Han Changsheng could only feel his body suddenly become light and then just as abruptly become heavy. Opening one of his eyes, he realized that he"d already left h.e.l.l"s darkness and found himself on a mountain road by the side of a tea pavilion.
Inside the tea pavilion, were two people, one was the tea shop"s waiter and the other was a swordsman wearing a conical straw bamboo hat – that was the post-descended protagonist, the young Immortal Lord An Yuan.
Han Changsheng was momentarily overwhelmed. He had truly returned to the past. The images of h.e.l.l, the judge with the Impermanences at his sides, the evil spirits, were still all vivid in his mind. He began to wonder whether it had all just been a horrible dream.
“Waiter, I"d like to pay the bill.” Lord An Yuan stood up and prepared to leave.
The waiter accepted the copper coin Lord An Yuan handed over and kindly warned him: “Cross the base of this mountain then go south, not far from there is the cave entrance leading to Tianning Cult. Dear Guest, you must be careful. Those in the demonic cult are all villains, you must not let them rob you."
Lord An Yuan coldly spoke: “My Yuehua Sect follows the righteous path to the world of martial arts and cultivation. How could I possibly fear such a small demonic cult? If I actually encounter the demonic cult"s top villain, I would kill them!”
d.a.m.n your grandmother"s legs!1 Han Changsheng"s heart cursed. This conversation, it was the second time he was hearing it. The guy had his straw hat pushed down quite low so Han Changsheng couldn"t see what he looked like, but his voice seemed to belong to someone young.
“A brat who still smells of his mother"s milk2 unexpectedly dares to say that my grand, magnificent, top in the world of martial arts, demonic cult is nothing more than a minor cult? Furthermore, he wants to confront one of its members and kill them? Pah!” – This was the state in Han Changsheng"s mind the first time this scene unfolded. Then, when Lord An Yuan walked out of the tea pavilion, Han Changsheng kicked him off the cliff without any restraint.
This time, he bottled up the itch to move his leg within him and stood still.
An Yuan walked over to him and said with mild courtesy: “Girl, will you permit me to pa.s.s.”
Han Changsheng stood by An Yuan"s horse"s side. An Yuan wished to mount it and leave but was obstructed by Han Changsheng.
Hearing himself being addressed as a girl, he stared blankly. After being thrown back by those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds in h.e.l.l, he"d almost forgotten that the current face he wore was not his own. In order to escape from the mountain to play, he lied to his attending guards and the four great hall masters saying that he wanted to go into seclusion to practice. Then he changed his appearance into that of a cult maid and slipped out. He had yet to master many of the unique techniques Tianning Cult pa.s.sed down through the generations, but the ancestral Yi Rong3 technique of disguise was one he had trained to the point of perfection. Even the attending guard who he had grown up with couldn"t recognise him.
Han Changsheng stepped aside, An Yuan replied: “Many thanks.”
Just as An Yuan was about to pull his body over the horse, Han Changsheng"s hand suddenly shot forward as a claw striking at his straw hat. An Yuan sensed the sudden movement behind him and immediately dodged. But he was a step too late and Han Changsheng caught the straw hat in his hand and forcefully threw it to the ground.
An Yuan turned around and angrily said: “Girl, why are you acting so rudely?”
Finally able to see his face, Han Changsheng stopped, dumbfounded for a moment. This guy… although Han Changsheng already hated him to the bone, he also had no choice but to acknowledge that he truly was worthy of the t.i.tle of descended Immortal. In his 19 years of life, he had never seen such a handsome man.
“Girl?” Anyuan waved a hand in front of him, dragging his mind back from a place he didn"t know it had flown off to.
"Cough!" Han Changsheng coughed and made his voice higher. Opening his mouth it had already become the voice of a young woman. With a sway in his hips, he said, “Asking great aunt4 to give way to you, yet you don"t dare allow others to see your true appearance. Nor do you announce your sect"s name on top of that. Are you looking down on this great aunt?!”
