"And that we hear," said the kel"anth Rhian, "a message we are anxious to bear to our she"panei."
"Aye," muttered other kel"anthein.
This should have given him the most profound, the uttermost joy. It did not. He looked up into Melein"s eyes, glad that there was no dus by them, to catch up the she"pan"s inexorable and calculating coldness and hurl it into him, keener than than any blade. "You hear," he echoed hoa.r.s.ely. "And in all matters ... I am the she"pan"s Hand." any blade. "You hear," he echoed hoa.r.s.ely. "And in all matters ... I am the she"pan"s Hand."
"Kel"anth," she said, "the message which came to us from tsi"mri, that we should come and speak with them . . . tell me, kel"anth of the ja"anom, what will tsi"mri do if we should fail that rendezvous they ask? Will they attack?"
"Am I tsi"mri, to answer what they will do?"
"Your knowledge of them is best of all but Duncan"s. What will they do if their expectations are thwarted? What would kel Duncan have done, when he was human?"
He glanced down, lest the membrane betray his disturbance. "I would expect of a human . . . first, distress; puzzlement that things did not agree with his hopes; then anger. But humans are more likely to come probing at us than to launch devastating attack, unless cornered. Regul. . . regul are another species; and they are up there too; and that is different. Duncan believes humans are restraining them but humans reckon patience from moment to moment, and a day is soon to them. That is what I dread, that their patience is too short even to comprehend how slowly a man must walk in this land. They live with machines, and expect everything to come quickly."
"And once challenge has been made?"
Niun sat still, eyes unfocused, seeing a place he was forbidden to recall, fire and night, ships lacing back and forth above ruin. "Humans fight in ma.s.ses; so do regul, no single combat. The People lost thousands before we learned this fact and the thinking behind it. But " But " He struck his palm upon the floor, looked suddenly at Kel and Sen. "But they make other replies. Duncan is one. When it was all over, when regul had effectively finished us and humans had fought us to our ruin . . . Duncan came alone, as none of them had ever come alone to our challenges; and handed us himself, and struggled for us, gave us the ship in which we came here. Ask him why. He has no idea that he can express. Instinct? A response of his kind? He did not know the answer when he was human. Now he is mri. Perhaps he remembers enough that Council might call He struck his palm upon the floor, looked suddenly at Kel and Sen. "But they make other replies. Duncan is one. When it was all over, when regul had effectively finished us and humans had fought us to our ruin . . . Duncan came alone, as none of them had ever come alone to our challenges; and handed us himself, and struggled for us, gave us the ship in which we came here. Ask him why. He has no idea that he can express. Instinct? A response of his kind? He did not know the answer when he was human. Now he is mri. Perhaps he remembers enough that Council might call him, him, ask ask him him why, or how humans think. Ask why, or how humans think. Ask Mm." Mm."
"No," Melein said softly. "No. Can mri give a tsi"mri kind of answer? We are ourselves, kel"anth. Do not look so deeply into the Dark that you lose your balance."
He caught his breath, looked up at her, his heart beating against his ribs.
The dus stirred. Duncan caught up something, vast sorrow, and stopped in mid-word, looked about at the Kel and shivered in a sudden breeze.
Others gathered it up without understanding it Duncan looked toward the door of the she"pan"s tent, knowing direction, and a great fear bore down upon him.
"Kel"en," said Peras, and Peras in leaning forward touched the dus. The spilling of emotions touched him too, and the veteran"s eyes nict.i.tated, amazed and chagrinned.
"What is wrong?" asked old Da"on. "Perns?"
The feeling faded, like something pa.s.sing out of focus. It was hard to imagine that it had been there. Duncan stroked the velvet fur with both his hands, bowed against it, lifted his face again.
"The tsi"mri called regul," regul," jel Ras prompted him. jel Ras prompted him.
"Dead," Duncan said hoa.r.s.ely. "I killed her. She stirred her younglings to attack, and I killed her and gave the matter over to humans. Only " He found himself saying more than he wanted to and ceased, but the dus betrayed him, gathering up feelings and weaving them together, himself and his hearers, himself and Ras who sat against the beast. A dread was on him him and they shared it, perhaps without knowing why. and they shared it, perhaps without knowing why.
"O my brothers." It was the idiom of the hal"ari, and he meant it in that moment "The Dark is very wide out there, and all about this world, there is no life, none at all. They have seen it. And they are afraid."
