"He really likes you, always has. And he"s successful. Not Jack Eversea successful. But he has a good job, and he"s doing really well."
"Stop it, Joey!"
"He"s a normal guy. A nice guy. He wouldn"t dare mess you around-"
"I thought you called him a man-wh.o.r.e because of all his one night stands," I reminded him. That should shut him up.
"That"s just because he"s never dated anyone like you."
I snorted. "Please."
"Okay. That sounded dumb. I guess what I mean is, just let him take you out. Take you on a few dates, or something. You never know."
"Joey. I can"t, ok? I just ... can"t. I"m ... raw. I just want to go back to it being only me for a long while. I don"t want that giddy roller coast ride of highs and lows. I"m in the low right now, and it"s crushing me."
"But you wouldn"t have that with Colt, it would be steady. He"s steady."
"Joey." How did I explain how truly terrifying that sounded. "That would be worse than nothing at all."
He slumped in his seat. "I know that, I guess. I just-"
"Look, I get it, you"re saying all this because you"re worried. But, Joey, I"ll be fine. I know I"ll be fine. I felt like I"d never be fine again after mom and dad, but I was. And then after Nana. But I was. I still miss them every day, but I"m alright. I know I"ll think about Jack every day for the rest of my life. He changed me. He made me want more. Made me want to be more. Those are good things. I"m hanging onto them. And regardless of what you think of him, and also how mad I am at him for how everything went down, he"s a good guy. I have to believe I didn"t fall for an a.s.shole." I clenched my fists. "But I"ll be okay. Not right now. But I will." And so I"d keep telling myself until I actually believed it.
We climbed out of the truck and headed up the porch steps.
With his hand on the railing, Joey stopped and looked about him a moment before fixing his eyes on me. "Okay, kiddo, one last thing. Don"t wait on me. Please. Go ahead and look into some colleges or art schools, maybe even do something online for now. We can deal with the loans later. And f.u.c.k the town, they can just freakin" wait on the house. This is your life we"re talking about."
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. "I"ve been thinking the same, I just wasn"t sure how you"d feel about it."
"d.a.m.n, I"m sorry," he said into my hair. "We should"ve done that all along. Somehow, we should have figured out a way. I"m so sorry."
I hugged him tighter. "Stop apologizing. We did it the way we had to. And to be honest, I feel more focused now, more sure of what I want to do and study. I didn"t feel that before. I always thought I should do a safe degree, but now I know I should follow my dreams. And at least I have a clearer idea of what my dreams are. I got lost for a while, I think."
Joey let me go and walked inside. He returned a few minutes later with two frosty gla.s.ses of sweet tea, and we sat on the top step of the porch in the fall breeze to enjoy the last hour of his visit together. It was cut short by two things, Jazz showing up and my phone buzzing a text.
I pulled it out of my back pocket, and upon seeing Jack"s moniker; Late Night Visitor, lost all my carefully smoothed out nerves. Breathing through the rolling wave of dizziness, I swallowed and read the words.
Late Night Visitor: I"m sorry. I"m sorry for how I was last night. I"m sorry for taking something from you I"ll never be able to give back. I"m sorry I am telling you this by text. I"m just ... sorry. You deserved so much more than me.
T H I R T Y F I V E Six Weeks Later I was sitting out on the front porch swing and enjoying my coffee and Mrs. Weaton"s biscotti the morning of my birthday. She made it with salted caramel chunks. It was pretty spectacular.
Joey was due home later, having started coming home every other Sat.u.r.day when his schedule allowed it, and today was no exception. He"d decided I needed a birthday party, which I"d vehemently opposed, refusing to change my shift schedule at the grill. Now it was happening anyway, and Brenda was coming in so I could clock out early and join the festivities at my house.
I pulled my sweater a little tighter around my body against the chilled breeze that had swept over the island, just as a sleek dark car pulled into the driveway and purred to a stop under the Live Oaks.
Colt had taken to coming over when Joey was home, although he never usually arrived so early. I couldn"t help smiling when the door to his midnight blue BMW opened and several brightly colored balloons erupted out of the car and floated up into the Spanish moss-draped branches.
