"Let us see your face, you scoundrel," said the colonel.
"Ho, ho, ho!--look at me--look at me: do you see the wind, colonel Pratt?--you"ll see Teigue as soon; so go in and finish your dinner."
"If you"re upon the earth I"ll find you, you villain!" said the colonel, whilst the same unearthly shout of derision seemed to come from behind an angle of the building. "He"s round that corner," said Mr. Bell--"run, run."
They followed the sound, which was continued at intervals along the garden wall, but could discover no human being; at last both stopped to draw breath, and in an instant, almost at their ears, sounded the shout.
"Ho, ho, ho! colonel Pratt, do you see Teigue now?--do you hear him?--Ho, ho, ho! you"re a fine colonel to follow the wind."
"Not that way, Mr. Bell--not that way; come here," said the colonel.
"Ho, ho, ho! what a fool you are; do you think Teigue is going to show himself to you in the field, there? But colonel, follow me if you can:--you a soldier!--ho, ho, ho!" The colonel was enraged--he followed the voice over hedge and ditch, alternately laughed at and taunted by the unseen object of his pursuit--(Mr. Bell, who was heavy, was soon thrown out,) until at length, after being led a weary chase, he found himself at the top of the cliff, over that part of the river Lee, which from its great depth, and the blackness of its water, has received the name of h.e.l.l-hole. Here, on the edge of the cliff, stood the colonel out of breath, and mopping his forehead with his handkerchief, while the voice, which seemed close at his feet, exclaimed--"Now, colonel Pratt--now, if you"re a soldier, here"s a leap for you;--now look at Teigue--why don"t you look at him?--Ho, ho, ho! Come along: you"re warm, I"m sure, colonel Pratt, so come in and cool yourself; Teigue is going to have a swim!" The voice seemed as descending amongst the trailing ivy and brushwood which clothes this picturesque cliff nearly from top to bottom, yet it was impossible that any human being could have found footing. "Now, colonel, have you courage to take the leap?--Ho, ho, ho! what a pretty soldier you are. Good-bye--I"ll see you again in ten minutes above, at the house--look at your watch, colonel:--there"s a dive for you!" and a heavy plunge into the water was heard. The colonel stood still, but no sound followed, and he walked slowly back to the house, not quite half a mile from the Crag.
"Well, did you see Teigue?" said his brother, whilst his nephews, scarcely able to smother their laughter, stood by.--"Give me some wine," said the colonel. "I never was led such a dance in my life: the fellow carried me all round and round, till he brought me to the edge of the cliff, and then down he went into h.e.l.l-hole, telling me he"d be here in ten minutes: "tis more than that now, but he"s not come."
"Ho, ho, ho! colonel, isn"t he here?--Teigue never told a lie in his life: but, Mr. Pratt, give me a drink and my dinner, and then good night to you all, for I"m tired; and that"s the colonel"s doing." A plate of food was ordered: it was placed by John, with fear and trembling, on the lawn under the window. Every one kept on the watch, and the plate remained undisturbed for some time.
"Ah! Mr. Pratt, will you starve poor Teigue? Make every one go away from the windows, and master Henry out of the tree, and master Richard off the garden-wall."
The eyes of the company were turned to the tree and the garden-wall; the two boys" attention was occupied in getting down: the visiters were looking at them; and "Ho, ho, ho!--good luck to you, Mr.
Pratt!--"tis a good dinner, and there"s the plate, ladies and gentlemen--good-bye to you, colonel--good-bye, Mr. Bell!--good-bye to you all!"--brought their attention back, when they saw the empty plate lying on the gra.s.s; and Teigue"s voice was heard no more for that evening. Many visits were afterwards paid by Teigue; but never was he seen, nor was any discovery ever made of his person or character.
NED SHEEHY"S EXCUSE.
x.x.xII.
