He threw her a distracted frown. "Yeah, I guess. You decide that this is the person you"re going to spend your life with, and you choose to acoept that pen on-all of that person, along with whatever faults and imperfections she might have, and you dump all your faults and imperfections on her because you trust her to acoept and love you in spite of them. Is that what you call commitment?"
"I think so," said Joy, air-starved and shaking.
"I think so, too," said Doug, and fell into an exhausted silence.
She wanted very much to strangle him. When the suspense had become unbearable, she forced her constricted throat to swallow and muttered, "What are you trying to say, MacDougal? " It came out sounding b.u.mpy and uneven , as if she were riding in a wagon on a rough and rocky road.
"What am I trying to say? What do you think I"m trying to say?" He threw her another look, dqstraught and angry. " " I"m saying how I feel about you, dammit ! "
"Well, excuse me, " she flung right back at him, "but this isn"t quite how I thought it would be to have somebody declare eternal love for me! " It was a relief to be yelling. " " And if you don"t mind my saying so, you don"t seem very happy about it! "
"I"m not!" he shouted back. "How can I be happy when I don"t know what in the world I"m going to do about it? I"m a cop, dammit-I don"t know how to be anything else."
" Why in the world should you be anything eLse? "
"Because-I told you. Cops make lousy husbands: "
"Oh, for heaven"s sake, MacDougal! Sure, some do. Some doc ton plumbers, accountants and farmers make lousy husbands, too "
Silence fell, charged with emotion and filled with the sounds of agitated breathing. Then Joy drew a quivering breath and said quietly, "Tell me something, MacDougal. R"as your dad a lousy husband?"
"What?" Doug threw her a look, wondering what she was getting at. "I don"t know, sometimes I think he was, yeah: " "What about your mother? Did you ever ask her how she felt about it?"
Doug couldn"t explain it, the way that quiet question hit him. He only knew that all of a sudden all the pain he was feeling seemed to be concentrated in his chest and throat. He felt himself flashing back once more to that cemetery in the rain, watching his father weep. only this time it was his mother"s face he was seeing. For the first time in his memory he saw the look of love on his mother"s face, the look of fierce and protective devotion. And he saw something else.
He saw that his father"s arm was around his wife"s shoulders , and that he was holding on to her as if she were the only thing keeping him from falling. Leaning on her strength. Drawing comfort from the absolute certainty of her love.
And he didn"t say anything at all. He couldn"t.
Joy watched MacDougal"s profile, his solid-as-a-rock, strong, dependable profile, blurred now by vulnerability and uncertainty. Her heart swelled and quivered with tenderness Yes, she thought. Oh, yes. with all his faults and imperfections. "Hey," she squeaked, "where are you going?"
She clutched at the dash with a bandaged hand as MacDougal suddenly made a left turn onto Vine, heading south toward Melrose instead of north, toward his place.
"MacDougal," she murmured a short time later, laughing nervously, "what are we doing here? Are you out of your mind? Put me down ! "
She was in MacDougal"s arms. He was carrying her because of her bandaged feet, and they were standing smack in the middle of the landscaped strip that runs down the center of Highland Avenue. The long line of towering palm trees were silhouettes against a sky of gaudy coral and salmon. The light was a golden wash, the color of fantasy . Pure Hollywood.
"Hush," said MacDougal, turning with her in a slow circle. "Tell me what you see."
"lTh... palm trees. Great, big, gorgeous houses."
He shook his head, impatient with her. "What did you see ten years ago? When you asked that gardener to snap your picture.. "
"Oh, that," she whispered. "That was just makqbelieve. Dreams. Impossible dreams: "
"No-not impossible." He lowered her bandaged feet carefully to the damp gra.s.s and caught her to him, capturing her face with one hand, the gentleness in it in sharp contrast to the fervor in his voice. "Joy-those dreams are still there, I know they are. You can still have them. You can have it all: " She was shaking her head, holding his face between her hands. "No-no-it was along time ago. It doesn"t matter now. I told you-I"ve grown up. I"ve changed a lot. I know what"s important now."
"But that"s just it," said MacDougal. "It does matter. Dreams are important. Don"t you know that? Maybe even the most important things of all, because it"s what makes us more than just animals, bent on surviving. You need those dreams. Just like you need love."
"But," she whispered, "that"s all I want. For you... to love me."
He smiled at her with so much tenderness she began to cry, tears welling up and pouring down her cheeks, wetting his fingers. "Honey, you already have me. Where"s the challenge in that?"