"We move on," said Melein, "as we have been moving. I will say no more of it; I do not bind myself with words; I do as the Now asks. Tell your she"panei we move with the dawn. A double hand of kel"ein will hunt outward from our column to feed us. If any she"pan will draw back and not lend to me, I do not permit; I challenge. If any will challenge me, well, there is honor in that, and if she will take up my robes and stand where I stand, that is well. But I do not believe the G.o.ds will permit me to fall; I shall absorb that tribe and take them for my children. The G.o.ds have not preserved me through so much to fall in tribal rivalry. If any she"pan will lend me her children in my need, I shall write her in the Holy"s last table, and in the beginning of the new; and the mri who stood with me, living and dead, will mark a new beginning in the songs of their line. All things begin and end from this coming day. When I have done what I will, I shall give their children back to them with grat.i.tude and Honors; the law prevents us of the White from standing face to face . . . but apart, we are each a point of strength on Kutath"s wide face. I am she"pan"anth, she"pan-senior of the Voyagers . . . she"pan"anth of all mri; and I have need. Say that to them. Is there question?"
Silence hung in the air, trembling with force.
"Go," she said, a whisper like a sword"s slash. "And come back to me."
It was a moment before bodies stirred, before any had the temerity to move . . . and in a thick silence the Kel stood, the kath"anth withdrawing first in the precedence of leaving. Kel"ein waited. Niun moved, realizing it was on him, and walked out into the forechamber of the tent where the Shrine was, paid shaken homage to the Holy, wishing to gather up the threads of all that had been cast him, that drank up reason and made madmen of them all.
But others swarmed about him, a dark and fearsome presence, the blackness of Kel, his own and others", crowding the Shrine and the door out of which Sen must come. It was chaos, and he stifled in it, moved for the door and daylight, to disperse them by his leaving, but a hand caught his arm, familiarity none of them ventured with him.
"Kel"anth," said Hlil.
He resisted, but Hlil was determined. "Kel"ein?" he asked, without moving or looking particularly at any of them. "Kel"anth-ein?"
The hand tightened with force. "Aye," Hlil said. "You never give us your face, even when the veil is down. You have your secrets. But what the she"pan has finally said, kel"anth, we have waited to hear, and others have. She has the Seeing, is it not so?"
"That may be so," Niun said hoa.r.s.ely. "I have sometimes thought so."
"You are kin to her."
"Was."
"They are here, other kel"anthein, other tribes; you are kel"anth to us, and we know your manner. You go out of the fingers like sand, Niun s"lntel; you have no face, even to us, as the wind has none. We have watched you, silent with the strangers when you ought to speak, brooding over that tsfmri, apart We understand the she"pan. Perhaps we even understand you . . . but how can they? You are her Hand. And what she gains, you bid fair to cast away." are here, other kel"anthein, other tribes; you are kel"anth to us, and we know your manner. You go out of the fingers like sand, Niun s"lntel; you have no face, even to us, as the wind has none. We have watched you, silent with the strangers when you ought to speak, brooding over that tsfmri, apart We understand the she"pan. Perhaps we even understand you . . . but how can they? You are her Hand. And what she gains, you bid fair to cast away."
"That may be," he said, finding breath difficult. He no more looked at them than before. "If that is so, then I deserve blame for it"
"What is in you, kel"anth?"
"Let go of me, Hlil."
"Once, reach out your hand and take up this Kel. Or what will they go back and say? That the kel"anth preferred other company?"
He understood the gist of it then, set his face and glared at Hlil. "Ah. My orthodoxy. That I defended kel Duncan. That is at issue."
"Answer."
"I was taught kel-kw; we kept it strictly in my House. I cannot read or write and I never knew the Mysteries. Two thousand years bounded all I knew. But my House fell. My Kel died. I have carried the pan"en of the Voyagers in my own hands and crossed in my life all the Darks that ever were. Shall I shed this on you all? One kel"en was with me throughout; one kel"en knows the law that I knew and the songs as my Kel sang them; and saw what I have seen. I am arrogant, yes. I have all the faults you think I have. And you pick a poor time to quarrel with me, Hlil, kel-second."
He would have torn away, Hlil"s hand clenched tighter still. "I hear you," Hlil said. "Long since, I have heard you. Now someone else does."
Heat crept to his face, resentment toward Hlil, toward witnesses of this humiliation. Then he thought; before my own Kel it would not shame me to say. before my own Kel it would not shame me to say. And secondly; And secondly; my own Kel. my own Kel. This was. This was.
They were. were.