Ned Sheehy was servant-man to Richard Gumbleton, Esquire, of Mountbally, Gumbletonmore, in the north of the county of Cork; and a better servant than Ned was not to be found in that honest county, from Cape Clear to the Kilworth Mountains; for n.o.body--no, not his worst enemy--could say a word against him, only that he was rather given to drinking, idling, lying, and loitering, especially the last; for send Ned of a five-minute message at nine o"clock in the morning, and you were a lucky man if you saw him before dinner. If there happened to be a public-house in the way, or even a little out of it, Ned was sure to mark it as dead as a pointer; and, knowing every body, and every body liking him, it is not to be wondered at he had so much to say and to hear, that the time slipped away as if the sun somehow or other had knocked two hours into one.
But when he came home, he never was short of an excuse: he had, for that matter, five hundred ready upon the tip of his tongue; so much so, that I doubt if even the very reverend doctor Swift, for many years Dean of St. Patrick"s, in Dublin, could match him in that particular, though his reverence had a pretty way of his own of writing things which brought him into very decent company. In fact, Ned would fret a saint, but then he was so good-humoured a fellow, and really so handy about a house,--for, as he said himself, he was as good as a lady"s maid,--that his master could not find it in his heart to part with him.
In your grand houses--not that I am saying that Richard Gumbleton, esquire of Mountbally, Gumbletonmore, did not keep a good house, but a plain country gentleman, although he is second-cousin to the last high-sheriff of the county, cannot have all the army of servants that the lord-lieutenant has in the castle of Dublin--I say, in your grand houses, you can have a servant for every kind of thing, but in Mountbally, Gumbletonmore, Ned was expected to please master and mistress; or, as counsellor Curran said,--by the same token the counsellor was a little dark man--one day that he dined there, on his way to the Clonmel a.s.sizes--Ned was minister for the home and foreign departments.
But to make a long story short, Ned Sheehy was a good butler, and a right good one too, and as for a groom, let him alone with a horse: he could dress it, or ride it, or shoe it, or physic it, or do any thing with it but make it speak--he was a second whisperer!--there was not his match in the barony, or the next one neither. A pack of hounds he could manage well, ay, and ride after them with the boldest man in the land. It was Ned who leaped the old bounds" ditch at the turn of the boreen of the lands of Reenascreena, after the English captain pulled up on looking at it, and cried out it was "No go." Ned rode that day Brian Boro, Mr. Gumbleton"s famous chestnut, and people call it Ned Sheehy"s Leap to this hour.
So, you see, it was hard to do without him: however, many a scolding he got; and although his master often said of an evening, "I"ll turn off Ned," he always forgot to do so in the morning. These threats mended Ned not a bit; indeed, he was mending the other way, like bad fish in hot weather.
One cold winter"s day, about three o"clock in the afternoon, Mr.
Gumbleton said to him,
"Ned," said he, "go take Modderaroo down to black Falvey, the horse-doctor, and bid him look at her knees; for Doctor Jenkinson, who rode her home last night, has hurt her somehow. I suppose he thought a parson"s horse ought to go upon its knees; but, indeed, it was I was the fool to give her to him at all, for he sits twenty stone if he sits a pound, and knows no more of riding, particularly after his third bottle, than I do of preaching. Now mind and be back in an hour at farthest, for I want to have the plate cleaned up properly for dinner, as Sir Augustus O"Toole, you know, is to dine here to-day.--Don"t loiter, for your life."
"Is it I, sir?" says Ned. "Well, that beats any thing; as if I"d stop out a minute!" So, mounting Modderaroo, off he set.
Four, five, six o"clock came, and so did Sir Augustus and lady O"Toole, and the four misses O"Toole, and Mr. O"Toole, and Mr. Edward O"Toole, and Mr. James O"Toole, which were all the young O"Tooles that were at home, but no Ned Sheehy appeared to clean the plate, or to lay the table-cloth, or even to put dinner on. It is needless to say how Mr. and Mrs. d.i.c.k Gumbleton fretted and fumed; but it was all to no use. They did their best, however, only it was a disgrace to see long Jem the stableboy, and Bill the gossoon that used to go of errands, waiting, without any body to direct them, when there was a real baronet and his lady at table; for Sir Augustus was none of your knights. But a good bottle of claret makes up for much, and it was not one only they had that night. However, it is not to be concealed that Mr. d.i.c.k Gumbleton went to bed very cross, and he awoke still crosser.