"s.h.i.t!" I heard, followed by several grunts. A pair of legs emerged, and finally Colt"s body fought through the rainbow. "Sorry," he said, clutching the rest of the strings tightly in his fist, wrestling the bunch into submission. "I guess I lost a few."
My smile broke into laughter at the devastated look on his handsome face.
"Happy birthday," he said sheepishly. He leaned back into the car with his other hand and brought out a huge bouquet of white lilies. Oh. I kept the smile plastered to my face and tried not to let my nervousness show at his romantic birthday gifts.
Taking a deep breath, I left my spot on the swing and came down to meet him. "Thank you," I said, reaching for the flowers. "They"re beautiful. Let"s get them in water. You want some coffee?"
He gave me a rueful smile and tugged the front of his hair. "Yeah, that would be great."
Inside, I poured us both some coffee and placed the flowers in the sink filled with water while I hunted out a vase. I couldn"t remember the last time I used one. Colt tied the balloons to a kitchen chair and trotted back outside to bring in a bunch of beer and drinks he"d brought for the party.
"Is there anything I can help with today," he asked, coming back in and setting the boxes down on the counter.
I put the beer away in the fridge. "No, I think we"re good. I have to finish up a bunch of tuition grant applications as they"re due this week."
"Oh yeah. How did the meeting at SCAD go?"
I swallowed guiltily. Colt had asked me to text him when I was in Savannah to meet him for coffee. I hadn"t.
First of all, the meeting Faith had somehow swung with the Dean of the School of Design had gone on longer than planned. Second, I was with Vern, and third, and frankly, more importantly, I was trying to avoid giving Colt even a hint that I might be interested in him. "It went great, but ran really long. Sorry I didn"t text you, I was with Vern, and we had to get back." I smiled nervously.
He nodded and busied himself with the boxes. It was weird seeing the ex-Butler Cove High School QB looking less sure of himself than I remembered. I studied his handsome, sweet face and really wished I were attracted to him. He had shown himself to be thoughtful, funny, and a really good friend over the last two months. He made me happy. He made me laugh. What was wrong with me? Was it still too soon, or was it that Jack Eversea was a fire that burned brighter than the sun, and I"d been seared beyond repair?
I walked over and laid a hand on the soft grey sweater covering Colt"s forearm. "I"m sorry, Colt. Thank you for being a good friend."
He winced. "I just want you to be happy, Keri Ann." Turning, he wrapped his big bear arms around me, and I sank into his comfortable embrace.
There was no chemistry. None. Surely he could tell that, too? I didn"t really understand how these things worked. I felt him give me a warm kiss on my hair and smiled. "I know, and thank you."
Grabbing our coffees we settled at the kitchen table, and I filled him in on my progress with trying to get into school. Faith had become like a fairy G.o.dmother, helping me, guiding me, advising me, and pushing me to put myself out there. We were both hoping I would be able to get one of the tuition scholarships SCAD offered. I was applying for state and private funds, too.
Being able to prove I was already selling pieces would go a long way toward getting a grant. Also the fact I"d been selected by the Picture This gallery in Hilton Head as a featured regional artist coming up in December, again with a wave of Faith"s magic wand I was sure, would all be a part of my application.
Between work, creating pieces for Faith"s store, and all the applications, I never had time to do much thinking.
My phone buzzed a text, causing a clattering across the table. I"d never responded to Jack"s last text, and he never sent another. Even so, my belly always gave a small lurch each time my phone made a noise. I wondered if I"d ever get over that. I grabbed it and saw the name "Jazz" and a link to Access Hollywood. "Sorry," I said to Colt. With a frown, I clicked open the link.
Jack and Audrey Split! Huge public blow up! I stopped reading.
I couldn"t believe she"d send me this after agreeing never to mention his name to me again. We hadn"t even talked about the movie when it came out. I hadn"t seen it, obviously. I immediately called her.
"I know, I know!" she said as soon as she answered.
I eyed Colt who was looking at me with confusion. "Seriously, Jazz? Them being together or not has nothing to do with me-"
"Wait, I know it doesn"t mention this in the article I sent you, but-"
"I haven"t read it," I snapped.
Realizing the topic, Colt dropped his eyes and shifted.
