"Yai!" he rebuked it softly. It settled, not quite touching, sighed.
And from the doorway appeared a blacker shadow, that glittered here and there with metal.
Niun.
The mri stood still, waiting. Duncan gathered himself to his feet and stood still, carefully at the demarcation.
It was not necessary to say overmuch with Niun the mri observed him now, and after deliberation, beckoned him to come.
Duncan walked ahead into that shadow, the dus at his heels, as Niun waited for him at the doorway; and human-wise he would have questioned Niun, what manner of thing was here, what impulse suddenly admitted him to this place. But still in silence Niun swept his hand to the left, directing his attention into the room from which he had come.
Part of the crew"s living quarters had been here. The musky smell hung thick in this shadowy place, that was draped in black cloth. The only light within was live flame, and it glistened on the ovoid that rested at the far wall of the compartment, behind a shadowed steel grating. Two conduits rose at the doorway, serving as pillars, narrowing the entry so that only one at a time might pa.s.s.
"Go in," Niun"s voice said softly at his back.
He felt the touch of Niun"s hand between his shoulders, and went forward, not wishing to, feeling his skin contract at the shadow, the leaping flame so dangerous on the ship, the incense was thick here, cloying. He had noticed it before, adhering to the clothing of the mri, a scent he a.s.sociated with them, thought even natural to them, though he had missed it in the sterile labs.
Behind them the dusei breathed, unable to enter because of the pillars.
And there was silence for some few moments.
"You have seen such a shrine before," Niun said in a low voice, so that the p.r.i.c.kling of his skin became intense. Duncan looked half-about at the mri, heart pounding as he recalled Sil"athen, the betrayal he had done. For a terrible moment he thought Niun knew; and then he persuaded himself that it was the first time he.had come that the mri recalled to him, when he had come with permission, in their company.
"I remember," Duncan said thickly. "Is it for this you have kept me from this part of the ship? And why do you allow me here now?"
"Did I misunderstand? Did you not come seeking admittance?"
There was a stillness in Niun"s voice that chilled, even yet. Duncan did not try to answer looked away, where the pan"en rested behind its screen, at the flickering warm light, gold on silver. Mri.
It had no echo now, this compartment, of the human voices that had once possessed it, no memory of the coa.r.s.e jokes and warmer thoughts and impulses that had once governed here. It contained the pan"en. It was a mri place. It held age, and the memory of something he had done that he could not admit to them.
"In every edun of the People," Niun said, "has been a shrine, and the shrine is of the Pana. You see the screen. That is the place beyond which the Kel may not set foot. That which rests beyond is not for the Kel to question. It is a symbol, kel Duncan, of a truth. Understand, and remember." "Why do you allow me here?"
"You are kel"en. Even the least kel"en has freedom of the outer shrine. But a kel"en who has touched the pan"en who has crossed into the Sen-shrine he is marked, kel Duncan. Do you remember the guardian of the shrine?"
Bones and black cloth, pitiful huddle of mortality within the shrine: memory came with a cold clarity.
"The lives of kel"ein," Niun said, "have been set to guard this; others that have carried it have died for that honor, holding secret its place, obeying the orders of a she"pan. But you did not know these things."
Duncan"s heart sped. He looked warily at the mri. "No," he said, and wished himself out the door.
But Niun set his hand at his shoulder and moved him forward to the screen, there knelt, and Duncan sank down beside him. The screen was a darkness that cut the light and the shape of the pan"en into diamond fragments. Behind them the dusei fretted, barred from their presence.
There was silence. Duncan slowly let go his breath, understanding finally that there was no imminent threat. A long time Niun rested there, hands in his lap, facing the screen. Duncan did not dare turn his head to look at his face.
"Do you understand this place?" Niun asked of him finally, without moving.
"No," Duncan said. "And you have not taught me words enough to ask. What do you honor here?"
"First of Kel-caste was Sa"an."
" .., . Giver of laws," Duncan took up the chant in silence that Niun left, "which was the service that he gave to Sarin the Mother. And the law of the Kel is one: to serve the she"pan ..."