He heard that Ned had not made his appearance for the whole night; so he dressed himself in a great fret, and, taking his horsewhip in his hand, he said,
"There is no farther use in tolerating this scoundrel; I"ll go look for him, and if I find him, I"ll cut the soul out of his vagabond body! so I will."
"Don"t say so, d.i.c.k, dear," said Mrs. Gumbleton (for she was always a mild woman, being daughter of fighting Tom Crofts, who shot a couple of gentlemen, friends of his, in the cool of the evening, after the Mallow races, one after the other,) "don"t swear, d.i.c.k, dear," said she; "but do, my dear, oblige me by cutting the flesh off his bones, for he richly deserves it. I was quite ashamed of Lady O"Toole, yesterday, I was, "pon honour."
Out sallied Mr. Gumbleton; and he had not far to walk, for, not more than two hundred yards from the house, he found Ned lying fast asleep under a ditch (a hedge,) and Modderaroo standing by him, poor beast, shaking every limb. The loud snoring of Ned, who was lying with his head upon a stone as easy and as comfortable as if it had been a bed of down or a hop-bag, drew him to the spot, and Mr. Gumbleton at once perceived, from the disarray of Ned"s face and person, that he had been engaged in some perilous adventure during the night. Ned appeared not to have descended in the most regular manner; for one of his shoes remained sticking in the stirrup, and his hat, having rolled down a little slope, was imbedded in green mud. Mr. Gumbleton, however, did not give himself much trouble to make a curious survey, but with a vigorous application of his thong, soon banished sleep from the eyes of Ned Sheehy.
"Ned!" thundered his master in great indignation,--and on this occasion it was not a word and blow, for with that one word came half a dozen: "Get up, you scoundrel," said he.
Ned roared l.u.s.tily, and no wonder, for his master"s hand was not one of the lightest; and he cried out, between sleeping and waking--"O, sir!--don"t be angry, sir!--don"t be angry, and I"ll roast you easier--easy as a lamb!"
"Roast me easier, you vagabond!" said Mr. Gumbleton; "what do you mean?--I"ll roast you, my lad. Where were you all night?--Modderaroo will never get over it.--Pack out of my service, you worthless villain, this moment; and, indeed, you may be thankful that I don"t get you transported."
"Thank G.o.d, master dear," said Ned, who was now perfectly awakened--"it"s yourself, any how. There never was a gentleman in the whole country ever did so good a turn to a poor man as your honour has been after doing to me: the Lord reward you for that same. Oh! but strike me again, and let me feel that it is yourself, master dear;--may whisky be my poison--"
"It will be your poison, you good-for-nothing scoundrel," said Mr.
Gumbleton.
"Well, then, _may_ whiskey be my poison," said Ned, "if "twas not I was--in the blackest of misfortunes, and they were before me, whichever way I turned "twas no matter. Your honour sent me last night, sure enough, with Modderaroo to mister Falvey"s--I don"t deny it--why should I? for reason enough I have to remember what happened."
"Ned, my man," said Mr. Gumbleton, "I"ll listen to none of your excuses: just take the mare into the stable and yourself off, for I vow--"
"Begging your honour"s pardon," said Ned, earnestly, "for interrupting your honour; but, master, master! make no vows--they are bad things: I never made but one in all my life, which was, to drink nothing at all for a year and a day, and "tis myself rep_i_nted of it for the clean twelvemonth after. But if your honour would only listen to reason: I"ll just take in the poor baste, and if your honour don"t pardon me this one time may I never see another day"s luck or grace."
"I know you, Ned," said Mr. Gumbleton. "Whatever your luck has been, you never had any grace to lose: but I don"t intend discussing the matter with you. Take in the mare, sir."
Ned obeyed, and his master saw him to the stables. Here he reiterated his commands to quit, and Ned Sheehy"s excuse for himself began. That it was heard uninterruptedly is more than I can affirm; but as interruptions, like explanations, spoil a story, we must let Ned tell it his own way.