An Yuan stood still a little stunned and turned to face Han Changsheng cupping his hands in greeting. Elegantly, he spoke: “My apologies, I have acted rudely. I am of the Yuehua Sect, Huangfu Fengxuan Xichen, courtesy name5 An Yuan."
Han Changsheng slowly blinked: “Your name is Huangfu… Fengxuan… Xichen?” He opened his hand, counting on his fingers, “six characters?” (皇甫凤轩熙辰)
An Yuan sighed somewhat sadly: “Yes. My father had high hopes for me, he hoped that I could be different from others, so to start me off… this kind of name.”
Han Changsheng rolled his eyes. d.a.m.n, I really can"t accept this! Magnificent immortal, starting with that name you"re already asking to rise like a d.i.c.k?! Moreover, surnamed Huangfu6?! Even with the protagonist"s halo isn"t this too much!
Han Changsheng continued to behave unreasonably: “Then you"re wearing a straw hat to hide your face in broad daylight, could it be because of a guilty conscience?!”
An Yuan"s expression became even graver and he sighed once more: "Ah… Shifu says that I am gifted with the beauty of an immortal and that no other in this realm is as handsome as I. Whilst tending to matters outside, it would be good to remain low-key, so as not to provoke trouble.”
“……………………………………” Now Han Changsheng greatly wished that someone would come over to help him restrain his foot. He nearly couldn"t bear holding back from kicking this pain in the a.s.s immortal lord off the cliff again!!
An Yuan spoke: “Girl, I still have work to settle. If the young lady has no more business with me, I"ll take my leave first.”
Han Changsheng, solely preoccupied with fighting the itch at the heel of his foot, had no time to deal with him. Noticing Han Changsheng"s delayed lack of response, An Yuan hesitated for a moment before picking up the straw hat which had been thrown and putting it on, mounted his horse and rode off.
After An Yuan had left, Han Changsheng, discontent with nowhere to vent, not wanting to partake in any tea, jumped up onto his horse and quickly advanced forward.
Having not travelled very far, he suddenly saw a cold flash of light on his right and swiftly dodged a dart from behind that flew past him.
“Motherf.u.c.ker!” Han Changsheng pulled the horse to a halt and furiously yelled, “Who is attacking lao zi?!”
At that moment, from above on the mountain side, leapt down five stubbled dirty men dressed as mountain thieves. Their leader eyed Han Changsheng from top to bottom and with an obscene smile answered: “Beauty, why the hurry, come and play with a few old gentlemen. Surely, these gents won"t treat you badly.”
Han Changsheng had long heard that there were thieves that came and pa.s.sed through the nearby mountains. As they were close to the cave entrance, the thieves often posed as disciples of Tianning Cult to commit crimes as when ordinary people would hear the name of Tianning Cult, they would immediately p.i.s.s their pants in fear and obediently surrender their property.
Faced with these bandits, the turn in events did not make Han Changsheng"s mood change for the worse, on the contrary, it excited him: This gang of b.a.s.t.a.r.ds arrived just in time! Lao zi"s been holding back, full of Qi with nowhere for it to go. I"ll make you keep up!
Seeing Han Changsheng sitting motionless, moreover, completely fearless, the head of the bandits a.s.sumed the air of a fiend: “Little girl, we are indeed Tianning Cult people. Myself, I am Tianning Cult"s Fire and Water Grand Lord Luo Xin, you"ve heard of my name, right? If you follow me, I ensure you will eat good food and drink hard liquor!”
Han Changsheng thought of Luo Xin"s clear cold face, then glanced at the thief"s river deer eyebrows and rat eyes, and couldn"t help but burst into laughter: "Rely on you? Hahahahaha!"
The mountain thieves, seeing that she had the gall to ridicule them, suddenly flew into a rage fueled by humiliation: “Why are you laughing?! Even Tianning Cult"s Head, Han Changsheng, when he met me, feared me to an extent!”
