S. LOVER.
"By Gor, I thought all the world, far and near, heerd o" King O"Toole--well, well, but the darkness of mankind is ontellible! Well, sir, you must know, as you didn"t hear it afore, that there was a king, called King O"Toole, who was a fine ould king in the ould ancient times, long ago; and it was him that owned the churches in the early days. The king, you see, was the right sort; he was the rale boy, and loved sport as he loved his life, and huntin" in partic"lar; and from the risin" o" the sun, up he got, and away he wint over the mountains beyant afther the deer; and the fine times them wor.
"Well, it was all mighty good, as long as the king had his health; but, you see, in coorse of time the king grew ould, by raison he was stiff in his limbs, and when he got sthriken in years, his heart failed him, and he was lost intirely for want o" divarshin, bekase he couldn"t go a huntin" no longer; and, by dad, the poor king was obleeged at last for to get a goose to divart him. Oh, you may laugh, if you like, but it"s truth I"m tellin" you; and the way the goose divarted him was this-a-way: You see, the goose used for to swim acra.s.s the lake, and go divin" for throut, and cotch fish on a Friday for the king, and flew every other day round about the lake, divartin"
the poor king. All went on mighty well, antil, by dad, the goose got sthriken in years like her master, and couldn"t divart him no longer, and then it was that the poor king was lost complate. The king was walkin" one mornin" by the edge of the lake, lamentin" his cruel fate, and thinkin" o" drownin" himself, that could get no divarshun in life, when all of a suddint, turnin" round the corner beyant, who should he meet but a mighty dacent young man comin" up to him.
""G.o.d save you," says the king to the young man.
""G.o.d save you kindly, King O"Toole," says the young man. "Thrue for you," says the king. "I am King O"Toole," says he, "prince and plennypennytinchery o" these parts," says he; "but how kem ye to know that?" says he. "Oh, never mind," says St. Kavin.
"You see it was Saint Kavin, sure enough--the saint himself in disguise, and n.o.body else. "Oh, never mind," says he, "I know more than that. May I make bowld to ax how is your goose, King O"Toole?"
says he. "Blur-an-agers, how kem ye to know about my goose?" says the king. "Oh, no matther; I was given to understand it," says Saint Kavin. After some more talk the king says, "What are you?" "I"m an honest man," says Saint Kavin. "Well, honest man," says the king, "and how is it you make your money so aisy?" "By makin" ould things as good as new," says Saint Kavin. "Is it a tinker you are?" says the king.
"No," says the saint; "I"m no tinker by thrade, King O"Toole; I"ve a betther thrade than a tinker," says he--"what would you say," says he, "if I made your ould goose as good as new?"
"My dear, at the word o" making his goose as good as new, you"d think the poor ould king"s eyes was ready to jump out iv his head. With that the king whistled, and down kem the poor goose, all as one as a hound, waddlin" up to the poor cripple, her masther, and as like him as two pays. The minute the saint clapt his eyes on the goose, "I"ll do the job for you," says he, "King O"Toole." "By _Jaminee_!" says King O"Toole, "if you do, bud I"ll say you"re the cleverest fellow in the sivin parishes." "Oh, by dad," says St. Kavin, "you must say more nor that--my horn"s not so soft all out," says he, "as to repair your ould goose for nothin"; what"ll you gi" me if I do the job for you?--that"s the chat," says St. Kavin. "I"ll give you whatever you ax," says the king; "isn"t that fair?" "Divil a fairer," says the saint; "that"s the way to do business. Now," says he, "this is the bargain I"ll make with you, King O"Toole: will you gi" me all the ground the goose flies over, the first offer, afther I make her as good as new?" "I will,"
says the king. "You won"t go back o" your word?" says St. Kavin.
"Honor bright!" says King O"Toole, howldin" out his fist. "Honor bright!" says St. Kavin, back agin, "it"s a bargain. Come here!" says he to the poor ould goose--"come here, you unfort"nate ould cripple, and it"s I that"ll make you the sportin" bird." With that, my dear, he took up the goose by the two wings--"Criss o" my cra.s.s an you," says he, markin" her to grace with the blessed sign at the same minute--and throwin" her up in the air, "whew," says he, jist givin" her a blast to help her; and with that, my jewel, she tuk to her heels, flyin"
like one o" the aigles themselves, and cuttin" as many capers as a swallow before a shower of rain.
