Mr. Lovel bowed.
"Why, then, Gentlemen," continued he, with a loud laugh, "I must tell you a most excellent good joke;-when all was over, as sure as you"re alive, he asked what the play was! Ha, ha, ha!"
"Sir," said Mr. Lovel, colouring, "if you were as much used to town-life as I am,-which, I presume, is not precisely the case,-I fancy you would not find so much diversion from a circ.u.mstance so common."
"Common! What, is it common?" repeated the Captain; "why then, "fore George, such chaps are more fit to be sent to school, and well disciplined with a cat-o"-nine tails, than to poke their heads into a play-house. Why, a play is the only thing left, now-a-days, that has a grain of sense in it; for as to all the rest of your public places, d"ye see, if they were all put together, I wouldn"t give that for "em!" (snapping his fingers.) "And now we"re talking of them sort of things, there"s your operas,-I should like to know, now, what any of you can find to say for them."
Lord Orville, who was most able to have answered, seemed by no means to think the Captain worthy an argument, upon a subject concerning which he had neither knowledge nor feeling: but, turning to us, he said, "The ladies are silent, and we seem to have engrossed the conversation to ourselves, in which we are much more our own enemies than theirs. But,"
addressing himself to Miss Mirvan and me, "I am most desirous to hear the opinions of these young ladies, to whom all public places must, as yet, be new."
We both, and with eagerness, declared that we had received as much, if not more pleasure, at the opera than any where: but we had better have been silent; for the Captain, quite displeased, said, "What signifies asking them girls? Do you think they know their own minds yet? Ask "em after any thing that"s called diversion, and you"re sure they"ll say it"s vastly fine-they are a set of parrots, and speak by rote, for they all say the same thing: but ask "em how they like making puddings and pies, and I"ll warrant you"ll pose "em. As to them operas, I desire I may hear no more of their liking such nonsense; and for you, Moll" (to his daughter,) "I charge you, as you value my favour, that you"ll never again be so impertinent as to have a taste of your own before my face. There are fools enough in the world, without your adding to their number. I"ll have no daughter of mine affect them sort of megrims. It is a shame they a"n"t put down; and if I"d my will, there"s not a magistrate in this town but should be knocked on the head for suffering them. If you"ve a mind to praise any thing, why you may praise a play, and welcome, for I like it myself."
This reproof effectually silenced us both for the rest of the evening. Nay, indeed, for some minutes it seemed to silence every body else; till Mr.
Lovel, not willing to lose an opportunity of returning the Captain"s sarcasm, said, "Why, really Sir, it is but natural to be most pleased with what is most familiar; and, I think, of all our diversions, there is not one so much in common between us and the country as a play. Not a village but has its barns and comedians; and as for the stage business, why it may be pretty equally done any where; and even in regard to us, and the canaille, confined as we all are within the semi-circle of a theatre, there is no place where the distinction is less obvious."
While the Captain seemed considering for Mr. Lovel"s meaning, Lord Orville, probably with a view to prevent his finding it, changed the subject to c.o.x"s Museum, and asked what he thought of it?
"Think!-"said he, "why I think as how it i"n"t worth thinking about. I like no such jemcracks. It is only fit, in my mind, for monkeys:-though, for aught I know, they too might turn up their noses at it."
"May we ask your Lordship"s own opinion?" said Mrs. Mirvan.
"The mechanism," answered he, "is wonderfully ingenioous: I am sorry it is turned to no better account; but its purport is so frivolous, so very remote from all aim at instruction or utility, that the sight of so fine a show leaves a regret on the mind, that so much work, and so much ingenuity, should not be better bestowed."
"The truth is," said the Captain, "that in all this huge town, so full as it is of folks of all sorts, there i"n"t so much as one public place, besides the play-house, where a man, that"s to say, a man who is a man, ought not to be ashamed to shew his face. T"other day they got me to a ridotto: but, I believe, it will be long enough before they get me to another. I knew no more what to do with myself, than if my ship"s company had been metamorphosed into Frenchman. Then, again, there"s your famous Ranelagh, that you make such a fuss about;-why what a dull place is that!-it"s the worst of all."
"Ranelagh dull!"-"Ranelagh dull!-was echoed from mouth to mouth; and all the ladies, as if of one accord, regarded the Captain with looks of the most ironical contempt.
"As to Ranelagh," said Mr. Lovell, "most indubitably, though the price is blebian, it is by no means adapted to the plebian taste. It requires a certain acquaintance with high life, and-and-and something of-of-something d"un vrai gout, to be really sensible of its merit. Those whose-whose connections, and so forth, are not among les gens comme il faut, can feel nothing but ennui at such a place as Ranelagh."
"Ranelagh!" cried Lord -, "O, tis the divinest place under heaven,-or, indeed,-for aught I know-"
"O you creature!" cried a pretty, but affected young lady, patting him with her fan, "you sha"n"t talk so; I know what you are going to say; but, positively, I won"t sit by you, if you"re so wicked."