"I figured you hadn"t since you"re already on the phone with me, and I just sent itbut just hear me out, ok?"
I sighed, and mouthing another sorry to Colt, went out the front door to sit on the porch swing. "Fine. Go ahead." I steeled myself to let whatever she had to tell me slide right off.
"Never mind. I"m coming over. Hang tight."
I ground my teeth together and breathed out in a huff.
"Oh, and happy birthday," she added and hung up.
I put my phone down beside me and drew my legs up. I hugged them tightly to my chest and waited, a medicine ball lodged in my throat. The amount of times I had thumbed gently across the Late Night Visitor entry in my contact list made me shudder with shame. My moments of weakness were more frequent than I cared to admit.
And when I allowed myself to think of Jack, my emotions ricocheted around like a three-ring circus.
In one corner of my mind, I had this memory that, despite the brevity of our time together, Jack and I had connected on some elemental level reserved for past lives and soul mates. We were just a boy and a girl who recognized each other across the deep blue universe. That corner of my mind found it hard to remember all the reasons that would preclude us being together. Like the fact he was a movie star and I was ... not, or that he had a baby being carried by another woman.
The second corner called into question any real relationship at all. It was all based on l.u.s.t and chalked me up to being blinded by Jack"s celebrity status, his attractiveness, and his role as Max. This second corner had the added barbs of calling into question my role as anything more than a shallow groupie and willing female in the dark period of his life. In this corner, I only remembered our physical attraction. I wondered whether we had any connection at all. I couldn"t believe I would have been that shallow. But the evidence was pretty convincing.
The third corner was deepest of all. The third corner simply stated that we were star-crossed lovers that should never have met. But we did. And in that game the evil jester called fate liked to play, we were attracted in an instant. The potential for love ... for eternity ... was, in a split-second, acknowledged, catalogued, realized, and set on a collision course with never. I could almost hear the snort of derision. Ain"t never gonna happen.
A ripple on the fabric of fate. A joke that might have ruined my potential for any future happiness.
Now, I wanted it all. I knew I wouldn"t settle for the sweet and steady Colton Graves"s of the world.
No corner of my mind was a comfortable place to settle into. And now Jazz was stirring it all back up.
Her yellow car arrived in my driveway with a spurt of white sh.e.l.ls. Flinging open the door, she climbed out. "Boot up the computer, we need to look through this together." Not pausing for breath, she marched up the stairs in her jeans and boots, her blonde hair flying all over the place in the wind.
"I don"t want to know, Jazz!"
"You do. I promise. At least you can stop thinking he"s been fine while you"ve been moping."
"I"m not moping."
"It"s true you"ve been better. Okay, look, if you won"t look yourself, just listen. That fight I emailed you about was confirmed on three different sites, but an "insider"-"
"Dammit, Jazz, you know better than that." I turned my head away and stood up. An "insider"-Jack had told me once that was code for someone who wants to make up s.h.i.t about you.
She grabbed my arm. "Listen! Something big went down. Even his agent"s been fired."
"I don"t care!" I yelled.
T H I R T Y S I X I couldn"t remember the last time I was mad at Jazz. If ever. After about twenty minutes of us arguing back and forth, Colt strolled outside and immediately pulled the kayaks from under the house.
"You wanna go for a paddle?" he asked, pointedly ignoring Jazz. It was chilly out, but I couldn"t think of anything I wanted to do more right then. I smiled at him gratefully. And in about five minutes flat, we were peeling out of the driveway in my truck leaving an open-mouthed Jazz on my porch.
It was cold on the water, but since we were both in jeans and sweaters and life vests, it wasn"t too bad. Our bare feet were pretty cold though. Neither of us thought paddling in our cowboy boots and loafers respectively was very wise.
"You want to talk about it?" Colt asked as soon as we were out on the water. I shook my head. Jazz"s words were pounding through my mind, and all I wanted was for them to be quiet. I had shut her down as spouting trash, but in my gut I knew it was true. I had run through a million permutations in my head of what I"d feel in this scenario. Now that it was here, my reaction was not pretty. Rather than the surge of hope I thought I"d experience when I fantasized that Jack and Audrey"s relationship would finally run its course, I felt absolutely terrified. I was filled with ... dread, and I had no idea why.