"Well, my dear, it was a beautiful sight to see the king standin" with his mouth open, lookin" at his poor ould goose flyin" as light as a lark, and betther nor ever she was: and when she lit at his fut, patted her an the head, and, "_Ma vourneen_," says he, "but you are the _darlint_ o" the world." "And what do you say to me," says Saint Kavin, "for makin" her the like?" "By gor," says the king, "I say nothin" bates the art o" man, barrin" the bees." "And do you say no more nor that?" says Saint Kavin. "And that I"m behoulden to you,"
says the king. "But will you gi"e me all the ground the goose flew over?" says Saint Kavin. "I will," says King O"Toole, "and you"re welkim to it," says he, "though it"s the last acre I have to give."
"But you"ll keep your word thrue?" says the saint. "As thrue as the sun," says the king. "It"s well for you, King O"Toole, that you said that word," says he; "for if you didn"t say that word, _the devil receave the bit o" your goose id ever fly agin_." Whin the king was as good as his word, Saint Kavin was _plazed_ with him, and thin it was that he made himself known to the king. "And," says he, "King O"Toole, you"re a decent man, for I only kem here to _thry you_. You don"t know me," says he, "bekase I"m disguised." "Musha! thin," says the king, "who are you?" "I"m Saint Kavin," said the saint, blessin" himself.
"Oh, queen iv heaven!" says the king, makin" the sign "o the cra.s.s betune his eyes, and fallin" down on his knees before the saint; "is it the great Saint Kavin," says he, "that I"ve been discoorsin" all this time without knowin" it," says he, "all as one as if he was a lump iv a _gossoon_?--and so you"re a saint?" says the king. "I am,"
says Saint Kavin. "By gor, I thought I was only talking to a dacent boy," says the king. "Well, you know the differ now," says the saint.
"I"m Saint Kavin," says he, "the greatest of all the saints." And so the king had his goose as good as new, to divart him as long as he lived: and the saint supported him afther he kem into his property, as I tould you, until the day iv his death--and that was soon afther; for the poor goose thought he was ketchin" a throut one Friday; but, my jewel, it was a mistake he made--and instead of a throut, it was a thievin" horse-eel; and by gor, instead iv the goose killin" a throut for the king"s supper,--by dad, the eel killed the king"s goose--and small blame to him; but he didn"t ate her, bekase he darn"t ate what Saint Kavin laid his blessed hands on."
THE DEVIL.
THE DEMON CAT.[56]
LADY WILDE.
There was a woman in Connemara, the wife of a fisherman; as he had always good luck, she had plenty of fish at all times stored away in the house ready for market. But, to her great annoyance, she found that a great cat used to come in at night and devour all the best and finest fish. So she kept a big stick by her, and determined to watch.
One day, as she and a woman were spinning together, the house suddenly became quite dark; and the door was burst open as if by the blast of the tempest, when in walked a huge black cat, who went straight up to the fire, then turned round and growled at them.
"Why, surely this is the devil," said a young girl, who was by, sorting fish.
"I"ll teach you how to call me names," said the cat; and, jumping at her, he scratched her arm till the blood came. "There, now," he said, "you will be more civil another time when a gentleman comes to see you." And with that he walked over to the door and shut it close, to prevent any of them going out, for the poor young girl, while crying loudly from fright and pain, had made a desperate rush to get away.
Just then a man was going by, and hearing the cries, he pushed open the door and tried to get in; but the cat stood on the threshold, and would let no one pa.s.s. On this the man attacked him with his stick, and gave him a sound blow; the cat, however, was more than a match in the fight, for it flew at him and tore his face and hands so badly that the man at last took to his heels and ran away as fast as he could.
"Now, it"s time for my dinner," said the cat, going up to examine the fish that was laid out on the tables. "I hope the fish is good to-day.
Now, don"t disturb me, nor make a fuss; I can help myself." With that he jumped up, and began to devour all the best fish, while he growled at the woman.
"Away, out of this, you wicked beast," she cried, giving it a blow with the tongs that would have broken its back, only it was a devil; "out of this; no fish shall you have to-day."
