Chapter 325 - Hidden Fears
When he next wakes up, she is no longer beside him.
But he is greeted to the smell of cooking and singing. A gentle and clear voice like the sun, and yet there is something different too.
It reminds him of the moon.
Yuhi saw her in her ap.r.o.n and hair tied up in a high ponytail and cooking, with whatever leftovers he actually has. He"s surprised to be presented with an actual meal since it"s the first time in a while since he"s actually last ate anything decent. Meaning he didn"t get a chance to do any shopping at all, so when she serves him a full breakfast of eggs, ham, bacon, and toast.
He has to ask where she gets the ingredients from. Because unless he forgot that he went shopping, or someone else came in here during his absence, then there should have been only sc.r.a.ps of ingredients in the fridge.
"These weren"t in my fridge or cupboard."
His girlfriend looks at him with a defeated expression and sighs. "I brought them over last night. I heard from Atus.h.i.+ that you haven"t been coming home recently and staying at your apartment. So I figured you wouldn"t be eating."
Ah, come to think of it, she was holding those bags last night.
He"s tempted to say the words" busy body" and "worry wot," but h knew better than to start anything now. There is something about seeing her in an ap.r.o.n and even waking up to her cooking him breakfast; that makes him smile.
It"s almost like their newlyweds, heh. He wonders what kind of expression she would pull if he were to say those words to her out loud.
When she rests his head on his shoulder and intertwines their hands with each other, Yuhi understands that she read him like a book the whole time.
"So what did you investigate exactly?"
He watched as her expression turned dark. She seemed oddly nervous. "The past cases to do with me, right?"
"Yuhi."
"It"s fine. I already told you briefly last year anyway. My revenge aside, there are other things I have to do."
"Will you leave my side?"
"No." Yuhi mumbled. "My revenge is important, but from the start, you were more important."
Sumire nodded, but the girl still seemed uneasy to him. "Then maybe I should sing a song?"
Her eyes brightened. It looked like a child"s pair of eyes. "You"re going to sing Yuhi?"
"Well, I"m working on a new song right now. I would like your input." He pulled out some music sheets from the table.
Even if I don"t sleep, dawn will break
As I gaze over it
t.i.tle: Yorugaakeru
[Verse 1]
Over the unchanging white wall
The sun s.h.i.+nes, and the clock ticks forward
The seasons I had lived in with you
Become distant to me little by little
[Pre-Chorus]
I wander into the night like this
It"s painful
[Chorus]
Even if I don"t sleep, dawn will break.
As I gaze over it
Things changing, things ending
Things beginning
I can live without you.
That"s sad for me
Look, dawn is nearly breaking.
Dawn is breaking
"These lyrics." Sumire mumbled as she moved her hands slowly on the words. "Who did you think of when you wrote this?"
It seemed like she understood just from looking at it. A deep sigh escaped his lips. "I thought of you."
He thought of her and Tsueno Mamoru. It was odd for him to write a song for them, but all his pent-up feelings led to this.
His thoughts broke off when she traced his lips. "I"m sorry, Yuhi, it must be difficult for you too."
"It"s fine; as I said before, you can use me as your s.h.i.+eld if you want to."
Yuhi knew she wasn"t happy with that answer since she hit him. "How can you be okay with me using you?"
"I wonder why myself." Most people would not stand for it. Then again, he was never normal.
"Yuhi, I don"t want to hurt you any more than I already am. So promise me something?"
"That depends what it is."
"If it becomes too suffocating for you, then please leave me."
Yuhi frowned when he heard those words. He doesn"t want her to think that way, but he understands her mindset. For Sumire, she already gave everything up. Because she thinks she has nothing to lose anymore.
"I don"t want to leave you, ever."
Now that they are together, why would he do that? Unless Mamoru appears or something, he will never give her up.
"What if I cheated on you? Would you leave me then?"
"Sumire you-"
"You know how scared I am, Yuhi. You understand that I am still not over Ru either. I am afraid that one day I will end up hurting you the most because of my actions."
"That-" His sentence fell short when she kissed him deeply. He remained frozen for once and did not do anything.
After a few minutes, Sumire pulled away, and she hits his chest lightly. "Why am I talking about the future? I already know how much I am hurting you, Yuhi. But I understand that without you, I would break even more. The truth is I like this life I have with you, these peaceful days, the mundane conversations and moments. I should let you go so you can find your own happiness. The reason why I don"t push Sano away has nothing to do with my past with him. It is because I am hoping that one day you would spite me for being near him. I thought this way you would hate me."
Yuhi clenched his fist when he heard those words. It is not as though he never thought of that possibility before. After all, he was always watching Sumire, even when she was with Sano. This girl has no emotions whenever she is with Nagawa; she may smile or show different expressions. But her gaze seems hollow and dead.
It felt unusual, but now he understood the reason why. It was all an act. She is so foolish; did she think he would hate her for this? The truth is he is afraid too, afraid that if she goes through with that plan properly and cheats on him, he would end up forgiving her.
He is scared that he would forgive her no matter what she does, scared to fall into deeply. It is stupid to even think this way, and he is already too deeply invested. He loves her too much, and even if it makes him a fool, he would forgive her for everything.