Chapter 395 - The Only Way
Even more than touching her, to spend moments like her with this is something he prefers. For her to rest so comfortably in his hold like this, despite the cold, all he felt is the warmth transmitting from her back.
"When you take a look at this, you really can tell that winter is approaching."
"It wasn"t so obvious earlier. But it is, that season already."
For the two of them, winter holds so many memories. Memories that connect together; and memories that differ from each other. It was winter when he confessed to her and winter when they got together.
Winter when Tsueno Mamoru pa.s.sed away, winter when Makino left him to pursue her dreams. Winter contains fond and beautiful memories, as well as sad ones. Every time winter comes, his feelings towards Ibuki Sumire increase. But for her, every time winter comes around; it"s a trial, a test of her heart and emotions.
Whether it"s the situation with Nagawa, Mamoru, or even Atsuro, Yuhi knew it would not take long before she solves everything.
"Are you comfortable?"
"Yes," Sumire muttered. "Am I being unfair right now?"
"Out of all the times you ask that it"s in this situation where I"m barely touching you?"
Aside from his arms that wrapped around her waist, he isn"t touching her at all.
"Perhaps that"s why I can say it now." Sumire trailed off. "You know I probably won"t ever directly tell you it"s over. I"ll probably never be able to say it"s all finished and get you to move on. I"m very bad at expressing my feelings; after all, even now, what I"m about to say is going to sound wishy-washy and half-hearted. But you"ll listen to me regardless, won"t you, Yuhi."
"Yeah."
Of course, he would listen to her. After all, this is the only thing he can do for her right now. The only thing he can do for her is listening to her whenever she has worries.
"Did Yumi-senpai tell you I accepted performing at her event?"
"Yeah."
"The reason I suddenly decided to go is because of the conversation I had with Hino. It was rather long and wordy, so I won"t repeat everything she said. But I shall tell you what words. .h.i.t me the most, not feel guilty about my actions, and not hold myself back anymore to clearly sing my feelings. I wonder what it was, but after he said those words, I felt an emotional trigger of some sort. I suppose that"s what you would call my switch? I want to sing, to sing solo, and let others hear my feelings. To everyone, to let my voice reach the vast ends of the universe. Feelings that I cannot understand myself let alone hope others would understand. But, whenever I sing his songs, I can breathe again."
Even though he"s the one that caused her excess breath problem, but then again, he knew what was going to come out of this conversation, is not something bitter, but nor is it exactly sweet. It"s filled with something that the eye cannot see.
"What about my songs?" Yuhi wondered.
Sumire often told him how much she admired him; she even said things about how she fell in love with his voice. But her feelings are very vague, exactly how does she see his music? He wants to know the answer.
"I don"t know."
He leaves it at that, afraid that if he pursues the topic anymore. Those ugly and dark feelings would emerge again. Once the brunette felt better, the two of them stood up and walked along the wall.
"You know this isn"t the beach trip I had in mind."
Sumire laughed at those words. "It is okay Yuhi-san, you know I prefer the cold over the heat."
But she gets sick during both seasons. Yuhi turned around and draped his coat around her shoulders before he walked ahead of her again. It was quiet for a few minutes. Now that he thought about it, recently, so much has happened. They have not had the luxury to spend much time together.
For skipping out on all those jobs when she first came here, he is now paying the price for it. His schedule is very packed now. He even considered taking leave from school.
It is not like he has that much time to spare, but instead, he negotiated to go to school. Even if it is only for a few hours, he still wants to be part of her school life.
He wants to be part of the ordinary days she will look back on in the future. The future, huh? Is it possible for him to be part of the future? Recently he has asked Atsuro to keep the child for more checkups even though he does not have to. It not only keeps the child away, but it keeps Atsuro in line.
If Sumire knew about this, even she would dislike him, wouldn"t she?
"By the way, we aren"t going back to the bar tonight. I have a studio on the other side of town."
Yuhi felt awkward saying this. He doesn"t want her to get the wrong idea. However, a part of him did skip his work so he could take her away.
"You know, aren"t you a bit too casual about this? If your parents were still around, I am sure they would lecture you about sleeping at other men"s houses so casually."
At that comment, Sumire frowned. "Hmph, I don"t want to hear that from the guy who thinks nothing about s.e.x before marriage."
"I didn"t think you held traditional views."
"Oh, your right; it must be a remark due to the moment."
"I never said anything about getting married immediately, didn"t I?"
"But that"s what it seemed like when you asked me."
"Really? I still don"t understand what it means to be married? Why do such systems and rules exist anyway?"
Sumire looked at him oddly before she asked. "Then, why did you propose to me?"
"Because there"s no other way to. .."
"To chase away the paparazzi?"
"To chase away Mamoru who lingers in your heart, despite your feelings for me."
Yuhi never wanted to admit this.
Whenever it concerns Mamoru, he always left it to her and never brought him up. After all, whenever it concerns Mamoru, Sumire would get this look on her face that exposes her feelings for him. He no longer wants to see that. When he first asked her out, he thought he could do it. He thought he could ignore that she still felt strongly for Mamoru, but it seems he can"t dismiss it anymore.
Maybe it is due to the recent cases, but lately, he noticed something wrong.