But the cat only grinned at her, and went on tearing and spoiling and devouring the fish, evidently not a bit the worse for the blow. On this, both the women attacked it with sticks, and struck hard blows enough to kill it, on which the cat glared at them, and spit fire; then, making a leap, it tore their heads and arms till the blood came, and the frightened women rushed shrieking from the house.
But presently the mistress returned, carrying with her a bottle of holy water; and, looking in, she saw the cat still devouring the fish, and not minding. So she crept over quietly and threw holy water on it without a word. No sooner was this done than a dense black smoke filled the place, through which nothing was seen but the two red eyes of the cat, burning like coals of fire. Then the smoke gradually cleared away, and she saw the body of the creature burning slowly till it became shrivelled and black like a cinder, and finally disappeared. And from that time the fish remained untouched and safe from harm, for the power of the evil one was broken, and the demon cat was seen no more.
[Footnote 56: _Ancient Legends of Ireland._]
THE LONG SPOON.[57]
PATRICK KENNEDY.
The devil and the hearth-money collector for Bantry set out one summer morning to decide a bet they made the night before over a jug of punch. They wanted to see which would have the best load at sunset, and neither was to pick up anything that wasn"t offered with the good-will of the giver. They pa.s.sed by a house, and they heard the poor ban-a-t"yee[58] cry out to her lazy daughter, "Oh, musha, ---- take you for a lazy sthronsuch[59] of a girl! do you intend to get up to-day?" "Oh, oh," says the taxman, "there"s a job for you, Nick."
"Ovock," says the other, "it wasn"t from her heart she said it; we must pa.s.s on." The next cabin they were pa.s.sing, the woman was on the bawn-ditch[60] crying out to her husband that was mending one of his brogues inside: "Oh, tattheration to you, Nick! you never rung them pigs, and there they are in the potato drills rootin" away; the ---- run to Lusk with them." "Another windfall for you," says the man of the ink-horn, but the old thief only shook his horns and wagged his tail. So they went on, and ever so many prizes were offered to the black fellow without him taking one. Here it was a gorsoon playing _marvels_ when he should be using his clappers in the corn-field; and then it was a lazy drone of a servant asleep with his face to the sod when he ought to be weeding. No one thought of offering the hearth-money man even a drink of b.u.t.termilk, and at last the sun was within half a foot of the edge of Cooliagh. They were just then pa.s.sing Monamolin, and a poor woman that was straining her supper in a skeeoge outside her cabin-door, seeing the two standing at the bawn gate, bawled out, "Oh, here"s the hearth-money man--run away wid him."
"Got a bite at last," says Nick. "Oh, no, no! it wasn"t from her heart," says the collector. "Indeed, an" it was from the very foundation-stones it came. No help for misfortunes; in with you," says he, opening the mouth of his big black bag; and whether the devil was ever after seen taking the same walk or not, n.o.body ever laid eyes on his fellow-traveller again.
[Footnote 57: _Legendary Fictions of the Irish Celts._]
[Footnote 58: Woman of the house.]
[Footnote 59: Ir. _stroinse_--_i.e._, a lazy thing.]
[Footnote 60: Ir. _badhun_--_i.e._, enclosure, or wall round a house.
From _ba_, cows, and _dun_, a fortress. Properly, cattle-fortress.]
THE COUNTESS KATHLEEN O"SHEA.[61]
A very long time ago, there suddenly appeared in old Ireland two unknown merchants of whom n.o.body had ever heard, and who nevertheless spoke the language of the country with the greatest perfection. Their locks were black, and bound round with gold, and their garments were of rare magnificence.
Both seemed of like age; they appeared to be men of fifty, for their foreheads were wrinkled and their beards tinged with grey.
In the hostelry where the pompous traders alighted it was sought to penetrate their designs; but in vain--they led a silent and retired life. And whilst they stopped there, they did nothing but count over and over again out of their money-bags pieces of gold, whose yellow brightness could be seen through the windows of their lodging.
"Gentlemen," said the landlady one day, "how is it that you are so rich, and that, being able to succour the public misery, you do no good works?"
"Fair hostess," replied one of them, "we didn"t like to present alms to the honest poor, in dread we might be deceived by make-believe paupers. Let want knock at our door, we shall open it."