"Forgive me," he said. He let the restraint from his face, even to Rhian of the hao"nath, and the others, and it was worse to him than stripping naked. "Forgive me for offense." He recited apology docilely, like a child . . . knew that there would be murmuring when they were out of hearing. That too was just He pressed Hlil"s shoulder, felt the hand drop from his arm, turned from that quieted company to the outside, his eyes nict.i.tating from the sudden sunlight. They cleared, and he saw the gathering by the tent of the Kel, the whole ma.s.s of them there, shoulder to shoulder.
His heart constricted.
"Duncan," he breathed aloud, and hastened, strode across the sand with strides which left the others who had followed him, met the ma.s.s of kel"ein about the tent and parted them, his and theirs, thrust his way ungently through their midst, foreseeing everything in shambles, bloodf eud, all ties unraveled.
And stopped, seeing most seated about the center, the whole mingled Kel, and Duncan in the midst of all, sitting with Ras against his dus"s broad shoulder and talking peaceably to all of them.
He shut his eyes an instant and caught what the beast held, that was the essence of Duncan, a quiet thing, and strong, with the stubbornness of the dusei themselves.
And love, and profound desire for those about him. Duncan felt his presence and looked up, rose anxiously and stood there staring at him, casting question, question, question like the beating of a panicked heart Niun came to him, kel"ein moving aside to give place to him and the kel"ein who came after him.
"Sov-kela," Niun said, catching him by the arm and drawing him him aside from those centermost. "I was worried for you and I find you entertaining the whole Kel." aside from those centermost. "I was worried for you and I find you entertaining the whole Kel."
"Is it all right?" Duncan asked him. "Did it go all right?"
The question stopped him him cold. What Duncan asked and what they had arrived at in Council were two different matters. The dus came between, forcing its way. Niun recoiled in his thoughts, blank to it, quickly enough, he hoped. Then the second dus made its appearance, unfelt until it came within sight around the tent corner. And all about them were listening. He set his hand on Duncan"s shoulder. "Get in out of the wind, sov-kela." cold. What Duncan asked and what they had arrived at in Council were two different matters. The dus came between, forcing its way. Niun recoiled in his thoughts, blank to it, quickly enough, he hoped. Then the second dus made its appearance, unfelt until it came within sight around the tent corner. And all about them were listening. He set his hand on Duncan"s shoulder. "Get in out of the wind, sov-kela."
Duncan went, unquestioning. Niun looked about at the others, the faces that expected answer of him, wondering the same things. "Ask of your own," he said. "We move in the morning. It would be presumption of me to wish that you will all be with us. But I do. And for my own Kel . . . give me a very little time I ask this."
There was a murmuring. He walked through them, and into the tent, and no one followed, only the dusei. There was no one inside, but only Duncan, in the dim light of the wind vents overhead.
"I should not have asked you in public," Duncan said.
"Do not fret for it It was all right."
"I know," said Duncan in that same faint voice, "that something is wrong. Something went wrong. But not with them and you. Am I mistaken?"
O G.o.ds, Niun thought, Niun thought, how much did you feel? how much did you feel? The dusei were there; Duncan had a talent with them ... let them have too much, received back more than mri had ever gotten. The dusei were there; Duncan had a talent with them ... let them have too much, received back more than mri had ever gotten. His nature, His nature, he thought, he thought, that he reserves nothing. that he reserves nothing.
"Where is your service?" he asked of Duncan.
"With the she"pan."
"And if we fight?"
"You cannot fightf" cannot fightf" Duncan lowered his voice in mid-breath at Niun"s warning, made a gesture of helpless appeal. "You know the odds; you know, if they do not. You have no hope at all Do you want another Kesrith?" Duncan lowered his voice in mid-breath at Niun"s warning, made a gesture of helpless appeal. "You know the odds; you know, if they do not. You have no hope at all Do you want another Kesrith?"
"If we fight are you mri?"
"Yes," Duncan said after a moment.
"You could not be mistaken."
"No."
Niun opened his arms, embraced him, set him back at arm"s length, staring into his anguished eyes. "Sov-kela if you are wrong, we will break your heart"
"What did they decide?"
"It was always decided. A mri way. Do you hear me? The she"pan has already determined what way she will lead; and perhaps she will use what you have given her . . . but not not as you gave it."