It was beautiful and peaceful out on the water. And I found a little more peace inside me with every pull of my paddle. We glided and pulled through the marshes for over two hours until the combination of hunger, choppy water, and icy toes sent us heaving with exertion back to the dock at Broad Landing.
We arrived back at the house hungry and ruddy-cheeked to see Joey had arrived, and he and Jazz were talking in circles around each other. The tension was thick as pluff mud.
They managed to shut up for a few hours while we all ate and sat around for a game of spades after lunch, but they were back at it when I finally got ready to leave for work at the grill.
I had a feeling their arguing was based on more than disagreeing on whether Jazz should have told me all that s.h.i.t about Jack. I was refusing to listen any time she brought it up, and I was still so mad at her. Some birthday.
"C"mon, I"ll walk you over to the grill," Colt said, looking me up and down with appreciation as I stomped down the stairs, freshly showered and made up. I"d dried my hair into natural looking waves, and I was wearing a snug pair of jeans. I was already in my boots instead of the sneakers I usually wore and would later change out of my black tee into the s.e.xy red "cold-shoulder" top I"d appropriated from Faith after she said it was too small for her. I was as close to ready for my party as I would be able to get and still be comfortable at work.
Colt cleared his throat. "d.a.m.n, you smell good. And you look-"
Jazz came out of the kitchen. "Okay, Keri Ann. You win. I"m not going to say another word tonight. I wish you"d hear me out." She huffed and glared at Joey who wandered out behind her looking stoic. "I"m letting it go. For now."
"Good," I said. Then I walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. "You"re an idiot, but I love you," I said into her hair.
"You"re an idiot too, and you"re stubborn." Her m.u.f.fled voice came back. "Just like your bull-headed brother. But, I love you, too."
I gave her another squeeze and winked at Joey over her shoulder, before pulling back. "We"ll talk about it, I promise. Just not today. Not tonight."
"Liar," she huffed. "But anyway, hurry up and get home so we can celebrate. Plus, I can"t wait for you to see your present." She looked me up and down and turned me round. "d.a.m.n, those jeans make your a.s.s look like a Brazilian infomercial. Spectacular."
My cheeks throbbed with heat instantly, but I needed the confidence boost. I gave her a small smile of thanks.
"Come on," said Colt slinging an arm around my shoulders. "Let"s get you out of here so we can get this place decorated."
Colt left me at work promising to come get me at nine. I could walk myself home without a problem, but I didn"t have the energy to resist Colt"s attention after the strange day I"d had.
There was an Ohio State game on at the grill so it was relatively busy. After years of vacationing, far too many from that wholesome state had retired down here for it to be a quiet evening.
Time flew by. Brenda came in at about eight thirty, ostensibly to transition me out. But it was busy enough that we were both working hard at nine when I felt the breeze from the main door opening and heard the change in atmosphere. Thinking it was Colt, residents loved to see their high school football star return home, I turned with words to apologize for not being ready on my tongue, but froze.
Devon Brown stood comfortably in the entryway looking slowly around the restaurant. Dressed casually in a blue checked shirt hanging out of faded jeans and brown work boots, he looked comfortable. And actually not that different than some of the locals from the surrounding countryside who pulled in here from time to time.
But his s.h.a.ggy blonde hair and tanned and rugged features were too familiar for him to be mistaken for anyone else but the movie actor-turned producer who was rumored to have bought a house on the island.
Conversation had died down and then whipped up again.
His eyes scanned over Brenda then came to settle on me.
I still hadn"t moved from my position near the bar where I"d been collecting more napkins for table seven. The adrenaline spike I"d experienced upon seeing him, my closest link to Jack, had now washed away leaving me feeling slightly faint and nauseous. My pulse throbbed heavily in my throat.
His brown eyes furrowed slightly then cleared, and he gave a tiny nod. What did he see when he looked at me? And how did he know who I was? Because I could tell he did. I had no doubt. No doubt at all.
"Would you like a table for one?" Brenda"s voice jarred me from my trance.
Devon looked at her, and then at me and cleared his throat. "I"d like Keri Ann to serve me, please. So if she has a section, I"d like to be in it."