She looked at me carefully. "Dex. I was stupid. I gave up. I thought I couldn"t live a life with Max because he"d remind me that I wasn"t normal. Then I lived a life without Max and realized it was much, much worse. Max kept me normal. He kept me sane. He loved me. And I loved him just as much. I fooled myself into thinking I was being n.o.ble and making a sacrifice so that I could have a better life. It didn"t work that way. I should have held on to him. I should have compromised. I should have made it work. The alternative has torn me apart."
I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth. She didn"t understand; it wasn"t the same. "If I go with Perry, she may die. If she ever gets pregnant, it could kill her."
She shrugged. "So then adopt if you want children."
"That"s not the point," I said, glaring at her glibness. "The two of us together, we create f.u.c.king holes in the universe. We"ll make things worse for each other and for other people."
She tilted her chin down. "I saw more demons and more ghosts when I was with Max. I"d rather live my whole life with them everywhere I turn than live this one without him in it."
"There would be so many consequences," I added.
"And what about the consequences of you not being together? This isn"t your decision alone, Dex. If you want to really be selfless and n.o.ble here, you"ll have to tell her. Acting like an a.s.shole isn"t going to explain anything. Your Perry, she"s been through a lot with you. She deserves more than this."
"If she knew...what if she"d want to get pregnant, just to prove a point?"
"Is that really what she"d do?" she asked carefully. "Or is that just what other people are afraid of?"
I mulled on that, sitting back in my seat. I took a long suck of the b.l.o.o.d.y Mary, hoping the vodka would go to work a little faster.
"Don"t let other people tell you how well you know someone," she added. "Don"t let other people, no matter who they are, decide what happens to your life and hers. You will live a lifetime of regret if you let others influence your decisions. Believe me."
I eyed her. "So then, who influenced yours?"
She looked down at her hands. "Maryse."
Now it was starting to make sense. Why she broke up with him. Why she walked away.
"Then why don"t you and Max try and make it work now? You"re here. He"s here. You still love him, don"t you?"
She smiled softly but it never reached her eyes. "Some risks get scarier as you get older. The less you have to lose, the less you want to try."
"So there"s no hope."
"Sugar, we"d be dead without hope."
I sighed, feeling like we"d just gone around in a circle.
"What a bunch of f.u.c.ked up, lovelorn, ghost-seeing s.h.i.tburgers we are," I said.
"Don"t forget crazy," she added.
"That is forever and always a given, sweetie."
She sipped on her drink, her nose scrunching up at the clump of horseradish I saw get sucked up her straw. I started thinking it was nice that Rose pulled me aside to discuss my love life without trying to make me feel s.h.i.tty, that she was so concerned about Perry and I to do so.
Then I could see the uncomfortable look on her face, even when the horseradish was long gone, and I knew that wasn"t the real reason why she took me all the way out here to have a drink. There was something else.
"What is it?" I asked wryly.
"It"s Maryse, actually," she admitted. "I"m worried about her. She feels like the whole zombie thing, that they"d be going after her next. That she"s being targeted and will end up a sacrifice."
I hated to sound callous, but in the grand scheme of my personal situation, I could only say, "So?"
"So, I believe her. I think that whoever is raising the dead, they are doing it to show off, to show how much power they have. But they can"t keep it up forever. They"re going to need more and more power, and the only way to do that is through sacrifice. Chickens and snakes, they won"t work in the long run. The person will start going after people with power, people like Maryse."
"Isn"t she already hexed anyway?" I pointed out, remembering the creepy poppet in her lair with the nail driven through it.
"I think she is, but I think her weakness is being done remotely. They aren"t cursing her to take power from her, they"re cursing her so she can"t get involved, so she can"t fight back. They will want her in the end. And I think the end is near."
"Very dramatic."
"We"re talking about the living dead here, Dex. It"s going to be dramatic."
"So what are you going to do?" I asked. Because we"re all getting the f.u.c.k out of here, I continued in my head.