"And how can one sit by you, and be good?" said he, "when only to look at you is enough to make one wicked-or wish to be so?"
"Fie, my Lord!" returned she, "you really are insufferable. I don"t think I shall speak to you again these seven years."
"What a metamorphosis," cried Lord Orville," should you make a patriarch of his Lordship."
"Seven years!" said he, "dear Madam, be contented with telling me you will not speak to me after seven years, and I will endeavour to submit."
"O, very well, my Lord," answered she, "pray date the end of our speaking to each other as early as you please, I"ll promise to agree to your time."
"You know, dear Madam," said he, sipping his tea, "you know I only live in your sight."
"O yes, my Lord, I have long known that. But I begin to fear we shall be too late for Ranelagh this evening."
"O no, Madame," said Mr. Lovel, looking at his watch, "it is but just past ten."
"No more!" cried she, "O then we shall do very well."
All the ladies now started up, and declared they had no time to lose.
"Why, what the D-l," cried the Captain, leaning forward with both his arms on the table," are you going to Ranelagh at this time of night?"
The ladies looked at one another, and smiled.
"To Ranelagh?" cried Lord -, "yes, and I hope you are going too; for we cannot possibly excuse these ladies."
"I go to Ranelagh?-if I do, I"ll be -."
Everybody now stood up; and the stranger Lord, coming round to me, said, "You go, I hope?"
"No, my Lord, I believe not."
"O you cannot, must not be so barbarous." And he took my hand, and ran on, saying such fine speeches, and compliments, that I might almost have supposed myself a G.o.ddess, and him a pagan paying me adoration. As soon as I possibly could, I drew back my hand; but he frequently, in the course of conversation, contrived to take it again, though it was extremely disagreeable to me; and the more so, as I saw that Lord Orville had his eyes fixed upon us, with a gravity of attention that made me uneasy.
And, surely, my dear Sir, it was a great liberty in this lord, not withstanding his rank, to treat me so freely. As to Sir Clement, he seemed in misery.
They all endeavoured to prevail with the Captain to join the Ranelagh party; and this lord told me, in a low voice, that it was tearing his heart out to go without me.
During this conversation Mr. Lovel came forward, and a.s.suming a look of surprise, made me a bow, and inquired how I did, protesting upon his honour, that he had not seen me before, or would have sooner paid his respects to me.
Though his politeness was evidently constrained, yet I was very glad to be thus a.s.sured of having nothing more to fear from him.
The Captain, far from listening to their persuasions of accompanying them to Ranelagh, was quite in a pa.s.sion at the proposal, and vowed he would sooner go to the Blackhole in Calcutta.
"But," said Lord -, "if the ladies will take their tea at Ranelagh, you may depend upon our seeing them safe home; for we shall be proud of the honour of attending them."
"May be so," said the Captain, "but I"ll tell you what, if one of these places ben"t enough for them to-night, why to-morrow they shall go to ne"er a one."
We instantly declared ourselves ready to go home.
"It is not for yourselves that we pet.i.tion," said Lord -. "But for us; if you have any charity, you will not be so cruel as to deny us; we only beg you to prolong our happiness for a few minutes,-the favour is but a small one for you to grant, though so great a one for us to receive."
"To tell you a piece of my mind," said the Captain, surlily, "I think you might as well not give the girls so much of this palaver; they"ll take it all for gospel. As to Moll, why she"s well enough, but nothing extraordinary; though, perhaps, you may persuade her that her pug nose is all the fashion; and as to the other, why she"s good white and red to be sure; but what of that?-I"ll warrant she"ll moulder away as fast as her neighbours."
"Is there," cried Lord -, "another man in this place, who, seeing such objects, could make such a speech?"
"As to that there," returned the Captain, "I don"t know whether there be or no, and, to make free, I don"t care; for I sha"n"t go for to model myself by any of these fair-weather chaps, who dare not so much as say their souls are their own,-and, for aught I know, no more they ben"t. I"m almost as much ashamed of my countrymen as if I was a Frenchman, and I believe in my heart there i"n"t a pin to choose between them; and, before long, we shall hear the very sailors talking that lingo, and see never a swabber without a bag and a sword."
"He, he, he!-well, "pon honour," cried Mr. Lovel, "you gentlemen of the ocean have a most severe way of judging."
"Severe! "fore George, that is impossible; for, to cut the matter short, the men, as they call themselves, are no better than monkeys; and as to the women, why they are mere dolls. So now you"ve got my opinion of this subject; and I so wish you good night."
The ladies, who were very impatient to be gone, made their courtsies, and tripped away, followed by all the gentlemen of their party, except the lord before mentioned, and, Lord Orville, who stayed to make inquiries of Mrs. Mirvan concerning our leaving town; and then saying, with his usual politeness, something civil to each of us, with a very grave air he quitted us.
Lord - remained some minutes longer, which he spent in making a profusion of compliments to me; by which he prevented my hearing distinctly what Lord Orville said, to my great vexation, especially as he looked-I thought so, at least-as if displeased at his particularity of behaviour to me.