She drew a trembling breath and let it go with laughter. " " Promise me, " he said hoa.r.s.ely, bending his forehead to hers. " Swear a solemn vow on this palm tree right here. that if you marry me" " "If I marry you ! " "-You won"t give up on your dreams. Promise. "
"I promise," she sobbed, and he scaled it with his kiss.
A little while later, while they were crawling up the steep, winding road to Doug"s house in Old Faithful, he said, "About marrying me.."
"Anytime," she murmurerl. "My calendar is clear. And I"m pretty much unenc.u.mbered with relatives and such "
"Well, actually... that"s what I wanted to know. About your family. Don"t you want them to be here? Have you thought about trying to get in touch with them again?"
She took a deep breath and huffed it out, then laughed in a tight, fragile way. "Oh, boy. I don"t know. I think I"d like to find my little sisters someday, but not now. Not for this. It"s too much, you know what I mean? I think I"d like it to be just us, if that"s okay. Oh-of course, and your family."
Doug chuckled ominously. "You don"t know what you"re asking for " And then, very gently, he said, "No family, no friends at all? You"re sure?"
"Yeah-oh, well... actually, you know, there are some people I"d really like to have there, but I don"t know how you"d feel about it: She colored slightly, looking almost apologetic. " They"re from Saint Vincent"s . homeless, you know? "
"Saint Vincent"s, huh?" He paused. "They, um... wouldn"t happen to include a little tiny feisty lady-wears a baseball cap-and a tall, skinny whitehaired guy who looks like Charlton Heston, and a great big slow-moving black kid, would they?"
"How did you know?" Joy asked, staring at him with those great, luminous eyes of hers, smiling that wraparound smile. " " Oh," he said dryly, " "we"ve met. Plus... right now they just happen to be sitting up there on my front steps. And believe it or not, the black guy seems to be wearing your cat around his neck-kind of like one of those fox stoles from the 1930s: " "OmiG.o.d," she gasped. "How"
He pulled the white Mercedes into his driveway and shut off the motor. He looked at the woman beside him and felt laughter welling up inside him. laughter and sunshine. And Joy.
And who in this world, he thought, grateful for a wisdom far greater than his own, needs laughter, sunshine and joy in his life more than a cop?
Epilogue.
A couple of years later. Preacher shot his tuxedo sleeves, peeled back the edge of his white glove and peered for the seventh or eighth time at his watch.
"What," he muttered, "can be keeping that woman? All she had to do was wash and fill up the car. Here it"s almost time to go and she"s not back yet. Sometimes I-oh for heaven"s sake, JoJo, come here and let me fix that. I told you to stop fiddling with it, didn"t I? A tie is not a plaything ! "
"It feels funny," said JoJo, looking mulish. "I don"t like it."
" " You want our Mary to be proud of us, don"t you? The Music Center is a nice place. Therefore, we must look nice as well. Chin up. there. That"s better: "
"Do I look nice now?" JoJo sounded doubtful.
"Like a prince," Preacher a.s.sured him. "Like a prince. Now-do you remember what you"re supposed to do?"
JoJo nodded, smiling happily. "I"m the bodyguard. I walk right behind Mary and watch out for her so n.o.body can"t hurt her "
"That"s right. Only not too close-don"t step on her heels. And for heaven"s sake, don"t smile. We don"t want to cause a panic."
"Don"t smile," repeated JoJo, trying his best not to.
Preacher sighed. "Don"t worry, as her manager I"ll be right there beside you. We must try not to-oh, thank G.o.d: "
"Here comes Daisy," said JoJo helpfully, as the white Mercedes chugged slowly into view up the narrow, winding street.
"Mrs. Pepper, what in the world kept you?" scolded Preacher as Daisy stepped out of the car, tugging at the cuffs of her brand new chauffeur"s uniform. "It"s time we were leaving. We can"t be late-not on opening night!"
"Quit fussing," snapped Daisy. "I was just having a few words with that bozo at the gas station about his dirty diesel , is all. Told him if he didn"t clean up his act we was gonna take Sergeant MacDougal"s business elsewhere." She gave a lofty sniff.
"Huh," said Preacher. "You know the man won"t hear of that. When it comes to his hard-luck cases-"
"Here they come," said JoJo. His voice sounded unusually hushed as he shifted excitedly from one foot to the other.