"I hear you." The dusei crowded near, moaning shied off again. Duncan caught a breath and made a gesture as he would when he was without a word, let the breath go and the gesture fall, helpless. His dus came to him and he caressed its thick neck as if that were the most absorbing task in the world. "You choose your own way," he said finally. "If I have interfered, it was because I hoped there was a way the mri could survive and keep their own way. If I was wrong, it was tsi"mri taint, perhaps, a fondness for survival."
"No. You do not understand. I am not asking whether you can die die with with us. us. I am talking about the she"pan"s order. Your honor ... is it mri?" I am talking about the she"pan"s order. Your honor ... is it mri?"
Duncan stared at him, his face stark in the dim light, and for a moment frightened. The fear pa.s.sed. "I warned them. I told them."
"If they are as you once were . . . can they have believed a plain warning?"
"Some likely not. But I gave it, all the same."
There was a stirring next the walls, the soft murmur of voices, diminishing; the stranger-kel"ein were departing the patchwork tent. Niun walked to the outside doorway, looked on the ja"anom who waited, solemn and quiet, Hlil foremost among them. He beckoned, and they came, settling into council in absolute quiet Duncan would have sought last rank, but Niun signed to him and cleared a place near him, not by rank, but in a place where those concerned in council business might be set out of their order.
"Is there any matter," he asked, "that pa.s.sed out there . . . that was not resolved?"
No one spoke. But after a moment there was a stir from the second itaik, itaik, and heads turned as Ras stood up. She excused herself through first rank and came to center, and in disquiet Niun stood up, and Duncan. Ras came to Duncan and embraced him, and after that to Niun, as one would with an unscarred on his first day in Kel. "I swore to be first," she said. and heads turned as Ras stood up. She excused herself through first rank and came to center, and in disquiet Niun stood up, and Duncan. Ras came to Duncan and embraced him, and after that to Niun, as one would with an unscarred on his first day in Kel. "I swore to be first," she said.
Others came, Peras and Desai and Hlil and Merin; Dias and Seras and all of them from first rank to last, first Duncan and then himself, in strange and quiet courtesy; to the first he was numb, and toward the last, beginning to comprehend it not as irony, but as something given from the heart. They all settled in their places, even Duncan, and the dusei by him; and he was left staring at them with heat risen to his face and a dazed lack of grace.
After a moment he sat down, hands in lap, stared at them for some moments more before he could recover his wits or reason the tautness from his throat "The matter before council," he managed finally in a voice which sounded distant in his own ears. "You asked to know it"
Chapter Fifteen.
No life existed here either. Boaz stared at the city from wind-sore eyes the damaged streets, the sand-choked alleys, and hope began to ebb. Her heart pounded in her ears with the steady strain; joints ached as from long fever, and popped with sharp little pains when the sand made the going hard. The boys wanted to carry the necessary pack; she refused that stubbornly, for they had their own. Her breath rasped in her throat and came too short through the hissing mask; if she could have shed anything, irrationally, it would be that rattling tank at her shoulder, and the mask that seemed more restraint on breathing than aid, but it was life. She turned the valve from time to time, shot a little oxygen in; it made her light-headed and her throat hurt. She blamed that and not the air and the cold.
There were at least no dead; they were spared that, at least There was no sign that rnri had visited here since the seas fled. But there had been fire from this place; regul and human fire had pinpointed to areas which had fired, finding their targets by that means. Something was alive here, but not-she began to be sure not flesh and blood. Not the mri they had needed to find.
Caley stopped ahead of her, slung his pack off and sat down on a fallen stone, arms slack between his knees; rest stop; Boaz was glad of it, and sat down, Kadarin next to her. They were three; by Galey"s decision, since Lane"s death they set themselves on strict schedule, and left Shibo with the ship, to monitor com . . . and, Boaz suspected, to get word back if they met trouble. They were out of room for recklessness. Shibo was the other pilot . . . capable of leaving them. Had those orders in certain contingencies, she suspected. Galey had not said. It was, perhaps, salve for a soldier"s conscience that truth might get back if they did not.
"Got to be close to the central square," Galey said. "Or my direction"s off."
She nodded. Galey and Kadarin looked terrible, faces lined with Kutath"s cruel dryness, red-marked with the masks . . . cracked lips, eyes red like sick animals". Nails broke to the quick and skin at joints galled and cracked and crusted. Mri robes made sense, she reckoned; no way she could have persuaded the military, but mri who wore loose robes and exposed scarcely their eyes to this torment . . . had more sense than they. She would have given much for the thickness of those coa.r.s.e robes between her and the wind, which buried their feet in sand even while they sat. She thought of Duncan, who had walked this land on mri terms . . . and come in strangely more whole than than they; recalled the face, gaunt and changed, and narrow-eyed, smooth, as if humankind were burned out of it, and wrung out with the moisture; and placid, as if expressions were waste. they; recalled the face, gaunt and changed, and narrow-eyed, smooth, as if humankind were burned out of it, and wrung out with the moisture; and placid, as if expressions were waste.
