"Nonsense!" exclaimed Margaret emphatically, and adding to the emphasis by taking off her hat and throwing her head back, shaking it a little as if she wished her hair were down.
Mrs. Rushmore turned upon her with the moral dignity of five generations of Puritan ancestors.
"Do you mean to say that after all I"ve done to get you this money, you are going to give me up to be an actress?" she demanded with scorn.
"That you"re going to give up your best friends, and your position as a lady, and the chance of making a respectable marriage, not to mention your immortal soul, just for the pleasure of showing yourself every night half-dressed to every commercial traveller in Europe? It"s disgraceful. I don"t care what you say. You"re insane. You shan"t do it!"
At this view of the case Margaret"s forehead flushed a little.
"You talk as if I were going to be a music-hall singer," she said.
"That"s where you"ll end!" retorted Mrs. Rushmore, without the slightest regard for facts. "That"s where they all end! There, or in the divorce courts--or both! It"s the same thing!" she concluded triumphantly.
"I never heard a divorce court compared to a music-hall," observed Margaret.
"You know exactly what I mean," answered Mrs. Rushmore angrily. "Don"t take me up at every word! Contradicting isn"t reasoning. Anybody can contradict."
"And besides," continued Margaret, growing cooler as the other grew warm, "one cannot be divorced till one has been married."
"Oh, you"ll marry soon enough!" cried Mrs. Rushmore, infuriated by her calm. "You"ll marry an adventurer with dyed moustaches and a sham t.i.tle, who"ll steal your money and beat you! And though I am your dear mother"s best friend, Margaret, I"m bound to say that it will serve you right. It"s useless to deny it. It will serve you right."
"It would certainly serve me right if I married the individual with the dyed moustaches," said Margaret, smiling in spite of herself.
"I"m glad you agree with me at last. It shows that you"re not so perfectly mad as you seemed. If you had gone on as you were talking at first I should certainly have had a mad doctor to examine you. As it is, I don"t believe you"re fit to have all that money. You mean well, I daresay. But you have no sense. None at all."
Margaret laughed and took the opportunity of the lull in the battle to escape to her own room. A moment later Mrs. Rushmore followed her and knocked at the door.
"I"m sure you"ve had nothing to eat all day," she called out anxiously, before Margaret could answer.
Margaret opened and put her head out, to explain that she had lunched, but she did not say where.
"Oh, very well!" answered Mrs. Rushmore, unwilling to show that her anger had subsided so soon. "That"s all I wanted to know."
Like most Anglo-Saxons, she vaguely connected regular meals with morality.
When Margaret was alone she realised that she was more disturbed by Lushington"s unexpected appearance at Logotheti"s door than she had thought it possible to be. At the time, she had been surprised to see him and a little hurt by his manner, but she had attributed the latter to his natural shyness. Now that she could think quietly about the meeting, she remembered his eyes and the look of cold resentment she had seen in them for the first time since she had known him. He had no right to be angry with her for lunching with Logotheti, she was quite sure. He had parted from her, giving her to understand that they were to meet as little as possible in future. How could he possibly claim to criticise her actions after that? A few days ago, she would have married him, if he had not insisted that it was impossible. She was not sure that she would marry him now, if he came back. He had looked as if he meant to interfere in her life, after refusing to share it. No woman will tolerate that.
Yet she was disturbed, and a little sad, now that the day was over.
Logotheti had found words for a thought that had pa.s.sed through her mind, it was true; if Lushington loved her, how could he make an obstacle of what she had been so ready to overlook? The Greek"s direct speeches had appealed to her, while he had been at her side. But now, she wished with all her heart that Lushington would appear to ask her questions, and let her answer them. She had a most unreasonable impression that she had somehow angered him, and wronged herself in his eyes. She would not ask herself whether she loved him still, or whether she had really loved him at all, but she longed to see him. He had said that he was leaving again in the evening, but perhaps he would think better of it and come out to see her. She even thought of writing to him, for she knew his London address. He lived in Bolton Street, Piccadilly, and she remembered his telling her that his windows looked upon a blank brick wall opposite, in which he sought inspiration and sometimes found it. Sometimes, he had said, he saw her face there.
Then she remembered the last hour they had spent together at Madame Bonanni"s, and the quiet dignity and courage of his behaviour under circ.u.mstances that might almost have driven a sensitive man out of his senses.
She thought of him a great deal that afternoon, and the result of her thoughts was that she resolved not to go to Logotheti"s house again, though she had a vague idea that such a resolution should not be connected with Lushington, if she meant to respect her own independence. But when she had reached this complicated state of mind, both Lushington and Logotheti took themselves suddenly out of the sphere of her meditations, and she was standing once more on the half-lighted stage, singing "Anges pures" into the abyss of the dark and empty house.
The evening post brought Margaret three notes from Paris. One, in bad French, was from Schreiermeyer, to say that he had changed his mind, that she was to make her _debut_ in _Rigoletto_ instead of in _Faust_, and that a rehearsal of the former opera was called for the next day but one at eleven o"clock, at which, by kindness of the director of the Opera, she would be allowed to sing the part of Gilda.
When she read this, her face fell, and she felt a sharp little disappointment. She had already fancied herself Marguerite, the fair-haired Gretchen, ma.s.s-book in hand and eyes cast down, and then at the spinning-wheel, and in the church, and in the prison, and it was an effort of imagination to turn herself into the Italian Duke"s Gilda, murdered to save her lover and dragged away in the sack--probably by proxy!
