyone to know. Even at that time, early marriages were frowned upon. Days pa.s.sed by and I didn"t know what to do.
It was a matter of time before my mum and dad found out about it, so I went to Joe and told him the truth. He was bewildered to know that. He said it should be impossible. To confirm his doubts, we went for a checkup, that too in a city 500 kilometers away from ours because everyone there knew us and our parents and we didn"t want anyone to know about it.
Once it was confirmed that I was indeed 5 and half months in, Joe told me that he had something to say. Knowing Joe, I thought he would say something to rea.s.sure me and take full responsibility, but instead, what he told me left me broken," Rose sighed with a sad look on her face.
Lucy was familiar with that look of Rose. She had seen her sad many times, almost multiple times a day. Lucy was aware that Rose wasn"t happy with her life, even when she was rich and had so much money.
Curious, Lucy couldn"t help but ask, "What did he say?"
"So I… also have something to say. I… looked into it and apparently our marriage doesn"t count because there was no witness," Rose stated with the exact facial expressions Joe had when he told her that.
"I was like… what the f.u.c.k are you talking about? You were the one who told me everything was fine and okay. And now you are telling me that we had committed… a major sin… in a cathedral. And I was pregnant!"
"..."
"How was I supposed to take it? What was I supposed to do? How was I going to tell my parents about the horrible act we had committed? And what was going to happen to my baby?!" Rose looked Lucy into eyes and uttered, "Do you understand why I regretted it so much?"
After giving it a quick thought, Lucy squinted her eyes and replied, "Why are you making it like it was all dad"s fault? You are as responsible for everything as he was."
"But I was the one who was pregnant! You have no idea how society worked back then."
"Oh come, "back then"," Lucy quoted with her fingers. "Don"t act like you are talking about the 12th century. It was only 20 years ago."
"I raised you in a friendly environment so you wouldn"t know how bad, strict parenting can get."
Lucy clicked her tongue and asked for Rose to continue her story.
"I asked Joe what he was going to do with the baby, and he told me that we shouldn"t keep it a secret and tell our parents. And we did… and the h.e.l.l broke loose on that night. The entire town had gathered, and it had become a big issue.
People made it worse since our parents were priests. Our parents were shamed in public and they couldn"t show their faces to anyone. My parents couldn"t take it and kicked me out of the house. But… they couldn"t bear me watching in that state, so they took me back in.
However, they had locked me in the room. They didn"t allow me to leave the house or meet anyone. Months pa.s.sed by and I gave birth to a boy. My parents told me that they would set the boy in the orphanage and marry me off somewhere far away, where someone would be willing to accept me.
But I was against it. I told them that doing that was a sin and they shouldn"t punish an infant who was innocent. Days pa.s.sed by and a few weeks later, my parents informed me that I was getting married to Joe 3 days later.
Of course, I was surprised. My father then told me that instead of finding a partner for me somewhere far away, he talked to Joe"s father and convinced him to marry Joe to me.
No one asked for my consent. But… I was okay with it. Joe was a good guy and… what worse could happen? I thought.
Only a few people were there for my wedding. Apparently, Joe"s father wanted it to be discreet, so it wouldn"t sully his name more than it already had.
We said the verses, and Joe and I got married for real. The guests greeted us and congratulated us, although none of them actually seemed to congratulate us based on the expression.
The sun dipped, and the night came. I was breastfeeding Paul in the hallway when Joe"s mother came and took him away from me. Oh! By the way, I didn"t get to name my baby. Father just came to me one day and handed me a birth certificate. It was then I found out that they had named him Paul— After…you know… who."
"You have got to be kidding me." Lucy facepalmed herself and muttered, "So he has a story behind the origin of his name. I thought it was just the most random yet common name given to him."
"Anyway, Joe"s mum instructed me to go and wait for Joe inside the room. I had almost forgotten that it was our wedding night," Rose snorted.
"So I did as I was told and waited for Joe in the room. Minutes pa.s.sed by and he didn"t come. I a.s.sumed he must be doing some formality, which I wasn"t aware of. So I patiently waited, but… he never came, even after two hours.
I eventually dozed off and when I opened my eyes, Joe was sitting in the chair with his head in his hands. I immediately felt bad. I mean… I had fallen asleep on the wedding night and left Joe like that…."
After a pause, she added, "Even though it wasn"t intentional."
"..."
"I called him out, and he came and sat next to me. I apologized to him and he said it wasn"t my fault. We talked for a while to ease the mood, although I was nervous from inside. I was waiting for Joe to make a move, but… he seemed more nervous than me.
In fact.. He seemed scared. Naturally, I a.s.sumed he was feeling guilty about everything that had happened. So I took the initiative and kissed him. I kissed him again… a few times… but much to my surprise; he pushed me back.
I asked him why he would do that. I asked him if he didn"t want to marry me or if he was forced to marry me by his father, but he shook his head. I demanded an answer and then he told me that… he couldn"t get hard.
I didn"t understand what he meant by that, so he explained to me that he couldn"t feel anything from the kisses. He couldn"t have s.e.xual thoughts or get an erection. He also informed that he was kicked out from the training and banned from becoming a priest.
My first thought was that he was lying. How could something like that happen? But then I remembered it was Joe. Joe would never lie and always be honest.
Joe told me that he was punished because of the sin we committed. He said that he was asking for forgiveness every day and night, and he hoped that he would be forgiven soon.
So I waited and waited, but nothing changed. I was growing desperate. I was at an age where I could grow s.e.xually frustrated. Mind you, I was 17 at that time and Joe was 22. I always wondered why only Joe was punished and not me when we were equally responsible? As time pa.s.sed, I stopped expecting anything and accepted my fate. Then… one day, I met… well, your father. When I told him about my situation, he said that Joe had developed ED because of the trauma. The trauma being… everything that happened to us."
Lucy, who listened to Rose"s story attentively, raised her brows and asked, "So how does your story justify your cheating on dad?"
"It doesn"t." Rose shook her head. "I never said my adultery was justified. I know and accept that what I did was unacceptable. Even so, I don"t regret it."
"..."
Rose smiled wryly at Lucy and uttered, "You were born out of that act."
"Ugh… am I supposed to be happy that you cheated on dad?"
"Do you value your existence? I do, which is why I am glad I met that boy." Rose shrugged.