"What can I do? This is the occult, a different type of supernatural. I"m not magical like they are. I can"t do hoodoo or hexes or raise the dead. I can"t do anything."
"Shouldn"t you at least be keeping an eye on Maryse then? Surely you could have told me all this s.h.i.t over the phone. Or better, by email."
She shook her head. "Ambrosia is with her now. The doctor"s sent her home."
"Already?"
"I told you, she has her own ways of getting better."
She probably just flashed the doctors her gorgeous smile and that was it, I thought, feeling weird about it. I eyed Rose, who was staring at the live band. We play for tips, their cardboard sign said.
"Do you...do you trust...Ambrosia?" I asked, even though my words had trouble getting past my lips. d.a.m.n, was I drunk already?
"Of course I do," she said absently, her attention still on the band.
"I was under the impression that you didn"t really like her."
"Ambrosia Paris?" Rose asked in an odd voice. She turned around to face me, a wide smile on her lips. It was so out of place on Rose, it looked kind of creepy. "Everyone loves Ambrosia. How could they not? I do. And I know you do and Maximus does and Perry does."
Okay, so Rose wasn"t as perceptive as I once thought. To be safe, I reached into my pocket and started rubbing the now greasy Van Van oil bottle on my fingers.
"Listen," Rose went on. "I was wondering if maybe you"d help me get to the bottom of this. All of you. At least make an attempt before y"all go. I"ve got a few guns in my truck now. Why don"t the four of us go to Treme tonight and see if we can find any zombies. If we can find them, we might be able to find the ritual scene. If we find the scene, we might find the person responsible."
"That sounds like a terrible idea."
She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Come on, Dex. I know this is driving you crazy too."
"Actually, I have other things to worry about."
"But maybe you"re only worrying because you"re being forced to. Maybe you"re not thinking clearly because of what"s going on around us. Don"t you feel it? That feeling things are being controlled around us, like there"s a heaviness in the air we"re breathing?"
"I think that"s called humidity."
"And then there are your dreams on top of everything."
I looked at her sharply while my heart skipped a bit. "My dreams?"
"Maximus told me. And he told me he saw it too. Li Grand Zombi. Dex, if you see that again, you"re in a bad place. You"re lucky that didn"t try and drag you to the Kalunga with it."
"Kalunga," I said. "That"s the word my mother used."
"It"s Kongonese. And it means the Veil. Where your mother, where these spirits are coming from. This isn"t a coincidence. Whoever is creating these zombies, they are f.u.c.king with us, pardon my French. They are conjuring up these spirits for us, to terrify us, maybe destroy us. Maybe to get us weak enough for a sacrifice."
"But I saw my mother before I got here."
"And now she"s getting a little extra help to step through. Next time, you might not be so lucky."
I rubbed at my forehead and glared at my b.l.o.o.d.y Mary. Stupid reality was still here, loud and clear.
"Please, Dex," she asked. And then I had to ask myself why she wanted to do this so badly and how much I actually trusted Rose.
I gave her a noncommittal smile. "Let"s go see what the others say."
"f.u.c.k no," Perry said, shaking her head vehemently. It was the first time I"d seen her all day, and I hadn"t even said h.e.l.lo before Rose bombarded her and Maximus in the lobby as they flipped through magazines, waiting for us.
Maximus seemed on the fence. "It"s risky, even if we don"t find anything. You know how bad the neighborhoods are. The chances of us getting carjacked are extremely high."
"And that"s why we have guns," Rose said brightly.
I looked over my shoulder at the receptionist who was pretending not to listen to us. She was doing a bang-up job, rubbing oil into the leaves of her plastic houseplant.
"Okay, I"ll go," Maximus said, obviously wanting to make Rose happy. But that wouldn"t do if Perry wasn"t coming.
"You guys are crazy," Perry muttered. I was staring at her, begging her to meet my eyes, but she looked everywhere else except my direction.
"Wait a minute," I said, stepping into the middle of the room and raising my hands. "I"m not leaving Perry here by herself."