There had been a touch of the mri. Here save for the edunei things did not agree together. She looked about her, at stones which had a touch of lavenders amid the apricot dust of afternoon ... at streets and buildings. What it might have been in its prime, this great city . . . her expert eye filled in, missing angles, shaping with the remembered fragments of the saffron-hued city of so many dead; alien arches, bizarre geometries, delicate symmetry of threes.
Threes, she thought, a preponderance of triangles. Three castes. The silhouette of the edunei. The three-way intersection of streets. Buildings of slanting walls and ground-plans which made sensible geometry if the wings were divided triangularly. She shivered, recognizing an underlying geometry of alien perceptions, another thing than underlay the dualities that underlay human architecture, human relationships, human s.e.x, either-or, up and down, black and white, duality of alternatives. The minds which built this had thought otherwise, had seen differently. Never the right questions, she thought with a tightness at her stomach. she thought, a preponderance of triangles. Three castes. The silhouette of the edunei. The three-way intersection of streets. Buildings of slanting walls and ground-plans which made sensible geometry if the wings were divided triangularly. She shivered, recognizing an underlying geometry of alien perceptions, another thing than underlay the dualities that underlay human architecture, human relationships, human s.e.x, either-or, up and down, black and white, duality of alternatives. The minds which built this had thought otherwise, had seen differently. Never the right questions, she thought with a tightness at her stomach.
In any situation . . . were there three three alternatives? And the great edunei; always the edunei, where mri had lived in human/regul s.p.a.ce . . . never such streets, such buildings, asprawl in triangular multiplications. Mri had used the edunei; huge ones, by report, far greater than Kesrith . . . and those were dimmest echoes of the edun of the saffron city; mud-walled echoes. Residences, presumably here as there. alternatives? And the great edunei; always the edunei, where mri had lived in human/regul s.p.a.ce . . . never such streets, such buildings, asprawl in triangular multiplications. Mri had used the edunei; huge ones, by report, far greater than Kesrith . . . and those were dimmest echoes of the edun of the saffron city; mud-walled echoes. Residences, presumably here as there.
And what were these outer buildings, this disorderly sprawl centering about the edun?
The triangularity was the same. The flavor was not The logic was not. The life within the self-contained edunei . . . and in this sprawl. . . could not be the same.
"Not mri," she said aloud. "The makers of this . . . were not mri." And when Galey and Kadarin gazed at her as if she had lost her reason; "It"s not the ruins we need. Duncan was right all the way in the other city; and in this one ... no dead. Deserted, as he said. I advise we get back to that shuttle. Out in the land. There are the ship"s lights ... by night they"d be quite visible."
"Boz," Galey said, "what are you talking about, not mri?"
"Didn"t Duncan tell us the truth once? And again . . . here; these cities are not where we find the mri. What is is mri is in those machines, and we can"t get at it; and what"s out here in these streets is of no use to us. These buildings are no use. We"re already taking one chance, staying out here. Take a further. Go all the way. Find the mri; there may be something here we can"t afford to find, whoever made the outer city. A logic we can"t deal with. A language we know nothing of." mri is in those machines, and we can"t get at it; and what"s out here in these streets is of no use to us. These buildings are no use. We"re already taking one chance, staying out here. Take a further. Go all the way. Find the mri; there may be something here we can"t afford to find, whoever made the outer city. A logic we can"t deal with. A language we know nothing of."
Galey stared at her, and cast a glance about the buildings, his masked face contracting in a grimace of distress. Perhaps even to his eyes things fell into new order; he had that kind of look, that of a man seeing something he had not "What are we into?" he asked. "Boz, are you sure?"
"I"m sure of nothing. But I suggest we take our chances on the known quant.i.ty. That if we go looking long enough ... we might turn up something that doesn"t follow the rules we know, even what little we know. And what do we do then?"
"What do we do with the mri?"
"We get a contact We try the names we know. We get back into the range of Duncan"s mri and we turn on the lights."
Galey"s eyes slid aside to Kadarin, back again. "That totally breaks with the orders I have."
"I know that"