As the door at the top of the stairs opened they could hear Maurice yelling, "Hey, baby ... shake it, baby!" Then Mary stepped into view, wearing a coat of soft blue brocade, with rhinestones winking at the base of her throat. The cop followed , wearing a tuxedo just like Preacher"s and JoJo"s. He pulled the door shut, cutting off Maurice"s exhortations in mid-syllable, then offered Mary his arm. Smiling at one another, they started down the long flight of steps, which Daisy had spent the afternoon sweeping clean of bougainvillea blossoms.
"Ah," said Daisy, beaming like a doting mama, "don"t she look pretty, though? "
" " They do make a handsome couple," agreed Preacher. " " I told you that policeman was going to turn out all right. He does seem to make our Mary happy."
"Well," said Daisy with a sniff, "I don"t know. I"m gonna wait and see what kind of daddy he makes. Then I let you know "Mrs. Pepper!" Preacher grabbed her excitedly by the arm and spoke in a hoa.r.s.e whisper. "Then it"s definite? When did she find out? Did she tell you?"
"Men, " scoffed Daisy as she shook herself loose. "She don"t have to tell me a thing. All you gotta do is look at her. She"s got that glow. "
"What glow?" said JoJo, looking bewildered.
"Hush!" said Daisyout of one side of her mouth, as Mary and the cop arrived at the bottom of the steps. She reached grandly to open the back door of the Mercedes, then snapped smartly to attention.
"Oh, you guys," said Mary, breaking into a nervous giggle The cop handed her into the back seat with a care that warmed Preacher"s heart clear to its core. Before he got in beside her, though, he straightened up and said, "You guys going to be okay in the Bronco? "
"We"ll be right behind you," Preacher a.s.sured him, beaming. His new driver"s license was in his wallet, right there in his hip pocket. The feel of it, just thinking about it, made him proud.
Daisy was sitting in the driver"s seat waiting for the diesel coil to warm up. When the engine fired, she slammed her door and yelled, "See you guys later!" The Mercedes backed slowly out of the driveway. " " All the way. : murmured Preacher. When the car had disappeared from view he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, surrept.i.tiously dabbed at his eyes and then loudly blew his nose.
In the back seat of the Meroedes, Joy took a deep breath, huffed it out and said, " " Hoo boy ! "
"Nervous?" asked Doug tenderly, reaching for her hand.
She gave him the look he hadn"t seen in along time, the crushed-mouth, luminous eyes. the scared, vulnerable waif look. "G.o.d, yes. Oh man, MacDougal, the Music Center. And Andrew Lloyd Webber! I can"t believe I"m actually going to be on a stage singing that song. I mean, Streisand sings that song. Who do I think I am? Oh, G.o.d, I"m going to be sick: " " Sweetheart, " said Doug fervently, " " if anybody can do that song justice, it"s you. You"ve been there. You know what it"s like. Just sing like you always do, my love-from your heart and soul. And n.o.body in this world can touch you-including Streisand ! "
Joy studied him for a moment, then leaned over and gravely kissed him. But the waif-look remained.
"Now what?" Doug asked, his voice gentle.
She swallowed audibly. "MacDougal, I"m scared. Not about tonight. About... what comes after. I mean, what if.. "
Doug shrugged, all his love for her in his eyes. and clogging up his throat. "It happens sometimes, love. Dreams do come true."
" " Yes, but. I already have everything I want: Her voice was hushed, frightened. "I don"t want to lose it."
"What do you think you"re going to lose, huh? Me? Listen , lady, I"ll be the big burly cop standing in the wings beaming so hard with pride they"ll have to throw a tarp over me to shut off the glow. Don"t you know that? Silly.. : "
A ghost, just a ghost of her megawatt smile appeared. "I know. I guess... I"m just afraid I... don"t deserve so much happiness."
"n.o.body," growled Doug, doing his George C. Scott impression, "deserves it more than you do. By G.o.d, you"ve earned it. And there"s more where that came from, believe me. A whole lifetime"s worth. I intend to make d.a.m.n sure of that."
Her smile began to bloom in earnest, then, but she caught it back, pressing her fingertips to her lips. "OmiG.o.d-that reminds me. I have something important to tell you. Something really, really..."
A few moments later, up in the driver"s seat, Daisy heard the cop give a shout of pure delight. "He said it"s for sure? When ? Hey-you... come here and let me.. : "
Daisy looked in the rear-view mirror and smiled. Then, with what was for her the most unwonted and unprecedented tact, she turned the mirror aside.