The next note was from Logotheti, who begged her to use his motor car for going in to her rehearsals. The chauffeur would bring it to Mrs.
Rushmore"s gate, the day after to-morrow, in plenty of time. The note was in French and ended with the a.s.surance of "most respectful homage."
When she had read it she stared rather vacantly into the corner of her room for a few seconds, and then tossed the bit of paper into the basket under her writing-table.
The third letter was from Lushington. She had recognised the small scholarly handwriting and had purposely laid it aside to read last. It was rather stiffly worded, and it contained a somewhat unnecessary and not very contrite apology for having seemed rude that morning in answering her question so roughly and in hurrying away. He had not much else to say, except that he was going back at once to his London lodgings in Bolton Street--a hint that if Margaret wished to write to him he was to be found there.
She bit her lip and frowned. The note was useless and tactless as well.
If he had wished to please her he might have written a word of greeting, as if nothing had happened, just to say that he wished he could have seen her for a few minutes. It would have been so easy to do that instead of sending a superfluous apology for having been rude on purpose! She read the note again and grew angry over it. It was so gratuitous! If he really meant to avoid her always, he need not have written at all. "Superfluous" was the word; it was superfluous. She tore the letter into little bits and threw them into the basket; and then, by an afterthought, she fished up Logotheti"s note, which she had not torn, and read it again.
At all events, he was a man of the world and could cover two pages of note-paper without saying anything that could irritate a woman. Like everything he said, what he wrote was just right. He did not protest that he could not use his motor car himself, and he did not apologise for taking the liberty of offering her the use of it; he did not even ask for an answer, as if he were trying to draw her into writing to him. The car would be at the gate, and he would be glad if she could use it; meaning that if she did not want it she could send it away.
There was not the least shade of familiarity in the phrases.
"Respectful homage" was certainly not "familiar." Just because he did not ask for an answer, he should have one!
She took up her pen and began. When she had written three or four lines to thank him, she found herself going on to say more, and she told him of the change in regard to her _debut_, and asked if he knew why it was made so suddenly. She explained why she preferred _Faust_ to _Rigoletto_, and all at once she saw that she had filled a sheet and must either break off abruptly or take another. She finished the note hastily and signed her name. When it was done she remembered that she had not told him anything about the money which had unexpectedly come to her, and she hesitated a moment; but she decided that it was none of his business, and almost wondered why she had thought of telling him anything so entirely personal. She sealed the letter, stamped it and sent it to be posted.
Then she sat down at her piano to look over _Rigoletto_, whistling her part softly while she played, in order to save her voice, and in a few minutes she had forgotten Logotheti, Schreiermeyer and Lushington.
CHAPTER XII
Madame Bonanni sat in the spring sunshine by the closed window of her sitting-room in London; she was thankful that there was any sunshine at all, and by keeping the window shut and wrapping herself in furs she produced the illusion that it was warming her. The room was not very large and a good deal of s.p.a.ce was taken up by a grand piano, a good deal more by the big table and the heavy furniture, and the rest by Madame Bonanni herself. Her bulk was considerably increased by the white furs, from which only her head emerged; and as her face was made up for the day with rather more paint than she wore in Paris, on the ground that London is a darker city, the effect of the whole was highly artificial and disconcerting. One might have compared the huge bundle of white to an enormous egg out of which a large and very animated middle-aged fowl was just hatching.
Lushington was seated before the open piano, but had turned half away from it on the stool and was looking quietly at his mother. His face had an expression of listless weariness which was not natural to him.
Madame Bonanni moved just then and the outer fur slipped a little from its place. Lushington rose at once and arranged it again.
"Will you have anything else over you, mother?" he asked.
"No, my child. I am warm at last. Your English sun is like stage lime-light. It shines, and shines, and does no good! The man turns it off, and London is pitch dark! Nothing warms one here but eating five times a day and wearing a fur coat all the time. But I am growing old.
Why do you say I am not? It is foolish."
"Your voice is as perfect as ever," said Lushington.
"My voice, my voice! What did you expect? That it would crack, or that I should sing false? Ungrateful boy! How can you say such things of your mother? But I am growing old. Soon I shall make the effect on the public of a grandmother in baby"s clothes. Do you think I am blind?
They will say, "Poor old Bonanni, she remembers Thiers!" They might as well say at once that I remember the Second Empire! It is infamous!
Have people no heart? But why do I go on singing, my dear? Tell me that! Why do I go on?"
"Because you sing as well as ever," suggested Lushington gently.
"It is no reason why I should work as hard as ever! Why should I go on earning money, money, money? Yes, I know! They come to hear me, they crowd the house, they pay, they clap their hands when I sing the mad scene in _Lucia_, or Juliet"s waltz song, or the crescendo trills in the _Huguenots_! But I am old, my dear!"
"Nonsense!" interjected Lushington in an encouraging tone.
"Do you know why I am sure of it? It is this. I do not care any more.
It is all the same to me, what they do. I do not care whether they come or not, or whether they applaud, or hiss, or stamp on the floor. Why should I care? I have had it all so often. I have seen the people standing on the seats all over the theatre and yelling, and often in foreign countries they have taken the horses from my carriage and dragged it themselves. I have had everything. Why should I care for it?
And I do not want money. I have too much already."
"You certainly have enough, mother."