Han Changsheng"s laughter caught in his throat, furiously he said: “Afraid of you, never! Indeed, lao zi"s tolerance is great! Lao zi"s too lazy to be bothered!” As he stopped speaking, a sword from inside his sleeve flew straight towards the bandit"s crotch. The bandit, terror-stricken, immediately covered his crotch and dodged, but the flying sword sliced through his belt and his loosened pants fell down.
“Fine, b.i.t.c.h, we"ll do this the hard way7!” The leader of the thieves couldn"t restrain his anger: “Younger brothers8, go, grab her for lao zi and bring her back! Let the younger brothers take turns enjoying her!”
At that point, several mountain thieves drew their knives and rushed toward Han Changsheng!
Although Han Changsheng was the head of Tianning Cult, ordinarily he"d often miss practice in order to eat, drink and be merry. His martial arts were not at all regarded as outstanding. However, if not outstanding, he was still better than a group of measly mountain thieves. Not to mention, on this outing, he"d brought quite a few hidden weapons and poisons made by Du Yuefei. Using them to sort out these bandits would just be overkill.
Before long, he had knocked all five thieves to the ground. Fixing his gaze on the brazen guy who"d claimed to be Luo Xin: “You are Luo Xin? Hmmm? Luo Xin? You son of a b.i.t.c.h! To call your weapon wielding martial arts to bully lao zi! Hahaha! Watch lao zi not beat you to death!”
The thief wailed, begging for mercy. Han Changsheng stifled his resentment. Nowhere in his heart could he find the compa.s.sion to relent as he stared at the bruised face, in less than a moment he would beat him into a pig.
“Stop! Stop this now!”
Han Changsheng suddenly heard someone call out to him. The voice sounded strange, as though it was coming from beneath the earth"s surface. Caught off guard, he stopped and looked around: “Who said that?”
A few bandits laying on the sidelines stared in horror at the eccentric, powerful woman. None of them had spoken.
Han Changsheng furrowed his brows in confusion. Shaking his head, he raised his fist and was about to slam it down again when suddenly before his eyes shone a bright white light: “Mortal, stop this instant!”
“Oh, my G.o.d!” Han Changsheng was startled as the Black Impermanence suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He let go of the lead bandit"s head and retreated backwards. “Spirit! You!”
Although the thieves could not see the Black Impermanence, they all saw that Han Changsheng"s face had darkened and the terrified expression he wore. Taking advantage of Han Changsheng"s dazed state, they quickly got up and helped one another to escape limping.
“What are you doing!” Han Changsheng was irritated to no end. “Can"t lao zi beat up a few bandits? Which one of them is also a descended immortal?”
“They aren"t immortals.” The Black impermanence bitterly spoke, “Permitting you to messily beat them up this once will also count as changing Lord An Yuan"s fate. Hey! Hey!”
I"m seriously enjoying how much they swear in this. I"m in love with how obscure some of China"s swear words are, I"m not going to translate them literally but I do recommend you check out a few online. So I have taken a few liberties in translating them.
I feel like I should clarify, I just found out that this novel, while still BL, is s.m.u.tless so I have changed the tag to Shounen Ai.
BTW for anyone curious about the river deer eyebrows here is a creepy-a.s.s pic.
1Just a wee bit of clarification, Chinese swearing often includes family members. 2Love the idiom used here, I tried to keep it quite a literal translation because honestly, I need to find a reason to use this insult more irl. 3This literally translates to change appearance however I get the distinct sense that it is being used as a name here so I"ve left it untranslated. 4Pretty colloquial, a conceited way a woman may address herself when quarrelling. 5Formerly in China, the courtesy name would replace a male"s given name when he turned twenty, as a symbol of adulthood and respect. It could be given either by the parents or by his first personal teacher. Females might subst.i.tute their given name for a courtesy name upon marriage. One also may adopt a self-chosen courtesy name. Their use has been in decline since 1919 and are very rare if obsolete today. 6Translates to Just Emperor. 7Okay this part actually literally translates to "refusing to toast only to be forced to drink in forfeit" but its an idiom and I used the basic English equivalent. 8Not literal lol. This footnote maybe unnecessary but just in case.