"I"ll be fine," she muttered. "Why do you care anyway?"
"Really?" I asked, feeling like I was about to get sucked into something I couldn"t get out of.
Maximus picked up on it and quickly said, "Then I"ll stay with Perry. You and Rose go together."
Rose and I eyed each other. She looked a lot happier than I knew I did.
"Uh, thank you Maximus," I told him. Perry sighed but I could tell she was relieved. I wanted to know if I was the only one who"d seen crazy s.h.i.t in the last twenty-four hours. I wanted to ask her what she was so afraid of. I wanted to talk to her, to hold her, touch her, love her. Last night was the first night I"d slept away from her in weeks and it was already killing me inside, feeling like a million years had already pa.s.sed between us. I couldn"t let it be like this.
I looked to Rose. "So when should we leave?"
"Well, I"ll go back to my place and get some stuff together. I"ll pick you up around 5PM, just before darkness falls."
"Should I bring anything?" I asked.
"Just your sanity," she said. "And your camera, just in case."
I watched as Rose left the lobby, and when I turned around, Perry had gotten up and was making her way across the lobby to her room.
Maximus caught me staring and grabbed my arm. "Let her be, she"ll be fine."
"I know. But I won"t." I ripped my arm out of his grasp and went down the hall after her. She was almost in her room, the door just closing, until I stuck my foot out and wedged it in the s.p.a.ce between.
"Perry, please," I said.
She glared at me from the door, trying to close it shut. "Go away."
"I won"t. And you know I can break this door down if I have to."
"Then I"ll yell for help."
"Why? Who is going to help you? Help, help, my boyfriend is trying to talk to me?"
"Dex," she warned.
"I just want to talk to you. Give me two minutes of your time. I promise. Then I"ll leave. Or you can scream."
She thought about it, her eyes displaying a wealth of emotions that I was itching to get to the bottom of. And while she thought, while she was looking away, I took in the rest of her-her lips that she was rubbing against each other in worry, the delicate definition of her collarbone as it stood out above her square-necked tank top, the curve of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her little waist that was hidden somewhere in the breezy folds of clothing. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her hard as f.u.c.k, throw her on the bed, and devour her from head to toe. Tell her I loved her, that I"d always love her, and I wasn"t about to give up on us. I"d tell her the truth, I"d tell her everything. I"d share my burden with her and decide on our future together.
But she looked back at me and I knew it wouldn"t happen. I couldn"t say a thing.
"I"m sorry, Dex. I can"t."
The wall was back up. She took her heart back. Maybe I never even had it to begin with.
In a daze, I removed my foot from the door and she closed it in my face. I stood there outside of it, listening, hoping I could hear more, that she"d come out and see me again and let me explain. But I too was afraid to talk, too afraid to hear the answer.
"Dex," I heard Maximus whisper from down the hall. I turned and looked. He was waiting at the stairs, looking pretty pleasant considering the circ.u.mstances. I had to wonder if he was enjoying this, that Perry and I were as miserable now as he and Rose were. If this all came down to one-upmanship in the end, if we were doing it even now. I had to wonder what Maximus and Perry talked about in the lobby while Rose and I were gone. I bet it wasn"t anything close to the truth.
I wiggled my jaw, trying to disperse some of the anger that wanted to come out. Now wasn"t the time. If he said something to her to make her hate me even more, I"d find out about it. I couldn"t even like that d.a.m.ned ginger for more than a day.
I walked toward him, balling my hands into fists.
"What is it, fire p.u.b.es?"
He grimaced. "Dex, grow up."
"Oh I can see it"s worked out real well for you."
He muttered something to himself that sounded like "back to crazy" and then headed up the stairs. "I just want to make sure you"re taking the right equipment with you. I"ll be staying behind so I can"t help you once you"re out there."
And now I was wondering if Maximus was staying behind because he really was worried about Perry, or because he just wanted to plant more lies in her ears about why she and I weren"t meant to be.