"That is the Kefes-jir," Niun said. "The high songs each have a body, that is first learned; then from each major word comes a limb, that is another song. In the e"atren-a of Sa"an are twenty-one major words, that lead to other songs. That is one answer to your question: here kel"ein learn the high songs. Here the three castes meet together, though they keep to their places. Here the dead are laid before the presence of the Pana. Here we speak to the presence of Sa"an and the others who have given to the People, and we remember that we are their children." There was a long silence. "Sa"an was not your father. But bend yourself to kel-law and you may come here and be welcome. The kel-law I can teach you. But the things of the Pana, I cannot. They are for the she"pan to teach, when she will. It is a law that each caste teaches only what it best knows. The Kel is the Hand of the People. We are the Face of the People that outsiders see, and therefore we veil. And we do not bear the high knowledge, and we do not read the writings: we are the Face that is Turned Outward, and we hold nothing by which outsiders could learn us."
It explained much.
"Are all outsiders enemies?" Duncan asked.
"That is beyond kel-knowledge. The lives of the Kel are the living of the People. We were hired by the regul. It is sung that we have served as mercenaries, and those songs are very old, from before the regul. That is all I know."
And Niun made a gesture of respect and rose. Duncan gathered himself up and followed him out into the outer corridor, where the dusei waited. Pleasure feelings came strongly from them. Duncan bore it, trying to keep his senses clear, aware fearfully aware that his defenses were down, with the mri and with the dusei.
In kel-hall they shared a cup of soi. Niun seemed in an unusually communicative mood, and expressions played freely through his eyes, which could be dead as amber gla.s.s.
As if, Duncan thought, his seeking out the shrine had pleased Niun. It occurred to him that the long silences were lonely not only for himself, but perhaps for Niun too, who shared living s.p.a.ce with a being more alien to him than the dusei, who could less understand him and of whom Melein disapproved.
They talked, quietly, of what little was immediate, when they reckoned that jump might occur, and what was to be done on the morrow. There was a vast area of things they did not mention, that lay in past and future. There were things that Duncan, finding Niun inclined to talk, would have asked another human, things that he might have said questions of the past, to know the man: What was it to live on Kesrith, when there were only regul and mri? Where did you come from? What women did you know? What did you want of life? But Kesrith had to be forgotten; and so did the things that he himself remembered, human and forbidden to mention. The past was gone; the future was full of things that a kel"en must not ask, must not question, must not see, save in dim patterns as beyond the screen.
Duncan finished his cup, set it aside, pushed at the dus that instantly sought to nose it.
"I will play you a round," said Niun.
Day after day, the Game, each day the same. The sameness became maddening. And on this day, with the memory of the shrine fresh in his mind, Duncan bit at his lip and weighed his life and gave another answer. "With weapons," he said.
Niun"s eyes nict.i.tated, startlement. He considered, then from his belt drew the av-tlen, the little-sword, two hands in length. He laid that before him; and his pistol, that he put to the left, and apart; and the weighted cords, the ka"islai, that depended from his belt and seemed more ornament than weapon. And from an inner pocket of his belt he drew the small, hafted blades of the as-ei, with which the Kel played at shon"ai. All these things he laid on the mat between them, pistol on the left, and the yin"ein, the ancient weapons, on the right.
"There is missing the av-kel," Niun said. "It is not necessary here."
The kel-sword: Duncan knew it, a blade three feet long and razor-edged; he had returned it to Niun, and it lay now wrapped in cloth, next Niun"s pallet.
"You may touch them." Niun said; and as he gathered up the small blades of the as-ei: "Have a care of them. Of all these things, kel Duncan, have great care. This " He gestured at the pistol. "With this I have no concern for you. But kel"ein who have played the Game from childhood die. You are barely able to play the wands."
A chill, different fear crept over him in the handling of these small weapons, not panic-fear he no longer entered the Game with that but a cold reckoning that in all these arms was something alien, more personal and more demanding than he had yet calculated. He considered the skill of Niun, and mri reflexes, that quite simply seemed a deadly fraction quicker than human, and suddenly feared that he was not ready for such a contest, and that Niun waited for him to admit it.