"No wonder your honour," said he, "should be a bit angry--grand company coming to the house and all, and no regular serving-man to wait, only long Jem; so I don"t blame your honour the least for being fretted like; but when all"s heard, you will see that no poor man is more to be pitied for last night than myself. Fin Mac Coul never went through more in his born days than I did, though he was a great _joint_ (giant,) and I only a man.
"I had not rode half a mile from the house, when it came on, as your honour must have perceived clearly, mighty dark all of a sudden, for all the world as if the sun had tumbled down plump out of the fine clear blue sky. It was not so late, being only four o"clock at the most, but it was as black as your honour"s hat. Well, I didn"t care much, seeing I knew the road as well as I knew the way to my mouth, whether I saw it or not, and I put the mare into a smart canter; but just as I turned down by the corner of Terence Leahy"s field--sure your honour ought to know the place well--just at the very spot the fox was killed when your honour came in first out of a whole field of a hundred and fifty gentlemen, and may be more, all of them brave riders."
(Mr. Gumbleton smiled.)
"Just then, there, I heard the low cry of the good people wafting upon the wind. "How early you are at your work, my little fellows!" says I to myself; and, dark as it was, having no wish for such company, I thought it best to get out of their way; so I turned the horse a little up to the left, thinking to get down by the boreen, that is that way, and so round to Falvey"s; but there I heard the voice plainer and plainer close behind, and I could hear these words:--
"Ned! Ned!
By my cap so red!
You"re as good, Ned, As a man that is dead."
"A clean pair of spurs is all that"s for it now," said I; so off I set, as hard as I could lick, and in my hurry knew no more where I was going than I do the road to the hill of Tarah. Away I galloped on for some time, until I came to the noise of a stream, roaring away by itself in the darkness. "What river is this?" said I to myself--for there was n.o.body else to ask--"I thought," says I, "I knew every inch of ground, and of water too, within twenty miles, and never the river surely is there in this direction." So I stopped to look about; but I might have spared myself that trouble, for I could not see as much as my hand. I didn"t know what to do; but I thought in myself, it"s a queer river, surely, if somebody does not live near it; and I shouted out as loud as I could, Murder! murder!--fire!--robbery!--any thing that would be natural in such a place--but not a sound did I hear except my own voice echoed back to me, like a hundred packs of hounds in full cry above and below, right and left. This didn"t do at all; so I dismounted, and guided myself along the stream, directed by the noise of the water, as cautious as if I was treading upon eggs, holding poor Modderaroo by the bridle, who shook, the poor brute, all over in a tremble, like my old grandmother, rest her soul any how! in the ague. Well, sir, the heart was sinking in me, and I was giving myself up, when, as good luck would have it, I saw a light. "May be,"
said I, "my good fellow, you are only a jacky lantern, and want to bog me and Modderaroo." But I looked at the light hard, and I thought it was too _study_ (steady) for a jacky lantern. "I"ll try you," says I--"so here goes; and, walking as quick as a thief, I came towards it, being very near plumping into the river once or twice, and being stuck up to my middle, as your honour may perceive cleanly the marks of, two or three times in the _slob_.[29] At last I made the light out, and it coming from a bit of a house by the road-side; so I went to the door and gave three kicks at it, as strong as I could.
[29] Or _slaib_; mire on the sea strand or river"s bank.--O"BRIEN.
""Open the door for Ned Sheehy," said a voice inside. Now, besides that I could not, for the life of me, make out how any one inside should know me before I spoke a word at all, I did not like the sound of that voice, "twas so hoa.r.s.e and so hollow, just like a dead man"s!--so I said nothing immediately. The same voice spoke again, and said, "Why don"t you open the door to Ned Sheehy?" "How pat my name is to you," said I, without speaking out, "on tip of your tongue, like b.u.t.ter;" and I was between two minds about staying or going, when what should the door do but open, and out came a man holding a candle in his hand, and he had upon him a face as white as a sheet.
""Why, then, Ned Sheehy," says he, "how grand you"re grown, that you won"t come in and see a friend, as you"re pa.s.sing by?"