"It seems," Duncan said, "that quite a few kel"ein might die in learning these."
"It is an honorable death."
He looked at the mri"s naked face and sought some trace of humor there, found none.
"You are a kind," Niun said slowly, "that fights in groups. We are not. The guns, the zahen"ein, they are your way. You do not understand ours, I see that. And often, Duncan, often we tried to approach humankind; we thought that there might be honor in you. Perhaps there is. But you would not come alone to fight. Is this never done among humans? Or why is it, Duncan?"
Duncan found no answer, for there was a great sadness in the mri, so profound a sadness and bewilderment when he asked that as if, had this one thing been understood, then so much else need not have happened.
"I am sorry," Duncan said, and found it pathetically little.
"What will you? Will you play?"
The grief still remained there. Of a sudden Duncan feared edged weapons with such feeling still in the air. He looked down at the small blades he held, cautiously attempted the proper grip on them nonetheless.
Niun"s slender fingers reached, carefully adjusted his, then withdrew. The mri edged back to a proper interval.
"One blade at a time, Duncan."
He hesitated.
"That is no good," Niun said. "Throw."
The blade flew. Niun caught it. Gently it returned.
Duncan missed. It hit his chest and fell to his lap. He rubbed the sore spot over his heart and thought that it must be bleeding despite the robes.
He threw. Niun returned it. Awkwardly he caught the hilt, threw again; it came back, forth, back, forth, back and his mind knew it for a weapon suddenly, and he froze, and a second time it caught him in the ribs. He gathered it from his lap and his hand was shaking. He cast.
Niun intercepted it, closed his hand on it and did not return it.
"I will keep playing," Duncan said.
"Later." Niun held up his hand for the other. Duncan returned it, and the mri slipped both back into his belt.
"I am not that badly hurt."
The mri"s amber eyes regarded him soberly, reading him from shaking hands to his unveiled face. "Now you have realized that you will be hurt. So do we all, kel Duncan. Think on it a time. Your heart is good. Your desire is good. Your self-knowledge is at fault. We will play again, sometimes with wands, sometimes with the blades. I will show you all that I know. But it is not all to be learned today. Let me see the injuries. I judged my throws carefully, but I could make a mistake."
Duncan frowned, opened the robe, found two minute punctures, one over his heart, one over his ribs, neither bruised, neither deep. "I suppose that I am the one more likely to make a mistake," he admitted. Niun regarded him soberly.
"True. You do not know how to hold your strength. I still must hold mine with you when we play at wands."
He regarded the mri with resentment.
"Not much," Niun conceded. "But I know your limit, and you do not know mine."
Duncan"s jaw knotted. "What is the hal"ari for arrogant?"
Niun smiled. "Ka"ani-nla. But I am not, kel Duncan. If I were arrogant, you would have more than two small cuts: to use an opponent badly, that is arrogant. To press the Game beyond your own limits: that is stupidity. And you are not a. stupid man, kel Duncan."
It was several moments before Duncan even attempted to answer. The dusei shifted weight restlessly.
"If I can make you angry," Niun said when he opened his mouth to speak, "I have pa.s.sed your guard again. If I can make you angry, I have given you something to think about besides the Game. So my masters would say to me often, because I myself was p.r.o.ne to that fault. The scars I have gained of it are more than two."
Duncan considered the mri, found it strange that after so long a time he learned something of Niun as a person, and not as mri. He considered the amus.e.m.e.nt that lurked just behind the amber eyes, and reckoned that he was intended to share that humor, that Niun instead of bristling had simply hurled back the throw that he had cast, as a man would with a man not his enemy.
"Tomorrow," Duncan said, "I will try the as-ei again."
Niun"s face went sober, but there was pleasure in his gesture of a.s.sent. "Good." He absently extended a hand to fend off the dus that intruded on them: the beasts could not seem to resist intervening in any quiet conversation, wanting to touch, to be as close as possible.
But the dus, the lesser one, snarled an objection and Niun s.n.a.t.c.hed his hand back quickly. The beast pushed roughly past him, and settled between them. An instant later it moved again, heaved its bulk nearer and nearer Duncan.
"It does that sometimes," Duncan said, alarmed by its behavior. There was a brush at his senses, affecting his heartbeat. The ma.s.sive head thrust at his knee, and with a sigh the beast worked its way heavily against him, warm, beginning the pleasure sound. He lost himself in it a moment, then shuddered, and it stopped. He focused clearly, saw Niun sitting with his arm about the shoulder of the other, the larger dus.
"That is a shameless dus," Niun said, "that prefers tsi"mri."
He was, Duncan thought, vexed that the dus had snarled at him. Duncan endured the touch a moment more, knowing the attachment of the mri to the beasts, fearing to offend either by his complaint; but the touch at his senses was too much. A sudden shiver took him. "Get it away from me," he said suddenly; he feared to move, not knowing what afflicted the beast.
Niun frowned, carefully separated himself from the larger dus, put out his hand to touch that which lay against Duncan. It made a strange, plaintive sound, heaved the more closely against Duncan, hard-breathing. Niun, veilless already, took off the zaidhe that covered his mane unwonted familiarity leaned forward and shook hard at the animal. Duncan felt the strain of dus-feelings, of alienness. He tried to touch the beast himself with his hand, but it suddenly heaved away from him and shied off across the room, shaking its ma.s.sive head and blowing puffs of air in irritation as it retreated.
"Tsi"mri," Niun judged, remaining kneeling where he was. "The dus feels something it cannot understand. It will not have me; it cannot have you. That is going to be a problem, Duncan. It is possible you cannot accept what it offers. But it can be dangerous if you will not accept it eventually. I cannot handle this one. There is a madness that comes on them if they cannot have what they want. They choose. We do not."
"I cannot touch that thing."
"You will have to."
"No."
Niun expelled a short breath, and rose and walked away, to stand staring at the starscreen, the dusty field that was all that changed in kel-hall. It was all there was to look at but a confused beast and a recalcitrant human. Duncan felt the accusation in that frozen black figure, total disappointment in him.
"Niun."
The mri turned, bare-faced, bare-headed, looked down on him.
"Do not call me tsi"mri," Duncan said.
"Do you say so?" Niun stiffened his back. "When the hal"ari comes easily from your mouth, when you play at the Game with weapons, when you can lie down to sleep and not fear the dusei, then I shall no longer call you tsi"mri. The beast will die, Duncan. And the other will be alone, if the madness does not infect it, too."
Duncan looked at it, where it crouched in the corner. To have peace with Niun, he rose and nerved himself to approach it. Perversely, it would have none of him, but shied off and snarled. The dark eyes glittered at him, desiring what it could not find.
"Careful."
Niun was behind him. Duncan gave back gratefully, felt the mri"s hand on his shoulder. The dus remained in its corner, and it did not seem the time to attempt anything with it.
"I will try," Duncan said.
"Slowly. Let it alone for now. Let be. There is no pressing them."
"I do not understand why it comes at me. I have tried to discourage it. Surely it understands I do not want it."
Niun shrugged. "I have felt its disturbance. I cannot answer you. No one knows why a dus chooses. I could not hold them both, that is all. It has no one else. And perhaps it feels in you the nature of a kel"en."
Duncan glanced at the dus, that had ceased to radiate hostility, and again at Niun, wondering whether he understood that in what the mri had said was an admission that he had won something.
That night, as they were settling to sleep on their pallets, Niun put away his weapons in the roll of cloth that contained all his personal possessions, and there, along with a curious knot of cord, was the ill-made figure of a dus, as if it were valued.
It pleased Duncan. He looked into the shadows at the living model that Jay some distance from him, eyes glittering in the light of the starscreen, head between its paws, looking wistfully at him.
He whistled at it softly, an appeal ancient and human.
A soft puff of air distended the beast"s nostrils. The small eyes wrinkled in what looked like anguished consideration.